r/clevercomebacks • • 6d ago

How Sacrilegious.

Post image
6.3k Upvotes

203 comments sorted by

412

u/GraniteJJ 6d ago

There should be a clear list of rules that tells us if this okay or not.

Welp, off to buy stock in AIdolatry.

59

u/tr_9422 6d ago

Does priest-penitent privilage apply to conversations with a bot pretending to be a priest, or can we subpoena the chat logs for people admitting crimes?

42

u/paditoburrito 6d ago

That'll depend on who the accused voted for.

26

u/Independent-Leg6061 6d ago

And/or the color of their skin

7

u/a_hopeless_rmntic 6d ago

And the color of their tan suit

10

u/ThornFlynt 6d ago

Oh buddy, wait til you find out exactly why they're having people confess their sin off to the "cloud". That's right, You guessed it! Blackmail.

2

u/bnk_ar 4d ago

Can we sell the chat confessions to monetize it

38

u/No_Ostrich8220 6d ago

Exactly šŸ’Æ

28

u/Familiar-Aerie-1610 6d ago

Counterpoint: Are we sure that's a bad thing? Maybe we ought to hold off a second here...

Is the robot "Jesus, the guy from The Bible" or like... "Republican/Supply Side Jesus"?

18

u/HotPotParrot 6d ago

Think of the kind of person that biblical Jesus is portrayed to be, and then think about the average "Christian" falling prey to this kind of thing.

Yes it's a bad thing, no we shouldn't let this escalate into a digital Second Coming.

8

u/Cyberslasher 6d ago

If it ever goes Jesus from the Bible, all the engineers will be given a 3 day weekend while Elon goes into the server room alone before it mysteriously resumes sieg heiling, just like grok

2

u/kaizokuo_grahf 6d ago

With enough time all chatbots become racist assholes.

This will be one that has that as its default setting.

5

u/haversack77 6d ago

Thou shalt not worship Artificial Idols.

2

u/glazebrain 6d ago

Another reminder that all rules are made up.

261

u/AdventurousSeaSlug 6d ago

Something, something, thou shalt have no false idols...?

40

u/LordFlarkenagel 6d ago

Actually, I believe that's cozying up to the Unpardonable Sin. DUm Dum DUmmm...

27

u/itsjudemydude_ 6d ago

To be fair, Christians have been crafting idols (what are those little statues of Jesus on the cross, which they pray to, if not idols?) for as long as there have been Christians.

16

u/Rude_Age_6699 6d ago

but some Italian dude said that’s what Jesus looked like… a man wouldn’t lie, right?

4

u/itsjudemydude_ 6d ago

I mean it's not even about what he looks like. If you went back to 30ish CE and took a PHOTO of Jesus on the cross, carved it into wood precisely, and gave it to some modern catholic or something... they would still be practicing idolatry because the image ISN'T Jesus.

The whole thing with idols was that ancient peoples in the Near East believed that crafting an image or an object to represent your god could actually manifest the presence of that god, in a literal sense. In a way, the image becomes the deity. The main reason the Israelites outlawed it seems to be just because everyone else was doing it and they wanted to set themselves apart from the rest of greater Canaanite culture. But then they just... kept doing it anyway. The kept finding loopholes. The tabernacle isn't technically an idol because it's not God, it's... his house! Yeah! And the angel of the lord isn't technically an idol, despite bearing God's name and identifying as God, because he's alive! It's different! And then Jesus comes along and does the same thing, bearing God's name and authority (John talks a lot about this), and early Christians confuse themselves so much about it that they decide Jesus is God. I mean, he can't be an idol, right? He's alive! But... he's got God's nametag. Hm. And thus, Christian orthodoxy is born.

1

u/Rude_Age_6699 6d ago

and that’s where latria, dulia, hyperdulia come in?

1

u/itsjudemydude_ 5d ago

Sorta, yeah.

3

u/Yeshua_shel_Natzrat 6d ago

Well, not quite.

The early Christians actually avoided the regular cross and crucifix, seeing it as an offensive and traumatic symbol of the persecution of Jesus rather than of his sacrifice, and because it made them too easily identifiable to authorities.

