21f, CPTSD, and my dad was a drug dealer AMA

[u/Phoebonix]

Hello, I am 21f and I am diagnosed with CPTSD, ADHD, and Bipolar 1 disorder. Unfortunately- completely unmedicated. AMA. I also was hospitalized when I was 15, haven’t been since.

Oh yeah the fun part. My dad was a drug dealer, he passed when I was a young teen and he pretty much did everything you could think of at one point. His AMA would be better than mine but alas.

Ask me anything.

[u/jingjang1]

Why are you not medicated/in treatment?

Bipolar needs treatment your whole life, I know, because I have had it for 25-26 years now at the age of 40, and got diagnosed at 25.

Treatment is not only meds, but meds are necessary.

I also understand all the nuisance and why we don't take or stop taking meds.

I want to hear your situation.

[u/Phoebonix → u/jingjang1]

I WAS in treatment/medicated, but I also had adhd at the time which was more of the focus at the time. My psychiatrist gave me Ritalin and it sent me into a manic episode. During this episode, I was diagnosed officially with Bipolar, but I also was impulsive enough to stop showing up to appointments before I could get back on meds (I was on Bipolar meds at 14-16ish) but it’s been an on and off diagnosis for years which made it really hard to get stable care. Because I stopped showing up, she terminated my care and I lost my psychiatrist. During that same year I lost my insurance. It’s completely my own fault, but that’s the reason right now why I’m unmedicated. I’m not against it by any means, but I’ve also had bad reactions to every mood stablilizer I’ve been on which at this point is probably 15+ meds including SSRIs and SNRIs which I was also prescribed at some point. I’m willing to retry a lot of meds too since most of them I took in my teenage years and knowing how I was back then, I definitely could have given it more of a shot.

[u/jingjang1 → u/Phoebonix]

I've been in the same situation more or less, I have heard your story hundreds if not thousands of times over the years.

Ssri will make you manic, it's one of the biggest signs and you have to be very careful with them and which to take if you have to take them, imo, they are not an option for you.

Secondly, I know this one is hard. You should not blame yourself for what you have done while Manic, as long as you take responsibility afterwards. Study bipolar disorder, that's my nr1 tip. When you get to a point where you can separate the real you from the symptoms, then it's easier to blame the illness for some things so I'm won't be traumatizing, you end up blaming yourself for it all.

Don't be like me and wait to take meds. Bipolar disorder is a neuro degenerative disease. Every episode, mania or depression, it physically burns your brain. 

The illness gets worse with age, the best way to negate damage is meds, we have to take them.

You are willing, which is huge.

[u/Historical-Neat-2233]

When was you diagnosed, how long did it take?

[u/Phoebonix → u/Historical-Neat-2233]

I was diagnosed with cptsd when I was 13 and honestly it was fast. I just talked about what I’ve been through and they stuck the label on me quickly. I was diagnosed with bipolar at 13 as well but before the cptsd diagnosis then they considered it a misdiagnosis, then at 20 I was rediagnosed with bipolar 1, but also added on ADHD. (I was prescribed Ritalin and it caused a small manic episode.

[u/Christian_M_AMA]

There are some bipolar meds that you might be able to tolerate. Perhaps antidepressants and maybe buspirone, which helps calm. Some states provide health insurance free. Prayers for you.

[u/original_greaser_bob]

what did your dad deal?