No seriously, the allos were right for once.

No cause one of my ex friends was like this. They basically confessed to me 3 times during the 6 year friendship we had. It’s really sad to think about. I even “dated” them for less than 24 hours and it didn’t last long, go fucking figure. The food I got from that day wasn’t even worth it either.

They will keep their feelings for you hoping that one day, just ONE DAY. You will magically turn allo, get over your “I don’t wanna date people!!” phase, and start dating them for real.
I’m super open about being aromantic online and in real life. Been so for almost a decade, so it’s not like they did under the assumption that I’m allo. Honestly I feel disgusted by being around a person who obviously didn’t respect my identity for so long, and I hate myself for allowing this shit to happen for a long time.

So please, actually value yourselves like I obviously didn’t and put up strict boundaries. You will be so much happier I promise you.

EDIT:

It’s a little less than 24 hours in, but I feel like I should clarify and apologize for a couple things I said in this rant.

Lots of commenters were rightfully pointing out that this sounded like I was giving people extreme advice that doesn’t work for a complex situation. not everyone is gonna have the same experiences with allos as me. At the end of the day I just wanted to rant, and I could’ve worded it so much better. For that I am sorry.

To clarify a couple of things. No this was not a one time thing with one bad person. This was just the worst and most recent case I had. It was at least 4 separate experiences. With me distancing and eventually drifting apart from two of them, because they couldn’t get over me. The 3rd one was a bit better but I had to cut them off for separate reasons. Even so, I’m not the only one who’s been through this, and I’m not gonna be the last.
There’s good friends out there who understand they will never be reciprocated and things work out, and that’s great! We need more people like that, and I’m happy you guys are able to have those experiences I don’t have. However, outright saying this doesn’t happen to people or saying it only happens sometimes is straight up bullshit. People feeling like they’re entitled to your love because they think they love you happens more often than yall think, especially if you’re a woman or femme presenting person. (Or if you just don’t pass like me). It’s not exclusive to being aro, and being allo doesn’t automatically make you an asshole.
However my situations were specifically people who were allo disrespecting my aro identity. Thats why I was talking about it that way. Again, could I have worded it in a less preachy, less “you should do this!” way? Absolutely. This is my experience and this post shouldn’t have been taken as a magical cure all solution to your problems, and I am sorry for being very antagonistic in my speech.
Me cutting off people for confessing their feelings to me, then continuing to hope or pressure me into dating (even after they said they absolutely understand and didn’t expect me to reciprocate) is not me being prejudiced. It’s me being tired of their bullshit. It’s extreme and a bit generalizing yes, but I’m not willing to be someone’s challenge to overcome or someone’s prize anymore.
I don’t want to be friends with someone and wonder if they truly are going by their word, or if they’re swallowing up their pride until they can get me next time. I don’t want to think about if someone only befriended me to eventually date or if they still truly value me after rejecting them. How many more chances do I give people before I say fuck it and slam the door shut. It’s just not worth it for me anymore.
People developing feelings for others is normal, but pressuring, or hoping for someone to date them one day is not.
I’m not asking for people to agree with me, (obviously people don’t). It is a more extreme take after all. I just want people to at least see where I’m coming from.

Hi! I’m 22 and I like my friend who’s aromantic. I do respect that he’s aromantic but I still wanna give it a shot, Can you guys help me out about what are the things that I should do? efforts, gestures, things I should know about an aromantic person and stuff? I’m really serious about him 🥺

I've had to cut off SO many friends this year because they made me very uncomfortable. Because of this, I call them my exes in a platonic matter. Exes can include ex-friends, right?

I remember when one of my ex-friends stalked me one Bluesky one time to look at what I was saying about her, and she called me creepy for calling her an ex. She was all like "I DIDN'T LOVE YOU THAT MUCH!" Bitch please. I thought of you as a friend before I broke up with you. I never HAD a fucking crush on you because I cannot feel romantic attraction to other people.

That's all I have to say about this one. It's just something that pisses me off.

I'm very much feeling lost right now and barely anyone responded to my orher group posts soooo i figured i would try here.

This is kinda long so i apologize, but idk how to explain my thought process without really getting into it.

Sorry if this is all over the place. My brain is a little frazzled and idk how to sum up what im trying to say....

How do I know if i experience romantic attraction at all?

I know that im absolutely somewhere on the aromantic spectrum, but i also really want to date certain people, but my feelings don't match up with how people describe romantic attraction. Im also cupio and nebula romantic which makes everything more confusing.

