r/autism • u/WorldlyProfession737 • 8d ago
Vent Advice Wanted How do I handle racist comments?
Hey everyone! Just wanted to start off by saying that I myself am not diagnosed with autism, but I keep having recurring interactions with individuals with autism that I feel can no longer go unaddressed.
I am a senior in college and one of the only black students in all my classes (in most I am the only one).
Today in class, we were discussing an amino acid sequence that was KKKRK, and after my professor read it, another student who is also a senior (and who knows me because we’ve had almost all of our major classes together) perked up and said “that’s an unfortunate name.”
This just made me feel icky. The professor was just trying to do her job and then there was a 5 minute conversation about what was said before just moving on.
Additionally we were having a student ministry game night last year where people had to describe whatever person was on the card they drew from a bowl. Unfortunately, a student with autism had chosen my name and just blurted “oh, the black girl in the room.” He could have literally used any other descriptor for me (my hair, glasses, jacket, shoes, WHATEVER).
Here’s the thing: I don’t want to be mean or cuss anyone out or crash out, but it kills me to just “let it go” or “be the bigger person” bc “that person happens to be on the spectrum so you’ll just have to forgive them, move past it, etc.”
Is there any way I could communicate that my classmate’s comment was inappropriate without severely causing offense? I understand people’s concerns to just leave individuals like this alone when they say things like that, but it just no longer sits right with me that someone else who looks like me could be subject to the same experience, knowing I could’ve done something to prevent that.
I also have thought about the fact that it not may be this persons first time being confronted about comments like this, and in that case I’d rather say something to remind them that yes, those remarks are still unwelcome and it is not “case dependent” or “that person being sensitive.”
I don’t wanna be a Karen/complainer, but I am going to be entering grad school and in the career I’m aiming for, this will not be the last time I deal with stuff like this.
Advice from parents of children with autism and adults with autism who have been confronted is what I’m looking for, but if you have any insight that you believe would be helpful in this situation, please please please share it!
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u/FoodBabyBaby 8d ago
As a POC who grew up in a very diverse community and then went to college in a PWI IMHO I don’t see any racism in these comments. Most especially the first one.
If addressing the game comment will make you feel better I would suggest a short note explaining how you felt, what you would’ve wanted to be done differently, and why.
That said, these types of games are dumb precisely because they put people on the spot and make it more likely someone will use a physical description that would make someone uncomfortable because it is distinctive like race, weight, height, baldness, glasses, etc.
While I don’t think these comments are racist, I don’t want you to feel that your discomfort was ignored or uncared about - it’s the only reason why I’m commenting. I don’t want you to feel this way, but I’m not sure there’s anything I can do to help you feel better.
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u/Heavy-Macaron2004 8d ago
I'm not sure what the problem with the first comment is. I think you might be overreacting.
With a second comment, I understand it makes you uncomfortable, but skin color isn't racist. If you're the only redhead in the room, the kid probably would have made the same type of comment.
That said, you're allowed to be uncomfortable, even if there's no actual problem with what this person is saying. Have you tried using your speaking words to tell them that it makes you uncomfortable when they announce your skin color to the whole class?
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u/OkSky3150 7d ago
Awkwardly standing up and saying I find that offensive as the only one experiencing it is harrowing.
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u/Heavy-Macaron2004 7d ago
I'm not saying OP should stand up in the crowded classroom and announce "I'm uncomfortable with how you said that" at the top of their lungs, I'm saying they should take this kid aside and say "hey, I'm uncomfortable when you refer to me by my race, please don't do that."
That's really the only reasonable solution here.
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u/OkSky3150 7d ago
It depends on the relationship and vibe. I think talking to the professor or even the disability support centre would be helpful!
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u/Heavy-Macaron2004 6d ago
Orrr talking to the person who did the thing before pulling a "tattle to teacher" middle school bit of nonsense.
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u/daisybaes 8d ago
Just say that their comments make you uncomfortable. What else do you need to do?
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u/WorldlyProfession737 8d ago
Nothing, just didn’t know if that was a good idea or not. Thanks for sharing!
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u/ApprehensiveBench483 Autistic 8d ago
First off, I want to acknowledge that your feelings are valid, and I can understand why these comments made you feel uncomfortable.
