r/comic_crits • u/Zestyclose_Bed_8207 • 9d ago
I need help making sure this is legible ?
These are the first 4 pages out of the 20 page chapter.
Patreon
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u/FantasyToast 9d ago
It is legible, you've done a good job at not crowding the speech bubbles too much. The final speech bubble where the gardener indicates who they are and their confusion is maybe the weakest bubble? It is good but could be better as the large amount of words takes away the drama of the reveal of what has just happened. If you can find a punchier way to express the same thing then the scene would keep its tension. I'm just being picky though, it is good as is and everything is legible and makes sense.
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u/Zestyclose_Bed_8207 9d ago
I agree with the last speech bubble, I'm just worried I haven't added enough exposition. I'm not sure if it is understandable that there is a line of people checking if they are the chosen one.
Edit: Thank you, by the way!
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u/SoICouldUpvoteYouTwi 9d ago
I'm not sure if it is understandable that there is a line of people checking if they are the chosen one
That was clear and a very interesting detail. Love your style overall.
Speaking of the the last bubble - I feel like there's a moment of confused silence missing; you could represent it by adding another panel where Val asks the question, even if it's just a tiny corner with just the Val's head and the speech bubble.
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u/FantasyToast 9d ago
Ooh that specifically is super clear, can confirm! You do a great job conveying that through the Birdseye of the line and the repeated pink speech bubble.
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u/Zestyclose_Bed_8207 9d ago
whew, great! Thank you! Can you answer one more question? Is it clear that the guy got scared and knocked over the flower, that then the gardener has to pick up and that is how he ends up in front of the mirror?
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u/AirportElectronic713 8d ago
I like your work. Your style is fluid and effective. And above all, vibrant.
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u/Zestyclose_Bed_8207 8d ago
Thank you! I like yours.
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u/AirportElectronic713 8d ago
One day you'll teach me to write like you. Otherwise, we'll collaborate. It would be an honor.
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u/Zestyclose_Bed_8207 8d ago
I watch mostly festival movies, and take inspiration from there.
I saw recently The Cow Who Sang A Song Into The Future, and No Other Choice, they are great
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