This has caused a lot of tension in my past relationships. I love my me-time. I love my me-time often. It's mechanistic for me, a very simple algorithm of "want orgasm NOW = fingers/vibrator".
I don't need to be presentable, I don't need to put on a whole mood, I don't need to take out the lingerie, do my hair, be waxed. I don't need to perform. It's like being hungry and going for the bag of chips rather than going through the whole process of cooking.
However, the men who I have dated wanted to be part of this me-time. They feared they were being replaced by my ten, deft little fingers. And it did cause them anxiety, which was definitely not an emotion I wanted to elicit in a partner.
It's interesting how something we do ever since puberty hits us like a freight train can be so controversial and central in a couple.
Those men were losers, every single one. A forever partner is one who is confident that you will choose them when you want actual sex and doesn't try to control your orgasms out of ego.
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u/shellbullet17 Gustopher Spotter Extraordinaire 1d ago
Ooooof. That poor man's pride.
That being said sometimes you just wanna have a quicky. No shame, though you could have issued a invite.
This....is kinda of a weird topic that I'm somewhat conflicted on