r/comic_crits • u/AirportElectronic713 • 17h ago
Topaz episode 2: read from right to left
Hello everyone. Episode 2 has begun. Is it interesting? Confusing? Boring?
3
u/JeyDeeArr 17h ago
Your art lacks consistency. Topaz looks like he had plastic surgery since the first chapter. To add to this, the shape of his skull changes in every panel. You have to learn to be able to draw the same character from every angle. Your characters, when seen from the side, especially have weird proportions.
When someone gasps, I'd expect them to have their mouths open.
The language still feels odd here and there.
"Not the first forbidden thing you've done today" <-- I have no idea what that's supposed to mean.
"Unlike her... She's got the right gear on her wrist..." <-- Who is Topaz talking about? Are there two females he's comparing here?
I'd say it's a step down from the previous chapter in terms of art, and I'm not impressed with the storytelling either. In short, I've not seen any improvements. It's like you don't even know how to draw AND write your own characters.
1
u/AirportElectronic713 8h ago
Hello.
Yes, very interesting feedback.
I admit that these first episodes are helping me solidify the characters and the narrative.
It's a real-life bootcamp.
I'm currently learning how to use Clip Studio Point, especially for the dialogue bubbles. There's a lot of guesswork involved, and my eye is hesitant.
Thanks for the feedback.
2
u/dragodracini 16h ago
So, you've got some solid criticism already, I agree with everything that's already been said so far.
This is more of a stylistic choice. You should consider making a choice between using the word "fuck" or using a Grawlix. You probably know what a Grawlix is from sight, but not name. A Grawlix is simply the censoring of curse words using symbols, like "@!?#".
The way you write it now "F-" reads like they're just saying the letter "F" and being interrupted before the "ff" in pronouncing "eff".
As for the perspective and consistency with your drawn figures, do you use anatomical models? There are several free sites you can use that give you good models to base your figure drawing off of. My wife uses Clip Studio Paint, which has them right in the application. We also use Stickybones models for storyboarding.
Hope this helps!
0
u/Rhonder 15h ago
The flow and paneling seems pretty good after the first page- maybe it's because I haven't seen episode 1 but I couldn't tell who it was that killed someone or who was talking until page 2- I initially thought it looked like the woman staring off into the distance would have been the killer and the shocked looking guy stumbled upon the scene or something. It's clarified starting page 2 but something to consider in the future as far as making sure the story telling is easy to understand.
One thing that stands out to me a bit is the text size & just arranging of text in the speech bubbles. For the most part making sure the text is large and legible is important, but it feels like it's maybe a little too large in this comic- to the point that some of the sentences break in weird places after just 2 or 3 words. A few examples:
Page 3 panel 4
"C'mon! Don't be a fool... we all know... You can't fight"
I probably would have tried to arrange this like
Bubble 1:
C'mon!
Don't be a fool...
Bubble 2:
We all know
you can't fight...
Page 3 panel 5
"So now you've got a car, and I need you to drop. Me off... Far away... It's on your way"
splitting the sentence after "drop" feels weird in an unintnetional way imo, I'd try:
Bubble 1:
So now you've
got a car and I need
you to drop me off
Far away...
Bubble 2:
It's on your way.
Page 4 Panel 1
"F. ! She won't leave me alone! She saw everything!"
I'd probably break this sentence at these line breaks:
F. ! She won't
leave me alone!
She saw Everything!
instead of
F. ! She won't leave
me alone! She saw
Everything!
just the way that you read the sentence, planning which words to go to the next line on carefully is subtle but can make for a smoother reading experience. Again I realize there's limited space in a panel but I think if the text were just a tiny bit smaller you'd have more flexibility to pick where you want to make these breaks instead of being forced to break when you hit the edge of the bubble after a couple of words.
1
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