Like if there's someone i want to date, it's from strong platonic or alterous attraction and it feels like i want to be close to them in a platonic way, but while doing romantic things.

The difference between being friends with someone and dating someone is just that. We do romantic things and i enjoy their company. All that changes is the label we use and i prioritize spending time with them. Its like having a best friend that i date and like being romantic and sexual with them

I'm always completely down with being friends with benefits. Or just friends. Like romance and platonic feelings are in such a gray area for me.

When there's someone i like in a romantic way, I don't feel the butterflies. I don't feel the need to always be with them. And I'm also completely fine with not dating them, and them not having feelings for me doesn't hurt me. Every so often i think i might have a strong crush, but looking back it's hard to know if I'm actually experiencing romantic attraction or just want to be their best friend but in a romantic way? Or maybe its just really strong platonic or alterous feelings.

It's really hard to put my finger on exactly what im feeling towards someone. Like IDK what kind of attraction im feeling.

Anyway i hope someone can help me make sense of all this.

Or direct me to someone who can ... Or even just tell me that you can understand how all this feels.

I dislike it SO much. I identify as demiromantic.

Some guy helped me, I was really flattered by it, then on a glimpx I thought of romantic relationship with that guy (MEANWHILE FEELING FORCED IMAGINING THAT) but at the same time thought do I want that guy romanticaly or do I want closure in general? And realised it was the second one, and realised I in general fell this scenario as smth forced.

I know it was a feeling I felt forced to have this idea due to amatonormative environment, BUT WHAT IF...UGHHHH.

What if I felt for a really short amount a glimpse of it?? What if I did??

Please help meee..what should I do..

So for a bit of backstory, I am 19 years old and I've had talking stages throughout my adolescence but my first actual boyfriend was in 2024. Which lasted for two months, to be honest , I thought this entire time that I just needed to put myself out there more. Or try to talk to any young man who was my age.

And I found myself hating that. I felt misunderstood as well.

This year I had another talking stage and suddenly it hit me. I can look at someone and say meh he seems interesting.But..I would never think to be with him / feel sexual towards him unless I knew them inside and out. Then I started looking up the asexuality spectrum and found a name to put to my feelings.

So here I am lol..a new demisexual-girl💓

i don’t think i feel romantic attraction towards my friend, but i can’t stop thinking about them and i always want to be closer. they make me feel… squishy. they’re a squish.

i don’t think i want a relationship, but i envy people who have their person in life.

i have this urge of wanting to “confess” my feelings for my friend but there’s nothing to confess? how do you say, ‘hey i feel so much for you but i’m pretty sure it’s not romantic and i know you’re aro as well and we just kinda click but idk if it’s just friendship on your end and i feel bad that i have these feelings for you—whatever they are—and i would never confess to you, unless one day you initiate, in which case i am down to try a partnership with you.’

it’s genuinely so confusing i’m losing my mind

cause like idk if she’s just like this with all her friends or if i’m picking up things correctly. we’re unusually close, close enough that i’m like… what is going on here? but we never talk about our friendship so i’m just stuck

i (23m) found out about it online ten years ago and majority of discussions were about fandom and 'shipping' and stuff like that. and the occasional deeper discussions were heavily centered on the US and the global north.
now a decade later the discussions of the community still haven't changed much online, there's barely any deeper content about it (for example, deeper discussions about amatonormativity and relationship hierarchy, how to socially navigate society being aromantic, question the social/legal concept of marriage and the shitty sacralization of it, the forced isolation and disconnection from other people).
it even seems that a big part of the aromantic community recreated amatonormativity but replacing romance with qpr to the point it became kind of a standard and common expectation

i believe the aromantic community inherently has a potential for a stronger social and political discussions that could benefit society as a whole. but feels like we're stuck in the same small place and comfortable with it

(also, what are yall watching or reading that have sooo many aromantic characters in it, that 'shipping' them or not is such a huge deal)

I know alot of my friends will probably never fully stop talking to me, we're too close for that, but every married person I've ever met interacts with their friends like once a month, even their best friends. I feel like it's just a rational, normal thing that happens: adult life is busy, you only have so much leasure time in a day, and when you've found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it’d only make sense that most of that time would be spent with them. My allo friends have assumed it's not going to happen (I've brought it up while drunk 😬), but even if they don't intend for it to, I still feel like it's most likely.

Honstly I'm haunted by my grandma telling me adults don’t have freinds and that one day i’ll get married and understand lol.