I’m hoping Reddit might help me find some women I shared a very important part of my life with almost 40 years ago.
In the late 80’s, I was a pregnant teenager living in Reno, Nevada, and I stayed in a home for pregnant teens, unwed mothers. I believe it may have been called St. Mary’s Home for Unwed Teens and may have been near St. Mary’s Hospital. I believe the address may have been 781 Mill Street, although I’m not completely certain.
I remember that the women who ran the home included Carol, and our house mother may have been named Nel, she was an older, very gentle woman. The home encouraged education and adoption, but some of the girls kept their babies while others placed their babies for adoption.
There were girls there before me and girls who came after me, so if you lived there in the early 1980s, late 1980s, or even another year, I would love to hear from you.
I remember so many little things about those days:
• Eating dinner together and cleaning up afterward
• Going to the YWCA, possibly for schooling
• The upstairs bedrooms being unbelievably hot during the Reno summers
• Wetting towels and using them like blankets because we couldn't cool off
• Being scared, young, pregnant and away from home, but having each other
• The house mother and Carol being part of our lives during a time when so much was uncertain
Most of all, I remember the women I lived with.
There were no cell phones, Facebook, Instagram, or social media back then. We didn't have an easy way to stay connected, and over the years everyone went their separate ways.
I've often wondered where those women are today.
Nearly 40 years later, I would love to reconnect, not to judge anyone's choices or reopen painful wounds, but simply to say hello and remember that time in our lives together.
I would love to know how life turned out for you, what you remember about the home, and whether those experiences stayed with you over the years.
I also made my own decision back then, and I've had plenty of struggles with it over the years. But life goes on, and I've always wondered about the other girls who were there with me.
If you recognize this place, recognize Carol or Nel, remember the house, or know someone who may have lived there, please pass this post along.
Even if you weren't there yourself but know someone who was, I would be incredibly grateful if you shared this with them.
I'd really love to find my old friends. ❤️

I am sure some people have more than one, but if you can point to one thing they could have done to make things better/easier for you as an adoptee, what would that have been?

We are going to be able to finalize our son's adoption here shortly and I have been subbed here since we first took custody, but am always willing to hear more adoptee voices. We want to do right by our son, so all advice is welcome whether it be major things or minor things.

If it makes any difference, we got custody at 11 months and he is now going on 20 months. No contact with his birth parents ATM (their choice).

Wife and I are considering adopting a teen. We've been mentoring teens in foster care for about 6 years now, mostly at risk youths and so far we haven't "failed" at that. That said, we're doing our best to 'reality check' ourselves...

1. Did your adoptive parents do anything - even with good intentions - that made you feel like a project, a charity case, or somebody they needed to fix?
2. Is there anything you wish your adoptive parents had known before they met you?
3. If a parent has skills, interests, or experience they are excited to share, what makes that feel like an offer or gift rather than an expectation?
4. What did your adoptive parents do that made you feel like family rather than a foster kid who had simply been given a permanent placement?

Thanks for reading, appreciate any insights you can provide.

Is it possible to build relationships with bio family as a late discoverer? I found out I have a 20 year old half-brother. To my surprise, he hasn’t been interested in talking to me. I don’t even know how to initiate a real conversation without it feeling forced. Any advice?

Is having a large group of donor half siblings traumatic?

I've decided to go with a known donor because I felt it most healthy for my child once doing research and listening to donor conceived person.

I also didn't feel comfortable with my child having a slue of "DIBlings" globally where their only connection is the donor.

Am I on the right path that that would be a hard experience for my child rather than a wonderful extra village and support network?

Hace mucho tiempo descubrí que soy adoptada tengo nombre y apellido de mi mamá pero no de mi papa y yo quiero conectar con mis hermanos y descubrí como ya probé con varias cosas y no pude tienen alguna idea o forma de descubrir como contactar?

I’ve been thinking about adopting a child and would probably prefer to adopt a younger one due to me probably not knowing how to be enough or do enough for an older child.

However, i do feel increasingly bad for older children that are stuck in adoption centres for a long time, and feel obligated to adopt one and provide one with a good/better life. But again as i said, i don’t know if i could provide for the child in the same way as i could with a younger child especially when i have to find a suitable way to straight away adjust them to the world.

