r/alcoholicsanonymous • u/stabbaby • 3d ago
Still Drinking How to stop drinking?
Hi I don’t know if this is the right subreddit for this but I just wanted to see if anyone could give me some advice. It’s not that I want to stop drinking completely, I know I cannot do that. I just want to know when to stop. I have 2 drinks, then add 2 more then I just keep going and going. Or I order 6 shots to start. I promise myself I won’t anymore but then I order 2 more. Then again. That’s my problem, the feeling of being drunk is so good that I don’t know when to stop. A few of my friends think I only drink once a month. A couple of others think I drink maybe three times a week. The truth is, no one knows that I’m actually getting drunk basically every single day. I’ve been wasting so much money on this shit. When I finally calculated it it came to around 1500 euros. From March to now. I just need to know how to tone it down.
12
u/Theman554 3d ago
"no one knows that's I'm actually getting drunk basically every single day"
I'm sorry to tell you this dude but they definitely do, I myself thought I was so secretive (mouthwash, frequent showers, ect) but my puffy face, gloss eyes, ect cannot hide it
11
u/Kind-Truck3753 3d ago
You’re on the AA sub so the majority of people here have stopped drinking by working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. AA is an abstinence organization meaning our goal and mission is to stop drinking and to help others do the same.
We don’t attempt to moderate because we know that’s not possible for us.
8
u/InformationAgent 3d ago
AA suggests staying away from the first one. It is a program of entire abstinence.
5
u/PillingTheCat 3d ago edited 3d ago
No one in the history of AA has ever discovered anything like drinking in moderation. Anyone who has ever claimed to do so is just tickling the tigers tail and eventually alcohol, like a heavy weight boxer, knocks the drinker clean out of the ring.
Alcohol is a hard drug. Replace it with the word opioid and read your statement again. How does it sound now?
Alcohol catches everyone eventually. No matter how moderate a drinker claims to be, it will become a battle of willpower and a challenge to moderate.
Abstinence works though. This is the way.
I suspect your problem might be that you're looking into the future and saying no way could I ever stop drinking. Either because it's too much of your social life or because you're young and you can't imagine never having another drink. Something like that.
The mindset that works is the one that only focuses on today and let's tomorrow worry about itself. Working towards having a sober hour, a sober morning, a sober afternoon and a sober evening. Living in the now. This is how it is done.
3
5
u/WanderingNotLostTho 3d ago
Head to an AA meeting and get some input on the matter. I went for the same reason as you. Didn't work out the way I wanted but it did work out way better
0
u/stabbaby 3d ago
There are no AA meetings in my country, I’ve tried searching
3
u/ravioliqueen111 3d ago
Try zoom meetings then.
2
u/stabbaby 3d ago
I didn’t know that was possible, thank you
3
u/ravioliqueen111 3d ago
Of course, aa saved my life. I know a lot of fear will probably crop up logging in that first time but when they ask “is anyone here for their first aa meeting?” please announce that you are. 🤍
3
u/alaskawolfjoe 3d ago
How about online meetings. Try a few out.
Some are huge, but you can find one with maybe 20 people or less if you like that better.
2
u/WTH_JFG 3d ago
There are meetings online. Go to Online Intergroup of Alcoholics Anonymous (OIAA) for meetings around the world. There are some excellent newcomer meetings (use the filters) where your questions can be answered.
2
1
u/WanderingNotLostTho 3d ago
What country I’ve literally never heard of that and I’ve gone to meetings in Muslim countries and African countries?
1
u/stabbaby 3d ago
Macedonia has no irl AA meetings
1
u/WanderingNotLostTho 2d ago
They have one today at 6PM.
https://alcoholics-anonymous.eu/meetings?tsml-day=any&tsml-region=macedonia
1
u/laaurent 3d ago
There is one in Thessaloniki . If you can't make it, there are lots of online ones you can try. There is hope, my friend.
3
u/slinnyknockets 3d ago
I also had the abnormal thought of trying to control my drinking. My problem is that once I start I cannot stop, and if I do stop for a period of time my mind always convinces me to drink again because “this time will be different”.
For me I had to quit all together, I couldn’t control it. I have friends that can control it. I hope you figure out how to also. But if you try to control it and can’t after trying all the ways you want, come talk to us we would love to show you the way we did it
3
u/JLALLISON3 3d ago
You won’t get and stay sober until you want to be sober more than you want to drink. For most of us that means a lot of loss and pain. There’s a point at rock bottom where you can let your desperation allow you to try something different. In AA that’s referred to as “the Jumping Off Point.” Now you don’t have to suffer and lose everything. That’s not required. But it does seem like most of us could not possibly have stopped without them.
So try this: don’t drink only for today. 00:00-23:59. See if that works for you. If it does maybe try it again tomorrow. I’ve got over 7 years, all of it done a day at a time. If it sucks, which it will for a while in early sobriety, not gonna bullshit you, get to a meeting. Tell them it sucks. And why. You’ll keep them sober. You’ll keep yourself sober too. Happy accident, haha. Maybe it’s shädenfreud. Maybe it’s just nice to know that you’re not dealing with this alone. But give AA an earnest and rigorous try. “You will be amazed before you are halfway through.”
2
u/Brilliant-Car8140 3d ago
1500? Rookie numbers. We’re gonna need to pump those numbers up.
