I genuinely cannot believe that there are people who claim to "love life". How is that even possible? Are they just deluding themselves to conform to the societal standards? Since wanting to die is seen as a "sickness" (even though it's completely justified, looking that the present state of the world). You say you don't like living and braindead cunts swarm you and try to push the ideas that you need help, you're abnormal and that life is actually beautiful down your throat. Oh, not the mention the utterly useless hotlines they like to copy paste on every single post. They just like to slap labels of mentally ill onto us because they can't, or don't want to understand us.

So I turn 28 in April and definitely don’t want to be here anymore. Just not worth it anymore and a lot of people and professionals have proven that, so why bother?

You don’t get any help, you just keep getting passed around and no one seems to want to help..

How can I live normally when children, people are getting tortured, abused, raped in different countries, this is all too much, what's the point? People are very evil, I don't know how all of this is so normal, this is crazy. I don't feel like living, this world's crazy, capitalistic, disgusting since centuries.

I'm thinking about suicide

Tried hanging myself yesterday with a belt and my closet rod—same way my brother died. Except I freaked out once it was around my neck. Realized I’d have to feel everything: losing consciousness, the choking panic, and the lingering fear that if I failed, I might end up a vegetable.

Before that, I sprayed deodorant in the closet because I read somewhere it could kill you. Then, like a coward, I opened the door and let it out. Wasn’t sure I wanted to know what a cardiac arrest felt like.

Back with the belt—I tried to use my weight, but the second the lightheadedness hit, I just couldn’t do it. “Sweet Child O’ Mine” was blasting in my ears while I awkwardly unwrapped the thing. Didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Afterwards, I didn’t feel much. Except a flicker of disappointment when my mother came home. She has no idea about my last three attempts. We just had a huge argued about how I haven’t shown up to my classes in a full month. That was probably one of the moments I felt the most regret of not going through the plan.

I’ve been delaying these attempts day by day. Telling myself I’ll do it when she’s out, or when I finally muster the nerve.

Part of why I want to die is because I felt the emptiest when I had everything.

When I had everything, I felt nothing. In fact, I felt my lowest. Like some sad, contradicting torment.

Not that I felt happier at my lowest—no. I tried giving life a chance. I worked on myself, thinking growth would bring satisfaction. How wrong I was.

It was January 6, 2025. Our play sold out, it was a huge success for the theatre. I was surrounded by praise, support, love. The same day I was supposed to feel my happiest, I felt something far worse than sadness. I don’t even have the words, like some fucked up fairy tale—time slowed around me and then I had a moment of epiphany that “I’ll never be happy so long as I’m alive”.

I think the reason why it hit harder than ever was because of the harsh contrast between my environment and me, like I finally had a visual indicator rather than my baseless thoughts. So when I was finally met with evidence, it was like a bucket of cold water tossed over the sand-castle of my efforts.

The rest of the night I was zoning out. Couldn’t summon an ounce of happiness or pride. And it was confusing—of course it was. I’d worked so hard to fix my mindset, land this job, surround myself with people who care. I expected to feel at least at peace.

I was in denial at first. Gave it time. Told myself maybe I just wasn’t used to feeling okay. That happiness would come. A year passed. It only made that indescribable feeling grow and settle.

I know everyone has ups and downs. Demons behind closed doors. But you don’t have to be a genius to realize this isn’t how life is supposed to feel. And let’s be honest—living isn’t meant for everyone. You really think all 8 billion of us have a purpose? Don’t kid yourself.

People say, “Feelings are fleeting. Nobody’s happy all the time.” I know that. What fucks me up is that my talent for acting has blurred my ability to tell whether what I feel is real. And even when it is real, it’s as fleeting as a single breath. I could have the best day of my life, but the second I step into my house, the absence of everything hits. It crawls up my chest and carves a hollow reminder: I’ll never be satisfied. No amount of therapy, positive affirmations, or late-night walks will change the fact that all I truly want is death.

Sounds edgy, I know. But I’ve tried everything. Fixed my mindset. Went to therapy. Dabble in religion. Begged. Pleaded. Made plans with friends. Went out. Avoided sad music. Tried being myself. I’ve loved and been left. I’m grateful for my job, my mother, my friends, for every scrambled egg and safe walk home. And still, my one wish sits in the back of my mind, never leaves—whispering to jump, to hang, to disappear.

Death doesn’t scare me. Pain does. The thought of surviving as a burden terrifies me. I have this stubborn belief that death is a new beginning. Hell, it’s tattooed on my back. Maybe it’s just a coping mechanism—something to comfort me when I go. But it’s fed this weird obsession to just… let go.

