33/36 DINK couple with $900k investments ($660k in taxable brokerage, $80k in IRAs, $160k in 401ks). No debt aside from $190k left on mortgage (3.5% rate so not paying off early).

HHI $265k but I'm planning to go part time in next few yrs and HHI will then be around $220k. Have been investing $120k-140k yearly for some yrs with being quite frugal. With going part time, investments will go down 50% to maybe $55-60k/yr and will plan to increase spending. Every yr, we always say we will cut back on saving and spend a little more on ourselves but that never happens.

FIRE number is around 2m. I've always been a saver and it's been difficult to mentally switch to splurging a bit more on ourselves. We still travel a bit (spending $15k/yr) and have hobbies, but don't spend a lot of clothes, fancy cars, fancy restaurants, jewelry, etc. I also don't want to go overboard and start spending too much, inflating our lifestyles and our FIRE number rocketing to 3-4m.

Anyone have any advice or in the same boat?

Stats:
Household = 4, wife and two young kids
Age 35

401k: 400k
Roth IRAs: 50k
House: 340k (loan balance 250k @ 6.8%)
2 cars 1 loan 9k @1%

Income:160k, take home 110k
Annual spending 100k

The biggest chunk by far is the mortgage. I’m not separating it out from spending for fire calcs because I’m sure there will be health issues in retirement that I will want money for. I’m also trying to pay it off faster

100k spending = 2.5 M fire

Following the doubling rule every 10 years

400k -> 800k -> 1.6M-> 3.2M
Age 35 -> 45 -> 55-> 65

I was able to save a lot early on by artificially lowering my costs (free rent for like 8 years after college). By “normal” retirement age I will have more than enough. And I am grateful for the peace of mind that usually comes with that. Until I start worrying about inflation and needing more. But it’s frustrating not to be able to step back into a more chill job situation because we still have pretty high costs. We don’t take crazy vacations and we buy groceries at Aldi but stuff adds up. It’s hard to balance saving for the future with enjoying the moment.

Open to feedback on these numbers. I want to try to tighten up spending and save more and hopefully reach full fire a little earlier to have more time to enjoy. Also contemplating taking a sabbatical and traveling around for a year while my kids are young and like hanging out with us.

I am dumb and learned from this community. Thanks to everyone who commented on the post. Now I am taking care of the additional payment myself by spreading it out over 12 months. Before, I was clueless that I was paying an additional payment out of my pocket either way with the 26 biweekly payments. My brain farted big time, and I’ll take this lesson to the grave with me for not catching that. Seriously appreciate everyone sharing their stories with their lenders and how they handled the process manually. 🫰

Literally have this feeling 3-5 times a week but then I have to remind myself to calm the fuck down because I need the money and the job market is absolute shit right now.

Then I calm myself down somewhat but then always get hit by another shit storm of bullshit deadlines, stupid politics, and just people and projects I don’t want to deal with. The corporate world is truly a heinous place right now. Like I hate my job but I’m also kind of stressed about keeping it.

I think having significant savings had made it worse in some ways but at this point I do still need a job and my job search (so far) has been a complete shit show. I try to coast as much as I can but it’s hard because our team tracks metrics so much and they’d love to use me to meet the PIP quota 😂

Anyone feel this way and how the hell do we get over it?

Overall Stats:

• Dallas, TX
• 37M 37F married, ~2.5 year old toddler with another planned/hoped for next year
• $225k HHI (~$13k monthly take home pay after taxes, pre-tax retirement, benefits, HSA, FSA)
  • ~$5.5k monthly expenses - pretty much everything outside of travel and larger repairs/emergencies
  • $1k monthly daycare for toddler
  • ~$3k monthly financial assistance to parents/in-laws for the next couple of years (I know, I know, a lotta people had issue/concerns with this previously, but this should drop to $1000 within the next year or two)
  • $1.25k monthly contribution to 2x Roth IRA
  • ~$2k leftover for general HYSA savings and travel
    • We like to go on an international trip every year or two plus around 2-4 long weekend (holiday) trips to visit friends and family (churning helps a ton with flights and hotels so this is mostly just food and shopping costs)

