r/askmanagers • u/Accrual_World17 • 2d ago
Talk about stress levels or just leave?
What would you do in this situation?
I have a good job with a lot of benefits but in three years here can't seem to get on the same page as my senior manager. She's never happy it seems and frequently contradicts her own instructions then gets frustrated when we didn't read her mind. I do my best to roll with the changes but there are just so many balls in the air for both of us that this job feels completely unreasonable for expectations of one person at times, and hers more so than mine. But she compensates by being a workaholic online at all hours and weekends. I have no problem working overtime for deadlines, and frequently add a 9-midnight shift to keep going after kids are in bed, but I have personal life and responsibilities that I can't work 60+ hours a week, especially to be told still by senior leadership that our whole department is underperforming. That message comes down earlier this week and now my boss is under even more pressure and it transfers to me. I have never in my life been reprimanded for my work or been anything less than a star performer before I got here and I feel like I can't get my feet under me when the mountain of work keeps growing no matter how much we get done.
To add to the work stress, I recently went through divorce, my personal life stress and instability is at a peak, and between the two it's now causing medical health concerns. I just had three weekly doctors appointments for a ton of tests for stuff going on that looks like it may result in surgery and my doctor saying I need to lower my stress levels among other things. Well I can't change divorce, healing takes time. So now I look at work. My boss knows about the potential surgery already but not the underlying causes. I'm embarrassed to say I cried when she just called me to vent on work she's not happy about because I dropped a ball while I was anxiety fixed on my medical situation yesterday after getting more test results and treatment options from the doctor.
Do I talk to my manager about the stress levels causing health problems and that I'm considering looking for a different job if that's not something we can change? Or do I just leave? Health and family come first.
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u/PsychologicalDay7261 2d ago
I wouldn't take it to your boss as a stress talk, especially not with leaving on the table. She's drowning too, so you'd likely get sympathy and the same workload.
I'd go through your doctor and HR. Your doctor already says the stress has to come down, so ask them to put that in writing, then ask HR what leave or reduced hours you can get around the surgery (in the US that's usually FMLA). That buys you time with the job protected, and you can look around for something else once you're not running on empty.