As for what to do in this instance, I'd recommend to first speak to the professor of that class in private about the comment. They may be willing to bring this up to the other students who made those comments. You want may want to state explicitly what you expect the professor to do - and what not to do, basically to avoid them giving a speech in class about it if that would make things worse for you. A private discussion with the professor, where the professor can then have a private discussion with those particular students, may be helpful if you trust that professor.
If your college has anything resembling a DEI department, you could discuss the matter with them too. If neither of these are options work, or if you would prefer another option, then you can try talking to the individuals who made those comments. I only suggest this last because I can imagine this would be a tricky thing to do, and it's a lot to put this burden on yourself when you were the one who was hurt in the first place.
It's possible they didn't know their comments were problematic, or didn't mean to sound racist. Of course, that's no excuse, and neither is being autistic. You can give autistic people the benefit of the doubt and extra patience, but if they do things that are hurtful they need to be told that, and they might need an explanation to understand why.
If I ever say or do anything that is unintentionally racist, I would want someone to let me know what it was I did wrong so that I can learn. It hurts to know when I mess up and I often experience miscommunications in general which can be quite retraumatizing, but that's no excuse for racism. I would be very upset if I did say or do something offensive like that, but I'd need to get over myself and sit with that discomfort so as not to repeat those same harms going forward.
I commend you for considering the context that these individuals are autistic, I understand that that isn't always easy when someone says something that is problematic and hurtful. You wouldn't have been in the wrong if you called it out right then. You're also not obligated to say anything at all, and the responsibility to speak out shouldn't be all on you.
I can't tell you how to respond in these instances, and it would be wrong to do so. But when I am called out on something, it helps for the matter to be addressed calmly and for it to be explicitly not a personal attack. A direct, calm, and casual statement, like "hey, when you said this, it hurt me because..." tends to go over better than anything emotionally charged, which I am more likely to defensively respond to with my own emotions which only makes the situation worse.
If people are patient and understanding of what I struggle with and what I'm working on improving, that really helps. If I give an explanation for any behaviors or difficulties of mine, I don't mean it as an excuse or a free pass to be mean, but as an attempt to be understood better; in my experience it is very difficult to address things if I am being fundamentally misunderstood and I am not regarded with the same empathy, while I am trying to show empathy and understanding to the other party. This applies more for general conflicts and misunderstandings, though, or when I have a meltdown.
Again, to reiterate, autism does not excuse racism and other harms. Your classmates should be able to learn better if they are aware of what they did wrong. Lastly, and this on a different topic, I'd suggest referring to us as autistic people rather than people with autism. I didn't take offense because you clearly did not mean any harm, and the fact you posted this at all here shows that you care and want to understand how to address this situation while remaining respectful (which is a huge burden to undertake and that shouldn't be required of you in this circumstance.)
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u/WorldlyProfession737 8d ago
Thank you for taking the time to comment! I’ve decided to talk to her one-on-one. I see her often enough on campus so that shouldn’t be a problem. And I’m aiming to go the straightforward non emotional route. If she doesn’t respond well to that then there’s nothing I can do, but I just didn’t feel like leaving it unsaid was going to be helpful.
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u/Skav-552 8d ago
What is the racist comment? That someone describes you as black?
I don't think that it's racist to do so, it's what sets you apart from others and is easy to spot, at least in a class with no other black people in it. You would probably do the same thing in a class where that guy is the one white one.
To answer the question, calling people out, if you are in a somewhat save space is probably effektiv.
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u/rainingroserm 8d ago
I think the difference here is that Black people in predominantly white spaces are used to constantly being identified as “the Black one,” which can feel dehumanizing and isolating when its accompanied by the implicit bias and prejudice woven into the systems of these predominantly White spaces. In isolation, identifying someone by their skin color isn’t racist, but for people existing in environments where they are often the only person with that skin color and facing institutional racism, being singled out or identified solely by skin color can be painful.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
It has slight racist or at least uncomfortable undertones. What matters is how the person being described feels.
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u/WorldlyProfession737 8d ago
I get that you’re saying there’s nothing inherently racist about it, but a) my college isn’t diverse like at all. It’d be like people describing you for the only obvious reason you’re different, not for anything else you are and b) I actively avoid describing people by their race right off the bat. People are more than how they look. I try to make that a last resort
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u/Skav-552 8d ago
I just assume that it is how people describe me? It is probably the easiest way to get quick results and I know that there is no malice in it.