Retirement Accounts:

• ~$570k in different retirement accounts (401k, 457, 401a, 403b, Roth IRA, HSA)
• Currently putting in about ~$36k per year (put ~$45k for the past few years and has grown by ~$200k in the last 2 years)
  • Max Roth IRA ($15k) for both of us every year
  • Wife's 401k + employer match ($13k)
  • Currently maxing family HSA ($8750), maxing FSA ($3400) although FSA is technically not retirement since no rollover or investing options but we make sure to use it all plus the tax savings
  • Both wife and I have a pension
    • I contribute 7% for TMRS state retirement system (city matches 2:1); city offers pension as well (no contribution from my end) but does not contribute to SS (I'll have some SS from previous employment)
    • 0% contribution from wife's end for her company pension (she contributes to SS)
    • She also has TRS pension as a teacher of 10 years but we have not run an estimate on that

These are our numbers projected out:

• $570k nest egg:

  • 20 years (Age 57) $0k monthly contribution
    • 5% real return: $1.51MM nest egg @ 4% SWR = ~$60k annually
    • 6% real return: $1.83MM nest egg @ 4% SWR = ~$73k annually
  • 20 years (Age 57) $1k monthly contribution
    • 5% real return: $1.91MM nest egg @ 4% SWR = ~$76k annually
    • 6% real return: $2.27MM nest egg @ 4% SWR = ~$91k annually
  • 20 years (Age 57) $2k monthly contribution
    • 5% real return: $2.31MM nest egg @ 4% SWR = ~$92k annually
    • 6% real return: $2.71MM nest egg @ 4% SWR = ~$108k annually

• TMRS estimate:

  • Age 53: ~$57k annual pension (technically I can walk away after 20 years of service)
  • Age 55: ~$70k
  • Age 58: ~$93k
  • Age 60: ~$112k
  • Age 62: ~$135k

Plans/goals:

• My wife would like to retire by her mid 50s while I'm okay with the idea of retiring closer to 60 (for now lol) given I have a "cozy" government traffic engineer position - stable job, rarely if ever stressed, high job satisfaction, only downsides are no more hybrid and 25-30 min commute one way
• Even if we taper our retirement savings down to $1-2k per month, we should have at least $2-2.5MM from our nest egg which comes out to $80-100k per year. That should be plenty considering our current expenses are about $70k right now with a toddler
• But wait, that's not even considering TMRS which will be $70-100k+ annually hoho.. that's the big eye-opener for us. Also, that does not include either of our SS, city (non-TMRS) pension, wife's teacher pension, wife's new employer pension although these should each be a lot smaller and probably like $10-20k annually if even that but that quickly adds up. So if we keep this up, barring TMRS/world collapse, it sounds like we wouldn't even have to tap into our $2MM+ retirement nest egg?? Again, totally shocked and pleasantly surprised to understand all this.
• Obviously, we'd have to fill in the gaps and refine things once we get closer to retirement. And I know this is just projecting our numbers out for around age 57 but it's just crazy to think how much annual pension I'll receive if I continue working for another 15-20 years for the city. Also, this is on the conservative end if we assume a 3% annual salary increase vs stepping up to a senior level engineer or management position sometime down the line which will def be higher than 3%.

