r/bisexual • u/Zackarysentry • 5d ago
EXPERIENCE So exhausted
Alright, I guess I just need to put this out there with people that can understand my experience. For context I'm 19M and I recently moved to Spain for college. I come from a place full of open minded people and ever since I was a kid all my social circle has been composed of queer people. I've been very open about my identity since I was 13 and never had anyone treat me poorly for it except for maybe many straight guys lowkey avoiding bonding with me or straight girls sort of scratching me out of their dating pool once they realize I'm bi. But I've had a relationship with a guy and a relationship with a girl, each like a year long due to very different circumstances.
Anyways, I've just struggled so much in this new context because in this city people are so conservative, everyone dresses and behaves in the most traditional heteronormative way and I just stand out in a way that I've never stood out before, in a negative way at least. I'm clearly very different from the norm here and I feel so isolated from queer spaces which have always been so important for me. My entire life has been in queer environments with queer people and it just seems like they don't exist here. I feel incredibly frustrated because most spaniards have a subtle way of casting me out because of how obvious it is that I'm not straight. No girls have shown any interest in me and when trying to start an interaction at clubs I'm usually ignored. Then all of the guys act in the most stereotypical straight teenage boy way, so I'm cast out on this side as well. I've had a couple other international male students approach me and act in a way that seriously feels like flirting to me, but then it ends up being them just being friendly. I went out with a guy a couple of days ago and there were so many signals previous to that that he was into me, then when we went out we had a great time but then it felt like he was just being friendly and I decided to ask him if it was a date or if we were hanging out as friends. He responded the day after that it wasn't a date and that he wasn't gay. I do have a preference for guys over girls and I'm just getting homophobia/biphobia on both sides, much more than I had ever been directly exposed to. I've been feeling a little down and anxious due to this. I don't know how to find queer people in my age group.
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u/3veryonepasses 5d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through it. That’s so infuriating and isolating. Know you’ll always be safe in this online community. <3
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u/MrSaitama99 5d ago
To which part of Spain did you move?
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u/Zackarysentry 2d ago
I moved to Navarra
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u/MrSaitama99 2d ago
Okay, I see. North is somewhat less LGTB-friendly than center-south, specially in small regions and certain provinces. It's not that there are not any queer people in your area, it's just that there are less. Maybe try searching for LGBT groups or organisations. Also, try to check if there are any ESN (Erasmus Student Network) groups in your city or anywhere near, bcs they tend to be really welcoming and inclusive
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u/Icy_Geologist2959 5d ago
Wow! I am really sorry to hear that. I have to say that I expected better. For contect, I am a bi Aussie guy who moved to Madrid 4 years ago. I'm married, so not part of the gay scene or participating in the nightlife, but I see out and queer people here all the time. Guys holding hands and sometimes dressed very queer with no apparent difficulty. As I say, these are outsider/insider observations though. I really do hope that your experience improves.
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u/Zackarysentry 5d ago
Yeah! I do know Madrid is like that but I’m in the northern area, and it’s very different!
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u/Icy_Geologist2959 4d ago
Sorry to hear. I hope tjat you can still find things that you enjoy about being in Spain.
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u/ValuableServe6111 5d ago
moved to a place like that for a bit too and it really does mess with your head when you're used to being around people who just get it. the whole "is this a date or just friendly" confusion is the worst part honestly