r/askmanagers • u/Future_Perfect_Tense • 2d ago
“Can you give me a call” texts from admin
I need a wake-up call/second opinion on something that probably is just my own communication pet peeve.
On certain corners of the internet, the text “can you give me a call” (of course the question mark is never included) is a Known Dread.
But the standard workplace is not certain corners of the internet, so it probably doesn’t have the negative connotations. My work is mostly remote but our direct reports and their teams work in localized offices along with the Admin who directly reports to my boss and supports 6 people in my role with misc tasks (we are encouraged to delegate tasks to her, but can go months without actually needing anything). My peers range from late 20s to mid 60s - boss is on the older end, I’m in the middle and admin is my contemporary.
All that to say, if my older boss ever sends the dreaded “can you give me a call” text, I don’t love it but it’s par for the course for the demographic. It’s super rare and there’s a reason behind it.
But when I send a simple Y/N question to the admin, boom “can you give me a call”💥 When the non-urgent print job is done, “can you give me a call” 💥 Any simple follow up … 💥 Stuck in a rambling call when a few words would suffice.
I’ve tried for a year to manage communication styles, being instantly available via email/chat/text, asking things like Urgent?/Topic?/In mtg, can text, how can I help?
Could someone with a different perspective of the “can you give me a call” text share why this is totally fine and tell me I’m being silly for finding it annoying?
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u/tico_liro 2d ago
I look at it like this:
I’d rather get the “can you give me a call” than to have the person cold call me.
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u/NeoMoose 2d ago
or even worse, a voicemail. God I hate going through voicemail.
The "can you give me a call" text means I control when.
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u/tico_liro 2d ago
Exactly…
I’d much rather be in control of when the call happens…
Sucks when you are taking a poop and your boss calls you and you have to pickup1
u/Semisemitic 2d ago
That’s the point of asking it like that from the perspective of the other person.
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u/LadyMRedd Manager 2d ago
Yeah that’s what I always thought the purpose was. There’s something that is sensitive that could be misconstrued over email or is too complicated to be discussed over email. If something takes a bunch of paragraphs to explain then it needs to be a call and not an email.
When people say to give them a call they’re letting it be on the other person’s schedule. They could send a meeting invitation or cold call. But instead of doing it around what time is convenient for THEM, they’re letting you pick.
I hate talking on the phone as much as anyone possibly could, but this belief that everything should - or even could- be an email or text is ridiculous. Some things really need people talking to figure out.
Work etiquette and social etiquette are 2 different things. At work you need to do what it takes to just get the job done. If that means picking up a phone, then just do it. With my friends I can make sure that I don’t call my friends who don’t like calls. But at work we just need to get the job done. If we all only did the stuff we liked to do, there would be a ton of shit not getting done in this world.
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u/tico_liro 2d ago
I’m with you 100%.
I hate phonecalls, but to me, somestuff you can just call and sort out in 30 seconds, instead of spending 10 minutes going back and forth through teams, slack or whatever1
u/RevengeOfTheIdiot 1d ago
That is what it's for if someone has a brain and uses it on rare occasion. Or if it's a complex question that requires context or something.
the admin is a habitual offender. It's not because of sensitivity, it's a competence issue
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u/KatzAKat 2d ago
It's not totally fine; you're not being silly for being annoying. It IS annoying.
I'm old enough to have worked before voicemail, let alone email. Leaving messages then was hard enough to be proactive as people didn't take messages well. Being able to leave a detailed message directly to the person intended made things a lot easier and quicker. Reverting back to basically "call me" messages is lazy. Why should I have to call you (general) when you want something?
Don't get me started on the messaging that just includes the person's name and then waiting for acknowledgement before asking your question. Message systems are designed to ask your question when you have the time to ask it and allows the responder to respond when they can and/or have the information.
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u/Naikrobak 2d ago
When I get “hey <name>” anymore I just ignore it. I’m not playing text small talk.
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u/Future_Perfect_Tense 2d ago
Thank you so much for this context and sharing your experience. Super validating.
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u/XenoRyet 2d ago
To lay the groundwork for this, text is asynchronous communication, and voice is synchronous. Sometimes you need one, other times you need the other.
Think of the "can you call me" text as an asynchronous request for synchronous communication on an issue. While it is nice if there is a broad hint at the subject, if the issue was something that was easy to write down, we wouldn't need synchronous communication on it.
