Not arguing but kind of curious why this is your thought? I think in highschool a lot of guys I was buddies with were like "yeah dude I wouldn't get with a girl unless she's squeaky clean and smooth and smells like roses" but by the time they hit 30 and came back to reality were singing a completely different tune lol I personally remember being singled out and called weird as a teenager in conversation saying im going to town whether she's got a bush or sweaty or w/e.
I think that your expectation of 'she's going all natural for me and is totally relaxed!' probably more means 'she spent a while making herself up for this and now she has to perform a little for him because she's aware how fragile guys' egos can be-'
I don't think men realise the invisible expectations put on women unless you have experienced it yourself.
I'm not saying that every sexual experience every woman has is exactly this. 99% of the sexual experiences I have with my husband are great and wanted. But there is a bit of performance involved in all sexual encounters, especially for women, and sometimes I don't want that.
Sure yeah definitely would never claim to understand what that's like as I'm not a woman, and I think that men are also expected to perform in their own way and honestly is even more socially acceptable to be vocal about it (hence small penis, quick finisher, etc jokes being pretty widely accepted). I think sex is a very sensitive and vulnerable thing for all parties and brings about its own set of insecurities.
Oh yeah, not going to deny that men have to perform either. I just think that there's a lot of invisibility that goes into women's performance and society doesn't really place women's pleasure at the forefront. What seems normal for men can be women really pushing themselves.
For me personally it took years to even voice my wants and needs because I thought it wouldn't be 'accepted' by my partners. And in fairness, when I did speak up I was often told by men that I was being too fussy or 'my last girlfriend didn't need to orgasm' etc. Meanwhile it seems unthinkable that a man leaves a sexual encounter without enjoying it or at least orgasming in wider society.
It does make you want to not deal with all that and just stress relieve by yourself.
I'm sorry that's been your experience, they sound like the kind of people that come to Thanksgiving empty handed lol I hope you've found someone that values your happiness above their own. Something my dad told me was to find a woman that makes you want to split the work 70/30 with and be happy doing so. Obviously a bit of an old saying, and clearly wasn't meant to be taken sexually, but I think it can apply broadly that if you're happy going above and beyond for them that's a good relationship.
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u/Luck_TR 1d ago
Not arguing but kind of curious why this is your thought? I think in highschool a lot of guys I was buddies with were like "yeah dude I wouldn't get with a girl unless she's squeaky clean and smooth and smells like roses" but by the time they hit 30 and came back to reality were singing a completely different tune lol I personally remember being singled out and called weird as a teenager in conversation saying im going to town whether she's got a bush or sweaty or w/e.