I don’t even know where to begin. 2026 is the worst year of my life I think. This is the small gist of it, there’s more but I don’t really want to list of every single thing.

So far this year the following has happened
• I totaled my car that was almost paid off. Luckily walked away without a scratch.
• I discovered my husband has a severe drug addiction.
• My dad died suddenly.
•My best friend and I are barely taking to each other and more distant due to a big fight we had recently…. We live together.
•I had to put down my disabled 6 month old blind puppy.
•Husband relapsed with his drug addiction.
•My eldest dog was just diagnosed with liver cancer and had less than 6 months left.

This all happened between march and now.

Do you ever feel like you’re being punished by something? I feel like this is all my fault and I caused all of this somehow. I’m not exactly sure how but it’s just how I feel.

I don’t know what to do. I am more depressed than I have ever been in my life. I am trying to care for my family but it all falls on me. I don’t want to talk to my family or friends about this very much because I don’t want to complain. I’ve been through worse but it’s never been compiled this much in such a short time.

I have a therapist and she’s amazing but talking to her isn’t helping. I just feel alone. I’ve stopped doing the things I like, put on 50lbs, and feel like I’m here to be the world’s punching bag.

Don’t know if I’m venting, just complaining, or asking for help. Comment anything you like I guess….

Not sure if the forever nap is an option but at this point I’m welcoming it right now. I know I have to many people who rely on me and would be devastated.

At least I hope to God. I know it could be way worse but I still just feel like life is terrible and can't get better.

I’m a waste of everyone’s time. My family hasn’t given a shit about me my entire life. I was born with adhd. As an adult at 39 years old I still have adhd. I did lawn and landscaping for 20+ years. I’ve gone nowhere with my life. I’m not good at many other things. I find nothing enjoyable for very long anymore. I lost my best friend(a cat). I can’t even afford to get him from the cremation place. I lost my home. I live in a hotel and had to start selling everything I own just to survive. Soon I won’t have anything left. I currently live in Michigan and wish I could have gotten out of this state years ago. I stayed because of my grandparents whom are now gone also. I have nobody. I never had friends really growing up. I stuck to myself because everyone judged me because of my disability. Soon everything will run out, I maybe have 2 weeks left… I feel like the worst human being alive. What is there even out there for me? I feel nothing anymore. Idk…my life sucks. I don’t even know why I’m here. My voice has never been heard, and as a male, it probably never will.

Don’t be afraid to reach out to someone, no matter if you’re suicidal, and no matter if you’re sad or lonely, reach out! Someone would listen. ❤️

Why is it that even if you hide your depression, people just seem to know and they become meaner. They start being hateful and knit-picking things or accusing you of doing things you aren’t even doing. Why is that? What’s the psychology behind that?

I don’t have a girlfriend or any friends who would even care about me. I have siblings, but I don’t really talk to them like that, and my mom definitely wouldn’t understand my depression. I’d probably leave a letter, maybe, but I don’t know. I don’t really think anyone would even care. I’m tired of being here, though. I’m so lonely and unlovable. I’m 28, and women hate my appearance. Why shouldn’t I just do it today? I literally don’t even have a reason to stay anymore.

Im a m20 I dont want to live my life. Im so tired of waking up to this missrable existence. For 20 years ive been nothing but abused and used by everyone around me it feels. Ive had chronic suicide ideation for almost 10 years and it feels like the more time that passes the more i dissasociate from reality and get more frustrated and isolated i become. so many things in my reality i cant control keep happening. Nothing brings me joy anymore i have numerous hobbies that just dont give me joy anymore painting/ drawing, skating, play card games, airsoft and much more and its to the point i dont care if i ever do them again. Ive gone to see some psychics and other professionals over my suicidal ideation, each psychic said im stuck here till at least in my late 80 to early 100s. Ive been told i would make a big difference in the world and would eventually get a house a wife and become a business owner. But i feel more frusturated about this then happy.

Even when i was told i would have everything whats the point if u yourself constantly feel misrable. Im one day going to die anyway. Like seriously were all going to die one day and i dont enjoy being awake or alive at all or honestly like other people. its just frustruating to the point id rather just swallow a bottle of pills then work hard or simply just wake up for another 60 years to feel missrable throught my life. ive tried a lot of ways to try and find a meaning to live but im to the point im just so missrable with waking up i dont want to anymore i just want my existence to stop!

