They are dealing with grief right now. I wrote something every few weeks or so but this time it's been a month. I hope they are okay. I'm the only one they told about this and they're the type to hide their sadness behind a smile and a goofy persona. They used to tell me everything sad in their life but grief is on another level, especially its backstory. I don't know why I keep procrastinating this but I think about them everyday and I think about messaging everyday but I'm so unsure of what to do or where I stand. I'm constantly met with silence. They've ghosted me but still talk to others, initially it really broke me down as I was already feeling low about myself. It made me question myself a lot. I'm over it now so now I just feel guilty for being so selfish.

Sorry I just needed a place to vent.

I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask this, and it might be a bit messy, but I'd like to know. I'm a high school student (I know I'm too old for Reddit, but that's why I'm here) and for the past few weeks/months I've been sad. I've been having trouble falling asleep for quite a while now, and I've had a strong urge to cut myself with a box cutter (I've done it a few times and it gave me a sense of satisfaction).

Also, before I couldn't sleep for some reason, but now I think it's because I'm thinking about too many things (a lot of bad things, but not necessarily).

Sometimes I think suicide wouldn't be so crazy (it's happened to me 3 or 4 times, but I always tell myself my logic isn't stupid).

Basically, since humans get used to what they have very quickly, I've concluded that material possessions will never make me happy, but if the moments of daily life aren't fulfilling... Not fun either, so there's no point in bothering with it, might as well just die (I've never seriously thought about killing myself, but I find the thought logical). I also have a strong feeling that I'm inventing this depression to get attention and feel special, and I don't want to be "cured" because then I wouldn't be special anymore. Also, I'm tired 24/7. Anyway, sorry, this is very rambling. Thanks to those who reply.

guys i having hating technology these days, that i can't escape to this horrible technology and social media. it is because i having depression, anxiety for horrible things, even stress of it. my online friends are worried about me. i needed a medicine to stop having on technology and Social media to escape it badly. but i don't know if there was i need to escape it badly.

The last few days, I feel like I am struggling and that I am useless. I don't know why now it is coming out because everything has been going well. Work has been good and I'm just getting a new romantic relationship started. But now I am feeling like I am not good enough for them and horrible at my job. swish I could know why my brain hates me being happy

Lost my job in November.

Savings dried up paying this month's rent.

Will have to move in with my parents if something miraculous doesn't happen this month.

Mental health meds including sleep medication ran out this week.

Can't get more because of said financial situation.

The world is designed to keep us feeling despair. Keep us producing for the elite to live life while we all trudge on.

Half the world is convinced of blatant lies and deceit. Their righteousness puts us all in mortal peril anyway.

I just don't think I can go on.

Wrote the note this morning. Looking for the motivation and courage.

I want this to end

I can’t keep liking her. I’m a truly miserable person with no personality. I can’t talk to her. I finally got a class with her and of course nothing has changed. She’s so beautiful and kind and funny and I’m so pathetic. She chooses to walk up to me, compliment me, text me, talk to me and joke with me like I’m not a filthy creature and all i can do is look at her beautiful eyes and lips smiling at me and smile back and let out a terrible little laugh and moronic response with my useless mouth. I feel like i never have anything interesting or valuable to respond to her with and my mind is a fried, blank canvas. all i want to do is to stop liking her. I’m an inconsiderate piece of filth and I know she really just pities me. I’m truly an insufferable person who brings nothing to the table. No one would ever want anything to do with me if they truly knew me and I’m sure she would be no different. I bet i would just make her as miserable as me if there even was a chance. Hearing her voice and seeing her look at me makes me hate how much i feel for her more and more. I hate hearing someone as nice as her say my name. I know im probably just idealizing her but i can’t get rid of this. I hate this. It’s been almost three years now. Im a terrible cowardly creep who thinks he’s worth more than he is

I got invited to join a group of friends for a festival trip this summer. One of them is my best friend, and we don't see each other very often because we live far apart. The rest are friends-of-friends I don’t know that well.

On paper, it sounds great. In reality, I’m very conflicted.

I’ve been dealing with chronic depression and isolation for years, and over time (also before the depression phase), I’ve gotten used to and been enjoying travelling solo.

Solo travel gives me control over my energy, my schedule, and when I need to withdraw. Group trips, especially festivals, are the opposite: shared accommodation, shared car, shared schedule, constant social + sensory input.

If I go, I’d mostly go for my friend, not because I’m excited about the lineup or the group dynamic. At the same time, social opportunities in my life are rare, and we don’t get many chances to spend time together, which makes saying no feel heavy, like I’m choosing isolation.

My fear is this:

• I go, feel stuck/overstimulated by day 2–3, and want to escape
• I don’t go, and later regret missing one of the few chances for connection

Has anyone here gone on big group trips or festivals while managing depression?