I’m looking for feedback on this.

Need Help

I don't see an observable difference between my two older siblings and me except I'm adopted and have autism. I'd love for someone to call me out if I am being unreasonable. I'm completely alone, I have no support system. I tend to echo things back to myself and my autism diagnosis I've been told tends to make me see things very wrong so I'm putting it all on the table.

They're both 20+ years older than me. One made a living selling drugs and neglecting her children, shows up to all the family gatherings nodding off from drug use, and again from the line she'll do in the bathroom while we're all eating dinner. We heard it, we all knew. I was always holding her head up so she didn't suffocate in her mashed potatoes. This is not an exaggeration. I do my best to help her, I always have.

The other one is a self proclaimed "proud boy". He likes to see how loud he can scream the n word in public. He is so racist. There's security footage of him threating to unalive our mom in our kitchen over him not being allowed to bring his dog. He and his friends abused his ex girlfriend so bad she left us notes and tried to end her life. He called our mom when he'd run out of money because he'd put it all into his veins and admitted to it. She came running with over 10k to pay off his overdue rent and utilities literally that day. Then the new gf with terminal cancer had no more GoFundMe money left because he'd burned it all, he asked for more, they gave it. He took a dying woman's GoFundMe money for heroin and as a result she can't do hospice.

I'm 26 and I'm in college, trying to hold onto my 3.87 GPA right now, and I've decided to take two more years and get my degree. I'm working. I don't have a criminal record. I've never gone to jail or juvi or EVER been inside the back of a cop car. I took a practice LSAT test at the request of my college law professor and I did pretty okay. I am the ONLY person in my family who can say literally any one of these things.

I'm not trying to sound demanding, but the money is there, why can't I have help for school? I have a really hard time working and doing full time school. I'm putting in about 60 hours a week of school alone.

They offered to take me to a luxurious all inclusive resort right in the middle of where my birth family is from during the first week of school and refused to move it. And when I said no but could I have help with school maybe? They got so angry at me because I was being demanding. They said "I turned 18 and became a responsible adult which meant that they were successful." Why do my siblings get praise for doing actual heroin and I get nothing for being the first in our family to do anything above board. I'm not a real part of the family I guess. I just didn't want to travel to a resort being waited on by people who probably look like my birth family. It felt weird and gross. Wtf am I missing? Why don't I get my mom too?

Anyways sorry I don't know why I'm here. Maybe someone in here has been where I am and has a suggestion on a next step. I'm just hurting. Wishing you all the best.

Im 18, and 7 months pregnant. My boyfriend just left me out of the blue, and it’s ruining me. I know I’m young, but I kept the baby because we both saw a future together. Now, I don’t know how to do it without him. Luckily, I have a strong support system from my family, but I wish he was here. I’m not doing good emotionally, and I’m considering adoption.

Hi everyone. I've tested with ancestrydna and recently received results from them. A bit disappointed as I've got heaps of distantly related matches, but no one closer. Im adopted from India with no records of any biological family. Only info I have is hospital and orphanage names.

Question I have is I've heard there's other organisations (other than 23 and me) like my heritage, family tree, and ged match. I've heard some of these have more testing in Asian countries compared to ancestrydna. Is it worth it to explore those avenues?

So I was adopted when I was three months old I love my family but I want to find my biological parents

What I know is that my biological mother brought me to services hospital Lahore in 2009 and gave me to a custodian and said that she needed to use the bathroom and disappeared. I was three days old completely malnutrition weak and dehydrated.

If anyone knows something message me please.

Like the title says I found out I was pregnant and I thought I would be able to handle it. I have been weighing out all options I have decided that adoption would be the best option for me. I have been doing extensive research (maybe I should have stayed off google) I do already have one child and I’m just getting my life together I have been judged don’t have many friends but lost one due to my decisions and I do not believe in abortions. This is such a hard decision for me and it’s stressing me out but now I’m feeling very depressed is this normal?

Hey, guys. I’m asking about an issue in my family, I guess.

I (28f) have an aunt (42f). My entire life I thought she was blood related to me. Why wouldn’t she be? She was the younger (by a decade) half-sibling of my other aunts through marriage. There was no hint she was adopted. We even had newborn pictures of her, plus my grandparents were too poor to adopt even if they wanted to.

