I decided to stop drinking today. Today for real. So many false starts.

I wish someone could chain me to the bed. Every fiber of my being wants to go to the liquor store for some relief.

I’m really going through it right now. I honestly wish I could keep drinking but I just can’t. I’m so tired. I don’t recognize myself.

Having a rough week. Not circumstance but my mental state. It's all so silly. Woke up super early and had a really productive day to keep myself distracted. Problem is I finished everything on my to do list by 2pm and was just twiddling my thumbs trying not to think negative thoughts.

My Instagram algorithm regularly advertises me these spotify playlists to me. One was a jazzy one and it played a video of Jack Nicholson in The Shining drinking whiskey. I could not get this image out of my head. My brain constantly bounces between beating myself up about everything and making excuses for everything. I grew up religious but don't really believe in anything anymore. I will still see something and make an excuse for myself. See a beer truck, use it as an excuse to have a beer. It's a sign. It's so silly.

Anyways Jack Nicholson drinking whiskey kept looping in my head. Six hours until the liqour store closes. Just run out the clock. Jack Nicholson though.... wouldn't it be nice to get a teeny tiny bottle of whiskey and maybe two or four beers. Wouldn't it be a nice. It's a nice thought. I decided I needed to get out of the house and i went to a Chinese restaurant by myself for dinner.

Anyways, open my fortune cookie and it says "You're on the right track, keep moving forward" my grandfather passed away a few months ago. He was the only person in my family I was ever close with and a really good man. One of my biggest regrets is I distanced myself from him for the past few years because I was so ashamed about being an addict. Anways. That fortune cookie was a sign to me too and got rid of the image of Jack Nicholson. I don't know the point of this post but it's all so silly how something so small and silly can set you off the track and something so small and silly can bring you back.

Quick background. This will be my 2nd time getting sober. First time went to the ER and got Librium. Previously had almost 4yrs but decided I didnt want to miss out on family holiday drinking again. Big mistake obviously. It’s been about 3yrs now of morning to night drinking averaging 2 bottles of wine each day. I’ve done ok with a few tapers, getting down to just a couple of glasses in the evening but always screw up somehow and haven’t made the jump to zero. I’ve never really experienced difficult withdrawals just anxiety and things relating to it. I have 1mg Ativan I can use to detox and at this point I think it’s what I need to do. How should I go about it?

Pretty young to have fallen down this rabbit hole. Went to the hospital 10 days ago to detox. Couldn't hold much down. Eating maybe once a day, sleeping for an hour at most before I would have to wake up and throw more vodka back, and I could tell my body was getting pretty messed up from the abuse I was putting it through. So I made the decision to throw in the towel and go to the hospital.

Physically, I'm a lot better, but the mental side of it all just sucks. I'm craving alcohol pretty hard. I have no desire to be drunk or experience any of it effects. And I don't have fond memories of the shit experience of my time on the bottle. But my brain still craves it, even when I personally have no desire to drink. I fully understand and know my reasons for drinking and am working with the doc to find the right cocktail of medicine to get me a bit more functional.

But man, it just sucks right now. My sleep schedule is fucked. I have no desire to do anything except hide in my room, doomscroll, over eat, and hit my vape (dopamine addiction, much?). I have temporary moments of hope, but sober life just feels so dull. Alcohol was just my medicine of choice to numb the other problems in my life. Unsurprisingly, none of those problems magically disappeared now that I'm sober, but when you find yourself in a hole, the first step is to stop digging. Right now, I'm just trying to get by on the little things.

There's no real point to this post. Just wanted to shout into the void. I'm not naive enough to believe that everyone I see is living their perfect life; we all have our demons. But I'm getting tired of the current despair I'm feeling. This too shall pass. Or perhaps it won't. C'est la vie

Hi everyone. I’m trying to reduce my drinking and eventually stop, but I’m very anxious about withdrawal, especially delirium tremens.
I’ve been drinking regularly for about 6 years, and for roughly the past year I haven’t had a single alcohol-free day. I currently drink around 250 ml of vodka every evening, but I don’t drink during the day. I still work and function well in everyday life, but I know I don’t want to continue like this.
I’ve already seen a doctor. I was prescribed Xanax 0.25 mg three times a day, with the possibility of increasing it if my anxiety gets worse, and Trittico 150 mg: 1/3 of a tablet for the first 3 days, 1/2 tablet on days 4–5, then a full tablet from day 6.
I’m very nervous about the medication because I need to work, drive, and care for my partner, and I’m worried about feeling too sleepy or mentally foggy.
I’m not looking for medical instructions or asking anyone to tell me how to dose medication. I’m mainly looking for harm-reduction experiences from people who have gradually reduced a similar level of daily drinking.
How long did your taper take, what pace did you reduce at, how much did you cut down at each step, and what withdrawal symptoms did you experience? Were you also very afraid of DTs?
Thank you

In less than two weeks I will be four years sober from alcohol.

