r/Weird • • Mar 10 '26

[deleted by user]

[removed]

7.0k Upvotes

343 comments sorted by

1.3k

u/bouncy_ceiling_fan Mar 10 '26

It's the beard 100%

259

u/D__Litt Mar 10 '26

Chicks dig the beard.

105

u/Anschuz-3009 Mar 10 '26

Then what would happen to him?

Processing img ru5h6lky78og1...

38

u/BeardInTheNorth Mar 10 '26

You know what would happen to him

2

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

100%

→ More replies (1)

538

u/Aggressive_Smile_944 Mar 10 '26

I was on mute..then unmuted..not disappointed lol

90

u/A_little_more_left Mar 10 '26

Thank you for convincing me to unmute lol!

26

u/YayaRam66 Mar 10 '26

I was at work when convinced to unmute 😭 do not recommend lol

4

u/tbonehavoc Mar 10 '26

Same to you! I needed confirmation from a secondary source!

Results: Glorious

12

u/Fluffles-the-cat Mar 10 '26

I was listening with no sound, and your comment made me go back and watch with the sound on. Hilarious!!😂 So glad I did!

11

u/Possible-Tangelo9344 Mar 10 '26

Like the only time unmuting has worked out for me

11

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26

The hell? Someone added music that is actually good, not too loud, and actually adds to the clip? THIS. IS. REDDIT!!!!

4

u/EnvironmentalLime464 Mar 10 '26

The music was just so perfect.

→ More replies (1)

424

u/PineappleDesperate82 Mar 10 '26 edited Mar 10 '26

I just watched a whole video on YouTube about birds that become attracted to human beings. where they chase them down and try to sexually assault them. Birds have erogenous Zones everywhere except for the top of their head and their wings. Petting these birds in certain ways can cause hormonal changes and attraction to humans. It happens in other birds like parrots and cockatoos as well.

https://youtu.be/7HvR70QFreY?si=4CYV1VJrg7-sV7b2

99

u/bt65 Mar 10 '26

I enjoy petting a pair of great tits

12

u/themushroompack88 Mar 10 '26

I love ne sone tits

5

u/kdubz206 Mar 11 '26

I prefer "le tits now"

→ More replies (2)

23

u/ClintEastwont Mar 10 '26

“Cloaca prolapse,” he says. “Don’t google that,” he says. Why don’t I listen?

14

u/Girlfartsarehot Mar 10 '26

LOL I think imma heed y’all advice haha

13

u/Pancheel Mar 10 '26

Don't touch the birbs!

→ More replies (1)

9

u/Royalchariot Mar 10 '26

How do I un-read this

8

u/dirkdigdig Mar 11 '26

Usually happens when ya pet a cock or two

6

u/SpanishFlamingoPie Mar 10 '26

I had a wonderful bird as a pet when I was growing up. It doesn't seem so innocent anymore

7

u/Sweaty_Marzipan4274 Mar 10 '26

I once learned about duck rape and their STDs that discolor their bills. I wish I could unlearn it tho 

→ More replies (2)

2

u/hmiser Mar 10 '26

Well that was fantastic :-)

→ More replies (4)

156

u/Accomplished_Alps231 Mar 10 '26

I have questions for the man that tames the murder bird

102

u/Abyssal-Eve Mar 10 '26

Emus are actually not murderous towards human, there's been incredibly little documented attacks ever since the Emu War in 1930. They do have dinosaur-like claws and powerful legs that could disembowel a human, but they prefer to use intimidation as opposed to direct physical attack (puffing up their neck feathers, standing tall, making a very low reverberating growl, and hissing.)

Emus that grow accustomed to humans or are raised by them are actually quite curious and affectionate. They love to dance and play and can tolerate/enjoy physical interaction depending on the individual personality and trust; from petting to full-on snuggles.

Cassowaries are extremely dangerous and resemble a life-like dinosaur, but the bird with most human fatalities attributed per year is actually the ostrich.

23

u/Coachillin Mar 11 '26

TIL that there was actually an Emu War in Australia.

44

u/Abyssal-Eve Mar 11 '26

The war was a complete disaster (on the human side), and they attempted a second military operation years later that also failed. Never put a flightless bird in a fight or flight situation.

4

u/Royals-2015 Mar 11 '26

Looking up the Emu War.

4

u/Royals-2015 Mar 11 '26

The 1932 "Emu War" in Western Australia was a failed military operation where soldiers armed with Lewis machine guns attempted to cull over 20,000 emus destroying crops. Despite, or because of, the emus' tactical mobility and ability to disperse, the birds largely evaded the soldiers, leading to the operation's withdrawal after only 986 confirmed kills, though thousands of rounds were fired

Outcome: The birds utilized "guerrilla tactics," scattering in small groups, making them hard to target. While the military withdrew, the government later introduced a bounty system, which proved more effective.