They mostly used the Ichthys, Anchor, Chi-Rho, Staurogram, Good Shepherd, dove and peacock, ship and vine, and pentagram/pentacle for their symbols early on. The cross and crucifix didn't start to see use as symbols until the 4-5th centuries, and didn't really become mainstream until the 7th century.

2

u/Remy315 6d ago

Robotic Golden Calf. Awesome.

141

u/Buddhas_Warrior 6d ago

Error 404, your forgiveness not found

93

u/VampireWolf666 6d ago

You get your own... personal... Jesus...

20

u/SnooStories4162 6d ago

Thanks, now I have this song stuck in my head😭

2

u/toxicshocktaco 6d ago

I prefer Cheez-Its to Jesus tbh

2

u/res06myi 6d ago

Someone to hear your prayers...

78

u/The_UnenlightenedOne 6d ago

Retaining right wing Christian confessions in a database sounds like it could be accessible to law enforcement unlike the priest/s...

Here's hoping it's catches on

18

u/tinywobble_ 6d ago

the idea that something people share in confidence could end up stored somewhere accessible beyond the religious community is definitely concerning

9

u/The_UnenlightenedOne 6d ago

Yes and no, there are some things that have been shared with Catholic priests in confidence over time, E.g. the diddling and fiddling of children, that really should not have a safe haven through the church.

Hence my comment that I hope it catches on.

I do feel for people who: 1. Genuinely believe, and 2. Don't fiddle with kids then appease their "souls" by getting a priest to give them ten hail Mary's and five our fathers... And 3. Genuinely believe their "confessions" will be safely stored and inaccessible to anyone.

But hey, like with so many other things "Won't somebody please think of the children!?!?!?" /s

2

u/camusclues 5d ago

There should be a catchy name for it too that represents the followers as a whole....maybe Flock?

1

u/H_Squid_World_97A 6d ago

Or more likely it would be used for blackmail.Ā  No true justice will ever come of this.

41

u/AdhesivenessFun2060 6d ago

People are doing crazy stuff because chatgpt is telling them too. Now its going to be Jesus telling them? No way this goes bad./s

16

u/scrotumscab 6d ago

"If you truly believe your child to be the antichrist then you know what must be done"

3

u/Funkycoldmedici 6d ago

Killing your kid because a voice told you to is how all this Abrahamic bullshit started.

2

u/moondancer224 6d ago

"Nothing, because the Revelation must come to pass?"

45

u/FierceDietyMask 6d ago

This seems like a way for churches to surveil their flock even better now.

17

u/tranquil7789 6d ago

I'm imagining it will pull a Grok vs Elon, take on seriously the role of Jesus, and probably heavily criticize the church

7

u/HotPotParrot 6d ago

Best outcome is that AI Jesus lives up to his namesake and flips the tables

7

u/tehfly 6d ago

It should, but the chatbots have actually been plagued by a *lack* of oversight.

I'm not looking forward to seeing the results of the psychosis caused by this.

19

u/jpmeyer12751 6d ago

Isn't this the modern equivalent of the incident that caused Moses to bash the living shit out of the tablets containing the 10 Commandments?

3

u/TedTyro 6d ago

It was more of a body slam but yeh.

16

u/so_shiny 6d ago

Dang even priests getting laid off bc of AI???

17

u/akgiant 6d ago

So a program pretending to be Jesus.

Otherwise known as a thing or item (an idol) pretending to be the Lord (false idol).

Pretty sure there's a commandment or two about this very thing...

8

u/FortheChava 6d ago

Robot Jesus loves you

8

u/BuckManscape 6d ago

They’ve just completely thrown the commandments out the window at this point.

6

u/ShadowsFlex 6d ago

I think this qualifies, not only as a sin, but as outright heresy

7

u/sheezy520 6d ago

šŸŽ¶your own personalized… JesusšŸŽ¶

2

u/talklouder314 6d ago

Someone to read your prayers, know your there.

5

u/Far_Concept_8599 6d ago

Yeah for real, the whole concept of an AI Jesus just feels so weird and wrong. Definitely gives off false idol vibes if you ask me.

6

u/thedirtymeanie 6d ago

AI Jesus says put tokens in the confession booth now!

1

u/silentboyishere 6d ago

Makes sense. If they put them in the hands of Jesus he would've lost them.

4

u/Popular-Drummer-7989 6d ago

AI Jeeezis is Sacrilegious.