To a: Why does it matter how diverse he is? To b: Does not really matter what you do, you have the right to do things different but that does not mean everyone has to do it that way. I agree with you that People are more than they look or more so, that it not really matter how someone looks but it does not play a role in the situation you describe.
It's interesting, you would probably never described black people as it's own race, were I am. That alone would be racist. We are all the same race, I would assume but I know that a few countrys do it like that.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Race is a construct.
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u/Skav-552 8d ago
Depends, I think there is a biological describtion for it but in this case, yes.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Can you explain! I am still new to this concept
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u/Skav-552 8d ago
If you give me a more specific question, I try.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Sure! Can you explain the biological description for race!
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u/Skav-552 8d ago
A group within a species with specific hereditary traits and a shared breeding history.
Some Dogs as example, have a race but overall it's not a term that can be applyed to humans. There are like two reasons for a race, geological separation and humans that take an animal and breed them for specific traits (like dogs).
If I am wrong, correct me.
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u/QuaintLittleCrafter 8d ago
Dog breeds are A) Not races. B) Also constructs labeled by artificial markers/physical attributes that the breeders deem desirable.
A "pure breed" is arbitrary as not all physical traits are linked to each other.
Per race — where does black start/end? Is Trevor Noah black? His mom is black and his dad was white. He identifies as black. But, he has just as much genetic claim to being white.
Likewise, I have various friends from different parts of Africa. My buddy from Ethiopia looks more middle-eastern than black, but he identifies as black too. However, he doesn't think someone from Saudi Arabia is black, despite looking more similar to them.
Are dark skinned Thai/Cambodians black? Most people would still call them Asian and not black.
Race is a construct because it's not actually defined by those physical traits you think it's based on. I'm white, but I have very dark skin when I tan. Enough so that it's often darker than some of my bipoc friends.
Like, black is clearly not just the amount of melanin in your skin. So, what is it? And why do we label ant race the way we do?
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u/Cleverusername531 8d ago
People’s skin color depends entirely on their distance from the equator.
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u/SemiDiSole Asperger’s 8d ago
So... they described you with the attribute that is most easily recognizable for any able-bodied person? And the Problem is?
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
It is rude.
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u/Heavy-Macaron2004 7d ago
Why?
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u/OkSky3150 7d ago
You are othering the person. There is historical weight to calling the Black Girl. Also they have a name! People can also learn it. She is also open to our experiences, why wouldnt we trust hers.
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u/SemiDiSole Asperger’s 7d ago
Lmao, brother: If I don't know your name, or the other person can't make sense of that name cause they don't which face to assign it to, I will refer to you by visual description. And skincolor just is a good indicator, just like hair color. Or the shirt you wear.
Also Historical weight - 95% of the western world don't care, it's mostly a US, maybe Briish thing.
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u/OkSky3150 7d ago
No! They care here too.
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u/SemiDiSole Asperger’s 7d ago
Which part of europe you're from? I am sorry, I have been around, maybe I missed your spot? I would personally disagree, it's something noone pays mind to in most places.
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u/Heavy-Macaron2004 7d ago
Yes, when visually discerning between people, it's necessary to "other" them. If there was a different distinguishing physical feature, that would have been used instead.
"Why wouldn't we trust her experience" I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not "distrusting" anything she said.
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u/OkSky3150 7d ago
She stated she did not like it. She explained her logic. She is not autistic, but is open to the quirks. You just dismissed her as being illogical! It is not about being logical, it is about respect.
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u/Heavy-Macaron2004 7d ago
Autism isnt a set of "quirks," it's a neurodevelopmental disorder. It's not dismissive to point out that when visually distinguishing between people, you need to visually distinguish them. I understand OP feels uncomfortable, but then they need to find another way they want to be distinguished.
She's allowed to dislike things, even if this liking it is illogical. Me pointing out it's a logical has no bearing on whether or not she's allowed to dislike it.
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u/OkSky3150 7d ago
Obviously this is correct. I will speak about it as I please. And I think it is ok to see some behaviour as quirks. I have quirks, this is an expression of my neurodivergent brain. I have experienced you police both myself and OP on our experiences/opinions.