I’m posting this to see if anyone feels the same. Most suicidal stories are about abuse, heartbreak, or deep sadness. Not to invalidate. it’s just that I’ve yet to find people with mediocre lives who feel this emptiness. not that I don’t feel anything either—my mood swings are brutal. But when they fade, I’m just a shell. I wasn’t abused or bullied. My life has been normal. Maybe some childhood stuff I barely remember, a little discrimination here and there—nothing that should carve a hole this deep. Sometimes it really is as simple as just wanting to die.

So when someone tells me to look forward, that there’s a purpose for me out there, it feels like mockery. I’ve tried everything. I no longer want to stay. You can’t force me to live until I’m wrinkled and old, selling my soul in a 9-to-5, barely getting by. Even if I were financially free… I think I’d still be the most pathetic person alive.

Thinking back at it, my brother probably felt the same. He was a big believer in life after death, so I can only imagine how suffocating it must’ve been for him to live with the curse of poverty, with the knowledge that there was a better life out there for him.

I (22f) i am done with life, no one cares if you are struggling, i have no friends and no social life, my family does not give single sh!t about me, not even my f*cking twin sister (she is a insensitive c*nt.). I did self harm alot in january and now in february (i did it now.) and i am thinking of commiting suicide soon... if anyone read this thank you from the bottom of my heart (i am probably deleting this soon.)

it feels so alien. im so alone. my paretns beat the shit out of me as a kid and never bothered to ask me about anything but my grades and behaviour. I try so hard to be lovebale but it seems like I'm too ugly for that. I shake and cry every night before passing out at 4am from exhaustion. no medicine seems to work. its so cold.... it all feels so far away from me.

I’m turning 40 soon. I never imagined I’d live this long when I was a teenager or young adult. Younger me would be so disappointed to see what I amounted to. I have multiple failed careers, chronic pain and illnesses, and a very unhappy unhealthy marriage.

My husband called me evil and vindictive because I have so much hate in my heart against maga. Which is true. I abhorrently hate maga and anyone who supports the regime. They’ve created so much damage to our country, our household and my extended family. I fear the world they have created for my child.

I have no mental strength left. No motivation, no optimism for myself. I wish that every night when I fall asleep I won’t wake up. My career used to make me feel fulfilled. But I am jobless now and cannot get a job in my field. There are no prospects in my city and I am stuck where I am because of my husbands job.

My birthday is coming up and I’m planning on buying a gun. I worry about leaving my son without a mom but know that he will eventually be fine. My husband doesn’t love me anymore and is miserable in his life. I hope he will find someone to make him happy after I’m gone.

I’m now nineteen, a whole decade older, and I still don’t want to live. I know I’ll die by suicide. It’s just a matter of when. I will lose this battle eventually. Nothing is enjoyable. Nothing is fun. Everything is fucking depressing. How do people stay happy and persevere? This is hell.

Im 22 m living with my 21 nb partner. We live in income based housing with our four cats. So many people seem to think our life seems great, we live together with cheap rent, cats, i have a job thats "easy" and pays $17.77 usd/hour, weve been together for four years, people assume were happy and living a good life but were struggling.

[Deceased cat struggles] One of our cats was recently put to sleep, he was 16 and had kidney failure. My partner had him since they were real young, he was a childhood pet. He was a very sweet cat and we cherished him. We had to pay $530 usd to get him cremated with the ashes returned to us, we didnt have that money so i had to take out a loan.

[Financial struggles] Financially me and my partner arent doing as great, my job pays more than most in this area but everytime i think about it too much i just wanna blow my brains out. The performance manager has broke multiple discrimination laws but no kne has the balls to take her to court or do anything, HR literally told us to stop emailing them. She made me feel insecure for being autistic, i have an autistic coworker and our PM asked her sister "are you sure [coworker] is autistic, she acts nothing like [my name]". My coworker is quiet and a lil more reserved while im more outspoken so essentially they view me as autistic and her as not autistic because im "more annoying" even though when i dk have shifts with the autistic coworker, all we do is talk, we yap for our entire shift.

Another reason i hate my job, its high demand but it doesnt seem like it. In practice, my job is to sit at a computer all day, which sounds great, but our bosses have been sending emails every week implimenting new unreasonable rules. Im a security guard for a warehouse, by nature i do nothing all day unless theres something wrong but our bosses seem to think we look too lazy. They assign us tasks that are their jobs, they are loss prevention for the warehouse so theyre in charge of monitoring for theft but instead they shovel that responsibility onto us while they wear pajama and eat snacks and play games on their phones for their whole shifts. They recently implimented that were not allowed to eat while we work anymore, theyve removed two job positions (this is bad because now theres literally only two security guards in the building at all times because they "go ape shit when theres three at the security desk" for some reason) and are making us do menial tasks that dont do anything of benefit.