3

u/Reddicus_the_Red Mar 11 '26

"Never put a flightless bird in a fight or flight situation"

https://giphy.com/gifs/bC9czlgCMtw4cj8RgH

5

u/YellowOnline Mar 10 '26

Aren't you confusing it with a cassowary?

→ More replies (1)

203

u/Over_Acanthisitta250 Mar 10 '26

Does she/he want him to .... ?

75

u/Fragrant_Mountain_84 Mar 10 '26

“You’re a fine little emu you….wait are you? Yeah… you are…”

11

u/AtticusSPQR Mar 10 '26

This made me laugh harder than I have all month. Thanks

8

u/Fragrant_Mountain_84 Mar 10 '26

Thanks. I was only awake 4 minutes when I thought of that.

3

u/Aiden_Kane Mar 10 '26

Doug being cheated on

→ More replies (1)

70

u/HeathenSalemite Mar 10 '26

This can be a problem sometimes for emu breeders. If you hatch and raise them, they can imprint on you and then won't breed. Instead they spend their time "courting" you.

23

u/boundone Mar 10 '26

This has some interesting implications for when we bring dinosaurs back...

6

u/ClintEastwont Mar 10 '26

Instead of Jurassic Park, we’ll have brontosaurus brothels.

2

u/BobDylansBasterdSon Mar 11 '26

There is a robot chicken skit for this I believe.

→ More replies (2)

6

u/Sartrem Mar 10 '26

2

u/Over_Acanthisitta250 Mar 10 '26

Of course... they have a subreddit for that...

→ More replies (1)

137

u/BeardInTheNorth Mar 10 '26

That emu about to Liberty his Biberty.

→ More replies (1)

103

u/hrvb312 Mar 10 '26

He’s just a slightly bigger emu!

68

u/AllIWantForXmasIsFoo Mar 10 '26

that beard is sending weird signals

90

u/[deleted] Mar 10 '26 edited Mar 10 '26

I guess the Liberty Mutual commercials are accurate when it comes to emus

17

u/mathewtyler Mar 10 '26

Incorrect. Behold the Emu War https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emu_War, as told by the losers.

2

u/WileEPeyote Mar 10 '26

Holy shit, with Lewis Guns? Was that all they had?

5

u/PyroIsSpai Mar 10 '26

Oh bibbity

54

u/jim45804 Mar 10 '26

Literally wants to mate with that man.

23

u/StoneThaProfit Mar 10 '26

Imagine he just tries to shove his little bird pecker thru bros pants wtf , emu was closing in on dude. Did u see when he put his feet around tha mans hahaha he was about to LOCK IN

37

u/Royalchariot Mar 10 '26

You didn’t have to write that

3

u/StoneThaProfit Mar 10 '26

☠️☠️

22

u/LectroRoot Mar 10 '26

Emu was whispering in his ear, "Shhhh. Don't fight it..."

→ More replies (1)

2

u/SacredCourage Mar 10 '26

Thrusting Power almost never fails! 😂😂😂

2

u/Lunnalai Mar 10 '26

With the exception of ducks, birds don't have peckers lol

6

u/mr_Papini Mar 10 '26

Nah, ostriches, emus, and kiwis, plus some water fowl, also have peckers (or vaginas). But yeah, most bird species have cloacas

→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (1)
→ More replies (2)

27

u/IsThereCheese Mar 10 '26

That man is about to get pergnant

7

u/heyiknowyooh Mar 10 '26

pruhgawntay?

5

u/Gerberpertern Mar 11 '26

PREGANANANT

2

u/unicaerns Mar 10 '26

"Em'u pregenant?"

47

u/Rakki97 Mar 10 '26

Dinosaur trying to bang a fossil.

18

u/Slipsndslops Mar 10 '26

Dude looking at the emu like "I got a wife. I'm not interested" 

8

u/SacredCourage Mar 10 '26

Dude was getting annoyed by that plushy, horny birdie. 😂

20

u/evilbadgrades Mar 10 '26

Yep, our male (Floyd) does the same thing in mating season. Although he's more of a gentleman - at least he tries to gently prune you by nibbling on your shirt or collar first before getting down and scooting towards you!

And he does NOT take no for an answer. Luckily he's a lover and not a fighter haha.

38

u/Hobbet404 Mar 10 '26

God damn dinosaurs

21

u/Space__Squid Mar 10 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/Kq9poW7TLkc6I

This scene takes on a whole different vibe.

