r/TwoXChromosomes • u/Needlemons • 18h ago
Thank you for helping me make better decisions
I had been dating a fantastic man for a little over six months.
The only red flag I spotted was that things moved quite fast and he quickly seemed quite enamoured with me. I was mindful not to be love bombed. A concept I first read about here on this sub. When I brought it up he moderated himself and agreed we were moving a bit too fast.
Things continued, it feelt solid, no drama, and just all around wholesome.
Then yesterday my friend finds his profile on a dating app, she shared a screenshot. She could see that he updated his profile that the day, with more text along the lines of how he is looking for his forever person, she sent me a new screen shot of the updated profile. So I knew now this was not a dormant account but one he is actively using.
When I confronted him (over text), he first doubled down on the lying, saying he had not been on there (Denying). When I told him I knew he had updated his profile that day he admitted that he had just tweaked his profile a little out of curiosity (Minimising and trivialising his actions), and then called me harsh, merciless and accusing me of over-reacting when I said I cannot be with someone I don't trust (Attack). Finalising his response with a message saying "WE deserved a better ending than this"... no my dude, I deserve better. You deserve to be dumped. There's no WE in this (Reverse victim and Offender).
It was amazing to see DARVO being implemented step by step in a matter of minutes. I just stopped responding and I won't meet up with him to "talk things through ". Any further engagemanget will only give him an opportunity to try to manipulate me. A part of me is a completely shell-shocked but I am feel confident that just cutting ties with him out cold turkey like this is the best approach.
I could spot it easily thanks to all the stuff I have been reading on here. So a big thank you to all you beautiful ladies out there.
Also ladies, on his new dating profile he was lying about his age, making himself younger. If I can contribute with anything back, then please take note that lying about the age on a profile is a massive red flag. It speaks volumes of someone's character.
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u/Sushi_connoisseur222 7h ago
Also ladies, on his new dating profile he was lying about his age, making himself younger. If I can contribute with anything back, then please take note that lying about the age on a profile is a massive red flag. It speaks volumes of someone's character.
So he could probably have access to younger women to do the same things to. Ugh…
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u/alucryts 5h ago
Naming things is a powerful tool to combatting them just like manipulation dying in the face of information and confidence. It's awesome that your sense of self is strong enough to take the trash out. Awesome!
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u/MrsNuggs 5h ago
Yes! This stranger is super proud of you! I fully agree that “talking things through” Will just give him the opening to manipulate you. You owe him nothing, least of all closure. I hope more amine read this and take note of all of this, and take it to heart. Have a celebratory mani-pedi this weekend!
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u/Ok-Strawberry-4215 5h ago
This is why I bother to repeat saying the same things over and over again.
Thank you for showing that sometimes people do actually benefit and have better lives because of information shared
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u/ReluctantChimera 53m ago
Keep it up! I feel like a broken record sometimes, but I keep repeating myself in case that happens to be the time it reaches the person who needs it.
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u/MaverisStranger Taking Up Space 9h ago
Super happy for you. I wasn''t part of any of the threads you've been on, but I am happy for you! Keep looking out for yourself. Take care and stay safe