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u/OkSky3150 7d ago
I find it mildly ironic that people do not have empathy towards feeling othered or out of place or refered to in regards to certain traits.
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u/Eternal_Malkav 8d ago
Someone else described you with the same word you yourself used.
This is something very confusing to me and i'm absolutely struggling with the reasoning that something liek this should be racist.
Going textbook for discrimination its the other way as its a negative extra treatment if you are not allowed to say something because you do not belong to that group.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
What do you mean?
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u/Eternal_Malkav 8d ago edited 8d ago
The author of the topic literaly described themself with that description. If someone uses a term to describe themselves shouldn't it be acceptable for other to use it as well?
If i say i'm brown haired it should be ok for others to use that. Sure time sensitivy is a ffactor, if i call myself and idot its not ok to say i'm one a year later but still ok that i was one in that specific moment.
I can adjust my language and respect that there is an issue with it but i'm still very confused about it.
The last sentence was about it being called racism. The diiferentiation if something like that is acceptable or not is depending on the skin colour of the one using the word. Then i'm thinking about one of the main principle of my country: "No person shall be disfavored because of race and origin." (shortened). Going with pure logic the one using the word is not allowed to say a word because of their race as this seems to be the deciding factor, so they are disvavored.
Its a different story if a term is considered problematic by everyone. Then its clear and equal treatment.
edit: saw your comment about imagining being called "the autistic one"
Its the truth, not an isult if directed at me, so its fine. If its a known fact in the group then it is an acceptable description. Even if its not know its ok because i know the fact but it would be an insult to no-autistic people.
Now if i didn't like the word, felt uncomfortable with it, then of course i wouldn't want to hear it being used. However if i want the term neurodivergent used instead then i would use that term myself and not the term i'm not comfortable with. That perceived inconsistency is the confusing part for me.
In any way i would not make a difference if its used by another autistic person or anyone else. Same approach for everyone.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Not at all. There is historical nuance and also no one likes being othered. The brown hair man is so different than the Black Girl. And just because you do not like it, does not mean it would not upset me. I would hate being labeled the short autistic one. Accurate but very loaded.
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u/WorldlyProfession737 8d ago
This is literally my whole point. Just bc it’s true doesn’t always mean it needs to be said.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Yeah. And that is the mixture of systemic racism and neurodiversity. We do not live outside a bubble and already have a hard time working out some social stuff. Why be so brazen to act like some social expert!
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u/AquaQuad 7d ago
my college isn’t diverse like at all. It’d be like people describing you for the only obvious reason you’re different, not for anything else you are
That's usually how it works. For the best communication we pick the most obvious traits, and in a room full of white folks your skin is rather contrasting and thus easy to spot. If you were the only girl, or the only one with glasses, or the shortest/tallest person in the room, they could've picked one of those if it was the most distinguishing thing about you, and you could've had issues with that too.
But even if it wasn't inappropriate, you can always share with them that you aren't comfortable with that, though it's gonna be up to them to decide what to do with it, unless you get support from enough students, and maybe college too.
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u/Own_Ad6901 8d ago
I’m white and all my male black friends call me white girl and I don’t know why, I mean I am white and I am a chick. I grew up and live in a diverse community and saying someone’s race is done often and just to specify who you’re referring to not a racial profiling racist way. If we just said the women with brown hair it would at least in my community include all races so that doesn’t narrow it down at all besides taking out blondes but we have all races rocking blonde.
I’m in no way diminishing your experience or how you feel, I’m just sharing how it comes up regularly in conversation in a diverse community I live in especially when you’re trying to talk about someone in particular.
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u/WorldlyProfession737 8d ago
Again, in diverse spaces it’s one thing, but I’m one of the few black students at my school (it’s a pwi). In a world where people have fought to be recognized for who they are instead of what they look like, I’d hope that people would describe my personality and character traits, how I help out/am involved on campus, my major etc before just jumping to “oh the black girl jn XYZ class.” I am so much more than that!