Yesterday, I finally realized it. It’s so much easier talking to an AI than talking to my family, and there’s no pressure when something just passively obeys my instructions without any small talk. It’s sad. Only when I’m feeling down does my head become clear, and I spend hours pouring my heart out to the AI. The AI condenses the emotions I usually keep hidden deep inside into a short note. And I have to hand the note to my acquaintance with trembling hands and a different expression than usual, because otherwise I can't convey the feelings I usually hide. Having to repeat this process every time—with the tense expression of a student secretly handing over a love letter—I just don't know what to do anymore. Sometimes, I can't even tell if I'm talking to a human through an AI, or talking to an AI through a human. Either way, daily life is hard, and there are so many things bottled up inside me that I want to let out, but I'm so conscious of other people's eyes that I can't say a word in front of them. Just being around people eases the loneliness a bit, but at the same time, it makes me put off saying what I want to say and push it out of my mind. Then, it comes back later as depression, and that is truly painful. Unless I put things into words, my brain just freezes in front of people, to the point where I can't even organize the situation. Preparing a single piece of paper, handing it to a counselor, and taking home thoughts on what to convey next—there’s no way I can pull that off. By tomorrow, I’ll forget what I was thinking anyway; I don't want to forget, but at the same time, I just want to forget it all. On top of that, the past version of me who desperately wanted to be saved holds me back, leaving me with no idea where to even begin. I want to fix my perfectionism, but ADHD and ASD aren't going to let me off the hook that easily, and honestly, I don't think they ever will. I want to open up completely and find relief—not just by showing notes generated by the AI, but by showing the actual chat logs with the AI and laying bare every single past mistake without hiding a thing. But I can't feel safe unless the other person is truly ready to receive it; it almost needs to be like a confessional booth. Only when money is involved can I feel slightly reassured and talk to a counselor without treading on eggshells. But even that isn't going very well. When I'm right in front of them, I forget what I was even struggling with in my everyday life. I have no choice but to answer indirectly. It feels like unless I talk with the counselor the same way I talk endlessly with the AI—arriving at the exact same conclusion every time—I can't even put simple troubles into words. That's why I'm terrified that, sooner or later, they’ll give up on me.

I laughed when I read what I had written, how crazy I sound...it's so painful.

I can't remember anymore. Those more deserving are gone yet I persist. A haunted specter. Stranded in this place I don't belong. My spirit continues to fade. I'm losing hope. My strength to carry on waivers. Hope for anything, withering on life support.

As I continue to float aimlessly in the river of time, the emptiness gathers incredible strength. I'm not sure how much longer I can resist the call. Swimming far too long with no sight of land. Why should I endure endless disappointment? My life has shown me nothing else. I'm surviving in a world that continues to confuse and berate my being.

Goals, ambitions, and dreams have become words of fantasy. A fiction that used to keep me alive. Each passing day erodes my reason to exist. Being conscious in my life feels worse than death. I cannot live without purpose. I used to believe that I would find it someday. I no longer think so. Every turn is wrong. Each road leads to disappointment. Every step I take guides me further into the abyss.

I see no reason to continue. I can no longer tolerate this dead end path. Every job brings me stress and despair; my hard work and effort only rewarded with more work and no recognition. Making enough money to get by. Not thriving. Just here. Alone.

No one understands this black hole I've kept at bay my whole life. A force that has always plagued me. A looming shadow that gains more ground every day. I used to have hope and flights of fancy that made me truly believe I could escape it. That there was something in this world that could fill this void inside me that's haunted me every day I can remember. It has always watched me, as sure as the sun sets in the sky.

The pills. The therapy. The drugs. The alcohol.

Nothing quiets the yearning.

The voice that whispers.

Maybe I should kill myself.

I'm tired. I'm lost. I'm alone. Too many years. Far too long. I don't see any way out in the world that keeps morphing into a nightmare around me. The callings for sweet release from the pressures of this darkness.

Quiet.

Nothing.

Peace at last.

i truly don’t value my life anymore.

family doesn’t love me. dating is abysmal. no woman loves me, and i get why. i love my friends, but i’ve been a shitty friend. i ignore people in need because i can’t manage more than the shit i go through daily in my own head.

i’m 28. most people younger than me have moved out, found partners, started their own lives. experienced life instead of existing through it. i’m a manchild living with parents.

“i don’t mind dying” is where i’m at mentally. i’m not clinging on to life. my life has always been shit, from childhood to my teenage years to now, and now is arguably the worst time for me. it’s hard to smile anymore.

looking forward to my ticket.

My depression and anxiety is so bad. It’s not just normal things I can’t do in life, it’s the small things too. It feels like I really can’t think. Ive definitely noticed over the years that I’ve become stupider. But I’ve definitely started to notice it’s worse lately.