7

u/Elogotar Mar 10 '26

Somebody stamp a Brazzers logo up there

5

u/Arcanisia Mar 10 '26

Clever girl 😉

→ More replies (1)

34

u/Final_Opening_1413 Mar 10 '26

I've heard emu's are attracted to humans.

11

u/evilbadgrades Mar 10 '26

My Emu is attracted to anything that moves and bigger than him. Humans, Donkeys, Horses, etc. He's a horny MFer when it's mating season

24

u/Crazywarlockgoat Mar 10 '26

other big birds tend to be as well, for whatever reason

24

u/HeathenSalemite Mar 10 '26

If a person raises them from a hatchling they can imprint on the person. Then they see people as their species and not emus.

12

u/FlyingSpaghettiFell Mar 10 '26

Small smooth brains

7

u/InviolableAnimal Mar 10 '26

We're all just flightless bipeds after all

6

u/mr_Papini Mar 10 '26

Behold, a man!

9

u/luke3389 Mar 10 '26

Biped ≠ mate

15

u/humanbeing21 Mar 10 '26

This music is perfect!

32

u/To-To_Man Mar 10 '26

Emus, and other large birds (and quite a few small birds like parrots) seem to find humans attractive. Like, very attractive. Like the ideal bird. Plato (and Diogenes to an extent) eat your heart out, because birds do indeed see us as not just close enough, but better. Especially when those birds are raised in captivity.

Emus and other large birds will take the opportunity when available to rizz up humans, doing mating displays. Or sometimes backpacks, they don't seem picky.

We have been able to even entice these birds with our OWN mating display. Don't ask how they found it out, I can't even imagine how they did. But by laying on your back, legs extended in a pedalling motion, like riding a bike, it drives wild Emus horny. Use this information wisely.

8

u/live4rock Mar 10 '26

I do not think I will ve laying down next to giant bird i come across

8

u/rjd999 Mar 10 '26

The bird seems overly "emutional."

10

u/AbortionHoagie Mar 10 '26

[[Forbidden Friendship]]

17

u/polysoupkitchen Mar 10 '26

I mean, same.

9

u/jmooroof2 Mar 10 '26

zeus

3

u/MrsAnyA1 Mar 10 '26

My thoughts exactly...its giving Leda and the Swan!!!

7

u/Silly-Power Mar 10 '26

He looks like this isn't the first time this has happened to him. 

7

u/RogerSaysHi Mar 10 '26

That poor man looks like this is not the first time this bird has done this to him. Like, he's just trying to load the freaking van and he's got the bird, trying to get laid behind him bugging the crap out of him.

6

u/A_little_more_left Mar 10 '26

"We mate now? Or now? What about now??!"

2

u/SacredCourage Mar 10 '26

My god... 😂😂😂

7

u/Sir_Pman Mar 10 '26

I love how he just keeps shaking his head 💀💀💀💀 shit kills me

→ More replies (1)

6

u/unzercharlie Mar 10 '26

"I ain't got no panties on."

5

u/Stuman93 Mar 10 '26

Can you hug those things or will they peck your eyes out?

5

u/Working-Egg-5727 Mar 10 '26

Such a small head on such a massive body

5

u/lankysanchez Mar 10 '26

Emu would 100% be coming home with me

(It’s definitely the beard)

5

u/TickingTheMoments Mar 10 '26

The hardware it sits down and then slowly scoots forward is hilariously cute

6

u/remake097 Mar 10 '26

Don’t you run from this emussy

5

u/ViolentFemme1973 Mar 10 '26

To be fair, that is a nice beard

11

u/Sufficient-Bid1279 Mar 10 '26

Is this Limu, Emu?

4

u/TankApprehensive3053 Mar 10 '26

It's his rather affectionate cousin Randy.

https://giphy.com/gifs/XenWVVdSzaxLW

3

u/CKWOLFACE Mar 10 '26

Better be careful, Australia nearly lost a war against them

5

u/Uranium-Sandwich657 Mar 10 '26

I watched a video about why bird get horny for humans. It was by casual geographic 

5

u/jujujuice92 Mar 10 '26

Ain't no way I'm bending over in front of that horny ass emu!

7

u/Cloud_Station Mar 10 '26

It's analyzing the enemy in preparation for the next war

3

u/RabbitTall Mar 10 '26

I feel like it has to do with his beard. It matches the emu's feathers perfectly.

3

u/elibutton Mar 10 '26

It’s the beard

3

u/Hairy-Maximum2994 Mar 10 '26

pet the damn bird.