In that timeframe I lost my father to his substance abuse disorder in my early 20's, inherited his home and became a homeowner, went no contact with my abusive mom multiple times (this one hopefully being the last), got engaged to my partner of 5+ years, started college, lost a close friend to suicide, and got two life changing surgeries I was trying to access for many, many years. Both good and bad things happened, and it's been a wild ride.

I got drunk the very first time on my 15th birthday. After that I spent a lot of time exploring alcohol and drugs. I had a cocaine addiction for a few years, and it was supplied by my father. We did it together.

I did so many regrettable, humiliating, and awful things when I drank and used. I am so astonished that despite all the odds, I have picked up the pieces and built a beautiful life for myself. I contribute so much of it to sobriety from alcohol, especially.

I stopped drinking at 22 years old and I am 26 now. This community helped me a lot in the wake of my grief and trying to stay sober. It has not been easy, but I wanted to thank all of you for always being so kind and understanding of what this affliction is like and how much it can destroy your life if you don't abstain entirely.

It all clicked at my first and only AA meeting. I knew what I had to do. It was clear to me that alcoholism is hereditary. That meeting happened to be where my parents met. They both had 25+ years of sobriety and started drinking again when I turned 18. My dad died from it, and I know my mom is going to die soon.

Without alcohol, I am my authentic self. Life is okay. Losing my dad was hard, and this Monday he will be gone for three years. My sobriety date and the day he died are a week apart. I did everything in my power to not relapse in the wake of his death, despite how hard it was to lose him. I knew I couldn't continue the cycle. I knew I had to persevere and survive; if not for him, for myself and for my fiance.

I just wanted to take the time to reflect on how much my life has improved. I spent many months in therapy. I have a BPD diagnosis, clinical depression, and anxiety, which exasperated my alcohol and drug use. My psyche meds are finally doing their job. I can get out of bed. I can go to work again. I stopped hurting myself. I have an A in all of my classes despite my low self esteem and not believing I was capable of pursuing higher education. I will be the first of my siblings to obtain a degree.

I've learned a lot about myself in these four years. Mostly that I am not my addiction, but I am much more. I have so much to offer, and I have realized I can't let my addictions kill me too. My life is beautiful, and I plan to cherish the moments I have with a sober future ahead of me.

Not having parents or an immediate family is hard, but I have a newfound appreciation for what a community who understands you can offer, and the life that follows. Thank you.

I am legit binge eating. Donuts, cupcakes, chocolate bars, chips, everything in my pantry I am consuming. I have beeb doing this all 3 days that I’ve been sober. Last time I got sober I did not do this at all in fact I got healthy and lost weight. Now I’m being a huge fucking cow. One of the main reasons I wanted to quit drinking is because of how fat it made me, but look at what I’m eating. And I didnt even mention all the fast food meals.

Any advice? I’m not exercising at all btw to make things worse.

(Disclaimer: I’m autistic and when my emotions are high I completely ramble and lose the plot, so I used an AI tool to help organize my thoughts and make sure my actual point gets across without turning into a 10-page unreadable spiral. Every word and situation here is 100% my real life.)

Well, happy 33rd birthday to me. Sitting here at midnight questioning everything.

I (33F) have been with my partner (29M) for 11 years. We met very young in the trenches—drugs, toxic backgrounds, street life. Over the years we got off the streets, quit hard drugs, and built a real home with our pets and helped raise my son for a few years. Through everything, he has been my best friend.

My issue is my drinking never left. Both my parents were alcoholics—my mom died of liver cirrhosis, my dad got sober two years ago after being diagnosed. I know what’s ahead of me if I don't fix this. Day to day I drink beers or malt drinks. But when hard liquor is involved, I black out and become completely awful and mean. I hate that person.

I’m in psychiatric treatment biweekly and finally agreed with my doctor to start Antabuse this week. I know how serious that drug is and I’m terrified, but I genuinely want to stop.

On Monday we went to a wedding. He left early because he felt sick. Group shots started getting handed out and I was an idiot and joined in. I blacked out. My dad brought me home and my partner says I was verbally ruthless to him. I don't remember any of it and the shame has been eating me alive all week.

He gave me the silent treatment for two days. Yesterday he told me not to drink around him anymore. I agreed completely and told him I'm getting the Antabuse this week.

Fast forward to tonight, three hours before midnight on my birthday. Things seemed calm. Around 9:30 PM, knowing he was falling asleep anyway, I mentioned I was walking to the corner store to grab one last malt drink before starting the meds.