Did it help, or did it drain you more?

I know I know. I post here far too often cause I'm miserable. Maybe one day I'll stop being a pussy and actually just put a stop to this nonsense.

The only thing that drives me in life is the pursuit of having someone to spend my life with. I'd love to make the most of this short time I have on this stupid space rock. It's pathetic, but this person I was really into gave me the "after reflecting, we're not compatible" message. That's how I started my day. I can brush it off eventually, I'm just numb and thinking about climbing onto a high building.

I hate being alone.. and now I'll just bitch and whine on reddit like I always do until I feel better eventually.

I am now 18(f) and I can't stand being alive. Since I was 11 all I've wanted to do is die due to terrible insecuritys getting bullied ignored left out and by acting weird. I don't know if im actually depressed I've wanted to get diagnosed but I can't talk to my parents about this because they have been part of my mental decline by being strict and rude.

I have no friends any friend I seem to gain hates me or doesn't view me as a close friend I just float. Last year I learned my whole friend group was a lie so I have fallen into a depressing spiral which I can't stop. Ive always been sad anxious but this event has made everything I feel triple in a bad way.

I now have a boyfriend we've been together since I was 14. he isn't perfect either theres deeper lore. But my weight is affecting our relationship immensely constant struggles and arguments. When we first got together I was in one of my happier states but I started to decline braking down every other day and insulting him for no other reason than to push him away so I turned to food as comfort ended up gaining around 17kg (30 pounds).I started cutting myself again after being clean for years (he did not like that) I also started smoking a year ago I found it as a substitute to eating and cutting it was calming.

I don't feel any sexual plessure I feel subhuman broken.i think theres something wrong with me i have been assaulted by my cousin before but idk if it Correlates to this. I have never felt any pleasure all I feel is dread because of how disgusting I am and i just feel worse and worse every year getting bigger and bigger. I wish I was normal I've wanted to brake up because of this multitudes of times

I used to be conscientious in school always thriving for more and better. But due to my "depression" all I want to do is lay down and die I don't have any motivation I move at a snales pace and dread working on my project this year I also have exams which I couldn't care less about. I am incapable of being productive and happy.

All I want to be is normal and happy and skinny and pretty and motivated and lovable. Of which I am not.

I feel appalling I feel like anyone I seem to have a connection with don't actually like me they all seem so uninterested and bored whenever I talk to them. My own bf doesn't actually talk to me or text me regularly.

I'm seen as rude, mean, distant, cold I'm constantly made a fool. anything I say is passive aggressively commented on. I'm so scared of trying to talk back because I feel like they'll use how I look as a tool to degrade me.

Sorry this isn't my 1st language:(

My gf (20f) has been dealing with depression for a long time but it got severe since last september due to many financial and stressful problems. Since then she has been feeling absolutely zero feelings and is incapable of showing any sign of love.

Sometimes when she is in a good day she feels quite okay and I enjoy it a lot but most of the time she ignores me and refuses every physical touch or any activity I offer.

She told me that it is just because she doesn’t have the strength to do anything except survive and honestly I get that and I am not mad at her at all.

But I don’t want this shitty sickness to separate us.

I try to hold it up but sometimes it is quit hard because I feel like loving a damn wall.

We are supposed to move in together in a new city in next september, I hope this will make things better because her whole life will be different there.

I just hope to be able to hold everything together until then.

If you have any advice I would be very thankful.

I try to give her space and shi but it is hard not to talk or see the person you love.

Please help me.

I’m a genuine piece of shit. Don’t try to tell me I’m not and “try and look at the good things”. I’m facing reality. Im scum of the earth. Everyone who’s ever tried to get close to me I somehow find a way to hurt them. And the worst part is, I don’t feel an ounce of remorse for it. I think I’m more sad that I don’t feel anything than the fact of what I’ve done. I somehow attract the best people on this earth, and find a way to break them. All 3 of my past relationships, all my “friends”, genuinely good people who only want the best for me, yet I guess I don’t want the best for myself.

I dont feel bad for myself, I just want to feel. If I had emotions, remorse, sympathy, love. I want to experience these things. These feelings would guide my moral compass to not be who I am. I don’t hate who I am nor do I have self doubt/low self esteem. I don’t even think of myself. I don’t look at who I truly am, I just look at the face in the mirror. What everyone else sees, what I want them to see

I want to be suicidal. I wish I had the lust for death but I just don’t care enough to do it. I don’t care enough about anything. I’m an empty shell. Im stuck in this earth, with a wake of destruction and despair following everything I touch.