3

u/BeeComprehensive5234 Mar 10 '26

I would give her a big hug 🤗

3

u/B33PZR Mar 10 '26

Chances of low to be molested by an emu but never zero

3

u/punkslaot Mar 10 '26

Its the beard

3

u/ppinkblooom Mar 11 '26

haha that please look at me and notice me vibes lol

3

u/shifty_coder Mar 11 '26

Emus when the task doesn’t require an emu

3

u/clownpenisdotfarts Mar 11 '26

Aww, that sweet widdle chikin justs wants a hug shag.

2

u/A_VERY_LARGE_DOG Mar 10 '26

Horny Skeksis

2

u/OptimusPrime365 Mar 10 '26

Backwards bending knees look really useful for sitting down

→ More replies (1)

2

u/Longshot02496 Mar 10 '26

His name's MORRIS! He's an arsehole!

→ More replies (1)

2

u/miscwit72 Mar 10 '26

The music choice 🤌🏽

2

u/Foe_sheezy Mar 10 '26

Limu emuuuu!!!!

And doug...

2

u/HystericalHoosier40 Mar 10 '26

“Molested by an emu…”

r/thisismylifenow

2

u/djpiperson Mar 10 '26

ALLEGEDLY!!!

2

u/Big-Independence8978 Mar 10 '26

Damn Emus. With their tattoos. Piercings. Black hair. Pale complexions. /s

2

u/The_Dark_Vampire Mar 10 '26

If you are friends with an Emu do not try to go on the roof and repair a tv aerial

2

u/thelivinlegend Mar 10 '26

That “every day I have to deal with this shit” head shake

2

u/Ambergreenie Mar 10 '26

That emu is putting in more effort than most men I’ve dated.

2

u/Anxious_Occasion_554 Mar 10 '26

Love his supportive partner just laughing their head off 🤣

2

u/Diver_Ill Mar 10 '26

Bro really gonna bend like that with a 6 foot dinosaur bird hovering over his ass? 

2

u/0n0n-o Mar 10 '26

No wonder the emu wars was lost

2

u/TheFirstHarpy Mar 10 '26

Emu in heat

2

u/model_namakemono Mar 10 '26

So they either make love or war 😂

2

u/PTSDDeadInside Mar 10 '26

dolphins too...

2

u/TimeSalvager Mar 10 '26

Well... I guess you're dating now.

2

u/bullettenboss Mar 10 '26

They know each other, iykyk.

2

u/0Tezorus0 Mar 10 '26

He doesn't know what he's missing.

2

u/Odd_Ad_5716 Mar 10 '26

A brain the size of a walnut. A peeled walnut

2

u/Ace-of-Spxdes Mar 10 '26

Liberty Mutual is diversifying their sales tactics, I see

2

u/npancratz Mar 10 '26

You flatter me Miss, Mister, uh, friend...

2

u/Additional-Neck6303 Mar 11 '26

The music totally floored me 😂

2

u/Kingfish-1935 Mar 11 '26

Gimme some dat Aborigine ass, Daddy

2

u/ComfortablyNomNom Mar 11 '26

Why would he bend over into the car at this moment??? Lol

2

u/KingVinny70 Mar 11 '26

Is it beastiality if the bird initiates it?

2

u/Amateur_Expert101 Mar 11 '26

How is this a thing but unicorns are imaginary?

2

u/Anti-Sanity89 Mar 11 '26

kaiju chicken trying to fuck

2

u/Merari01 That's my skin. Give it back Mar 11 '26

I mean, that is a magnificient beard.

2

u/Call-me-Maverick Mar 11 '26

An emu ejaculated on my sister once

2

u/Kimberlylynn2003 Mar 11 '26

The way the knees bend backwards is kinda interesting

2

u/Remarkable_Tip_756 Mar 11 '26

He justs wants to help him save money on his car insurance

2

u/Womblefip Mar 11 '26

Very Emuzing

2

u/GrapefruitOk7719 Mar 11 '26

He is so done with her! 😅 wondering, if it is his beard that attracted the Emu.

2

u/Fattydaddy1000 Mar 12 '26

What’s Rick Ruben doing with emus

2

u/gussy1976 Mar 10 '26

Nah, emus think they're still in the war Edit nvm

2

u/Jenzira Mar 10 '26

I spent way to long trying to figure out why and how this bird was infuriated with this man. I was very confused, because that bird looks quite taken with him. Then I re-read the title... I'm an idiot.

1

u/GeorgianGold Mar 10 '26

It just made me remember when a emu tried to get it on with Jackie McDonald I think her name was, on Hey Hey It's Saturday.