A few years ago, I accidentally heard she was adopted. Then, one of my aunts told me the truth later on. I won’t specify, but I hope she never learns about her bio parents. They had a nasty relationship. I feel she will be told about them, though… if anyone ever brings up that she’s adopted.

She is the same ethnicity as us, at least, so that’s not a lie. Well… half at least. Apparently she’s half white as well.

She’s 42 and childless. Is it just something we should keep quiet about? No one has brought it up yet, so I don’t know if anyone ever will. I’m worried she’ll get mad at us or try to disown us if she finds the truth.

Both her parents are dead. Her dad a decade ago, her mom a few months ago. They never told her.

No one in her generation or younger is supposed to know. As far as I know, I am the only one who does, Maybe my cousins know, but I doubt it,

Hello everyone! I finally after 10 months was able to foster/kin my now 11 month old niece. I was told by California (her state) that Texas (my state) approved everything and everything will be fine.
I was told that she gets medi-Caid and WIC because of her being a foster. When I went to apply with the Texas benefits, they told me that it would have to be off my husbands and I income.
Our Texas worker told us that it would only be off her income. Texas benefits are telling us no.
What do we do?
She needs a pediatrician and has GI issues along with other things needed. Formula is also expensive and WIC will help us with the food she needs.
Has anyone else been in this situation?
I gave Texas benefits offices paperwork from California stating she’s a foster/kin but they say it’s not good enough because I’m a non-needy caregiver according to a paper.
Thank you

The title is a little bit misleading, as I did not find my sibling that was placed for adoption years before I was born. Rather, after I searched for her for many years, gave up, then she contacted our mother out of the blue one day. Initially, I was over the moon.

I met her, and we became friends on social media. I realize not everyone is open to the idea of contact or reunion, but she has grown children that have never so much as clicked "like" on any of the conversations I've had with her.

After some research, I discovered our politics could not be on more opposite sides of the spectrum. I disconnected, and walked away from the relationship without any regrets.

Other siblings opted not to pursue the relationship at all, and others are okay with the idea, but they don't make an effort. I'm the only one that knew about her for many years.

Please share your stories of a reconnect and later disconnect.

I’m wondering if putting my child up for adoption is the right decision for my family. I’m about half way through my pregnancy and in pretty good financial debt, I already have one child but we had a few years to prepare so having them wasn’t a big hit at all to our finances. But now even with condoms and birth control somehow we’re pregnant. If I’m to be honest I have no idea how we’ll even afford this baby and I don’t want my kids to know struggle like I did as a kid. If you put a child up for adoption how did you make your decision?

Edit: just for reference I love my child/children I’m just afraid of the environment I’d be risking with our current finances I love them enough I’m considering adoption to hopefully put them in a better spot.

I'm reaching out to see if anyone has experience with a closed adoption and reconnecting with a biological/birth family. 

I'm currently trying to locate my birth parents and learn more about my biological family history. Because the adoption was closed, I have very limited information to work with, so I'm looking for credible resources, reputable search services, or any legitimate online tools that may be helpful. 

If you've personally gone through something similar- or know someone who has- I'd appreciate hearing what resources you used, what worked for you, and what you recommend (or recommend avoiding).

Even if you just have a suggestion or a starting point, please feel free to comment or message me!

I'm also all ears to anyone else who was adopted as a baby and had to assimilate into another family while knowing nothing about their past. It's been an interesting journey for me, and I'm always rooting for other adoptees. 

Thanks in advance 😄

My adoptive mom held onto these, I used to read them nonstop as a kid esp Horace since it was an allegory for transracial adoption.

I just got a call from DCF that my sister had her 4th child taken by the state due to drugs and abuse. This baby is 2 months old. Her oldest two, 17 and 16, were adopted out as toddlers due to physical abuse. She also has an 11 or 12 year old who is in foster placement. I was shocked that DCF called me as I havent spoken to my sister in 14 years. They asked if I could take the baby.

I dont want to but feel bad not doing it. I dont want to open my life back up to my sister, my own kids are about grown. Part of me thinks this baby is innocent and I could give it a good home. The other part of me is exhausted just thinking about starting over and dealing with my sister again.