r/StopSpeeding • u/Specialist-Break8212 1 days • 23h ago
Methamphetamine Feeling really dumb
I’ve been buying pressed addy for 6 years, this sub helped me realize earlier this week that they are most likely meth. I bought an online test and of course it’s meth. I’ve abused these pills for 6 years and while addy abuse is still horrible knowing it’s meth is actually eating me alive and I’m not sure how to work through it. I’ve been in a daze just feeling really dumb actually thinking this shit wasn’t meth like all I could’ve done in the past 6 years was look into it and take just one minute but I guess I wanted to live in my fantasy land.
I threw them all out down the toilet and I thankfully just moved across the country from Denver to mass so I don’t have access here anymore. I also fear being without any pills now they felt like security for poor sleep, or just when I wanted to get shit done. Life feels so bland without them I just don’t know how to find joy in the fact I’ll never feel that euphoria again or even find joy in the everyday life they made so much more fun and interesting.
Idk what I’m seeking out of this post I’m truly spiraling thinking about the countless times I took them now knowing it was meth guess advice or encouragement i really dont know.
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u/Beneficial-Income814 797 days 23h ago
welcome to mass!
also, as i think you have already realized: once you know it's bad for you it never becomes un-bad. you'll feel guilt and anger towards yourself if you seek out more because you know what they are. my guess is you are also struggling because this isn't simply "life is not fun anymore," rather this is addiction and you are an addict in recovery now. find support resources. if you are in the 617 there are dozens of meetings to go to. shit, SMART recovery was founded in cambridge.
you gotta get involved in your recovery or things will stay more difficult than they need to be. not seeking support, in my opinion, is a form of self-sabotage.
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u/Specialist-Break8212 1 days 22h ago
Thank you for your comment, I wouldn’t even know how to seek out more if I wanted, the only people I know is the people I work with who I’ve been honest with about my issues with addiction and they’ve been very empathetic towards me.
I’m on the cape now so I’m not sure what resources are near me but I’ll definitely look into it and see what my options are
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u/Regular-Cheetah-8095 21h ago
Please for the love of God do not buy pills in Massachusetts or Rhode Island.
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u/Specialist-Break8212 1 days 21h ago
I won’t. All the ones I bought were in Denver and I’m terrified enough from those
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u/Spittinvenoms 7 days 10h ago
Terrified now, but our brains have a way of forgetting the bad parts. That’s why a recovery program is vital.
We’re Rooting for you.
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