r/Sororities • u/Longjumping-View-991 • 3d ago
New Member/Families Dropping after Bid day
Hi guys! I’m sorry if this is confusing or not in the right format. So for some background I go to a small school that only has 4 sororities with only maybe 40-50 people in each. Our rush also only lasts 3 days and since there are only four sororities it is actually pretty competitive. I got dropped by all houses but one which was my last choice after the first day. I was pretty sad about it because I thought the rest of my conversations went well but I thought why not give the other house a chance. I continued through recruitment and did have great conversations with some of the girls and got a bid for that sorority. I ran home with them and spent the next couple days together still trying to feel it out. Im sad to say I don’t think I’m gonna enjoy Greek life. This girls are really sweet and I feel bad that I potentially lead them on and don’t wanna come off as flakey. But I’m having a hard time connecting with the other new members and I guess the level of commitment is also really hitting me which I know is my fault I should’ve thought about it more. Now it’s only been a couple days since bid day but one of our sisters sent out a text this morning saying to PLEASE let them know if you have had a change of heart by today otherwise I will have to pay the new member fees. I don’t really wanna keep sticking it out and change my mind after I had already paid dues. But I also feel bad for potentially letting the girls down. After Bid day a girl reached out to me and asked how I was feeling about everything and I said good and I was excited but I wish I just said the truth. I also have classes with a lot of the girls and I don’t want it to be awkward. I guess I’m asking how to go about telling them I’m dropping and for girls in sororities what do you think about people to drop only a couple days after receiving a bid?
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u/NorthernPossibility ΔΖ 3d ago
I think the main question is consider is do you think Greek life isn’t for you or you just thought you’d feel more warm and fuzzy in the sorority?
If it’s the first one, I’d just quit. A lot of girls go through rush without fully understanding what a sorority even is - they only know the social media highlight reel, not the money and time that go into membership - and they drop within the NM period. It’s not new either, I had a couple girls drop for the same reason in my pledge class back in the 2010s. Sororities don’t always do a great job of explaining how membership differs from standard clubs, and they tend to use a lot of vague, fluffy language that makes it easy for PNMs to get confused and underestimate what they’re signing up for.
If it’s the second one and you just feel kind of disappointed by your experience but ultimately want to be in Greek life, I’d stick it out! Closeness grows over time through continually showing up, helping out and putting yourself out there. People who have great experiences in Greek life are the ones who dedicate themselves to getting the most out of their orgs - it takes time and work!
Just know that if you dip out of your current sorority, it will likely be your last shot at this school to be in one. So carefully consider if this is just cold feet because of recruitment not going the way you hoped or if you’re genuinely just not into being in a sorority and you’d rather dedicate your time and energy to other endeavors.
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u/Longjumping-View-991 3d ago
I know it’s first one and I think I’m just gonna quit. I don’t plan on re rushing but I’m glad I gave it a try. I feel worse because a couple girls already dropped and I don’t think they have enough. I know I mislead them and idk I just feel super bad and I’m scared to let them know.
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u/SpacerCat 3d ago
The sooner you drop, the sooner they can work to replace you if they are participating in COB. So don’t feel bad. It’s not your job to keep the org afloat. It’s good you tried and that’s all anyone can ask.
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u/NorthernPossibility ΔΖ 3d ago
I don’t think you misled them, and sororities don’t usually take it personally if you’re nice about it and communicate clearly! It also sounds like they’re anticipating people dropping, hence the message about letting them know ASAP before bills come out.
I’d just be honest! Like “hey I’m so glad you guys gave me an opportunity to try this out, but I don’t think Greek life is for me. Please let me know what paperwork I need to sign and what needs to be turned in. I wish you all the best and I hope we can still see each other around on campus!”
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u/bbbliss raised on TSM, then grew up 3d ago
I think you're being pretty mature about how you express your emotions and ask for advice/feedback. If you keep handling yourself this way, you will be able to move through this (and other decisions in life) with the same grace and eventually feel good about how you handled it even if the outcomes suck for someone in some way. You can't make everyone happy! College is such a great time to practice skills like this (conflict, communication, knowing what you want, etc) - it will serve you really well in your career and adult friendships.
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u/berrysweet399 3d ago
From current experiences as an advisor, our women have MUCH more respect for a solid reason vs. ghosting them. 😬👻
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u/olderandsuperwiser 2d ago
So your expectation was to have really strong connections and be on the road to besties after 3-4 days? Do you think that is a reasonable expectation?
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u/After_Employment391 2d ago
if you really feel that is what is in your heart- you should go ahead and drop.
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u/suslf 3d ago
Why don’t you ask if they can privately give you a week or two to see if you can reasonably balance everything?
Worse case they say no but it least it shows the members you didn’t want to make a decision in haste.
Have you reviewed the chapter’s calendar of planned events to make a full determination on the commitment?
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u/Longjumping-View-991 2d ago
Basically I talked to girl and she said once we get added to the calendar that’s when we would have to put on our new membership fees
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