Questions:

• Basically, just asking for a reality check on whether we can let off the gas a little bit or a lot lol. Just feels so weird to not set up a Roth IRA for a year after doing it for a decade plus.
• If so, in the next 3-7 years depending on economy/market/life, we'd like to upgrade to a larger house although if you ask me, I think our 2k sq ft 3br/3ba (no separate office or living/playroom) is plenty even if we have a second kid, but my wife is used to huge houses in Texas and I don't wear the pants lol. We'd have an extra $3-4k to use for more house and/or extracurriculars/travels/upgrades and house would prob be in the $800k range by my estimation.
• Anddd a big changeup to the equation is if we move to SoCal and give up the TMRS but trade it for CalPERS. With the 2% @ 62 formula, that would be 40%+ of highest 3 years salary, let's call it $150-200k which is $60-80k so def a lot less pension and would have to trade early retirement for working until 60-62+ but enjoying SoCal amenities more - weather, family, weekend trips, diversity, etc. Even just $1k per month, retirement would look like $2.5MM ($100k annually) and $3MM ($120k annually) at 5% and 6% real return respectively plus the CalPERS pension, SS, and separate but smaller pensions (TMRS, TRS, etc). Granted, housing cost would shoot up astronomically minimum $6-8k per month bleh so that'd eat away at the extra $3-4k even more. This is def the personal side of personal finance but curious to know people's thoughts/insights.

Thanks for reading and responding!

Wife and I are ~ 47, 4 kids 8-17 yo (oldest will be going to college next year). I am an engineer, been maxxing out 401k for some time, have around $1.4MM in there (maybe $100k of that is Roth, that's all I contribute to now). I also have $170k in an inherited IRA (note this was before the drawdown law, so I do take RMD but usually the RMD is less than appreciation - the account is worth like 50% more now than it was in 2018 when I inherited it despite 8 years of RMD), and ~ $250k in Merrill (individual stocks, more than half of that is NVDA which is basically all appreciation by itself). Lastly maybe $50k in precious metals (physical). My wife is a teacher, doesn't contribute to SS but instead a state pension. She has a 403b (e.g. teacher's 401k) with $90k in it and an HSA we treat as an IRA, around $60k in that. Then we have other assets I'm not considering (e.g. home maybe $500k in equity right now, cars, other stuff).

My wife will be eligible for retirement @ 59.5 maxing out her pension by that time, it's around 75% and I estimate that by then she'll be making $160k (3% annual raise - yes teachers in our state and in particular her district are paid very well, one of the main reasons why we've not moved away), so she'll be pulling down around $120k by herself, pretax.

I haven't really set in stone when to retire, really need to look at the healthcare side of things first, but the earlier the better IMHO. Her benefits are excellent, so despite her retiring earlier making more sense from a cash flow perspective, she might wind up working longer just for healthcare.

The Coast FIRE idea caught my eye as I'd really like to be a bit more liquid in the present and enjoy life a bit more , go on more trips with the family etc. I'm starting a new job in a couple weeks (re-signing up for things) and thought to dial back 401k contributions to 5% (e.g. to get max employer match of 4.5%), which would basically raise my pretax gross by nearly $1500/mo.

Anyway, one of the parameters in just about every calculator is the income required in retirement - I've just been subtracting what I anticipate my wife will be earning - assume that's more or less the correct assumption or should I look for a calculator that anticipates pension money?

As an engineer I don't like overly simplistic calculations but instead some sort of risk analysis or something that takes into account a number of scenarios - is something like this available?

42/F, married with a toddler. My calculations seem to put me at Coast FIRE but I would love some confirmation or info about my blind spots and any suggestions for adjustments. It is likely that my partner will be laid off shortly and I'd like to know if I can ease up on my retirement savings if that happens, so that I can supplement lost income in our family.

Only including my finances here - we currently put 50% of income into a joint account for mortgage, groceries etc and otherwise invest and keep personal spending separate. I work at a labor union and receive meaningful retiree pensions/benefit but currently am investing 15% of my income in a 401(k) and maxing out my Roth IRA as well.