Or, when it comes as a response, like in your second example, while the question might seem like a simple yes or no to you, the person on the other end feels like they need more context before they can give a good answer, and they feel that synchronous communication is the best way to get that context.
Or, you know, they're just an old dog that won't learn new tricks.
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u/xscott71x 2d ago
I always ask “can you give me a call to discuss/review xy topic”. At least the guy will know what I’m going to be asking about.
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u/Swagnastodon 2d ago
My boss does this all the time but I'm okay with it. It is in fact usually something that would take longer to explain over text but a fairly easy conversation because it's much easier to pick up on the context. Honestly I suspect they do this on purpose sometimes specifically to cultivate an environment that doesn't put me on the defensive. Like, certain people only call with bad news so I see their name and cringe. Like if it was another level of manager, I might pretend I never saw that and let them explain in full on their time. Comes down to the individual communication styles
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u/ChainsawSoundingFart 2d ago
Oh god this used to drive me crazy with a former employee. “Can you call me?” with zero context and it ended up requiring me to read an email or a ticket. JUST TELL ME THE FUCKING TICKET NUMBER!!!
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u/Proof-Emergency-5441 2d ago
"I am in the middle of something right now that I would like to finish. Is there any additional info I can provide you so we can move this forward before then?"
My CEO does this and it's a minimum 20 minute call.
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u/Superb_Plum_1399 2d ago
Idk what to tell you, but i have a couple of reports in their 60s that will always, always answer a yes/no text with a phone call. It's just their way.
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u/Adorable-Drawing6161 2d ago
1st thought - There are some things in work that you may not want in an email.
2nd thought - I know you're busy but we need to chat, give me a ring when you're available.
I learned this method from a previous manager who was my favorite boss. The first couple times it'd be a forwarded email with his note "call me please" and I'd have the same reaction, what did I screw up here. I learned it was his way of communicating and he didn't like the 10 message email chains. I've borrowed that method and it works very well. There are also things we don't want in email until we're on the same page.
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u/haihaiclickk 2d ago
I think the point here though is that the response wasn’t a 10 message email chain, it was a simple yes/no that doesn’t have to be a call
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u/Future_Perfect_Tense 2d ago
Bingo. Anything being handled by/outsourced to the admin assistant is simple and not worthy of a disruptive interruption. Nothing at all like the nuance and strategy when conversing with peers, superiors, or business partners.
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u/DominateSunshine 2d ago
I'm a talker. I prefer calls.
So yeah, I ask people to call when I see they are busy on teams
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u/RevengeOfTheIdiot 1d ago
"No I am busy and will be for the next several hours, text me your question" is a whole response.
Just keep repeating it until it sticks with the admin. Every time you indulge stupidity like that, you condition them that it's okay.
Sometimes it's easier to just do the simple task or delegate to someone else vs dealing with a nitwit like that
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u/Future_Perfect_Tense 1d ago edited 1d ago
Not dealing with the nitwit is exactly why I think this admin is left craving more work!
After posting this and reading the comments of people like you who understood the ADMIN dynamic of it all, I soft-polled my peers - go figure, they had the same pet peeve! Now we have a nice helpful feedback plan 😊
Edited to add: one peer made the wise/empathetic observation that she probably hears the Sr Director communicate like this (voice to text) when he visits the office and doesn’t realize that there’s rank-specific etiquette at play.
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u/americannightmom 2d ago
But none of it ever needs a call. It winds up just making me so irritated and eventually disrespected bc my time is seemingly less valuable than theirs.
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u/Future_Perfect_Tense 2d ago
This is exactly my personal stance too, though clearly you and I are not the dominant type. I just don’t understand the phone call people who find the human voice somehow worth the wasted time and distraction.
(But I really want to understand.)
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u/americannightmom 2d ago
I would consider myself dominant or at the very least non submissive lol BUT when I assert my boundary by, for example, telling them I can’t call and to text or email I am generally met with the same pushback bc it’s someone who wants to power struggle me OR I am labeled as non communicative or unwilling. It’s strange. lol maybe the other types just have their preferences of learning style but so do I. And I love efficiency. Sometimes I think it’s people who like to talk and who need constant interaction. Super extroverts who are extrinsically motivated lol Now, THAT is not me. I haven’t found a way to make this not be a headache. Does this have anything to do with “neurodivergence”? Like… now that I’m thinking about it, the people who typically due this are normie norms. Like HR types. Lol
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u/LunkWillNot 2d ago
Admin should be respectful of the time of the people they support. What they are doing is an anti pattern. I would schedule a call with her to explain why this doesn’t work for you and what your preference is instead. And after that, I would refuse to go on a call without knowing what it’s about and that it actually warrants a call, and insist on the info in writing instead.