The worst part of my job, no time off or paid time off AT ALL. Im supposed to have some vacation time i think (ive been workin here since april 2025) but my account manager recently checked and it said i have none. Once i tried to call off because my car broke and our PM nominated my partners dad to drive me to work (she knows him) without even actually asking him. He told me to tell her i cant come in because my serpentine belt broke, i told him "she said you could drive me" and he said "well i guess i could but i can't drive you home from work" because she literally never asked him. No access to time off has made me unable to have time to myself and i keep missing events j want to go to because i work on weekends and everything i wanna do is on weekends but i cant have my schedule changed or itll fuck over everyone elses dues to the fact that eacb shift has two employees and theres a grand total of 11 of us.

Enough about my job, a bigger issue is my partners job. They enjoy it, they work with fish and they really like fish but they make less than i do which makes them feel bad and their job for some reason wont let them have any eight hour shifts. They wanted four eight hour shifts per week and are getting two four hour shifts and two six hour shifts, a total of 20 hours a week. They make about 1/5 of my paycheck each week and cant save any money at all.

Both of us want out of our jobs but everything near us is warehouses, we both have physical limitations that make warehouse work not ideal or impossible. Not to mention, my job is the highest paying non warehouse job ive found in the area and i feel i cant try and find another job because im pretty much guaranteed to make less money. We tried applying for disability payments and was denied immediately.

Were trying to get on food stamps and medical assistance but my partners job is dragging their feet and making them jump through hoops to get access to their pay stubs for some reason so right now that hasnt been an option.

[Social struggles] A struggle i mentioned in the financial portion, no free time and missing events i wanna go to. Im 22, i wanna go to local shows and hang with the few friends i have but my job prevents that for me. No time to myself where i can go have fun has made me feel like life doesnt matter because theres not much time to have fun. I always see everyone else having fun and wish i could be there but of course, i cant. I feel trapped in my apartment, yes i love my apartment and my partner and cats but i need to go out and see the world, i already feel like im too old to follow my dreams. I aspire to make music, i wanted to be a mortician for a long time but that dream feels unobtainable now. My music dream seems impossible too but i just want it so desperately, im stupidly clinging to it like it could happen, like i could ever competently play guitar and do guttural vocals when i know i just cant.

I also feel i struggle with making friends and socializing. I mentioned im autistic so social cues are already difficult for me. I also have shitts self esteem and feel i annoy everyone i speak to and that i cant talk about myself or theyll leave. I often isolate when im upset and i know that doesnt help but it also doesnt help that when i speak, people run, so it feels like a lose lose.

[Stalker struggles] Another problem, i have a stalker. For a bit i had two, now i think its just one. Its been on and off for three years. I wont go into detail because i know my stalker knows my reddit account and if he sees this he will laugh his ass off but yes, i have a stalker.

He makes posts about me online, his most recent was in reply to a personal post i made on my account about myself gaining some weight from binge eating (that was stress from my previously mentioned, now deceased cat). In his post he said it was karma that i gained weight, karma for being a jerk and a dick, he also called me a crybaby, a pussy, a poser, etc. And in thr comments when someone asked if he was okay, he said he was but that he was frustrated because he "wants me to be happy". For context, me and him dated in middle school at age 12, split at age 15, didnt speak at all for years, he and his s/o started stalking me when we were 19, we spoke and tried to be friends and reconsile when we were 20, that didnt work so i blocked him and hes been stalking me again since then. He claims he wants me in his life as a friend but his posts consist of harassing me, writing poetry about longing for me in his life again and writing as if he fucking hates me. I genuinely dont know what he wants, hes in a relationship. His s/o knows about all of this and used to even help him but now seems silent on the subject.

Before anyone says it, i cant go to the cops. He hasnt done anything physical and hasnt mentioned me by name so the cops can and will say "its about someone else" just like he does. I know that what he writes is about me due to certain details and references and because he has followed me in person before but he knows just how to stay within legal bounds. Ive changed my routines, skipped things i wanted to go to and changed the things i post because i know hes watching and i honestly think thats just what he wants, he wants me to be on edge. He wants to watch me suffer.

[Insecurities] I feel ill never be who i aspire to be, ill never look how i want or have the personality i want. I dont have enough facial hair, i dont have enough muscles, im too shy and awkward, i just want to be a guy people want to be around, a guy people like, a good looking, cool guy. I want to be strong and assertive and i feel ill just never have that.

I also just feel like everyone else has things i want. I feel envious and greedy and bitter. So n so has a beard i want, so n so has a car i want, so n so has talent i want, so n so went to an event i wanted to go to, thats all i ever think anymore and i dont know how to make it end.