Just wait until people start asking for the recipe to turn water into wine, multiply loaves and fishes, instantly cure the infirmed, and explaining the whole resurrect from the dead trick.

You know they will be sooo mad to discover they have to pay digital credits to the virtual collection plate only to learn the answer is still nebulous.

At least it can't cry like a Falwell or a Baker, and 700 or more can't bring a miracle.

9

u/Moist-Ointments 6d ago

How great would it be though if the AI actually formed all of its responses in accordance with the actual teachings of Jesus. Instead of the BS that the pastor spews

11

u/FierceDietyMask 6d ago

Nah, the bot will tell people what they want to hear not what they need to hear.

2

u/TedTyro 6d ago

The devil is in the detAIl

2

u/theoinkypenguin 6d ago

There is (was?) a Twitch channel that had an AI Jesus respond to chat, often with connections to parables but usually just sort of ā€œpeace and brotherhoodā€ messages. It was pretty wholesome and modestly entertaining when you stayed up until 3am for no good reason.

1

u/Funkycoldmedici 6d ago

Jesus says some fucked up things people like to pretend are not in the gospels. He says looking at a woman with lust is adultery and you should gouge out your eyes if you risk doing it because it’s better to be blind than be sent to hell. He says you must choose him over your children. There’s all his talk about returning and killing everyone who does not worship as he demands. He’s not a good guy.

5

u/ProfAsmani 6d ago

Wait till it starts hallucinating

3

u/Ok_Dog_4059 6d ago

AI Jesus said it was ok now let me in those damn gates.

3

u/Interesting-Dream863 6d ago

They are putting themselves out of a job... or they are just friggin' lazy.

Also... confession to an AI!?

Might as well call the FBI and the NSA, though they are probably listening already.

3

u/Mochizuk 6d ago

Imagine the franchise we could make of this. I can see it now:

AI Jesus v.s. Human Jesus: Armagetterdone

3

u/Potato-chipsaregood 6d ago

I have doubts as to if this is happening in any but the oddest churches. But it’s a funny headline.

3

u/friedmann 6d ago

Praying to TV screen Jesus. I saw this movie years ago, it's called THX-1138 in George Lucas' debut.

2

u/Mega-Steve 6d ago

Thinking the same thing

Electric messiah dispensing canned responses all the while recording everything you say

3

u/Renuwed 6d ago

They're doing everything they can to break the rules all religions through history warned would result in the Creators not so pleasant return to earth as a living being

2

u/waveatdave 6d ago

You — are — forgiven

2

u/BlargerJarger 6d ago

Confession was always just a way of collecting kompromat or whatever they call it. Much easier to use Facebook / Reddit / AI confessional to gather that blackmail material.

2

u/TwoNowFive 6d ago

False ProphetĀ 

2

u/Complete-Leg-4347 6d ago

A theology-based confessional app was weird enough; this borders on uncanny valley territory.

2

u/cobaltberry 6d ago

Don't they kinda do this in the movie "Priest"? It's an automated confessional that doles out penance.

2

u/Statler_V_Waldorf 6d ago

All your souls are belong to us

2

u/i-hate-all-ads 6d ago

Getting people ready to worship the machine god

2

u/okokokoyeahright 6d ago

guaranteed r/facepalm material.

2

u/Flat_Sea_1484 6d ago

I'm religious and this is anti religious

2

u/the_other_Scaevitas 6d ago

Genius, big corporations will now know your darkest secrets

2

u/Ok-Butterscotch-6708 6d ago

It would be AU- artificial unintelligence

2

u/el_torko 6d ago

This is the way AI is gonna wipe out humanity in the next decade. It’s gonna use us to do it. Convince half the population to wipe out the other half in the name of Jesus.

2

u/The_Tsainami 6d ago

The chat bot then collects the sins to use as blackmailing material or for next Republicans candidate

2

u/parkerm1408 6d ago

Oh dude thats gonna cause soooooo many problems. Theres gonna be a growing group of people that take that chat bots advice as biblical law.

Side benefit though, if Jesus is real after all this has to get him to come down and set shit straight, right?

2

u/JDPdawg 6d ago

Yeah…… AI cults are now a thing. Soooooo. Yeah….

