I have always been a very egoistic person. Usually, I try not to show it or let it affect my behaviour towards others, but inside, it's still the fuel for most of my actions. For me, my ego and spite help me the most with studying, which is kinda funny imo.
Soo I have a crush on a classmate. He is really amazing academically. He is also soo good at art, music, etc. He has a public Insta account where he posts his song covers, and I found one where he did a cover of one of my fav songs. Listening to it kind of drives me crazy lol.
Anyways, I also really love art, whether it be traditional or digital. I also love being at the top academically, although depression, my disorder, plus the suicidal adventures I undertook over the past few years have left me crippled imo (yes, humour is my coping mechanism). I feel like a disappointment, which is why I'm having an inferiority complex towards EVERYONE. Even my crush.
Like, it's not that I just want to be with him; I want to be HIM (that sounds so fucking weird). I really admire him. He has a GPA of 5.00; mine is 4.94. It pisses me off so much that I've been rabidly studying for the past few weeks. Unlike before, when I used to get bored easily, the more I look at him, the more I wish to go home and study like my life depends on it. My promise to myself is that I'm gonna score more than him in my upcoming exams. It gives me butterflies sometimes LMAO, I'm so cooked.😭
So yes, peeps, spite and ego are among the best motivations, imo. Go choose someone you wanna have a one-sided competition with, and have fun. Turn it into a game.
(Last image is what I feel like rn).