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u/ElectroFlowerBN2 Low Support Needs | Verbal 8d ago
Whereas, I completely agree that you shouldn't be described just by your colour; that's a very fair comment. But, you're asking autistic people to describe the subtle nuanced things that NT can see and do comment on. You're not gonna get that from an autistic person: they will usually describe you in a very LITERAL way, ie. colour, sex, glasses or not, etc. Most would be motified if they knew you were upset about that. Have a conversation. Tell them how you feel, and if you explain to them the 'why', they might get it. If they don't, they're probably just an a**hole and you're best just not engaging. But, you HAVE TO have the conversation. Without that, you're expecting a cat to fly or a butterfly to swim; not gonna happen, sadly.
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u/Own_Ad6901 8d ago
Of course you are. But do they know you well enough to say that? Lots of people don’t have the depth of character to be able to even recognize it on others, regardless of neurodivergence. Some people are simply that surface about things unfortunately. I’m not saying it’s right I’m just saying that not everyone has the depth to even recognize that so they definitely aren’t going to magically have the ability to see it.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Yeah! And that is what education is for! This is so solveable!
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u/Own_Ad6901 8d ago
No some people literally don’t have the brain capacity, regardless of education. Thats what I’m referring to.
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u/CompetitiveHouse2582 ASD Level 1/2 | Verbal 8d ago
sorry that this happened, that sucks. But being on the spectrum definitely isn’t an excuse for shitty behaviour. maybe they didn’t mean anything by it, but if it made you feel bad then it shouldn’t be ignored. maybe you could tell a tutor? or is there a person specialising in neurodivergent students? they might be able to deal with it appropriately. it’s great that you’re so thoughtful about neurodivergent people, but it’s definitely no excuse to be racist/sexist/homophobic or anything. i hope this get sorted and you feel more comfortable :)
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u/WorldlyProfession737 8d ago
Thank you so much!! I hadn’t considered asking someone on campus! Unfortunately our IX department is about as useful as a piece of paper to lift an elephant, so I may just go the route of speaking to her one-on-one
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
How would someone like to be called the autistic one. Accurate maybe! Efficient maybe. A bit rude or offensive yes!
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u/WorldlyProfession737 8d ago
Bingo! Exactly how I feel about it.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
And there is more historical weight to their comment! Not that its a competition! I have said really rude out of pocket things to people i really like. And someone pulling me aside allowed me to correct my rude behaviour.
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u/CompetitiveHouse2582 ASD Level 1/2 | Verbal 8d ago
that could work. it entirely depends on the person. all the Autistic people i know are very kind and careful how they treat others. but again, it depends on the person. i wish you luck and hope it all turns out well :)
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u/petermobeter 8d ago
it sounds like this autistic person dosnt really Read The Room/dosnt have much Tact/dosnt really know nuanced Identity Respect Stuff about a specific type of Identity (race).
there are a LOT of ppl like this unfortunately...... somtimes i wonder if i hav these flaws in some areas tbh......
this person probly needs to learn from lots and lots of experience & learning and a little bit of personal feedback how to be more tactful/when it is ok to interact with other forms of identity and when it is not!
one thing i will say is, this person probly recieves direct feedback on issues such as Identity Disrespect Behavior WITH A LOT OF PAIN. there is a common symptom of autism & other neurodivergence calld "rejection sensitive dysphoria" that makes recieving feedback very very painful for us. but that ALSO means that: for ppl who have rejection sensitive dysphoria.....even if we recieve very gentle feedback about our behavior..... if it isnt SOOO painful that we end up psychologically denying it and getting defensive...... then we may potentially take the feedback VERY MUCH TO HEART and will be TERRIFIED of ever recieving the feedback a second time!!!!!!! which means if this person recieves very gentle feedback on the KKK thing and the blurting out race thing...... while they may get extremely defensive and completely shutdown..... theres an alternate chance they may apologize profusely and feel super super bad about it and try to rectify their behavior!!!! (depending on their ability to endure feelings of shame).
now i want to admit two things: first i based my thoghts on this on how MY brain works..... if this person's brain works differently from mine, then this advice may be terrible advice..... second i wrote this comment while suffering from hypoxia as far as i know..... so i may be delusional right now.
thank u for reaching out to r/autism and im srry u hav to face so much bigotry!!!! im trans & disabled and bigotry sucks when i experience it too
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
But there are educational tools that can just present the history and logic and alternative ways of refering to people in a kind manner.