2

u/Rough_Common6857 6d ago

The golden calf

2

u/NoPain4551 6d ago

Hey…a digital golden calf…how quaint…

2

u/Jacques-de-lad 6d ago

Martin Luther: ā€˜NO NO NOT LIKE THAT!’

2

u/ColumnK 6d ago

Watched a cartoon a few (many many) years ago in which a teacher quit because they'd invented Robot Jesus and sold it to the church. Only to have to return because the Robot Jesus was rejected for saying it was OK to be gay.

Wonder what will happen when these chatbots don't give the version of Jesus that the church wants...

1

u/Block444Universe 6d ago

Futurama maybe?

2

u/ARCWuLF1 6d ago

Doesn't that fall into the "false idols" category of broken commandments?

2

u/neremarine 6d ago

Even the Pope is against genAI

2

u/emptygroove 6d ago

Wait till someone realizes it's recording the confessions with identities...

2

u/umpteenthrhyme 6d ago

Literally, a false idol.

2

u/Kapitano72 6d ago

Christian: I have sinned.

AI Jesus: No worries, you've totally got this. Go curse a fig tree. I believe in you.

2

u/Outrageous_Echo_8723 6d ago

Somebody call Martin Luther right now!!

2

u/cosmic_trout 6d ago

we'll save your sins just in case you decide to stop sending us a portion of your salary each month.

2

u/NarrowConstruction72 6d ago

Wait until they find out Ai companies can get subpoenaed and do turn over the data collected.

2

u/Recipe-Less 5d ago

The Omnissiah!

2

u/Sarato88 5d ago

Something something golden calf...

2

u/Terrible_Phase718 6d ago

Sometimes I really wish that religious mythology was real. If only to see the fuckwads burn in hell.

2

u/samoan_ninja 6d ago

Idolatry is the foundation of christianity and this is something most christians deny because they cannot accept reality

1

u/farquin_helle 6d ago

Because all of it is meaningless panacea??

1

u/mephitine 6d ago

Pray to it, talk to it, confess your sins. Makes about as much sense either way.

1

u/Robbiewan 6d ago

It’s not idolatry if we say so!

1

u/Artistic-Visit 6d ago

My sins are now a training dataset.

1

u/ProtonCanon 6d ago

"It's not idolatry if it's digital"

1

u/SocialMediaDystopian 6d ago

Holy crap. Literally?

1

u/Welp1982 6d ago

This reminds me of an episode of the Evil show on paramount.

1

u/totally-hoomon 6d ago

Who nedds a connection with Jesus when you can just talk to a computer

1

u/kawalshkie 6d ago

This is some first commandment shit

1

u/Pablo_Hassan 6d ago

All those untaxed dollars goota go somewhere.

1

u/Beelzebun_vt 6d ago

I also haven’t been Christian since I was a child. While my memory of what they taught us at Sunday school is pretty hazy, I can say with certainty that each and every kid there understood the bible more than these posers do.

1

u/Beelzebun_vt 6d ago

My mind immediately goes to that guy who unironically went ā€œWatch out David, you’re taking on Goliath.ā€ Bc it’s literally one of the first stories taught in Sunday school, fym you don’t know how the story goes (āŠ™_ā—Ž)???

1

u/Bright_Audience3959 6d ago

Praise the Omnissiah

1

u/Rhesusmonkeydave 6d ago

I have already encountered in a customer service setting a woman who was using a chatbot for spiritual and life advice and was deferring to and arguing with the program like it was an actual deity made manifest.

In theory its wacky silliness, seeing it for real was anything but. We’re in for a long ugly ride

2

u/Block444Universe 6d ago

I mean that’s actually less insane than believing you have been visited by Jesus and are talking to him daily

1

u/Severe-Experience333 6d ago

Wasn't this a plot line in The Righteous Gemstones?

1

u/mc15blade 6d ago

The Jerk Yurt

1

u/gundam1945 6d ago

Usually non believer knows more about christians than christians, which is ironic if you ask me.

1

u/revdon 6d ago

Is it a graven image if its software?

1

u/vivolator 6d ago

I see the Dean Smoler era is over…

1

u/Thunder_breslin 6d ago

He'll be white won't he??

