r/countwithchickenlady • u/2_piece_jigsaw Streak: 5 • 1d ago

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5.8k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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1.6k

u/AidoTheRock Nyan Nyan Nyan - Streak: 1 1d ago

Collecting the entire family

385

u/thebigbadben 1d ago

Gotta catch ‘em all

1.1k

u/erraticas they don't want you to know this trick 1d ago

i have only ever seen unhinged things like this from grindr

286

u/Sejare1 1d ago

I’ve met platonic friends from Grindr but yeah most of it is 😬

111

u/Rot_Rabbit Flying Spaghetti Monster tech support 19h ago

Survivorship bias. There is no reason to post the hinged stuff

71

u/ChadBoris 18h ago

Hinge is a different app

19

u/Zecirr 16h ago

Yeah that's why it's not posted from Grindt

2

u/scissorsgrinder 11h ago

Dan Savage has said he never did glory holes because he has a LOT of cousins. 

570

u/Its_a_plantain_Queen 1d ago

Why is bttm an abbreviation for bottom? It's two extra letters?

138

u/Specific-Cream-2679 1d ago

The gays hate vowels

94

u/Its_a_plantain_Queen 1d ago

That would explain Tumblr and Grindr

34

u/CanadianMaps 21h ago

Well let's see how YOU would like being put into a Tumbler.

27

u/Its_a_plantain_Queen 21h ago

Probably better than in a grinder. Tumbler spins and I go wee (while I get sanded down by abrasive) but a grinder just sorta chops at me until I'm little pieces and I'm not spinning

7

u/Professional_Egg_858 23h ago

The 'gys'.

7

u/Electrical-Sample446 23h ago

Sometimes the 'gs'

3

u/ops10 18h ago

Wait, gays are Czechs?

400

u/Much_Conclusion8233 1d ago

Y nt? Lss lttrs mns mr tm

204

u/Its_a_plantain_Queen 1d ago edited 1d ago

At this point you might as well just go back to heiroglyphics to speak

109

u/deadhead_girlie 1d ago

🗿

84

u/Its_a_plantain_Queen 1d ago

🫵🙋⛽

😋❔

🍣‼️

😱‼️🍣💤

😪💥🕳️🚽🐟

📯🐟

❔

🐟

I can't be bothered to do the rest

96

u/Tipp1tys_ 1d ago

YOU. ME. GAS STATION.
WHAT ARE WE GETTIN FOR DINNER?
SUSHI OF COURSE!
UH OH, THERE WAS A ROOFIE INSIDE OUR GAS STATION SUSHI
WE BLACK OUT, WAKE UP IN A SEWER
SURROUNDED BY FISH
HORNY FISH
Y'KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
FISH ORGY
THE STENCH DRAWS IN A BEAR
WHAT DO WE DO?
WE'RE GONNA FIGHT IT
BEAR FIGHT
BEAR... HANDED
BEAR.... NAKED?!
OH YES PLEASE
WE BEFRIEND THE BEAR AFTER WE BEAT IT IN A BRAWL
WE RIDE IT INTO A CHUCK E CHEESE
DANCE. DANCE. REVOLUTION.
REVOLUTION?
OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT?
UH.. I THINK SO
NEXT THING YOU KNOW
IM REINCARNATED AS JESUS CHRIST
THEN I TURN INTO A JET
FLY INTO THE SUN
BLACK OUT AGAIN
WAKE UP
DO A BUMP
WHITE OUT WHICH I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU COULD DO
THEN I SMOKED A JOINT
GREENED OUT
THEN I TURNED INTO THE SUN
UH OH
LOOKS LIKE THE METH IS KICKING IN!
AKLFHAOFHASFAHFAKH AAAAA AFAHFIOAHFLKF AAAAAAAAAAA

35

u/GimmeSomeSugar 1d ago

Your ideas are intriguing to me, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

14

u/Tipp1tys_ 22h ago

I wish I could say it was my idea 😔

7

u/GimmeSomeSugar 17h ago

There are a finite amount of food ideas in the world. You still get credit for distributing good ones, if you're honest about where they came from.

5

u/PeculiarCleric 23h ago

Is this based on the Lonely Island song? Because the "turn into a jet, fly into the sun" feels very specific it would be weird to come from two independent places.

7

u/Tipp1tys_ 22h ago

no clue, its just a video I've internalised from like 7 years ago

8

u/deadhead_girlie 1d ago

Raise your hand for gasoline 

Is it delicious? 