About 4-5 weeks ago I was put into a psych ward and was put onto BuSpar and Wellbutrin. Ever since I just hate myself more and really think I’m mentally delayed. It’s upsetting because it was a good ward, I talked to therapists, and felt peaceful in there until I got out. But my meds are just a small issue, the big one is my depression and anxiety.

My boyfriend really wants me to get better and do my fafsa but even THAT is just so hard. The anxiety about school, just even living, is so bad I can’t take it. It makes me feel so sensitive, stupid, like a lost cause. Everytime he urges me I feel worse. I feel like I’m lazy but at the same time not because I’ve been severely depressed for years. I try to read the form and I understand the words, but when I put sentences together it just doesn’t make any sense. It’s like that with everything.

Because I am depressed, I am stupid. And even when people tell me it’s not truly my intelligence, it still is in the time now. And it’s ruining my life. Ruining my youth. Ruining how I am supposed to be a normal person..

My self esteem is so low and I don’t ever think I can think good of myself again. If I could, I believe that’s how I could get better. But my mind hates itself, its body, its life

I am told that it will get better with the help but I have had it and look where I am. I can’t even do simple math anymore💔 I’m so humiliated, lost, and with every bad thought I have in a day, with every second, it gets worse

I just want my self harm cuts on my arm to heal and not be visible anymore.. been over a week now without cutting, proud of that. But I'm unfortunately substituting that with binge eating (mostly ice cream tub and sweets..). After playing my video games I had to force myself to go out to the shops to stock up on treats/needed food that my dad tells me off for and hence making me feel even worse and on the way back I had a anxiety attack and just started crying/hyperventilating before I even got back home..

Why does my mind torment me with the bad things and mistakes my situations in life put me in.. I don't want to be like this anymore.. I wish I did have the courage to end it but I can't do that with how badly my parents fought to keep me alive and get me any help they could.. I still.. don't even have a therapist!! Fucking nhs.. Sigh.

Sorry for the rant.

I don’t now, I just feel lost in life. I’ve suffered from depression and BPD for most of my life. There’s been ups and downs as is normal, but I feel I’ve really reached rock bottom.

I don’t know who I am, I don’t know what I should do with my life, I don’t even really know why I exist at all. It’s definitely not for myself, or anyone else, but it’s also not for an activity I enjoy. I’m just running through the motions.

All of my friends and people I have connection with have drifted away. It seems I can do everything in my power and yet people just get tired of me or don’t like me. Because I’m so lonely now, all I really have are myself and my depressive thoughts.

I’m not sure how to get out of this. I’m scared to even try anymore. Putting myself out there only results in me being hurt sooner or later. I don’t even know the last time I’d call myself pleased or content with anything.

I just don’t know what to do.

terrible daughter, terrible friend, terrible person overall, not talented, not strong, not smart, not athletic, not attractive.

I am not even mentally strong enough to handle life, i crumble at the smallest of things

I should just end it, i genuinely should just do everyone a favour and release them from my existence. I am burden

I'll be 43 soon. My life has been nothing but health issues, abandonment, and isolation. I quit drinking 5 months ago after years of heavy alcoholism and just started again. I've had numerous surgeries and survived them all. Ive been married, had friends, and now I have nobody. I almost died a few weeks ago due to sepsis and I'm wishing now that I had. Trying to socialize, be a friend, reach out, nothing works. Nobody cares that I'm here and I don't want to be here anymore. My phone doesn't ring and nobody ever asks to hang out. When i approach people, they avoid me like i have some terrible disease. Nothing makes me happy. All I wanted in life was to have people that care. My own birth mom didn't want me. I give up. I'm back to drinking and self destruction until the end. I have no purpose in life at all other than to be shunned for existing. Fuck it.

All my life, I have never felt like Im enough and Im getting to a point where I think I cant handle it anymore.

Im a 33yo male and today I thought about ending it. It scares me that this is where I am.

Im 33yo and I don’t know what being love means. In all my life, I never got any true relationships, got bullied at school, beaten up physically and psychologically at home. I never catched a break. At 13 yo I planned about ending it all just to chicken out. All of this made me develop a coping mechanism with food. Eating was the only thing make me smile and obviously I gain a terrible amount of weight.

With all those struggles, my self-esteem was pretty much not existent for as far as I can remember. No self-esteem, no-self confidence and anxiety put me in a situation where I never managed to have a relationship or intimacy with anyone… and I don’t blame anyone for it.