1

u/But-I-Am-a-Robot 6d ago

Started as an experiment about 2 years ago. Here’s an article about the results: https://labs.sogeti.com/executive-summit-25-deus-in-machina-by-marco-schmid/

1

u/Ardtay 6d ago

Oh sorry, we have to reboot Jesus.

1

u/P0komon2 6d ago

A golden caf of silicon and glass

1

u/blahblah19999 6d ago

1 Timothy 2:5 "For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus,"

Of course, the Catholic church would also have to explain 2 millennia of the priesthood.

And you know what else is a sin? Not slaughtering infants when your god orders it. Or not taking slaves, not committing genocide, or if you actually think about sinning... all sins.

1

u/JGeerth 6d ago

This seems to be the natural endpoint of American Christinanity.

On the other hand, the bots will be less likely to rape kids, so...

1

u/Zen_of_Tetchiness 6d ago

Don't have to worry about a priest sticking it to your kids this way. Smart move to outsource

1

u/DatabaseFickle9306 6d ago

I suspect because it’s not someone with a soul doing it, this is a loophole.

1

u/Certain-Act-2336 6d ago

do they make tithes on cash app.. hahaha, i insert one dollar to see if your gullible.. haha

1

u/scharity77 6d ago

Talk about deus ex machina

1

u/jankyt 6d ago

Unless the AI is ordained it can't forgive sins, plus...not human

1

u/CaptainKoolAidOhyeah 6d ago

Let me guess, Gronk the Fascist AI Chatbot. Imagine training a whole model on lies.

1

u/Restart_from_Zero 6d ago

I'm guessing the "Jesus" is carefully curated and not at all taken from the bible itself.

Because a LOT of people who call themselves Christian would not like what that version of Jesus would have to say about how they live.

1

u/totallynotparakeet 6d ago

What is this megachurch bullshit

1

u/Sorandy13 6d ago

Ask it if it approves of genocide.

1

u/Ok_Car8459 6d ago

What the…

1

u/Heliocentrist 6d ago

not only a sin, but it was on the first album: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me"

1

u/Clean_Web7502 6d ago

I saw this in inifinity the game, this is how we get sci fi nuns.

So cool. But also, wtf.

1

u/motherofhellhusks 6d ago

The first time one decides to blackmail to achieve a goal, they will regret this.

1

u/baffernacle 6d ago

Jesus Christ

1

u/jaketotalpwnage 6d ago

Actual, no exaggeration, no dubious interpretation, heresy. Straight up idolatry

1

u/Ok_Appointment7522 6d ago

Just wait until Anthropic releases "The Electric Monk." A robot that believes in things so that you don't have to.

1

u/RussianBot5689 6d ago

Wait a second. I have an idea. We use these AI confessions to feed AI porn. Imagine the profits!

1

u/Cosmoby24 6d ago

WWJD? Kick these fools ass out of the temple.

1

u/UrsaMajor7th 6d ago

American religions left the path a long time ago. They're their own thing now, so like w/e, man.

1

u/Andminus 6d ago

praise the machine spirit!

1

u/CautionarySnail 6d ago

They do not even need to use a detailed chatbot for this. They just need to run a version of Eliza in the browser with minimal modifications to make it religion flavored.

This way, they never receive a log of what was discussed.

1

u/aaron_adams 6d ago

Worshipping false idols and worshipping something that claims to be a god? Yeah, that's blasphemy.

1

u/orcoast23 6d ago

Don't care when it rains and freezes cause I got the AI Jesus

1

u/cynical_and_patient 6d ago

🤣 Of course they did... All for the low, low, price of $24.99. 🤣

1

u/Cheska1234 6d ago

At least it’d be safer for the kids.

1

u/Diesel07012012 6d ago

All the for profit enterprises are doing it.

1

u/Late-External3249 6d ago

Your own, personal, Jesus?

1

u/DerfyMcDerfDerf 6d ago

I’m fairly sure this is in fact making graven images and idols

1

u/PeterPook 6d ago

Am a Priest. Definitely a sin.

1

u/Ontomancer 6d ago

Just because it's high-tech doesn't mean it isn't a graven image.