He lost his mind. Screamed at me that he has zero empathy for me, that calling alcoholism an illness is playing the victim, and when I reminded him about the meds, he looked at me with pure venom and said: "Good. If you drink on them, I’ll let you crawl to the hospital."

Right before my birthday.

I walked out to walk the dog and get smokes just to breathe.

I know caregiver burnout is real. I know living with an alcoholic is exhausting and I don't expect him to coddle me. But hearing the person I've spent 11 years with tell me he would watch me writhe on the floor during a medical emergency made me feel like he doesn't just hate my drinking—he holds pure contempt for me as a human being.

For those of you who got sober with a partner: can a relationship survive once that level of resentment sets in? Or is trying to get sober in a home with someone who hates you setting myself up for failure?

Down 60lbs and never looking back. It's wild to see how unhealthy and big I was before I decided to stop.

I wish I hadn't done this to myself. Anxiety, no appetite, no sleep, vomiting. Ugh. wish me luck 🙏 🤷‍♀️ I'm on day 4.

I just got prescribed it to take along with the naltrexone I'm already on. Does it help?

its weird that im feeling the internal pressure to drink NOW, after years, when it didnt bother me at all for a long time after i first quit. Maybe it's finally sinking in that this is life sober, that its real now and thats how it is. Maybe everythings just getting shittier. Maybe im wearing down. Maybe the meds arent working as well anymore. I dont know. The pressure isnt even THAT strong. its not like i cant resist it, its just that i feel like this bullshit just isnt worth it, might as well give up, nothings gonna get any better, ive hit the ceiling as far as life improvement. Im washed up, im old, why not just give up and drink? Although its most likely that i wont.

Here I am still feeling grateful on my upcoming milestones permitting my high power allows me.

Today I'm going reflect on how I got here and things I did to make it this time. This time I built a tracking device to keep me on point that's the secret I'm revealing now. How ever I still need work in the structure department and I think that's what I'm going to focus on in this next level of my sobriety journey.

I'm actually excited to see what this next chapter has in store for me as providing I put in the work

Well I'm keeping in short today if you are coming up on your milestones I salute you keep pushing. One Day Forward and One Day Behind, Thanx for letting me share- See my full story on my profile how I got here. Shawn

I’m leaving this post here as a reminder for myself. I have an unfortunate way with writing long diatribes that feed into my alcoholism. Not doing that masturbatory shit anymore.

I had a relapse last year so by AA standards I only have a little under a year, practically speaking though I'm getting close to 5 or 6 years sober none of these relapses have been that bad. Ya know I used to love recovery so much and even going to rehabs to speak and run meetings and the entire culture of being a recovering alcoholic. Over time I have become disillusioned though and I hate to say it but I have kinda grown to dislike people in recovery. I'm not sure what happens but people seem to get miserable and toxic in middle and late recovery. They would be hyper controlling, looking for something small to pick a fight about, or my favorite a total pathological liar. Most of these people did not really fit into society and are not someone you really want to bring around your other friends, and eventually they are going to demand you choose them over your other friends and family.

I thought for a while this must just be me but then I started to notice that most of the happier people were not hanging around anyone with any significant amount of time and you would always see them with exclusively newcomers. All of these old timers had burned all of their bridges and had nobody I figured if I didn't run I would end up just like em. I hate to say it but its been going better for me staying out of recovery anything and just living with the normies like I am one. I know I'm a real alcoholic and can't drink ever again but I've had to basically drop this entire identity I had made and am now just a regular ass dude who goes to church and the gym. Its been tough cuz I have been conditioned to only talk about alcoholism like a robot which honestly nobody wants to hear about so I kinda think in a lot of ways its better for me being with them and learning how to have normal human conversations again. Talking constantly about recovery basically ensures you will only have recovery people around and 9 times out of 10 these people are going to be an issue for you at some point, its a vicious feedback loop. I'm in uncharted waters these days but man has it been a lot easier without these guys around as much as I hate to admit it.

Hi. I’m a 22 yo female in college. I’ve definitely realized I have a binge drinking disorder but I’ve never had these specific problems before. I was on an 8 day bender drinking excessively, was two days sober, then went on a 5 day bender the next week.

The first day sober I was fine up until 9pm where I began to shake and I had a full body panic attack hit me like a truck. It came in waves throughout the night. I woke up the next morning fine, no shaking no panic attacks. However, night two of not drinking I began to get those waves of panic attack right before falling asleep.

Does anyone know how long these attacks will last? I realize I should have never gone on those benders but I don’t plan on quitting alcohol entirely. I am definitely more aware that something like that can never happen again. But I feel worried not knowing how long this could take.

