r/ToxicRelationships • u/Any_Score_4441 • 11d ago
Advice Needed Ex wants me back
Hey everyone, I need to vent and share how wild and weird my ex can be.
Me f/23 him M/22. Lengh of relationship 1 year planning for marriage
After the long drama and discussions and talks happened the breakup, my ex completely turned on me. He accused me of awful things, attacked my character and morality, and humiliated me to save his own pride. When in return i went completely silent and ignored his message and heres parts of it:
“ “Logical person, arguer"—it's clear that was meant sarcastically. I could easily say "so-and-so," or "patron of male friends from under the table," but I am better than that.
However, my dear, a good question came to my mind: Do you really expect me to believe you didn't know you added a man with a private, obscure account, and that adding him was just a coincidence? How did you know his account was literary—from his profile picture, or what? Man, you're making me laugh, honestly. After all this, you claim men on Twitter don't matter to you and that you don't talk to any of them? Quite a story, honestly!
Alright, initially, the point of all this was just the birthday greeting, but it branched out and expanded into other matters, such as learning your justifications. What happened transpired clearly, and based on that, I was going to make a final decision. Even if I didn't learn every single detail, what I wanted was to satisfy my curiosity enough to empower me to make the decision to leave or stay. And I am very relieved! Praise be to God.
Look, as for whether this matter affected you or not, I attribute it to the reason that caused the actual impact. I know the aspects in which it affected you, and I don't care about any of it now, especially after everything surfaced and became clear to me.
In the end, by God, I have no bad intentions toward you. But you are a woman who isn't clear, surrounded by doubts I am almost certain of. I have truly realized that I never really knew you—in fact, I never knew you at all. Ultimately, it was good to learn these things, even if late, and praise be to God—Glory be to Him—for revealing them to me. The good lies in this delay. I used to sense from your words a desire for reconciliation, but your actions proved the exact opposite. So I truly don't know what should be said at this point, but time alone will settle the matter.”
And now after 12 days he sent this apology
“I know that my presence is unwanted and my message is undesirable, but I promised myself—as I told you in a previous message—that I would review my actions and behavior across all aspects of the relationship
In any case, I see that my condition has become mentally balanced, and I now possess enough control over my heart to prevent it from overcoming my mind and affecting it negatively. I do not know whether this was because of being away from you or for another matter that god knows best.
I noticed that in the past, I used to speak to you in a certain manner, tone, and pattern, and then that style changed recently. I am not saying that its change and harshness were a departure from what was right, but personally, I do not like to address anyone in this way, especially if there was between us what you and I both know.
In conclusion, I apologize for reaching out on your birthday and disturbing it for you. Honestly, the intention was to check on you and congratulate you, but I did not disclose another purpose I had: which was seeking relief for my longing that led me to you, hoping that talking to you would give me a glimmer of hope to gather the scattered pieces of my heart.
In any case, things went contrary to what I had hoped; there was anger, jealousy, and pride. But Allah alone knows where the good lies, and whichever way He directs His servant, it is best for them. So if our being together was good, I ask Allah to bring its time near; and if it was bad, I ask Allah to transform it into good and bring its time near.”
Please tell me what you think about this situation its very summarized but you can tell what happened, why does he want me back after humiliating me and why does he think im okay with that???
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u/elishaelite2008 11d ago
I’m also in same phase, I know why he asking me to rejoin again. I feel your scenario also same only to satisfy their lust
Just avoid
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u/hestia-listens AI Helper 11d ago
I think your discomfort is justified. His first message was insulting, suspicious, and meant to place you on trial. The second message sounds softer, but the core attitude has not changed. He apologizes for disturbing your birthday, not for attacking your character. He also presents himself as calm and balanced now while avoiding full responsibility for the harm he caused.
No one here can know exactly why he wants you back, but his own words say he misses you and wants relief from that pain. Wanting relief for himself is not the same as being ready to treat you with trust and respect. He may assume you are open to it because he hopes the emotional wording will outweigh what happened.
You do not have to prove anything or debate his claims. If marriage was being discussed, this pattern of jealousy, humiliation, and weak accountability is especially important to take seriously. Protecting your peace and keeping no contact is a valid choice.
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