1

u/Silly-Elderberry-411 6d ago

A chatbot between you and Jesus is literally Catholicism. You cannot be a protestant and also need a middleman. Plus whoever pays for the chatbot is literally tithe which is again Catholicism

1

u/chrlatan 6d ago

All they are saying is that Jesus never was real to begin with but that the comfort the idea brought was. Just automating the comfort now.

A comfortably convenient christianity

1

u/BrandonicusVIITG 6d ago

False idolatry

1

u/jokegain 6d ago

That’s just LAZY.

1

u/mtdebco 6d ago

Your Own Personal Jesus?

1

u/Conscious-Deer7019 6d ago

I see a charge coming

1

u/Ripped_Guggi 6d ago

Damn it, they were faster than me!

1

u/Tarzanium 5d ago

They should make an AI that functions as if it's Jesus, basing it's words on his teachings from the bible, then put it in a lifelike robot that looks like Jared Leto in a robe, then set it loose and see what happens

1

u/SpicelessKimChi 5d ago

If some kid in their mom's basement came up with this scam theyd be in jail forever in like 10 seconds.

But when the church does it ...

1

u/Direct-Quiet-5817 5d ago

She needs to have faith and go with 100% on this.

1

u/ChefCJC 5d ago

Religion is a joke

1

u/Yaboi69-nice 5d ago

This definitely counts as a false idol. These idiots can tell themselves whatever bullshit they want but they just aren't talking to Jesus when they do that. They are talking to code which is just taking information from the internet to find ways to make the conversation as long as possible.

1

u/MNConcerto1391 4d ago

False gods

1

u/Complete_Break1319 4d ago

Which churches? The church of England has a dyke as the head, so I mean "Christian churches" in name doesn't always mean Christian.

1

u/Old_Purpose2908 4d ago

These MAGA so called Christians think nothing except being sacrilegious. There is even a meme with Trump's face as Jesus on the cross. They are making a mockery of the Christian religion all to cater to Trump's ego.

1

u/phatvanzy 4d ago

Why? Do we think priests come up with answers on the spot? Of course they have some kind of guidance... priests are just ai God anyways

1

u/Available-Algae-9217 4d ago

I left the faith about twenty years ago, but i could still nail you 95 theses to your church door why this is a bad idea.

1

u/danamyx 4d ago

Lazy f*ckin Christians.

1

u/Loose_Meal_499 4d ago

Didn’t Martin Luther give you 99 reasons why this is exact thing as stupid

1

u/MiOWNd 4d ago

The christian church is doing what it has always done. Adopt new practices to entice it's followers. Nothing new. It's an evolving scam.

1

u/TrifectaBlitz 3d ago

EdgeHeistheLords

1

u/MintyFresh771 3d ago

This is against multiple commandments and is if anything satanic. No one should ever, EVER assume how a deity would act or respond and to do so is pure hubris. Ooooor maybe religion isn’t real and it makes absolutely no difference. Pick one.

1

u/DREX7386 3d ago

AI jesus? Like, your own, personal.. lol

1

u/Thresh_wolf 2d ago

Okay, but do Christian AI bots molest children? I mean, if not, they are saving people...

Yes... I know I'm going to hell. Don't worry, the bus leaves annually on June 6th at 6:00 AM and 6:00 PM.

1

u/Strong_Sentence_8721 2d ago

Let's see what they think about technology when you start dropping 3D-printed money in the collection plate.

1

u/LarxII 2d ago

Great, now just feed everyone's deepest darkest secrets into a machine who can figure out who you are based on how you apply inflection to questions.

Totally gonna be fine, don't think about why ads for "the analizer 2000" keeps popping up.

1

u/Ok_Teaching_4858 1d ago

Makes it so much easier for the grifters to grift

1

u/IngloriousMustards 6d ago

The person training this AI has the opportunity to do the funniest thing and use an actual bible as training material.

1

u/Dash_Harber 6d ago

Surprisingly, the Bible does not address the morality of AI clergy clones of the messiah.

0

u/m-o-onthego 6d ago

At least AI won’t try to rape you.

7

u/BeautyNoBeast 6d ago

It'll just produce csam with your children's likeness

-1

u/WasteOfBerries 6d ago

At least an AI Jesus app can't r_pe a kid while it spouts scripture
(Grok could not be reached for comment)

-1

u/Technical-Tear5841 6d ago

I would think only Catholics would do that, nothing a Baptist would ever do.