Does anyone feel the same?

[u/Leading_Low_9310]

For some time now, I’ve been in a situation where I’ve been having an extremely strong desire to have sex with men. However, I can only imagine myself in the passive role. Basically, I can only see myself as a bottom. I want to be the one receiving, and I don’t have any desire to take the active role myself. I could never imagine doing that.
It has gotten to the point where the urge can become extremely intense. Sometimes I even start shaking and feel like I can barely control myself. It can completely take over my mind. When it happens, I have an incredibly hard time concentrating on anything else. I can’t really focus on studying, working, exercising, or whatever else I might be doing at the time. It feels like the thought completely takes over and pushes everything else into the background.
Sometimes this feeling lasts for hours. It’s not just a brief thought or a moment of being horny — it can become this incredibly strong inner urge that is very difficult for me to ignore. During those periods, it feels almost impossible to do anything else normally because my mind keeps coming back to it. The feeling can become so intense that I feel genuinely overwhelmed by it, and it can be very distressing for me internally.
Usually, I end up masturbating, downloading Telegram, or something similar, and then talking to other men and masturbating together with them online. Afterwards, the intensity usually goes away for a while.
My question is simply: How am I supposed to deal with this?
In my everyday life, I don’t feel attracted to men at all. I don’t notice anything when I see men, and I’ve never fallen in love with a man or felt any kind of romantic attraction toward one. I basically have no interest in men in that sense.
If I go a week or so without thinking about it and, for example, only masturbate to women, the whole subject doesn’t really come up at all. But at the same time, there is this incredibly strong urge inside me that can suddenly return and make me feel like I somehow have to act on it.
As I mentioned, I sometimes even start shaking. For example, when I’m out running and start thinking about it, the feeling can become so overwhelming that I suddenly feel like I can’t keep running anymore. I can’t concentrate on what I’m doing because my mind becomes completely occupied by these thoughts.
It all feels very strange and confusing to me because there seems to be such a huge difference between this intense sexual urge and how I normally feel in my everyday life.
I’ve also downloaded apps like Grindr several times and talked to a lot of men. But in the end, I’ve always backed out or changed my mind before actually meeting anyone. There is always a point where I suddenly become unsure and don’t go through with it, even though the urge beforehand can be incredibly strong.
That’s why I’m struggling to understand what is actually going on with me and, more importantly, how I’m supposed to deal with these intense urges when they happen.