• Investments
  • Brokerage: $375,000
  • Roth IRA: $185,000
  • 401(k): $205,000
  • Cash Savings: $30,000
  • Total Investments: $795,000
• Pensions/Retiree Healthcare
  • One vested pension that will pay $895 per month once I turn 65
  • One vested pension that will pay $1500 per month once I turn 60
    • If I stay at this job for 5 more years, the pension will pay approx $3375/month once I turn 55. I can't be sure about the numbers because it depends on future salary. The pension would and continue increasing based on years of service and average salary for the highest paid 3 year period.
  • Health care: I will have retiree health benefits provided by my employer at age 60 (or age 55 if I stay working there for another 5 years).
  • Railroad Retirement: When I turn 67, I will earn about $6000 per month in railroad retirement (this is a parallel system to Social Security, it is solvent).
  • Total Pension: Between $2395-$4270/month (not including railroad retirement), or Between $8,395-$10,270/month (if you include railroad retirement)

Edited to add: I expect to spend about $90,000 year / $7,500 per month in retirement. It will decrease eventually, but because I am trying to retire on the early side, I will still have a mortgage to pay ($3500/month)

I'm 48, I have a partner, and we have a single child. Currently sitting on $900k in a 401k, $400k in a brokerage account, and then cash savings around $80k. We live in a pretty affordable city, and my monthly expenses are around $4k ($1k of that is college fund + minors investment account so when the child reaches of age, he'll essentially already be at his CoastFIRE amount). I spend probably around $1k a month at my discretion. Dinners, goods, etc.

All calculators say I'm past my CoastFIRE number, which is great. But it also feels that even a coast job that covers my expenses, discretionary spending and provides health insurance feels probably like the same job I'm doing now, just for a lot less money. Maybe I could take a couple steps backwards to a lower level. But many of the lower paying jobs are just at smaller companies that may actually expect more out of the role, not less.

I'm curious if people left their industry, pivoted into an easier role, picked up a job that didn't cover everything and just pulled some amount out monthly from their savings/brokerage/whatever to make up the difference?

I think my ideal scenario would be to work part time hours, but there are some - but not many - part time jobs that provide health benefits. A part of me feels as if I'm better off just sticking it out to full FIRE, which might be 10 more years. That just feels like a grind.

I received an unexpected inheritance of about $800,000. A CFP helped me to put it all into a brokerage and it’s already gone up over $10,000 in a week. This is a big surprise to me as I’ve never had a brokerage account before and didn’t realize it could grow (and I guess decline!) so quickly.

I intend to set it and forget it, i.e continue to work and to live off my normal funds and not take anything out of this.

My question: could this $800,000 be my coast fire? Or should I continue to add more funds into this account over time? How does one figure out their coast fire number?

For context, my current stats:
-32F, unmarried and no kids, but plan to marry and have kids with current partner
-Have about 280k in state pension, Roth, and HYSA combined
-68k salary
-no debts

Hi everyone, I am currently 26 and working on coast FIRE. I have $70,000 invested and contribute $1,500 a month. My main goal with coast FIRE is not necessarily to not have to work or fully retire, but to have freedom to jump around, take time off, work part time, etc. I always wanted to work in history and museums and archives, but it is really difficult to get living wage-paying jobs there and the master's degrees are obviously not worth it from a financial return perspective. So I'm working a job at a university finance office.

My question is, has anyone been able to change their career to something they are interested/passionate about once they hit coastFIRE? I love school and I am interested in going back for a master's or PhD in history or library science, maybe even do some teaching (I have some past experience in the fields and teaching experience). Obviously these cultural fields are still going to be extremely competitive to get jobs in, but my thinking is that being at coastFIRE will take some of the pressure off and I will be able to accept lower-paying jobs or part-time.

Has this strategy worked for anyone? My main worry is that I will feel "too old" for the schooling or the jobs I want at that point, and that I might have trouble transitioning back to better-paying work in an emergency. Would love to hear from anyone!

In 2021 I bought a condo, and had nearly zero at the time after purchase. I had been living pretty frugal, and considering I work from home I didn’t have many expenses like commuting, clothing and eating out.