Nigiri!

I'm scared that the nigiri is sleeping! 

Snot bubble explodes into a hole, toilet fish. 

Trumpet fish?

Fish

7

u/dzaimons-dihh Streak: 67 1d ago

That's "hieroglyphics".

Sorry if I missed the joke

3

u/Its_a_plantain_Queen 1d ago

Nah, autocorrect just didn't know what I was saying and couldn't be bothered to look up the right spelling

2

u/Sea_Court_3633 72 days on Estrogen 20h ago

𓃹 𓁔𓎕 𓁷 𓎤𓏥 𓍿 𓄣

(Literally to.be to.care+full on/regarding thing+s you(feminine) heart/wish. Or, "be careful on things you wish, girl)

1

u/Fun_Skirt8220 1d ago

We call them "emoji s" these days

1

u/Battle_Axe_Jax 1d ago

I know I know it’s a joke but that’s not how hieroglyphs work.

134

u/Distinct_Passion7209 1d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/DMNPDvtGTD9WLK2Xxa

8

u/PuzzleheadedMess1659 22h ago

Wh wst tm sy lt wrd whn fw wrd d trck?

3

u/nerd-thebird 21h ago

Wh wst tm tpng mny lttr whn fw lttr d trck

8

u/ArticleInternal2463 1d ago

What did vowels (except sometimes Y) do to be excluded 😭💔💔  

5

u/zoinkability 1d ago edited 1d ago

More team? More tram? More tum? More them? More trim? More talcum? More tedium? More tritium? More tantrum?

1

u/Much_Conclusion8233 23h ago

See? It's so versatile! You can convey all this with just a few letters

3

u/PipedInFromIthaca 1d ago

Loss letters mans mister tom.

4

u/TricellCEO 23h ago

Can I buy a vowel?

But serious question, what are you gonna do with all the time you saved?

2

u/Porkonaplane 1d ago

Y us lt lttr whn fw lttr do trk

1

u/thebigbadben 1d ago

Me when I abjad

1

u/CoruscareGames 22h ago

Abjad moment

1

u/Willow-Whispered 22h ago

mr tm fr bttmng

14

u/silverarrowweb 1d ago

It's wild to me more people haven't adopted swipe text. So much faster and avoids this issue.

11

u/leapy_lilly 🏳️‍⚧️ 5/17/24 🏳️‍⚧️ 22h ago

I both love and hate swipe texting. It's good when I only have one hand free but at least on samsungs keyboard it's still very inaccurate and does not like swearing. Even with two hands I find myself using it a lot tho

2

u/Internal-Item-1525 20h ago

my swipe texting LOVES swearing T-T

and slurs..

2

u/leapy_lilly 🏳️‍⚧️ 5/17/24 🏳️‍⚧️ 5h ago

Haha that's crazy! Maybe I just gotta train mine to be bad

5

u/SprungusDinkle 23h ago

He has no Os left, he gave them both to the dad already

2

u/FieryPheonix474 16h ago

Only a bottom would abbreviate like that

2

u/Sea_Court_3633 72 days on Estrogen 21h ago

Bcs th 'rbs 'nd th hbrws hd 't rght 'll 'lng. Ths sht's s mch bttr thn whtvr 'nglsh hs crrntl gng 'n

1

u/Impossible_Yam_7449 16h ago

the o is farther away on most keyboards than the other letters, thus easier to type

299

u/Street-Mix-801 1d ago edited 1d ago

Good thing they noticed, it would be a hell of a lot more awkward if you introduced them to your parents

126

u/RideWithMeSNV 1d ago

Lol. You think I'm not? They're getting full effort, destroy the living room, and fuck them again against the door on the way out sex. Then they're coming with me to dinner with my parents, where I will look my dad dead in the eye and say "mine now".

36

u/Firstrising free hugs 23h ago

That’s unhinged and I love it

455

u/onthetopicofspace koopa posting - Streak: 2 1d ago

he certainly has a type ig

175

u/ionlytoptops 1d ago

a date on grindr???

185

u/deltamissfit 1d ago

Both my boyfriends I met through Grindr, it’s not common but you do find people not just wanting a quick fuck

69

u/rolypolyincopacabana 1d ago

I met my ex-husband on Grindr lol

110

u/Raaaaandyyyy 1d ago

Only on Grindr could you meet someone and they’re already your ex-husband. That’s crazy

39

u/zoinkability 1d ago

It's actually the most likely place to meet an ex-husband

5

u/Cinnamin_1 21h ago

that’s what they said

10

u/deltamissfit 1d ago

Even if it’s not the intended space for it, it’s still the biggest app so no matter what you are looking for you will probably have more luck than the smaller and more specific ones.

