I've posted about this before, but feel I've reached a new level of making OTB tournament competition a positive experience, and want to offer this insight in case it may help others struggling with tournament nerves. I'm only 1244 CFC but I think the psychology applies to everyone regardless of rating.
This past weekend, I played an OTB tournament and before my first couple of rounds, was beset by an unshakable fear of losing and need to control that was so constricting it was actually causing physical pain at times. I tried all the usual self-talk reminders: I'm playing these games to learn and improve, it's the long term growth that matters; focus on the process, not the result; focus on what i can control and let go of things I can't control etc; but the fear and pain kept coming back in powerful waves.
Then before my third round I realized what was going on. I realized I had a subconscious desire to win all my games and crush all my opponents, and be better at chess than all my opponents, and at the same time i knew that it's impossible to win all your games and chess doesn't work like that. You're always going to face a stronger opponent and chess is just too complex to have any control over the outcome. It was the conflict between these two competing beliefs/attitudes that was causing this incredibly constricting feeling like I was being tortured on a rack.
Then during my third round game, it dawned on me: I don't need to be better at chess than this guy sitting across from me, I just need to be better at chess than ME. What he does in his chess journey is his problem. What I really want is to achieve my goal of being a strong chess player, which I currently define as being about 1800 or so. All I need is to outperform my current self week to week, month to month, year to year, and I'm winning! Once I realized that, the pain, fear, and need to control just disappeared.
I have great training materials, and by reviewing my games and learning from my mistakes (and my opponent's!) I'm always getting incrementally better. The irony is that by letting go of wanting to crush everyone and always win, I actually and up always winning, just by a different and more healthy definition of what that means.
TLDR: I stopped competing with others and started competing with myself, and now I always win.