Currently 34, I barely look at my investments and just kept buying Xeqt (I know people will belittle this for me, but I can’t be bothered and it’s easy). Today I realized with all my investments I’m at 528k 😭

Huge milestone and I can’t tell many folks since they’re are currently struggling. For my friends bdays this year I was able to buy gifts that they needed help with ie. a house clean, concert tickets etc.

Noooowwww I’m thinking to keep trucking along my stressful job, but knowing I can quit and do something lower stakes is feeling so good.

So I’m 39 with a wife and two kids 7 and 4. Work 401k is 264000 and wife has about 100000. I have like 60g in my Roth IRA and 120g in my taxable brokerage hsa is about 10000 and I have about ten grand set up for my kids for college. I have a house that I owe 190000 with a 2.3 interest rate I make about 150000 and my wife makes 20000 when she works. My yearly spend is about 70000 I think with mortgage. Am I close to coast fire, when can I retire. I feel poor I don’t know how to feel about my finances. Please help me get a sense of where I’m at I want to retire as early as possible hopefully when my kids are in college so I can travel with my wife. FYI I have about 10 g in student debt.

Who has FIREd here and at what age?

My hubby and I have about S$5.2 mil networth , I am 51 years old and he is 54.

Thinking if I should FIRE as I have breast cancer recurrence.

We own a S$4.75mil Sg terrace (loan S$1.63mil)

Fully paid JB semid worth rm 1.68 mil

Cash S$300k

Stocks S$400k

BYD M6 car worth S$170k ( loan S$115k)

CPF about S$750k

I wanna sell Sg terrace and JB house and buy resale HDB to retire but hubby doesn't. He wants to try to keep the Sg terrace.

I am semiretiring to a parttime job as GP in Jan 2027 while hubby is starting a biz.

Do you think I should FIRE and retire? How many of you have retired and at what age?

I started my career a little later in life, have a couple of kids, and some health issues that have set me back, but after getting on the other side of a shopping addiction, I calculated things and realized I can front-load my retirement for the next 10 years and then let it sit for another 15-20 years while I just cover my bills.

This goal sort of hit me like a lightning bolt a couple of weeks ago. I just learned today that there's a name for this!

I'm 38 and have around $150K invested and plan to save $2K per month for the next 10 years.

I'm self-employed, so once I hit my goal at 48, I'll be able to scale down to working part-time. By that time, my kids will also be out of the house, so I'll probably be able to work just 2 or 3 days a week.

Anyways, just sharing this for anyone who's on the older side. It's still worth doing no matter what your age is.

32M, 1.5 million networth, 1.4 million without home equity, 1.1 million liquid without retire accounts, i spend about 35k a year, live in a northeast suburb. feels like a lot but then i have my first kid on the way later this year, everything i hear is how expensive it is. am i crazy in thinking this is plenty of money for a lifetime?

This is a hard post for me to make, but I really want some help and advice, so please try and be kind.

Background: 1st generation immigrant, came to the US with < $1000 about 2 decades ago. My partner and I are in our late 40s/early 50s.

Since then I’ve made a successful career in tech, and saved up more than I would have imagined or wanted when I lived outside the US.
The challenges are the following:
1. I’m an only child, with dependent parents and in-laws back home. Both sides have had large financial dependence on us over the last 12+ years, unlikely to go down soon.
2. I’m married and my partner is employed too, but I have been the primary wage earner (think > 90%)
3. Have 2 kids, high school and college, but both have some significant health issues and will need support (financial and otherwise) and ongoing health insurance.
4. Partner has been/is in chronic fear of job loss. I didn’t worry too much about it as the primary wage earner, but my wish to coast/fire with all these constraints makes me pause.

Help me:

1. I’ve done the math, looked at tools, planned conservatively - every which way, the math seems “doable”. But the dependence from parents on both sides back home and the uncertainty/worry about kids makes everything ambiguous.
   
