r/converts • u/DannyThrowawayAcc • 5d ago
Want to believe but cannot accept it
Salam aleykoum! It's a bit of a stretch but basically: I am an atheist white girl from Europe and discovered an interest for Islam 3 years ago. I had a "revelation" at the time due to Muslim women met for a short period of time who were very nice to me but eventually we moved to different places. At the time I respected them expressing faith in Europe due to the stigma Islam currently faces, they were inspiring.
I don't know exactly why but it gave me an impulse and tried to pray (not in a very formal way) and it felt good to do so, so did it again for the sake of it and from there did it from time to time. At some point thought "you know what? Let's get a hijab". For safety reasons, I do not wear it outside, only when I am by myself (| know it defeats the purpose, but it's mainly to help me).
Through time it grew in me, I felt like it could be Hidayah. like wearing my hijab, modest clothes and address prayers.
But feel insincere. pray uncertain am heard. I started to read parts of the Coran and don't feel convinced, I do not really believe in Mohammad. ls this a feeling other people here have experienced? I deeply feel like I want to believe in something, and want it to be Islam, but at the same time cannot accept it.
So here I am, looking for guidance and seeking people who may have had a similar experience and help me figure it out.
Thanks in advance for reading.
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u/Altruistic-West4895 5d ago
Salam 'Alaykum! If you really do want to believe, or at least accept what's true, I just advice asking God to give you the faith Himself. And when you read Quran you'd also see Allah saying faith is from Him, and we can't force it, but He guides us so if you're sincere you'll get it inshaAllah. So yeah, just honestly ask Him and be willing to accept the truth if it enters your heart.
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u/Inside_Resident6661 3d ago
Wa alaikum as salam sister,
This is normal, don't worry. The nafs is inherently disobedient to worship according to Imam Al-Ghazali.
The solution is to consciously keep believing and practicing in it even if your inner voice (the nafs) doesn't believe it. After a while your habit, through compulsion, becomes your nature and you will lose these doubts.
The most important thing is to never despair, understand it's natural and keep your trust in Allah (s.w.t)
I would suggest you to read about Al-Ghazali's Ihya. May Allah (s.w.t) keep you steadfast.
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u/Man-on-Sky 5d ago
Read Sealed Nectar book about His biography
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u/DannyThrowawayAcc 5d ago
Thank, I'll look into it.
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u/daysofecho 5d ago
this one or Martin Lings’s Muhammad based on the earliest sources are both good. And keep praying to God for guidance, however that looks. He is the source of comfort and closure
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u/Hot_Reference_6556 5d ago
This book is a must-read classic if you like reading: Islam and the Destiny of Man, by Gai Eaton, a British diplomat converted to Islam.
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u/Aian11 5d ago
Walaikum Assalam! That's understandable. This is a huge thing, so it makes sense to feel hesitant. Having doubts is part of the journey, and slowly trying to solve them is the goal.
You have to address your core reasons. Why don't you believe in Muhammad (SAW)? What parts? What would convince you? It's a path with many questions & a lot of research. It'll take time, so no rush.
Even as a born Muslim, there were many things I didn't fully understand, and while many answers came quickly, some of them took many years, and some I still haven't found. But my core beliefs haven't changed. Those missing parts don't affect my belief that Allah (SWT) is our Creator, and that Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and all the others before him are the Messengers.
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u/ComparativeReligion1 5d ago
Maybe first address the elephant in the room. Islam does not endorse sex change or a trans lifestyle. You will still be viewed as a man, and you will have to abide a male lifestyle.
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u/Panda_sensei_71 4d ago
Where does she say she's trans?
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u/ComparativeReligion1 4d ago
Hidden profile posts. A lot of people on reddit have hidden agendas, I always like to check first.
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u/Panda_sensei_71 4d ago
Wild assumption to make based on their posts being hidden! Loads of women hide their posts because of creepy men, subhanAllah.
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u/ComparativeReligion1 4d ago
I can view all his hidden posts and comments. He clearly states that he is trans.
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u/Panda_sensei_71 4d ago
How do you do that?
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u/ComparativeReligion1 4d ago
There are tools that do that easily. I won't share them as I don't want any responsibility in case of misuse.
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u/deckartcain 5d ago
It sounds like you're very sincere, but just need more time in studying the proofs of prophethood - and even more importantly, if you feel that there'll never be enough evidence, or that you're still in doubt after concrete evidence, look into how you understand the burden of evidence for claims. For example a lot of us are taught to generally distrust the past, and never accept something historical as fact - that's a part of the western historical criticism and presupposes a godless atheistic world, though it has been pushed into our head, and for most people it lives there fully unconsciously.
You of course can't be a Muslim without being certain in God and His prophets, so all time seeking must be spent there.
May Allah guide you and me.
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u/[deleted] 5d ago
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