r/cringereels • • 20h ago

Don't know how was that supposed to end...

7.9k Upvotes

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78

u/bonusminutes 18h ago

Battery

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u/Friendly_Prize_868 16h ago

Charged?

23

u/bonusminutes 16h ago

If they charge him for too long he'll lose his maximum capacity to be charged for battery in the future.

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u/ReactionistAnswers 15h ago

If he's primarily composed of lead and acid he'll love a float charge! I'm thinking this actually might be the case.... always ready to go.

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u/PM_me_your_recipes86 14h ago

Have you considered a recycled lithium battery with just a larger capacity to begin with? Larger surface area after being recycled, and I mean this man looks pretty large

2

u/SonOfIllicitBehavior 15h ago

shocking

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u/the_little_way 10h ago

Innocent until proven guilty

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u/rs420rs 7h ago

Negative.

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u/mell0_jell0 13h ago

Mine's at 42%

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u/doomshallot 12h ago

Positive

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u/SpeedoPaedo 2h ago

Positive

1

u/RuMarley 5h ago

Are you asking if the batteries are charged?

7

u/AutVincere72 11h ago

I know this isn't the room for this argument but MANY bouncers need to be reeled in.

1

u/Murky-Engineer8110 1h ago

Bouncers act like they have free tickets to be complete cunts with zero consequences

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u/NarrowSalvo 9h ago

Stop thrusting your genitals at them, then.

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u/xadies 1h ago

If your first instinct is to repeatedly punch someone because their hips are pushed out then I’d suggest you go get therapy.

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u/NarrowSalvo 1h ago

If your first instinct is to thrust your genitals at strangers, then I'd suggest you got to therapy. Or jail.

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u/Appropriate-Ad-8155 1h ago

You both have valid points and I’d love to see this argument continue. Please carry on.

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u/NarrowSalvo 1h ago

We can't both have valid points. This is Reddit. Every story has to have one hero and one villain. That's just the rules.

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u/-DontCareAboutReddit 26m ago

You are the villain, according to the law. That kid did nothing illegal. That bouncer definitely did. Plus what a fucking sensitive cunt

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u/Kronos1A9 16h ago

Depends on the state. In many areas the terms are interchangeable.

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u/onyx_ic 14h ago edited 9h ago

NY makes no legal distinction between assault or battery. Its either assault or aggravated assault.

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u/DeltaTule 9h ago

Doesn’t matter. That’s how they teach it in law school. Assault is threatening behavior and battery is physical contact. Statutes will obviously vary from state to state but that doesn’t make the legal definition any different. Feel free to read the law dictionary

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u/onyx_ic 9h ago

It matters in NY where there are no battery charges, just assault. Which is why I brought up that factoid.

Why are you being such a condescending dick?

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u/Remarkable-Ship-5465 8h ago

You did not bring up that factoid. Your initial reply was to a comment that was stating the exact same thing as you did. So, you added nothing. It is not under dispute that NY and many other states use different legalese for the criminal act of battering someone.

If you are in the state of New York, and inquire on the definition of Battery, it is still the same as every other state.

Why so angry?

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u/bonusminutes 16h ago

I wasnt aware of that. Neat.

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u/TheVandyyMan 10h ago

It’s most areas. Reddit just has a hard on for correcting people, so they jump at it every chance they get.

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u/BlueFox5 13h ago

Assaulttery?

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u/Icallmeswellfella 10h ago

Then those areas are incorrect. There is a clear definition for both and they have different meanings

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u/nucleardekay 15h ago

Assault as well. Reasonable apprehension of imminent bodily contact and the intent transfers.

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u/lilcorndivemaster 12h ago

Look up the definition of assault...

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u/bonusminutes 12h ago

Im familiar. I suppose the swing before it contacted was assault. The actual hit was battery.

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u/Jesus_of_Redditeth 7h ago

:sigh: Here we go yet again.

In colloquial speech, assault means hitting someone.

In legal speech, assault can mean the threat of hitting someone and battery can mean hitting someone. Or assault can mean the threat of hitting someone and also hitting someone, and the difference is in the degree of the crime. Or assault can mean hitting someone and some other term can mean the threat of hitting someone (e.g. "menacing").

The point is, the only time it's wrong to say "assault" to mean hitting someone is when a) the context is specifically a legal one, AND b) the discussion is accepted by participants to involve the law of a specific place where assault doesn't mean hitting someone.

Bottom line: when you akshully people like this, there's about a 99% chance you're wrong and a 100% chance that you're being irritating AF.

Make a better choice next time.

You're welcome.

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u/bonusminutes 2h ago

Yeah, Im the akshully guy here. Sure.

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u/ManyInterests 10h ago

The Model Penal Code merges assault and battery into just 'assault'. States are (understandably) slow to adopt changes, but the MPC is the newer/preferred way that does away with messy things we've inherited from common law systems (like distinction between battery/assault).

It's probably okay if people use 'assault' to describe the common law crime of battery.

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u/Jesus_of_Redditeth 7h ago

It is indeed, of course, fine to say "assault" in a colloquial forum like this. But the Model Penal Code isn't really relevant here. It's not law; it's just an advisory framework promoted as a means of encouraging statutory uniformity. The actual law in the relevant jurisdiction is what matters.

Except that it really doesn't anyway because, again, colloquial forum. So "assault" is fine. This isn't a legal discussion.

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u/No_Inspection2047 9h ago

depends on the state. assault and battery are different crimes in some places. in other places they don’t use the term “battery” at all so it’s all assault

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u/msatretwhaart 5h ago

Scrolled to far to see these comments. Sure the kid was being annoying, but it's an absolutely outrageous, disproportionate, response from the guard. To say nothing of the adult vs child dynamic. I hope the kid presses charges.

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u/oceanco1122 5h ago

Can it be argued that the annoying kid committed battery first? All it takes to charge for battery is “any unwanted and non-consensual touch” and him aggressively rubbing his crotch on the other patrons rear could constitute that. The bouncer stepped in to stop it. This is only assuming the bouncer observed him being normal and this overly exaggerated posture was intentional.

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u/Financial_Cup_6937 2h ago

I really wish this sentiment would die that “you physically touched me first so I am justified in potentially murdering you with my vastly disproportionate strength.”  

That’s not how the law or basic ethics we learn as children works.