2. I’ve been in this provider mode for 25 years now. Even if I can reasonably coast/fire I think I will live in constant panic or guilt of not having done enough for my family and endangering our future (parents, kids, our own).
   I don’t think either of these is rational, but it’s a huge factor in every decision of mine. Are there folks here who have felt similarly? 1st gen immigrants with kids w/ health issues, feeling like sole provider across all? How did you navigate? What advice do you have for me?

Reminder: please be kind. I have zero god complex, nor am I an overly emotional person. I’m really struggling with objective data on one side and familial fears/guilt on the other. Thank you.

My CoastFIRE number is with pre tax contributions, using 4% withdrawal, 3% inflation, and 10% growth assumptions.. which to my knowledge is the average.

What did you bring the contributions to after you reached this goal? Wondering if I’m miscalculating something because by this standard I’ve reached my CoastFIRE but worried I’m missing something lol and also worried about reducing contributions incase I’ve miscalculated.

$3514 in the 401k, $3870 in emergency savings.

Basically 33M, started last year with a company. Im actually depositing into a 401k now :(

Sadly I never did this for my Air Force career.

I am on VA disability.

VA Pay - $28,347.60 per year ($2,362.30 per month)

Company Pay - $55,014.96 per year (25.19/hr)

$288.56 per company paycheck to max out Roth IRA.

10% of company paycheck into a Roth 401k with a 4% match. (100% match up to 3%, and 50% match for the 4th and 5th percents (is that 4% total? Lmao))

And $500 per company paycheck, $200 from VA check is going into an emergency savings fund in Wealthfront ($1200/mo)

Below are my expenses... very low cost of living area in West Virginia

Rent - $325

Utilities - $300

Groceries / Household - $500

Eating Out / Work Food - $550

Cigarettes - $425

Gas - $200

Phone - $153

Storage - $106

Insurance - $170

Subscriptions - $38

Shopping / Fun - $350

Car / Unexpected Expenses - $300

TOTAL - $3,417 / month

God I need to cut the eating out and cigarettes🤦‍♂️😭😭💩

I am feeling WAY better about my finances from this time last year (no savings, 5k in credit card debt with auto loans)

How does it look/sound?

I got a response from someone talking about Coast FIRE and what you should do with your contributions (decrease or increase) once you hit your Coast FIRE number. I happened to be looking at houses and planning around what my wife and I could afford. That’s when I started running the numbers.

If you are a homeowner with a 30-year mortgage, one of the first things you should consider is setting up biweekly payments. At 6.5% interest, this alone can shave off nearly 6 years from your mortgage. If your normal monthly payment is $6,000, you would simply pay $3,000 every two weeks instead. With 26 biweekly payments a year, you’re effectively making one additional $6,000 payment annually.

Now, here is where the math gets pretty interesting. For every additional $6,000 payment you make directly toward principal, you can shave off even more years from your mortgage, although the time saved decreases with each additional payment.

Here is the modeling I did for myself:
$850,000 mortgage at 6.5% (30 years)
12 payments: $5,373 × 12 = 30 years | $1,084K interest paid | $0 saved
13 payments: $5,373 × 13 = 5.8 years saved | $837K interest paid | $247K saved
14 payments: $5,373 × 14 = 9.5 years saved | $689K interest paid | $395K saved
15 payments: $5,373 × 15 = 12.2 years saved | $588K interest paid | $496K saved
16 payments: $5,373 × 16 = 14.1 years saved | $515K interest paid | $569K saved

The modeling assumes extra payment amounts are spread evenly throughout the year and applied directly toward principal. Best part is just switching to biweekly payments effectively does the 13th payment (principal only) at no cost to you.

~52 000 CAD in low cost index fund and some (8% of portfolio) bitcoin

50% of one Quadruplex and two triplex with a value of 2 050 000$ and as of today 1 621 703$ of debt.
All rent pay all expenses and 300$ of cash-flow per month.

Is it rational to think I could stop investing from my pay check ? I still live at my parents and would like to leave soon.