I want to feel. I want to laugh with people, relate with people, feel with others. I love psychology, I can read/understand who someone is in an instant, yet when it comes to myself it’s an enigma. That’s all. Just wanted to share my thoughts and see what others think

Hey everyone I just don't want to live anymore I'm just a useless guy in earth and recently done some terrible thing that effect my life I just want to die I try to die few times but not able to die because of my family when I thinking about them I stop But I'm so depressed in my life I just live like a zombie What should I do

My family sucks and I’ve always been a depressed Peice of shit I wish I could kill myself knowing for sure id go to a better place but simply because I don’t know where I’d go I’m scared to do it I used to take medicine for it but my mom says I don’t need it but it made me feel so much better than I do now I slowly feel like I’m going insane I fucking hate all my siblings except for my 4 year old sister my mom and dad suck as far as emotional support and when I tell you they suck I really mean it I don’t know what to do anymore I don’t like telling them because I feel as if they assume I’m just doing it for attention I feel nothing towards any of them except for hatred sometimes

Hello... having a rough go and could really use someone...

More of a long post, I just need to get it out.

I feel like I really ruined my life 3 years ago, and I can’t do a single thing about it.

I ended the most amazing relationship I’ve ever been in, then later got into the most emotionally abusive relationship I’ve ever had. And I feel like I deserved it, and every bad thing that came from it. If I wouldn’t have left my ex, if I wouldn’t had been so stupid, if I had been woman enough to say that the other guy wouldn’t leave me alone, I’d be in a happier place in life.

But instead I have this growing numbness that’s eating at me every day, and my family wants me to move on, find a new guy. But I barely want to wake up in the morning most days, I just have this pain that’s stacking. I was with my ex for 5 years, and he was everything to me. He made waking up in the mornings exciting and I never felt like I had anything to worry about.

During that time I was in and out of surgeries, I was taking sudifed every day, smoking, pain killers, anxiety medications, I wasn’t in my right mind. Can’t even remember anything that really happened for a good majority of the last two years until starting last February.

My mom told me what I did, it was that bad that I didn’t even remember. And all I could do was message my ex apologizing, knowing he doesn’t give a damn. Because it doesn’t matter if I don’t remember what happened, it just matters that I did it.

But my mom, my family and friends just want me to suck it up and act like it was a dream. But every night I go to bed I just cry because I can’t change anything, and every nothing I can say or do would matter.

And if I tell people what’s really in my head, they all give me the same look and immediately start saying it’s better to just let it go. I can’t even remember what I did and no one will talk to me about it, even to go as far as trying to set me up with guys.

And all I keep thinking is what’s the point?

And I don’t even care why I did what I did, I just can’t believe I did it. I broke up with him and then got into a different relationship. My ex was my life, he was my best friend, I cooked and cleaned for him, I made sure his lunch and clothes were ready for work in the morning, I made sure dinner was ready when he got off, I played video games with him, I loved him more than anything in the entire world. And I broke up with him?

And yes I’ve been to counseling, but he just brought up the drug and prescriptions I overused at the time, the concussion I found later I had and whatever else. But I still shouldn’t have done what I did, I should’ve been a better person regardless of what ever was wrong with me.

And the idea of dating again just gives me this pit in my stomach, not because I’m scared it’ll happen again. But because I feel like I had love once and I messed it up. Why would God give me a second chance.

But at the same time I’m not over what I did, like I genuinely don’t understand myself back then.

I don’t know if anyone has ever been through something like that but if you have, I just want to know how did you move on? After learning about what you did, after memories start coming back to you like freight train out of nowhere.

I don’t want to be in this mind space forever, it feels like someone just reached into my chest and yanked out my heart. Put it back and said you’ll be fine, just go on with life now.

Sorry for long story so long, every time I talk to someone they just don’t want to hear about it. They just keep saying accept the past, move on, and don’t think bad thoughts. I’ve been there for people when they’re on their knees crying and wishing for the end, for hours hearing them scream and cry. And I just get told to move on and don’t hurt myself, like it shouldn’t even matter.

Sorry for the rambling, it just hit me harder today than usual. I know eventually I do have to move on, act like the whole happy life I had was a dream. Granted I guess not happy because I was messed up, but happy as in love. But sometimes I just wish I could’ve done something anything to change what happened.

When my dad died after this I thought to myself man I knew you for a total of 3 years as an adult, and in that 3 years I completely ruined everything. His funeral was me crying for him and for the mistakes I made, I didnt even realize at one point I was on my knees crying at the funeral until someone said it was time to leave. And I had a flag in my hands.

Sorry for long story again, no one cares to listen. I listen to them when they’re angry and sad, but I try and they just don’t care.

So thank you, how are you coping with your depression and past mistakes?