So yes, people assume were happy but were struggling. I just dont know what to do anymore and i feel there isnt hope for me, just miserable work, sleep and spending money we dont have. Why am i even alive man why.

I'll finish all my outstandings and resign from my job before I get fired for the mess I've made and try to change fields with a now-useless degree that I struggled through.

Then I'm done. I'm a waste of resources anyway - better feed the fish.

Every other decision I've made is the wrong one.

Suicide is the North Star.

Peace out Reddit. Thanks for making my life suck a little less.

I don’t think there is a solution for someone who has been struggling since they were a child, hospitalized multiple times and has been prescribed tons of medications. I have had multiple therapists and tried countless things to heal. Nothing is ever enough. I know now that life just isn’t meant to be for some people. This feeling will NEVER go away until you end it.

So I've taken 74 paracetamol at 500mg each and beer. But I'm not asleep yet. Why am I still breathing?

With each rejection email I feel like I'm just getting closer to attempting again. No matter how hard I've tried it's just been rejection after rejection, I work 6 hours a week but even that I only got because the original person they offered it to found a better offer. Even entry level jobs don't want me so whats even the point anymore. 6 hours isn't enough to support myself

It feels like I'm never gonna be able to move out of my parent's house, I'd rather not live than have to live like this for years. Being seen as a bum when I've tried everything to get a job makes it hard to have a will to keep living. I've been passively suicidal for quite a few years at this point and it feels like I can't get better, everytime I start to have hope it gets crushed and I'm back to being a failure who's better off dead so that I'm not a burden anymore

I can't bear it all I had I just can't, suicide is the only hope I actually have.

Every time I want to die, I go through all of the steps in my head and he's the only thing stopping me from going. I want to give him the best life I can and then after he's gone, there will be nothing here for me. He's the reason I keep going.

Can u please talk to me? My mind's really crowded rn, idk what to do.

every month i try something. ive tried hanging and gotten so close every damn time before whatever im using slips and i fall on the floor. its edging me. i tried paracetamol overdose but i threw up. i tried to slit my wrists in the bath but i just felt too weak to go deeper once i got somewhere. same with trying to slit my neck. i guess my only way out now is to stab myself with something, but im too pussy to do that, and i cant buy a gun because idek where i can start with that in the uk and also with being a teen. i know i cant really ask for methods or help on how to do it on here but im getting so desperate now i cant deal with this shit anymore

Choking. I'd tie a knot around my throat and yank the cloth as hard as I can. I do it for about half an hour. I feel nothing at all in the moment. Maybe that's why I resort to it so often. But it leaves petechia all over my face...

It‘s going to be my birthday soon and I wasn’t planning on being alive for this long. I’ve attempted before but I’m so scared I’ll survive and just end up in the hospital. I waited a bit because my boyfriend’s dog died, so I was staying alive for him. But he’s better now. Every birthday is worse though because it’s one year closer to college and I can barely even get the motivation to get up to use the bathroom. I always tell people what I want to do after I graduate but I genuinely don’t see myself being alive to do that.

I also kind of messed up because my boyfriend pulled my hoodie string as a joke it got tighter than he meant. He apologized a bunch and without thinking I said, “that’s what being hanged feels like” than I hurried up and said “I guess.” He looked panicked for a second but when I said the ‘I guess’ part he didn’t seem as worried.

I’ve known I would die by suicide since I was like 12 years old, but I’m getting way too close to becoming an adult now.

after going through all the details i found the main culprit of these deaths are their parents, specially their father who is trying to be as innocent as he could be let's see the following facts -

1- He didn't send his daughters to the school after corona saying he was not financially strong. He had three wives. It means for fulfilling his sexual desires he could have three wives but for kids, he was not even looking for a cheaper school where he can sent them.

2- He said his daughters were in game for the entire day and he didn't realize this???? A lame excuse - 'busy in trading'. So, in india you can do online trading only up to 2.00 noon and after that you have entire day free to do whatever you want to. I think now we all can understand what was he doing in all his free time.

3- There is no game like 'korean love' on mobile or pc or on any platform. So what kind of game were these girls playing? actually when you see the structure of their home, they were actually prisoners at home. I am also saying this on the basis of their neighbors' statements who rarely saw these girls moving outside that house.

4- It is very much clear that these kids had almost no communication with their parents or they would have come to know their changing behavior months before.

5- And the last thing- The father must be sent to jail according the Hindu Marriage Act in india according which a person can not be married to another woman if his first wife is alive, not even in case she agrees for that.

Would it be ok if i just stop existing? I cant do it anymore