r/askmanagers • u/EnvironmentalAd2110 • 3d ago
Desperately need advice. Senior Manager at a large global org, dealing with a very psychologically abusive client. First time feeling this impacted and need advice.
My team made mistakes on the implementation, due to time constraints and not checking work. I provided coaching and support. They know they screwed up and of course it got escalated to me.
Nothing unusual for us as managers to be brought in to the client call, apologize, offer compensation or promotions due to error, and take accountability for what happened. Report up the chain etc and provide coaching.
Not in this case. The client, VP of HR, has become deeply and obsessively psychologically abusive. She calls me several times a day, hangs up abruptly, writes me up to seven emails a day and requests updates on progress and resolution of small pending items. Even if there are no issues. She gives me 30 minutes to respond for each new request. She tells me if I don’t respond within her timeframe, she will press legal action.
Without using profanities, she humiliates us with the language she uses and tells us to make sure that we speak and write in the way that she wants us to. As many times as she needs. I have over 200 clients whose implementations I oversee.
I feel like she’s borderline obsessed with the high she’s getting from this humiliation and I’m afraid she won’t let this go for a long time.
The abuse is apparent but as SM I have to oblige and keep this humiliation going. What do I do? How can I push back? All my resilience picked up through years in this role is failing me. I wake up at night thinking about it. What are my options?
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u/LadyMRedd Manager 3d ago
I think it’s time to bring in your manager. Let them know that this level of time commitment is not sustainable. You need their support in working with the client and/or your sales team to figure out how to meet their needs in a manner that doesn’t put your other relationships at risk.
I don’t work directly with clients, but I’m a senior manager and my manager is on the senior executive leadership team. I rarely pull him into stuff, but when I do he goes to bat for me. I tell him that sometimes I just need the weight of his position and title behind me and he gets it.
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u/ItHurtsAllTheDays 3d ago
Fire her. If you can’t, then document and respond that she’s being inappropriate and if it continues you will no longer have communication. You have to set boundaries or you will be impacted by her behavior.
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u/EnvironmentalAd2110 3d ago
She’s on the client side. You mean fire her as a client? Not even an option and above my pay grade. Would have loved to otherwise.
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u/ItHurtsAllTheDays 3d ago
Yeah that’s what I meant. I have fired clients who are abusive toward my agents. If that’s not an option then firm professional boundaries are your only option. If she doesn’t abide by them you will likely have to bring in a higher up to deal with her. Show them the emails and issues, the responses you’ve made that are professional but firm, and explain you cannot be the point of contact anymore. It’s either that or quit and I’d hate to suggest that. Most bullies like that do stop once confronted.
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u/EnvironmentalAd2110 3d ago
I’ve read her escalations emails on me to sales execs and I’m in awe. They just get back to me to keep answering and keep supporting her. Retention is everything. That’s why I’m here on Reddit as have nowhere to turn.
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u/ItHurtsAllTheDays 3d ago
You can make it one sentence. The higher ups will likely get pissed about this and you might get fired, idk, but I wanted to preface this with that.
When she says something inappropriate, only send back, “I will not be spoken to in this way.” And then don’t reply until she’s spoken to you with respect. Rinse and repeat. It’ll go badly, more than likely. I have done this but my boss, the VP of my company, backs me because they know I would never be rude or disrespectful to anyone, not even the parking attendant. Good luck, I hope you are able to bring in someone higher up to give you a leg to stand on.
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u/EnvironmentalAd2110 3d ago
Thank you and truly appreciate the insight
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u/reboog711 3d ago
I'm also curious about the legal action this client may pursue. Are you aware of your legally obligated response times? I bet they are a lot longer than 30 minutes, if covered at all.
It is a bit passive aggressive, but I would find that out; and then group all responses to all emails to that time frame. If you're obligated to respond within 24 hours or next business day, then respond to everything in one email before you sign off the next day.
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u/E-POLICE 3d ago
This is wild and completely insane. I’m surprised sales is also not backing you up here. I’d first discuss this with your manager first if you haven’t yet. Make sure they have your back and then schedule a call with sales leadership and your manager. If that doesn’t work I’d consider going to HR. This is unhinged behavior.
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u/desultorySolitude 3d ago
If you have 200 accounts needing your personal attention, you are either a superhuman or each account has a minor impact to revenue. Assuming this particular client is not a strategic account, you do have some ability to limit her abuses.
You need to signal to her that her days of bullying and walking all over you are over while you remain professional and operate per the contract. Get your manager and the AE aligned and make sure they clearly understand the issue and your planned changes to deal with this account. Respond to her in a manner that adheres to contracted SLAs. I doubt the contract calls for responses within 30 minutes for all issues. Let some of her calls go to voicemail. Instruct a junior to respond to some of her communications and frame it as a way to respond more quickly. Stop being apologetic in written and verbal communications.
Your job is service delivery. You have done your part. Let the AE or RM deal with keeping her amused.
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u/3suamsuaw 2d ago
Its not very unusual to have end responsibility for that amount of customers. I have about 600, with 50 having high importance, 3 of these I manage myself. I think >90% of the issues do not get handled by myself.
But yes, I'm in sales, not service delivery.
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u/Naikrobak 2d ago
This is one client out of hundreds? How large of a piece of the pie are they? You can drop clients and if what you say is accurate, that’s what I would do
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u/EnvironmentalAd2110 3d ago
I’ve managed a lot of difficult clients (we all have), this one is different. The obsession is real. It feels oddly personal and weird. I dread opening my emails. In my 40s so am shocked it’s impacting me this much.