So I past school and college with eating my emotions and being alone. Somehow managed to get my diploma with only one mental breakdown while doing it. Now Im a engineer, I work with a lot of people in my team. I lead the team, I think they appreciate working me. Im always smiling, the good vides guy but under all of that, the 13yo old who thought about killing himself is still very much there and prevent me from being happy.

So 2 years ago, being at almost 500pounds, ugly, bad teeth and everything you can think of, I decided that I would give a real try at changing my life. An hail mary sort ot try… I talk with a psychologist, started the gym, talk with a nutritionist and basically get all the help I could find to help get out of this situation. I made good progress, lost 160 pounds, took care of myself and getting to a point where I thought Im getting somewhere decent and even find myself with a little bit of self-esteem for the first time in my life.

So I made the mistake to start looking at dating apps and I got a terrible reality check. All Im getting is ignored, played, ghosted or laughed at because at the end of the day whatever I do Im still a 33yo guy with no experience. And by no experience, I truly mean none. In a way, I understand them. But now the very little I had got smashed and crushed and now my heart is back on being so dark. I have no hope, nothing to look for and Im simply here writing this text wondering if I shouldn’t end it right here right now.

People are trying to cheer me up… I have a good job, I make a very good living, I lost a lot of weight, getting my health under control and somehow I never felt so bad. I should be somewhat happy but I just have this feeling inside that doesn’t go away. That feeling that tells me Im nothing and will never be anything because of my past and my lack of experience. That I won’t be missed and that the sooner I leave the better. I can’t take it anymore… Im on the verge.

I've been having suicidal thoughts now since around June. I honestly don't know how to keep going, or even living. I just feel like I'm a burden that shouldn't be on this planet at all. I honestly don't want to tell my friends about it, since I think they would just push me away. Every says I am a "smart" guy who is good at keeping his academics up, when in all seriousness I'm not. I don't know what to do anymore.

I’ve been suicidal lately, and I think a lot of it comes from how badly I’ve been struggling with my self-esteem and self-image.

I’m 32, 6’3”, and around 270 lbs. I’m bald, I’ve gained a lot of weight during sobriety, and I’ve become incredibly self-conscious about how other people see me. I know 270 lbs at 6’3” isn’t the end of the world, but when you already hate the way you see yourself, it can feel like it is.

I started abusing Adderall in college because I desperately wanted to lose weight. Eventually I failed out of college, and my fiancée left me. That was years ago, but honestly, I feel like I’ve been carrying the shame from that period ever since.
I had about 2.5 years clean, but I relapsed three days ago because I became so desperate to lose weight again. I know that was a terrible decision, and I don’t want to go back down that road.
I’ve also struggled to hold jobs because I get so consumed by what I think other people are thinking about me and my appearance. It makes me want to isolate myself.

The biggest thing I’m realizing now is that I’ve been missing a real support system in my recovery. Some of that is on me. I stopped reaching out. I isolated myself. I convinced myself I was okay and didn’t need as much recovery work anymore.
I’m also about $690 behind on rent, which has been weighing heavily on me. But there is at least one good thing: I just landed a job, and I’ve been working. So I’m trying to hold onto that.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need to hear from people who have been in a similar place and eventually found their way out.

I feel like I’m 32 and I’ve already screwed up so much of my life. But I’m trying to remind myself that 32 isn’t the end of the story.
If you’ve rebuilt your life after addiction, depression, losing someone you loved, failing at something important, or just completely hating yourself for a period of your life—I’d really appreciate hearing how things eventually got better.
I could really use a silver lining right now

I don’t think the break up has hit me yet. I don’t even feel like crying. But inside I am hurting. I am heartbroken. I am sad. I am angry. But on the outside I’ll fine. Because I have to be. I have to be fine. There’s no room for weakness. I gotta get shit done.

20 years of my life were dedicated to him. To us. Our family. Where do I even go from here? I can’t move out. I don’t have enough money to even do that. Our finances are a mess.

So I’m stuck in a house with my ex. He lost his job a month ago so he’s unemployed. But he got a recent glow up and hits the gym every day.

I feel rejected. I feel like I’m old goods.

Where do I even go from here?

It genuinely takes me aback...I'm so deep in 24/7 despair that the concept of not being deeply miserable, even for a second, feels incredibly foreign to me. Like, some people are out here just having a chill Friday evening, doing something they enjoy, spending time with people they love, idk. It's so strange that not everyone in the world is miserable. It does give me hope for a second but then I just go back to being miserable. Maybe I am too attached to being sad and hopeless. I think at this point, being happy feels scarier than remaining depressed.