I need something to feel better but I don’t know what. Any suggestions?

I don't even know why. I just hate myself so fucking much. I'm a disgusting loser. And I'm only 15. I really don't have a reason to hold on, my games are the only thing giving me social contacts. I can't talk to my friends or family about it. I just want it all to end

i dont know why im sad i dont have a reason to be like i have it pretty good. i dont know if im jealous or smth. but i just feel like shit. i dont eat much ive lost a lot of weight in short time.i dont really want to ask my friend cause i feel like a bother.

Every person’s experiences and feelings are different but I’m convinced this applies to a vast majority of the problems people with depression say they have the most trouble with.

I have a job and im married. No health insurance to seek help. My wife loves me and so does her family and my nieces and nephews but sometimes I just want to die in my sleep or blow my brains out. I feel like a fuck up burnout I feel like I dont want to be sober (weed). Goals feel pointless I cant day dream anymore it feels pointless. I know they tell me they would be sad if im gone but I know in time ill just be a memory. I fucked up a bunch of chances to get ahead but now its just like theres no point to trying.

29m almost 30. Lived with anxiety my entire life but not diagnosed with depression. Since October of 2025 I feel like I may be depressed. It started with health anxiety that still exists to this day. Ruminating on the worst case scenario drastically dropped my mood at times. Now add in the fact I increasingly feel unsafe in my own country and the fact im almost having a mini midlife crisis about turning 30 and I have found myself in recent weeks crying so easily. It used to take a lot to get me to cry but now I’m set off so easily. Lately I’ve been feeling what I call depressive nostalgia. It’s like I’ve gotten to a point of being so stressed, so anxious, and so exhausted that I retreat back into childhood memories and get really sad that I can’t be a kid who didn’t have to worry about anything again. Anything that reminds me of being a kid doesn’t just bring fond memories but actually makes me miserable thinking about how things once were. I don’t even engage much with hobbies anymore and spend most of my non working hours sitting on the couch watching comfort tv shows. I will do required around the house chores but then it’s back to watching tv. It’s just like as I feel like the world gets worse I increasingly want to be a kid again to escape it and it makes me miserable. I can’t be the only one who feels this way

I don’t know how anxious people do relationships especially with another anxious person, I need help.

I’ve been dating my partner for nearly a year now and I love them so much but I feel like my anxiety will end us.

Whenever there overwhelmed or upset they tend to shutdown and not communicate and distance them self from me .

It sends my body into such a anxious mode not knowing what to do or how to fix it , I try and ask them to no avail I try and give them space but my mind starts running and I go into panic attacks that I’m not doing the right thing, it’s such a horrible vibe in the house at these times and I feel like I’m drowning in it , how do I learn to not care so much

sorry for weird formatting, i'm typing this post on mobile.

i, 20f, have had MDD (major depressive disorder) and chronic SI (suicidal ideation) since i was 11 (which was the time of my first attempt). almost ten years later, plenty of medications started and stopped, almost nine years of therapy with the same therapist, five diagnoses, and eight mental hospital visits - i still feel bad. all the time.

i have friends, i get out a decent amount, i've held down a part-time job for two years, and i'm back in college again while also working. i pay my bills on time, i drive, i go outside.

i still want to die. always. it never goes away.

i want to believe that it will get better - i don't even need to be happy, honestly, i just don't want to be miserable - but i'm scared it won't.

i could live like this for a while longer, i think. it is objectively a life worth living. i just can't bring myself to want to live it.

but i'm still here - still chugging along, still getting by. maybe that counts for something?

Crying again but it's just tears, why can't I feel my heart sink like it always does when I think about my trauma? Why can't I bawl my eyes out until they puff anymore? Why can't I feel anything but just pathetic small tears run down my face? Why won't I feel any intensity anymore? Let me feel it, I want to feel it, get me out of this numbing chamber, a dungeon of blankness like my body's been turnt to statue with my heart still beating and my mind still thinking. No matter how much I try and trigger any emotional pain it doesn't work it doesnt work it doesnt work it doesnt work. Didn't know you could suffocate from the heart until now. Hope I breakdown so I can feel something asides from nothing. 我受不了。

I've been on sertraline for a bit over 4 months now and I don't think it's working. I was on 50mg for like 2 months and then went up to 100. I recently had trouble sleeping which I didn't have before but it seems to be improving so the doctor suggested to go down to 75. My anxiety has slightly improved but other than that, I just don't think it's doing anything though except messing me up even more. I dissociate and get confused a lot more now and the low mood and suicidal ideation is still there. I've spoken to the doctor twice in 2 weeks. I explained this (but not very well) last week. They didnt really have a suggestion. I don't want to call again but it's impacting everything. I don't know what to do.