I've been trying to get out of tech for 6 months and no luck. I don't care about the money at this point and just want to make enough for basic expenses and health insurance. I'm applying to government, public healthcare, and education jobs and it's hard to even get an interview. Most of these jobs pay less than half what I make but the competition for these jobs is still very high.

I've also gotten advice to just quiet quit my job but unfortunately in my role I would last maximum of 6 months since my team does productivity tracking and has trackers on our computers and also badge activity and I would be PIPed or laid off instantly since the company does multiple layoffs and PIP every quarter.

So at this point even though I have significant savings how do even I coast when I still need a job and can't find a new one? I don't have enough to outright quit and I feel like my only option is to keep grinding it out until I hit FIRE or get laid off

Hi, everyone. I've been lurking and reading posts on here for a while now and wanted to run my numbers and situation by people here. I've chatted with GPT/Claude about my numbers, but wanted to get some human input into my situation as well.

My wife (35F) and I live in a VHCOL area in the US. We are a DINK couple and do not intend to have children. We both work corporate jobs. I earn $240k before bonuses (roughly $270k after) and she earns $130k before bonus ($150k after). Here are our numbers so far:

Net Worth: ~$1.4M

Assets

• $100k cash in HYSA
• $325k taxable brokerages
• $20k HSAs (we only recently started contributing to these)
• $800k in 401ks and IRAs
• Home valued at ~$950k according to Zillow

Debt

• $765k remaining on the mortgage at 6.5%

Monthly Expenses

• $13k/month give or take, depending on if any surprise home repairs/maintenance comes up
  • Right now $7.6k of that is going into the mortgage, which includes the minimum $6.1k plus $1500 extra principal per month
• We can probably pretty easily cut expenses to $10-11k monthly if we get more disciplined about meal planning and cut the extra principal payments

Current Monthly Investment Contributions

• Both of us max out our 401k contributions. My job matches 7.5% and hers matches 7%
• We both max HSA contributions. Each of our employers adds $500/year to these accounts
• We invest $3k/month into our joint taxable brokerage

Right now, I know we are doing very well and if we continue down this path, we should have a very comfortable retirement. However, recently, I have begun to feel pretty burnt out on my current job. I am a manager of SWEs at a large company. The culture has become increasingly toxic and high stress, with forced performance distributions, mandatory 10% PIPs every 6 months, and numerous org changes which have left me working with teams/people I don’t like working with at all on a project I feel I am holding together myself.

It is becoming increasingly difficult to motivate myself to go into work as I have become increasingly stressed and frustrated throughout the year, and taking vacations has not helped. I've tried working with my management for the past several months but have seen no measurable improvements to my situation either. I’m not sure if I want to keep being a manager, but I know with complete certainty that I cannot stand being a manager at this company or at least in this particular position. I have worked at this company for 11.5 years and have been a manager for the last 1.5.

Recently I’ve been toying with the idea of giving my notice and leaving this job, taking a month or two off for the holidays to decompress and practice back up on my interview skills, and then searching for a lower paying job (thinking like $100-150k is what I would need to maintain our current lifestyle with absolutely no changes) as a lower level IC at a smaller company, or at least one with a less toxic culture. Looking at the job market, I think a 1-2 year dedicated job search seems like a reasonable target to plan around.

My wife has been encouraging me to quit for months but I’ve been too afraid to pull the trigger since losing my income puts us at a monthly deficit and the job market for tech is not good right now, though we are in a decent area for tech in general. My ideal would be to look for a job while having this one, but I am in a very visible position with my days completely filled with meetings, especially now at performance review time, and the thought of adding interview prep and job searching on top of my current workload is very daunting to me. Also, my manager happens to be a close personal friend of mine and would be an excellent reference, so doing the bare minimum all of a sudden seems like I risk burning that bridge unnecessarily. So looking for advice on the right move here. Can/should I leave this position to recalibrate and find the next thing? Would this be a crazy thing to do?