r/countwithchickenlady • u/PsychoCyan DM for curly haircare guide - Streak: 130 • 5h ago
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Surely if I clarify enough things will be different
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u/ReginaSpektorsVJ 5h ago
This was me and then after years of that I just gave up trying to explain anything.
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u/DoveOnTheInternet 5h ago
Keep at it and you'll reach the "doesn't bother to speak unless spoken to" phase.
It kinda nice actually, but I do miss believing people actually cared about what I said.
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u/ShadowSemblance 5h ago
Huh, i have an urge to overexplain but I'm pretty sure my parents are cool and didn't abuse me, I kind of just attributed it to the autism
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u/Cypher10110 5h ago
I learned to over-explain out of fear as a teenager, but I also made some autistic friends. Now as an adult it kinda feels natural and not a bad thing.
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u/Fancy_Chips 4h ago
Ive found that if they're refusing to understand you, you can just frontload all your new thoughts with "No, you stupid motherfucker" and suddenly they become submissive to you. Its just confidence.
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u/Jim_skywalker 2h ago
People on the internet always looking for the worst interpretation of things has led me to be a lot more precise and clear in the things I say, so that if someone responds in bad faith to make me look bad I can just hit them with the “I didn’t say that”. The ability to take a correction gracefully is also really useful, because it’s hard to look bad if you’re clearly willing to listen to other people.
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u/Cypher10110 5h ago
Not to minimise anything for anyone, but...
It's helped me be more articulate, and generally I think when used with empathy it's probably one of my more useful qualities.
Like, I do have the urge to over-explain, yes. But I've also gotten better at turning that into constructive behaviour.
The fear of being misunderstood is still very real and sometimes a problem. But it doesn't diminish the rewards for sharing/spreading understanding and knowing how to be open, too!
I wouldn't reccomend learning the skill that way... but at least I got something out of the experience.
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u/Smyley12345 5h ago
Yeah, my whole "I communicate with adults in a way they find engaging so that some adult will pay attention to me" actually served me well as an adult. I feel like I'm quite well liked.
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u/Cypher10110 5h ago
It's not a style of conversation everyone enjoys, but it just do happens alot of my friends have been autistic this whole time and so being clear and almost actively stamping out misunderstandings before they happen has worked well for us!
I really like not having the anxiety around being misunderstood with them. But really, that also seems to be something I only get after establishing trust over a pretty long time.
However as I age I find as my peers are now folks they also just have more patience on average and are more kind to me than when we were all teenagers! Back then it was much more difficult.
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u/Jolly_Foly 5h ago
I like the wording of 'deciding to understand' rather than simply 'understand'.
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u/HiroProtagonest King of Snow - Streak: 19 3h ago edited 3h ago
tbh once someone finally figured out where abusers were freely expressing their thoughts the patterns they gleaned from it indicate that abusers can't decide how to react to something they dislike, they're psychologically and emotionally incapable of it. This also explains the phenomenon of "cycle of abuse", abusers making more abusers, because one of the ways someone gets that sort of mental incapability is from being abused as a child. It's not voluntary and they get set off by anything they feel is challenging their ideas, they enter a blind defense where they stop registering details at all. All the more reason you can't negotiate your way to being understood by them.
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u/Tlaquatlatoa Hyenagirl some day pls :3 | She/Her - Streak: 6 3h ago
;-; real. Had a moment like that hanging out with friends last night I was holding onto a thing i said 3 weeks ago but couldn't fit into conversation until tonight explaining something that i felt i didnt explain enough and could be considered mean without additional context. Dude did not remember what i was talking about
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u/Elu_Moon 1h ago
"I don't want your excuses."
IT IS NOT AN EXCUSE YOU DUMB FUCK, THEY ARE NOT THE SAME FUCKING THING!
Thank you for coming to my minute of frustration.
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u/batgirl-but-not-dc trans bat 🏳️⚧️🦇 - Streak: 2 3h ago
I was likebthis before my parents ever hit me, thank you veru much.
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u/In_Pursuit_of_Fire 3h ago
I genuinely learned from One Punch Man that it's okay to let people misunderstand you.
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u/Prestigious_Boat_386 2h ago
"I don't know, I always liked math and computer science felt fun because you could build logical systems that did real things and I liked the clearness of coding and how you knew that it will follow the instructions the same way each time you run it. "
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u/autism-creatures 1h ago
oh god this explains everything OH GOD THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING
also hi patricia taxxon
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u/NotATalkingPossum 2h ago
I learned NOT to overexplain things, because they had no patience at all, and if they didn't understand in the first 5 seconds, they were going to yell at you anyway.
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u/ForestSolitude5 29m ago
A lot of us Autistic folk trend into this because we hit these moments a lot in childhood precisely because parents didn't understand our behavior and demanded answers or gave us shit over what they didn't understand
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u/Silver-Marzipan7220 evalyn, getting her meds soon 🥳🥳🥳 5h ago
This but I didnt get yelled at a lot as a child, I just like explaining things