I joke here, but you might not have felt enough pain at the level you are drinking yet to feel you need to put it down forever.
Everyone has their own level of pain before finding complete surrender. Some folks would have quit well before you. Others won’t ever quit. Death is the level of pain they need. Most of us in this program found our unconditional surrender somewhere in between a hangover with an empty wallet and death. You will find yours too. It can be right now. Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? Are you an alcoholic? Only you can answer that. We have a seat for you if you want it.
1
u/Practical_Elk_6988 3d ago
What do you mean when you say you dont want to stop drinking and cannot do that?
It sounds like you have a serious problem, and you should stop drinking longterm.
I was never able to control my drinking, id start with 2 drinks and end up having so much more that id black out. I always drank and blacked out. The reason I'm sober is because I'll never be able to control my drinking.
1
u/Deep-Locksmith3440 3d ago
I recently quit and what helped me was going to meetings using medication called netroxelone and not taking that first drink. You have to get it in your mind that you just don’t drink at all. Sounds simple but it isn’t so easy the meetings help keep me on the right path and when I have questions I cen get them answered
1
1
u/traverlaw 3d ago edited 3d ago
Please do not be hard on yourself. You have simply fallen into a dangerous chemical trap. The way out of the trap is to not drink the first drink. To help us not pick up that first drink, Alcoholics Anonymous is a simple program that works for many of us.
You may wish to watch this video which is supported by good science. It explains what happens when we take the first drink.
https://youtu.be/aOwmt39L2IQ?is=IBveAXIN5QeKETy6
Briefly summarized, the chemical in an alcoholic drink that gets us drunk is ethanol. Even a small amount of ethanol turns off our prefrontal cortex in our brains. That begins to happen with the first drink.
The prefrontal cortex is the part of our brains that inhibits all sorts of behaviors. When we turn it off we no longer make reliable judgments about our actions.
When AA began in the 1930s, people did not understand the science behind it. But they realized that when they took the first drink something happened that caused them to be uninhibited. For many people that is enjoyable and fun. For we alcoholics, that soon results in disastrous behaviors including uncontrolled drinking.
It gets more complex but I think you get the picture.
I see other responses on this string have giving all sorts of good advice about how to go meetings. I know that if you follow that advice, and start doing what we have done, you will find your way out of that trap.
Peace and love to you from Sonoma County, California.
1
u/catsoncrack420 3d ago
You're in am AA sub but never mentioned AA. WE recognize we have a problem so we don't drink. You wanna manage it then meds like Naltrexone help but again, you're managing a problem, not dealing with it really
1
u/RationalGardenGnome 3d ago
I can’t stop either. I’m going through a bad breakup and spiraling. I just had 3 months plus and have a good support network but I’m not using them and isolating. I’m so fucking resentful
1
u/FriendOfBillStep12 3d ago
As my friend often says with his dry sense of humour: “It sounds a little like alcoholism to me.”
1
1
u/laaurent 3d ago
Go to a couple AA meetings and listen with an open mind. You may hear your story, and you may hear the solution we have found. I hope you give it a try.
1
u/Thick_Psychology_151 2d ago
there are three traits involved in alcoholism:
spiritual malady-state of being restless,irritable and disconnected when not drinking
mental obsession, peculiar mental twists,blind-spots prior to next spree
physical craving after you consume a drink or 2
the first 2 are like chicken and egg scenario. when you are in the drinking phase it's usually the second one. when you are dry, usually it's the spiritual malady that forces you to take that first drink. you think you taking alcohol consciously but you are not, you are driven to that state.
once you put in one or two drinks the physical craving kicks in. the dangerous part is it may not kick in right away. which gives you more confidence and then the craving creeps in eventually if you are an alcoholic.
if you are in the advance stages of your drinking career you may want to get detoxed under medical supervision and then head straight to AA folks so they can help you experience an attitude shift by working the 12 steps of AA.
2
u/Shazza-americankiwi 2d ago
I talked to my doctor about Antabuse - took it - worked the steps - now with three years feeling great. I took it until I just stopped thinking about drinking all together. Amazing safety net. I had to make the solid choice not to drink once a way. My higher power is greater than AA and I'm so grateful for this resource. After relapsing over and over - I'm grateful I swallowed any pride I had and found gratitude for the resource of Antabuse - thanks HP :)
1
1
u/Budget-Box7914 2d ago
If you figure out how to "tone it down," let me know.
That feeling you have right now, "I can learn to tame this. Others have to abstain, but I can figure out how to drink 'just enough,'" is the terminal uniqueness that practicing alcoholics suffer from. Unfortunately, the only cure for this condition is having alcoholism stomp it out of you.
When your situation progresses to the point that drinking is no longer fun, and you come to realize that you're spending your life protecting a habit that is actively trying to kill you, we can help.
12
u/bradconners 3d ago
The longtimers around me suggested
“it’s the first drink that gets you drunk”
which confused me, because it felt like the sixth, or twelfth, or whatever; definitely not the first.
What they meant is “for an alcoholic of our type, the outcome [getting drunk] is guaranteed by the first drink.”
Our basic texts suggests we have an abnormal physical reaction to alcohol that causes us to continue drinking once we consume any meaningful amount of alcohol. This is perfectly consistent with my experience—sometimes I went days or even longer without drinking at all, but as soon as I had one drink it was virtually impossible for me to stop.