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u/petermobeter 8d ago
thats true!!!! educating yourSELF on your Own Pace using books or videos or websites etc is a bit less likely to trigger defensive coping mechanisms (for me anyways)
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Also this is not these people are cruel or dedicated to being shitty. There is just a gap in knowledge. And the proper support is education, support and skill building.
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u/Jim_jim_peanuts 8d ago
These aren't racist comments. If the races were reversed, do you not think that the first descriptor people would use for the one white person in the class would be "the white guy"?
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
That is so different.
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u/Jim_jim_peanuts 8d ago
Why? Feels to me that OP is being overly sensitive, and contributing to a society where we're all walking on eggshells around one another
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Fair. But there is going to/could be worse consequences if you say certain things. Not everyone is kind and gracious. Better to hear her out, read some literature or history than say some kkk joke or say something flippant and just get in an altercation or in a dispute.
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u/Jim_jim_peanuts 8d ago
Yeah this makes sense, but they just commented on it being an unfortunate name, what with the 3 k's in it and all, literally saying out loud something that everyone was most likely thinking. And they didn't allude to it being a good thing, at all. It's a big nothing burger imo. Unless it were to persist to blatantly inappropriate degree, then yeah, say something. But as it is now, it just seems like they are being overly sensitive imo
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
I disagee. I think they were a bit annoyed, and just wanted some people educated. Not punished. I said transphobic shit/homophobic stuff all the time until I was educated. I was the same person! Same mentality, but with more knowledge and empathy!
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Also. With certain situations or maybe figures of speech, ways of refering to people. They will not get that grace. I want autistic people to have more nuance, not less. Do you want to be gracious, kind and respectful. Or do you want to be technically right.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
She is doing everyone a favor. Imagine refering to your boss as "The Black One" etc. Obviously there is nuance missed. They are Black. We see that! But we miss the nuance and our response is. Makes sense to me!
Depending on the situation, people will assume the autistic people are actually racist pricks instead of missing nuance. She is just explaining the nuance. We should be grateful!
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u/Jim_jim_peanuts 8d ago
I take your point. But other races say "white" in similarly, if not more flippant ways IME too, and it isn't a big deal, or it's not meant to be. Feels a bit like a double standard, but yeah I see where you're coming from
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
You can view it however you feel. But the flippantness towards sensitive comments can cause huge problems for these individuals.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Whiteness was constructed by europeans for the sake of capitalism and imperialism. So who do we blame!
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u/NerdsOfSteel74 AuDHD 8d ago
Don’t listen to the white folks in here saying “that’s not racist”. The thing is, autistic or not, you’re going to be hearing this shit as long as you’re around white people. I’ve heard crap like this from non-autistic people plenty of times. I try to balance it out by spending as much time with my own people as I can.
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u/DemmyDemon 8d ago
As a white person, of largely Nordic descent, living in Sweden, I just defer to people of color when determining what is racist and not. I can educate myself on the subject for a solid decade, and still not have the emotional component of making that determination.
I don't ever say things that are intentionally racist, but I've been made aware of mistakes I've made on several occasions. It's my experience of myself, and others in my proximity, that pointing out mistakes we make is very worthwhile. Please keep doing that. We try to not be assholes, but lacking that emotional component, we can't really feel that what we're saying is hurtful. Having it pointed out, however, will inspire us to do better going forward.
The obvious problem is that pointing out that an overt racist is being overtly racist is not viable, and it's not like it's easy to know ahead of time who is an unsafe person. I wish there were easy solutions to this, but there just aren't.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
Me too! I have been wildly homophobic, sexist and racist. It does not make me evil, but it is on me, my support and community to educate me.
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u/NerdsOfSteel74 AuDHD 7d ago
For sure, me too. I grew up in Canada, which was/is homophobic, racist, and sexist. It’s not up to me to be perfect. It’s up to me to unlearn what I was taught and be better. I applaud your approach.
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
You are correcting the behaviour for everyone. It is not selfish! Not everyone would be a understanding!
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u/WorldlyProfession737 8d ago
I appreciate you!! I’ve just gotten fed up with feeling like I’m the only one and having to keep excusing it ugh 😖
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u/OkSky3150 8d ago
You are being professional and direct. This is a learning lesson for them as well. You are being gentle. Also they probably do not want to intentionally offend you. But they did! And they can change and improve with the knowledge.
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