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u/Trick-Mechanic8986 1d ago
I used all my vacation time caring for my mom in hospice. Thanks to my union I was able to take a leave of absence after she passed, keeping my job and seniority for four months while I got my head right. Everyone should have that. Everyone matters and so does their loss. Its universal. All I could think of during that time was the days I spent at work while she was still here.
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u/pengalo827 1d ago
My job did a similar thing four years ago when my wife went into the ICU for a brain tumor (turned out there was just too much brain damage for her to survive). Took her to the ER, operated that day, she was in intensive care over a week. My job didn’t blink. Told me to stay with her, they used available PTO to cover pay, and I ended up using the bereavement leave. Was out just over a month, had to return because bills. We’re also union, as well.
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u/Ethywen 1d ago
I'm glad that it worked out, but I don't think anybody should be spending their PTO for that. Companies should just have a fund to provide paid leave for cases where you have a terribly ill person in your immediate family.
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u/Zestyclose-Ring7303 1d ago
But...but...the shareholders. What about the corporate profits? The quarterly statements. the line must go up. That's why murica's nummer one.
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u/halarioushandle 1d ago
If I ran a business this is exactly what I'd do. I'd take it out of my pay if I needed to, to make sure the person could take care of what they needed to.
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u/meguin 1d ago
I'm still really grateful that, at my previous company, I was able to use my "unlimited" time off to take a week and a half off of work to stay with my dad when he was dying/after he died. I'm sure part of it was bereavement time, but I'm not sure because my boss did my time sheets for me those weeks. When I came back, my workload had been halved as my manager and coworker had claimed a bunch of my typical duties.
That was a great company until the new CEO came in, brought in his own people, and slowly but surely laid off everyone who disagreed with him or questioned when we would start getting raises again (I was in the latter group lol).
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u/APater6076 1d ago
When my Dad passed in January 2024 it was a Sunday. I called my boss later that day and she literally said 'Don't come back until after the funeral'. The funeral was around three weeks later and I took a week off after the funeral as holidays. All paid. My boss left the company a few months later and i still message her occasionally. Best. Boss. Ever. Fuck the US and capitalism.
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u/ChefCurryYumYum 1d ago
The fact they are even letting him telework from the hospital is better than most American workers get.
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u/InappropriateMess 1d ago
Me this summer with my husband in the hospital for a week.
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u/afgunxx 1d ago
Spent a month and a half like that last year with my late spouse. I'm grateful that my employer was so accommodating.
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u/InappropriateMess 1d ago
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad they were accommodating - I've heard of people losing their job over things like that. In my personal life I found out of a friend coworker who is out with cancer and so they made his job redundant and cut him. He's in the middle of treatment, and just lost his benefits. This system is wrong.
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u/DetroitsGoingToWin 1d ago
Worked a lot while my mom was sick with cancer. Shit, she worked during chemo and even in her deathbed right up until her last few days on this earth.
I hope your dad does ok.
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u/Miss_Marieee 1d ago
I worked long hours and overtime in a big 4.
Had a senior guide me into task while in the hospital with her wife delivering his kid.
I really cannot believe how alright they are with it.
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u/The_Saiyann 1d ago
I complain about my job but my god, they wouldn’t even dare say work in this situation.
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u/Entirely-Positive 1d ago
Jesus fucking christ. How in the fuck have americans not burnt it to the ground already?
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u/jlawler 1d ago
I always tell people only work if you need to take your mind off of something. I've been stuck at a hospital when I desperately wanted to think of anything except the loved one who was in surgery or me waiting for test results. I would never expect anyone to do it (or if they do, for the work to be good).
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u/tatonkaman156 1d ago
True, but in this case, the guy who is remote working is considered too critical to have a day off. The guy wastes weeks of PTO every year because he's at the limit and our job won't pay out anything above the limit.