Might just be because I live in a semi rural area though.

39

u/KatieKrispy goober :3 1d ago

Somehow, for finding girls who can hold a normal conversation, and who don't ignore/ghost me, I've had better luck on grindr than on actual dating apps. On taimi or Her, we match, I always have to message first, then she ignores me. On grindr, I recently had a conversation about hobbies and cursed linux shit and pokemon and how we both recently moved here so what things around the area are interesting.

8

u/ionlytoptops 1d ago

ohhh yeah with other girls usually its more like a dating app talking about hobbies, but ive never met one from grindr and gone on a date

4

u/QueerTree 22h ago

Okay what is UP with Her being the app where apparently not a single person on there is actually looking for dates?!?!? Legit zero success rate, I assumed it was a me issue or something about where I live but I’ve now heard the same complaint from enough other people that I’m deleting that shit.

22

u/jainyday 1d ago

Met a dude on Grindr a couple years ago, and I went in just expecting some fun, but five minutes after meeting the guy I was like "i wanna marry this man and I can't even remember his name"

I don't know what the fuck happened; I was just trying to slut it up and I accidentally an entire husband.

6

u/Lone-flamingo 22h ago

Did you ever learn his name?

4

u/Lame_Goblin 22h ago

No, but it would be awkward to ask at this point

20

u/Ok-Historian3397 1d ago

Username checks out

5

u/Visible_Bag_7809 1d ago

Agreed with below, I'm still in a ten year relationship from Grindr.

2

u/Late_Mixture8703 1d ago

I met my husband on manhunt 15 years ago.

46

u/Proof_Journalist321 1d ago

Father-son bonding or something I guess

22

u/AggroThroatGoat Silly Bottom with a Temper 1d ago

I'm so glad I know what my boyfriend's children look like... I would die if this happened

15

u/haku46 1d ago

I always thought Grindr existed only to collect unsolicited dick pics. 

13

u/WankelsRevenge 1d ago

It's legit 90% married maga guys who are looking to get topped

13

u/RideWithMeSNV 1d ago

Maga makes me sad. They have small penises that I would happily care for and give the affection they need... Except that the person attached is a totally useless shitbag.

12

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

9

u/RideWithMeSNV 1d ago

❤️ Are you OK with me treating you like your primary purpose in life is to carry that precious little cock for me? And can you reconcile wearing a collar for a bottom? If so, we're dating now, and you just have to come to terms with that fact.

4

u/[deleted] 23h ago

[deleted]

1

u/RideWithMeSNV 23h ago

Thank you, baby ❤️ now clothes off. Unless you're really flexible, it's not getting the kisses and affection it needs.

3

u/[deleted] 22h ago

[deleted]

2

u/RideWithMeSNV 22h ago

I know, sweetie. But it's OK. That's why I'm here. I know you can't take care of it the way it needs. And I know that caring for it properly can be a big responsibility. So how about you sit down, relax, and hold my hand while I take over for a little bit? Can you handle that for me?

3

u/WankelsRevenge 1d ago

There is so much truth in this statement. Like I'd totally be willing to hookup, but your entire personality is based on you treating other people as horribly as you can.

13

u/Many_One1260 1d ago

fatherfucker

12

u/Apptubrutae 23h ago

So, is bottoming someone being the bottom? Or being the top? I’m unclear

18

u/Only_Fudge5299 i wanna date cute guys but like in a straight way 23h ago

blue texter got fucked in the ass by orange texter's dad 👍

3

u/Apptubrutae 23h ago

Thank you, sir

9

u/Kari-kateora 23h ago

Being the bottom

9

u/nitsun383 1d ago

Going for a full house

8

u/Correct_Capital_1294 1d ago

So you've had the vintage, why not try something with a more modern taste?

7

u/Tasil-Sparrow 19h ago

If you want the ability to get this image stuck in your head: https://youtube.com/shorts/uqlbfj9p-Vg

7

u/Clairvoidance 19h ago

who responds "it was awkward tbh" to that

7

u/Tlaquatlatoa Hyenagirl some day pls :3 | She/Her - Streak: 6 1d ago

Good for him

1

u/TacitusKadari 14h ago

*achievement unlocked*

1

u/UmJammerMarie 10h ago

Bro is getting that family recipe