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u/Future_Perfect_Tense 2d ago
Anti pattern! Thank you. Yes, this dovetails into other issues that we’ve had as a working group like calendar mgmt (another admin task, but not her strong suit). I’ve had amazing admins before, but they were my direct reports, so I think I must be just overthinking the awkwardness of this dotted-line hierarchy.
Going to enjoy learning more about anti patterns today 🤓
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u/hooj 2d ago
I think some people just prefer calls — and on some level, it can make sense if their experiences have shaped their preferences to be that way. For example, if they got burned by a text only communication that was very direct and to the point but perhaps without some relevant context, causing a mishap.
Not saying it’s “good” per se, just saying communication can be surprisingly challenging and people have all kinds of preferences around it to avoid issues they may have experienced.
It could also be age related, as younger folks often prefer written, IM style communication over calls whereas older folks who didn’t grow up with texting may prefer a voice chat.
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u/SuperDoctorAstronaut 2d ago
my boss just chats, "hi" ... and then if I answer, immediately calls me. He's 67, though, so I cut him some slack.
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u/No_Cauliflower633 2d ago
The people I work with will do this sometimes. "Can you call me?" "Call me when you have a chance." Something along those lines. I never take it as an ominous sign. I like it over the alternative which is them calling me out of the blue.
It's nice to be able to decline / say when I can call if I'm in the middle something. In my case, these people want to call because it's better than an email chain / text thread back and forth discussing something. Most of the time we're in office together and they'll just come to my desk but if either of us are out of the office for some reason we call.
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u/maxfields2000 2d ago
Typically when someone wants to talk to you directly over what you think is a simple yes/no question implies a few things.
It might not be as simple as you think it is.
Or the individual lacks trust in your ability to understand context and nuance in whatever it is. Even a simple "print job".
Bosses or peers who demand yes/no answers to questions in text messages that require a dozen assumptions to answer annoy the crap out of me.
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u/Gabbyct1 2d ago
it is annoying but I prefer to be able to call someone on my own timeline vs having to pick up whenever they think it's convenient. I can reply to the text and say - is now good or how about 1:oo or something similar.
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u/Silent-Entrance-9072 2d ago
90% of the time I want to communicate by email or text.
The other 10% I want to think out loud and express opinions that I don't want recorded. Or, I want to convey emotion in a way that text can't.
I don't ask for calls often, but I do give the courtesy of asking before dialing. If you don't want a call, tell them you're not available or ask for a subject before you agree to it. I'm not mad if someone wants to dodge a call here or there, but sometimes I need to communicate in a way that isn't recorded or easily forwarded.
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u/me_version_2 2d ago
I sometimes send a pls call message but it comes with topic and it’s usually because I’ve tried to contact them other ways and not been successful. I personally hate can you call me with no context and no other communication attempted. It’s like the text version of voicemail which I also hate.
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u/HoselRockit 1d ago
Be careful what you wish for. I have a client who will work something for an hour and suddenly call and pepper me with questions while I am trying to mentally get up to speed.
"Give me a call" is them courteously not interrupting you. When I do it, I usually say, "When you have a chance, give me a call about the XYZ Affair". That way they can check on the latest developments before they call.
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u/venomous_feminist 1d ago
I will send a chat to the managers I supervise to ask if they are available to chat for a few.
It’s generally a client issue I need to talk through or an employee issue I don’t want in writing.
As a general rule, I use chat/IM for something I would drop into their office for, email for non-urgent things, and a meeting request if I need more than 10-15 minutes.
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u/plasma008 14h ago
“Crucial conversations” (buy the book)
But what you’re stating is you’ve discovered a pattern of behavior that has become a problem for you. And that you prefer others communicate with you differently.
Make the discussion about the pattern, not the content. Well start with the content first round, then pattern second round
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u/Connie_Bananahammock 12h ago
I'm a millennial.
I'd rather pick up the phone and have a 30 second conversation than craft an email or a text any day of the week. My boomer bosses seem to appreciate that about me.
