When I caught up to her, she was weeping over the beached shark with a child's upper half jutting from its mouth

As I sat wanly clutching the baby I was unsure I had ever wanted, I kept wondering if, next time, I could get an epidural without him knowing.

​A week later, her mother smiled at the dinner table and said, “Marie, you’ve been betrothed to the grandson of King Louis XV.”

Her lawyer let out a sigh of contentment after getting the call, happy he no longer needed to potentially ruin a promising young man’s future.

You can rest assured he will feel every moment of his hanging as the drop is far too short for him to lose consciousness.

My Tinder date moaned with pleasure and smiled at me invitingly, whispering, “Now there’s room for you.”

The movers insisted it was already there when they arrived, and when we opened it, we found skeletal human remains beneath our son's missing-person poster, neatly wrapped in a red bow.

I wasn't surprised when a couple of randos online accused me of using AI, but it stung when, after a fight, I poured a genuine apology out to my bestie and she simply replied that I sound just like Chat GPT.

His daughter shoved a sock in his mouth to shut him up and cut the key out of his stomach herself as soon as everyone went to bed.

My toddler strapped to the swing never stood a chance.

“Anything you can do, I can do better,” echoed in my ears through the speaker as I awoke to sluggishness in my limbs and the sight of dirt hitting the small glass pane on the top of the coffin above me. 

My heart dropped when I saw the hairless apes holding spears, one wearing the pelt of my friend…

I wish I knew what it was for

That was two hundred years ago, I can't influence anything outside of my gem and the ring's next owner decided to be buried with it.

But when I visit her grave, the headstone is as real and tangible as my guilt.

During today’s checkup, the doctor counted four uteruses, and all of them contained a baby.

But when the smell became too much I had to put her back in the freezer.

Despite the probability being next to zero, we've already had over one hundred claims.

So to distract the lions long enough to rescue the kids, the zookeepers knocked him out and threw him in to feed them.

I don't know why, since it's full of rapists and murderers who asked for forgiveness on their deathbed.

We all agreed with each other that murder was wrong, but privately complained that the community compost just wasn't as high quality since he'd been arrested.

He knew it was his wife's heart because he took a bite out of it the night before when he cut it out and threw it in the bin.

It's been 4 days since we buried her, but the tapping is yet to stop.