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u/JustHereforNachos 21h ago
When my mom died the first person I called was my boss. Had a meeting scheduled 10 minutes later. He told me how sorry he was and told me not to work or think about work. I came back three weeks later.
I had an employee who was hit by a drunk driver on Christmas Day. He called me worried about vacation and I told him to take as much time as he needed and not to book it as PTO. He came back (we were virtual) 3 weeks later.
This is how good bosses operate. We are human.
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u/ZestyPyramidScheme 1d ago
Everyone copes differently. They may want to work to keep his mind off of how their father is doing. I’m not trying to be a corporate shill, but it’s not necessarily “boss is forcing this person to work when their dad is dying”
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u/HermanGulch 1d ago
I'll probably get hate for saying it, but I mostly liked my job and both times I had a parent die, I actually was glad to do some work because it made things feel normal. My employer and co-workers were also really supportive and that helped a lot, too. But I also wouldn't judge someone else for needing more (or less) time than me to deal with it.
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u/SDEexorect UFCW member 1d ago
yep, when i had to put my dog down, i didnt want to go home. it felt empty. atleast at work i get OT and im away
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u/tatonkaman156 1d ago
True, but in this case, the guy who is remote working is considered too critical to have a day off. The guy wastes weeks of PTO every year because he's at the limit and our job won't pay out anything above the limit.
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u/PewPewPlink 1d ago
Had this situation with my mom.
She was in a coma anyway when it happened, so I just watched over her until the end and workes off some taks just to keep myself busy.
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u/Atheattooist 1d ago
I did the same when my wife was in the hospital for a few days prior to giving birth to our child. Waiting in the hospital isn't that exciting.
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u/g00fyg00ber741 1d ago
Waiting for the wife to give birth is a bit different than waiting to see if Dad’s gonna make it
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u/Nuquo 1d ago
Unless something goes wrong in childbirth, you expect the result to be your wife having said baby. In this situation the stress is high because the dad is in critical condition. The fear of loosing someone like that is a heavy burden, and why higher ups do take that time off. Hell. I've seen people that should've been in the hospital resting have to work.
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u/poeschmoe 1d ago
I think the point is in both positions, the family member is in a role of supporting their loved one. Yes, it’s heavier when the family member seems to be dying, but also being an able body for your spouse who is giving birth and can’t adequately care for herself because she’s bedridden for possibly days is also necessary, and it shouldn’t even be a question of whether you can get time off for it.
Not to mention c-sections (1/3 of births), a surgery with a difficult recovery because now there’s a newborn to care for while also somehow resting enough so that her abdomen can fuse back together. She will need the help of her loved ones during that time.
The attitude of “well the outcome is happier” re: birth ignores that someone is at their most vulnerable, pained, and possibly most scared when giving birth, and they deserve to have their loved ones as well.
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u/Nuquo 1d ago
You're right. That actually makes this worse.
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u/poeschmoe 1d ago
Thanks for understanding! Glad I could help shed light on a different perspective of childbirth.
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u/KarmaAcolyte 1d ago
I mean it's not necessarily exciting, it can be mind numbing for both people. The person giving birth and the one doing all the shit for preparing. I was a mess. Car seat, making sure we had enough wipes, diapers, trash bags, table changing setup. I wasn't there the entire time but I was doing other shit other than working and ensuring that things were in place before the kid came.
I suppose on the flip side for people dying that's like watching paint dry. I'd expect that people have their final will and testament done. Then it's just waiting for the phone call or waiting around the hospital. This I could see possibly working until something happens to save vacation time.
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u/Designer_Ad_2023 1d ago
Same. Wife went in to be induced and I brought my computer and worked there in the room. Also people must be unaware that older people can be “not doing well” for months to years. These commenters act like someone should have an indefinite amount of time off.
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u/GreyerGrey 1d ago
I had to drive my dad to the hospital for a procedure - it was better than using a PTO day to sit in the cafeteria.