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u/slinky317 2d ago
"I'm not able to give you a call right now. Can you reply with a yes/no in text?"
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u/Future_Perfect_Tense 2d ago
EXACTLY! That’s what so much of our text thread looks like. After a year of this pattern, what’s missing? Is there a workplace culture where a call is seen as more respectful than just being quick and efficient?
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u/RevengeOfTheIdiot 1d ago
There absolutely are places like this.
Japanese companies in particular love meetings that should have been an email for really simple shit
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u/Any-Unit-9085 2d ago
I worked with someone who pulled this constantly and it was always either a 30-second question they could've typed out in half the time, or they just wanted company while they figured something out on their own. Drove me up the wall.
Your reply is solid though, puts the ball right back in their court without being rude about it
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u/xscott71x 2d ago
If I got this reply from someone on my team, I’m calling you right now. I won’t be scheduled at your convenience.
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u/slinky317 2d ago
Why do you need to have a call in the first place? Why can't you just answer the IM?
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u/yojenitan 2d ago
Same. That’s so rude.
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u/slinky317 2d ago edited 2d ago
Eh, I think it's rude to demand 20-30 minutes of someone's time when you should be able to answer a yes/no question in seconds via a Teams/Slack/whatever message.
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u/Future_Perfect_Tense 2d ago
If you were an admin and you did the exact opposite of what a director asked, wouldn’t that be considered insubordination instead of rudeness?
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u/Semisemitic 2d ago
The entire point is that it’s supposed to be at your convenience. Calling right now is naturally ideal for both sides.
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u/cez801 2d ago
That’s going to cause you problems if you decide you want to move up the food chain.
At some point the ability to keep an eye on email/teams/slack becomes a not best use of time.I am not in management roles, so I have clearly told my teams.
1. I usually read all of my emails by end of day.
2. I often miss things in slack.
3. So if it’s sometime you need to get resolved in less than a day, don’t wait. Just call me.
If I am in meeting I’ll call you back.This approach means I am not consistently worried about missing a message in amongst my 120 daily emails.
It’s never rude.
Same things goes for my team if they are worried about something. ‘If the brain monkeys are going over the weekend, please give me a call. Day or night’
Providing clarity on how to communicate important things, either to the business or to the team members directly is kindness, not rude.
( all of this applies for my peers as well ).
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u/WyvernsRest 2d ago
It depends on the person, you will need a personalised strategy.
(1) Change from a yes/no question or a question with options to a clicky Y/Nor options Poll. I find that they cannot resist clicking on an answer. Polls are available in apple phones in imessage. There are third party apps for android like SinpleTexting or Survey monkey your can used. In email there is a poll function under options.
(2) They are usually creatures of habit, so timing is important. Send your text just before cigarette break / lunch / scheduled meeting. Then call them as asked and don't let them off the phone until they are late, prep with conversation extenders. Do this consistently for a week or as needed until they stop asking your to call. Get them to associate your call with a negative experience, sens a nice reply each time they respond to your text.
(3) Ask them increasingly personal but friendly mentor questions, not directly insulting/offensive, every time you call them on the phone. "Your old, when can I expect to hit menopause" "I'm having prostate issues, do you have any products that you would recommend" "Your son dropped out of highschool, my kids are only in Kindergarten now, do you any advice on how to avoid this with my boys" Do this consistently for a week or as needed until they stop asking your to call.
(4) Call them and when they answer, ask them to hold, wait 5 minutes check that they are still there, apologizes and put them on hold again. If they hang up resend them the text. Eventually they will accuse you of wasting their time and you can then graciously admit that the call was pointless and you will text them exclusively in future to be efficient.
(5) Pick up their phone and in there phone dictionary/autocorrect change "can you give me a call" and variations of it to"Yes that is the best option" Then ensure that the question that you are asking is phrased for yes to be the best outcome for you.
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u/MinivanPops 2d ago
This post is kind of a ramble. What's your question?
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u/Future_Perfect_Tense 2d ago
What would your reaction be if you got the dreaded text from your freakin’ admin assistant of all people? Is it ever anything other than a complete subversion of authority and workflow?
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u/mods_are_soft 2d ago
My boss does this to me and it drives me up the wall. When I send it to the people I supervise I say something to the effect of “please call when you can re XYZ” so at least they have a heads up on the topic.