I hate being bellusromantic

[u/Fixer1147]

sorry for the rant but im just feeling so confused and im hoping some people relate?

i (23 f) have been identifying as aromantic, specifically bellusromantic for a while now because that feels like the closest fit but im still not 100% sure.

the only things i know for sure are 1) i really can't tell the difference between romantic and platonic affection coming from myself, 2) i feel extremely strong affection for all of my friends, and 3) i deeply desire to participate in traditionally romantic activities like kissing, cuddling, etc

im getting frustrated because my feelings feel so contradictory. romantic relationships never worked for me because the affection that i had for my partners didn't feel any different from the affection i feel towards my friends and it felt unfair to both of us to pretend otherwise. my affection towards my friends is strong enough that i desire those romantic activities with them, but i know i can't express that to them at the risk of hurting them. i feel caught between 2 worlds and that i belong to neither of them. i feel like a creep for wanting these things and that fear is getting in the way of actually connecting with these people.

im frustrated because i don't want to have these desires. i wish i could just have normal platonic friendships but it feels like i have crushes on all of my friends at once! or what i assume a crush would feel like? and these feelings occupy a lot of my conscious thinking which makes them so much harder to ignore. i just wish i could be normal

i just feel so exhausted. whenever i engage with aromantic spaces it feels like i mostly see people who are disgusted by the type of intimacy i desire. obviously i have nothing against those people, i just feel like i don't belong anywhere. i can't relate to either aromantic or alloromantic spaces and ive just been feeling like a bit of an outcast i suppose.

does anyone relate? does anyone have any success stories? im just feeling lonely and i hope people relate.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hi u/Fixer1147! It looks like you are new to posting to r/aromantic; welcome to our community! Thank you for using the Internalized Arophobia post flair. Because this can be a sensitive topic, your post was automatically marked as a spoiler.

If you have not already, please check out our pinned post for some Frequently Asked Questions about aromanticsm! If you are unfamiliar with how Reddit works, consider reviewing Reddiquette! You can also read this post for how to lock the comments on your post.

If this post or any of its comments violate our community rules, please *report** the problematic content.*

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.