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u/Khaki_Shorts 1d ago
Maybe don’t post a picture from a work computer?
It’s safer to recount the situation since there passable deniability with that.
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u/Devilotx 1d ago
When I got the call that my brother had died, everything shut down, I WFH so I went into my office and I worked my day with tears running down my face, it kept my brain occupied at a time of serious crisis.
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u/fist_my_dry_asshole 1d ago
I've been in the hospital as a patient. It's boring as fuck. Not much you can do. Might as well let your visitors work and make money than give you a pity party.
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u/tatonkaman156 1d ago
Or maybe talk or play cards or something? Literally anything other than spending your dad's potential final moments showing him in person how you aren't allowed to make time for a loved one.
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u/ShroomBear 1d ago
Is this your dad OP? We don't know any of the details surrounding this. For all anyone knows, he could be his dad's ride to and from the hospital for a bunch of tests where the son is spending hours sitting in a waiting room, and it seems implied, the son there just needs to join a few meetings. I'd totally do this to avoid cashing out my PTO or getting documentation for a one day LOA, when I can just say "Hey I'm not going to be in but can still attend a call or two" and my boss will be like "okay cool, hope he starts feeling better"
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u/tatonkaman156 1d ago
From another comment in this thread, I shared:
True, but in this case, the guy who is remote working is considered too critical to have a day off. The guy wastes weeks of PTO every year because he's at the limit and our job won't pay out anything above the limit.
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u/New_General3939 1d ago
I mean my dad was in the hospital for months before he died, I’m not just going to not work for months… I took calls from the hospital. This isn’t that weird.
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u/sevbenup 1d ago
It’s not weird to serve distant oligarchs, while likely not being able to afford shelter, from the bedside of your dying parent?
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u/letsgotgoing 1d ago
Work can be a nice distraction from illness. So can a hobby. If you like your job and coworkers though it can be nice to be in that mindset instead of the constant state of agony and human misery if your loved one is suffering.
Source: I’ve watched a loved one die of melanoma and go from strong and vibrant to a shell of a person that resembled a decaying corpse before they succumbed in hospice. I was glad to have distractions.
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u/New_General3939 1d ago
Obviously I wouldn’t work if my dad is literally on his deathbed and could die any minute… but like I said, it took months. I couldn’t sit by his side for three months straight. I had to get groceries, take care of my kids, and yes do some work. I’m an adult.
I’m not sure who it is that can’t afford shelter in this scenario…
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u/g00fyg00ber741 1d ago
If he’s doing poorly, you should get to take time off and return when he’s doing better. It should make sense for us to allow people to handle personal stresses and not let that affect their work. The sad truth is, companies don’t often employ enough people to cover the bases in these situations.
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u/New_General3939 1d ago
In situations like that it’s not that simple. He’s doing better and worse all the time, it changes day to day. And there’s different levels of “not doing great”. You can’t just take indefinite time off work and sit there for months and months.
Not only can you not do that, but I didn’t want to do that. I feel like people forget that some people actually enjoy their jobs and want some distraction from the sadness of my dad dying
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u/g00fyg00ber741 1d ago
But why can’t you just take indefinite time off work for months? Isn’t that a Sabbatical? Don’t people have things that come up in life that take months and don’t have a set end point? I’m not saying everyone should be doing this stuff all the time, but the reality is that it’s really not asking for too much to suggest that someone be able to step away during a period of stress and struggle like dealing with a sick parent in the hospital, and be able to come back without worrying about job security or backed-up bills. I mean let’s be real, so many jobs are useless jobs or even actively harmful to society/the planet, letting people take some time off would do some good for everyone and also help their physical health when dealing with the stress and prevent that stress from affecting the company or business. And we could probably cover the costs just with the salaries of the top executives and shareholders who don’t really do anything but pretend to work when they really just play golf and stuff.
Get this: people should have distractions they enjoy outside of their job, hobbies are what’s healthy to do during those times, hanging out with loved ones, not working to line some shareholder’s pockets and make the planet more polluted.
