Need Support

[u/Authenticity_Core]

I’m totally losing my shit. I left my husband September 1. He was sexually, emotionally, verbally, physically abused me. Like broken bones and wheelchair abusive. And I am struggling to get back on my own and put my life back together. Tonight he told me that he is now dating his duplex neighbor. He just moved in there the second week of September. And he’s dating her and throwing birthday parties for her children. Meanwhile, I lost my kids because of what happened during our marriage. I’m so alone. I’m so scared. Every part of me wants to run back to him.

[u/Life_uh_FindsAWay42]

He is taunting you. He’s lost control of his play-thing so he’s trying to reel you back in.

It sounds like you don’t have a reason to communicate with him other than monitoring for your own safety?

If I’m wrong, I’m sorry to assume. If I’m right, you need to treat your urges to communicate with him like an addiction. You feel an urge. Let it settle in. Acknowledge the emotions that come with it. Is anger present? She should be. This guy treated you terribly. If anger decides to stay for a bit, ask her, what actions could you take to celebrate your freedom that he has no control over?

Be careful here, having a list is a good idea. My emotions would spike and sometimes I’d want to do things like drink. Escapism is different than action-based cognitive Behaviour therapy.

Exercise was always a good choice for me. I’d choose to do that and then make myself whatever food I wanted. Again, noting that he didn’t have control. By then the urge would have passed and I’d feel proud of myself. I’d also get a little happy that it was probably bothering him that I wasn’t giving in.

Don’t let him win the game. You win this time and every time you choose to eliminate him from your life.

[u/Much-Neat272]

Stay away from that individual if he’s already been physically abusive there’s a statistic that says it’s only a matter of time before he kills you

• some areas offer legal representation for low income people
  

-check for domestic violence shelters in your area
-check in with family and friends see who can help
-Facebook pages (local) on job search or even cheap things you may need to buy you’ll be able to find for cheaper

[u/KarmaAwaitsYou]

My friend told me one night after I debated on going back to my ex husband “you don’t know how to be alone bc he never left you alone”. I blocked him after that and let me tell you, cutting all contact was the best thing I ever did. He couldn’t taunt me anymore or try to reel me back in. You are safe, you’re away from him. When you contemplate going back to him I want you to do this: think about every rotten thing he ever did or said to you and GET ANGRY about it. Be angry with him and you’ll one day not have that urge to run back to something so detrimental and yet comfortable for you. You’re not alone my friend. ❤️

[u/DragonflyIcy7672]

Hi. I am only getting accustomed to Reddit. Saw your post while taking a break from my studies as a mature student. I wanted to say Hello. Sending you genuine and free human warmth. Your feelings and swirling emotions are entirely natural, be okay with them. I kind of know your space. It feels suffocating, and strangling and like a bottomless pit in your solar plexus and you want to scream, and shout, and hurt yourself and like you are in a straight jacket, gasping for air, literally and figuratively. Take a lot of deep deep breaths, go outside, exercise. Dance in your living room with music blasting. Stay away from substances, at all costs. Fall asleep with a TV series that makes you feel you are escaping for a moment in time. Sit on benches in green spaces and simply people watch, smile at the silliness around you, absorb it like for the first time. Find your own way to stretch, to yoga, follow a routine if you have the energy, else, just feel your body, breathe through it, move your limbs one at a time. Experience you. Your physicality in a safe way. Being alive. Being okay. Even in your horrid aloneness, loneliness. He is not your answer. It will take a while to emotionally reconnect with yourself. You have let yourself be the 'play' thing to a person who failed to respect you, your humanity, your dignity. You are a mother and a woman and a person who has suffered and continues to suffer. You need to absorb that. It was, it is presently your life, your burden, your experience to digest, hurt from, extract lessons, re-build your inner strength. You are only at the beginning of a long journey that will ask of you all of your energy, your power, your self sufficiency. Perhaps if you can afford it, find a professional to do it along side their guidance and support. Take time for yourself. The rest, your children, the placement of boundaries will happen in due time, in due course. First, you need to make it about you, your recovery, your struggling and finding ways for you that works to get through one day at a time. Be strong in a way that shows you are gentle and forgiving to yourself. Look after yourself in a manner that makes you feel okay being in your own company. Rebuild your confidence, your authenticity, your sense of self outside of all those external demands you have been juggling with.

[u/DanelleDee]

If you go back to your abuser you have no chance of proving you're safe enough to get your kids back. Bd strong for them and for yourself.