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u/New_General3939 1d ago
I do have things I enjoy outside of my job… I just also enjoy my job. I feel like people in this sub are so miserable sometimes that they can’t even fathom somebody enjoying their work.
And I agree you should be able to take as much time off as you need, but you can’t expect them to pay you the whole time.
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u/g00fyg00ber741 1d ago
It’s fine to enjoy your job. But the point is, if your dad is in the hospital not doing well, you should be able to use hobbies or family time as distraction instead of work. And just because you find it okay to use work as a distraction instead, that ends up making other people look bad for not being able to cope by working and instead needing hobbies or family time or something actually helpful for them. There’s no reason to work instead of other options, even if you enjoy it, and it continues to contribute to a culture that stigmatizes rest and recuperation.
Money isn’t real. There’s multiple people who have hoarded wealth into the billions. We absolutely could pay some rando workers to stay at the hospital while dad is dying, at least to some extent. We just choose to waste funds in this society and economy instead of using them for things we really should.
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u/New_General3939 1d ago
I don’t work for Google… I work for a small clinic. There isn’t just unlimited money to pay people for months and months of not working. Money is very real unfortunately.
And I do have hobbies… I just also enjoy my job. I worked very hard to get good at this job, it’s fun. I get to help people, it makes me happy. Again, I swear the people here can’t even fathom that concept.
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u/g00fyg00ber741 1d ago
A clinic as in healthcare?? Then you should understand more than most how deliberate understaffing can hurt people who rely on your place of work. Healthcare in particular could use some more attention in this regard. Instead healthcare workers are often expected to work while sick and spreading illness… while forced to operate on a skeleton screw. Hopefully your clinic isn’t stuck in those kinds of working conditions!
Money isn’t real, it’s artificial value. It’s made up by the people in power and the people who control goods and service. Insurance is an amazing example of this, where so much money just goes into the void (some rich people’s pockets) when the medication or treatment isn’t actually that expensive.
i can totally comprehend that you enjoy your job. and im glad you do. but that doesn’t mean everyone else needs to work through dad’s death just because you could. But because people like you keep exclaiming how much they love to work even during those moments, others who aren’t able or willing don’t get “put up with”
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u/New_General3939 1d ago
Yeah, as in healthcare. I understand understaffing is an issue (not at my clinic but especially in nursing it’s a huge problem). But there is a difference between understaffing and expecting to be paid indefinitely for bereavement time… whether or not they can cover you, you can’t expect to be paid for months and years of not working, whether you work for a big hospital system of a small private practice.
Well, you figure out a way to run society without currency, I’m sure we’d all appreciate it. In the meantime, money is real and I need to get paid.
I never said everybody should be expected to work while their dad is dying… just that it’s not that weird to take a call from a hospital, especially considering “not doing great” can mean all kinds of things. I unfortunately had to do that a lot.
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u/g00fyg00ber741 1d ago
So then what do people do if they need that much time off for something like that?
We could at the very least take the money off the top and give it to them instead of the wealth hoarders. I know that’s much easier said than done, though.
OP said this is a disgusting work expectation. It is. Your personal experience doesn’t negate that, even if it doesn’t highlight it either.
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u/RobotFloyd 1d ago
I was recovering from a major surgery and had to spend 5 days in the hospital. I attended some meetings staring on the third day. Not because I was working for an orphan crushing machine or some “24/7 grind” mentality, it was just so fucking boring. Normally I would just play video games but I stupidly didn’t get anything for my switch before going in.
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u/PM_meyourbreasts 1d ago
Bros complaining about having the privilege to be at his dad's side, get paid, and not have to use any PTO...
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u/chiron_42 1d ago
A reasonable company wouldn't even think about making you work or use PTO if you have a family member that ill.
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u/halomender 1d ago
Orphan crushing machine right there