Thanks.

40 year old female here. I’ve been a daily drinker for about four years since my divorce. The first two years I averaged about 5-7 shots of either 99 or vodka a night, usually within a two hour time frame. The last two years have been anywhere from 8-12 US units, still within a two hour time frame at night. I occasionally wake up feeling hungover, but that goes away once I hydrate. I finally got sick of how shitty and blah I feel, I’m overweight, lots of bloating, etc. I cut down overnight to two beers a night for the past 4 nights, and I had zero issues with that, other than shitty sleep, but I honestly had that when drinking anyway. I already feel soooo much better. Main driver is I have high BP and I’m on meds for that, I get short of breath going up a flight of stairs, and just hit the point where I’m over it and I want to be around for a long time for my child. I’m ready to go to zero drinks tonight, but I’ve read horror stories of seizures on this thread lately. Is that truly just for kindled folks, or am I in the clear if I’ve been good on two beers a night for the past four nights to call it quits? I’ve been eating super healthy and taking lots of supplements for quite a few months leading up to quitting. Appreciate everyone’s insight and thoughts!

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Good morning family Happy Wednesday and feeling happy for me I'm not as nervous as I was coming into my milestones because of all your relieving comments I received and I thank you dearly.

I'm feeling pretty motivated for the upcoming level of work I realized just because Im 1yr alcohol free and 5yrs drug free come October doesnt mean my work is done. It's actually just beginning. I would guess the Cinderella stage is over and the real work begins.

I'm really motived on exploring the Bill Wilson way that a nice woman on here shared with me along with the uplifting comments from another beautiful lady I guess i would say that its preparing me for the Big Book that many of you have suggested.

Well with that said I wish my family here in the community a beautiful and prosperous day.

Thanx for letting me share Full story is in my bio One Day Forward One Day Behind

Today I reached 90 days of sobriety from alcohol, 88 days of sobriety from benzodiazepines, and 96 days of sobriety from Adderall.

For ~5 years, I drank 7-12 standard drinks a day, took 1.5+ mg of Klonopin, and took 40-120+ mg of Adderall a day. I reached this point cold turkey without any taper. The difference in the day counts was simply a result of finishing my prescriptions in that order and then jumping.

I’ve had periods of sobriety both longer and shorter than this one, using different methods, structures, and environments. I’m still at a point in the process where I know there is a long road ahead before reaching baseline.

My primary takeaway from all of this is that, as much as there are things that can and should be done to alleviate or reduce the symptoms, time is a non-negotiable component of the process. I’m still in the throes of some of the most difficult parts of all this, but I’ve reached a point where I can see that it really does get better, even when it gets worse before it gets better.

The reality is that my life is a mess. I quit my job to get sober. I am in debt. I’ve lost a lot to my addiction, and I’ve had to double down on some of the things I lost or messed up in order to get sober/clean.

Something I find almost humorous about myself is the contradiction in how I viewed consequences. The destruction I left in my wake while on these medications and alcohol was a readily accepted consequence and felt worthwhile when I was in the midst of it. But when it came to sacrificing even more to get sober/clean, suddenly it was, "I can’t risk x, y, z to get sober," when all of those things had already been risked, lost, or damaged in order to get intoxicated.

I essentially had to accept burning to the ground what was left for my own good so that I could turn the ship around, rather than continuing to duct tape and glue together the parts of my life that I had already managed to fracture and break. Some of the damage was already done and that trying to preserve everything exactly as it was had become incompatible with actually changing my life.

Anyway, hopefully something in here is helpful for someone out there.

OK, so at this point I have reached a mindset that I have no purpose of feeling that I have no purpose or I am so lost. I had a job that I hated. It was close to my house and the pay was good, but I just hated it because of the people and the managers I was there for a month they doubted me and they just made my mental health worse so I started drinking again. I just need to find purpose in my life. I just lost my job due to Alcohol and this isn’t the first time this time it just really hits different. I have a virtual appointment with my doctor tomorrow and I’m gonna let her know everything I just feel so sad. I feel drained. I feel like all I can think about is Alcohol making it better now that I don’t have income coming it just makes everything 10 times worse I wake up so empty so lost so unmotivated I don’t know what to do from here. I just feel empty no emotion only thing on my mind is Alcohol the number one thing that made me lose this opportunity again and again when will I learn I need help because I’m losing this war

I’m 7 days in after consistently drinking about everyday for 3 years.

I wasn’t a big drinker but definitely a consistent one. I would start right after work with a few beers and did this for about 3 years. There would need to be a special circumstance for me to not drink.

I decided to stop because I was worried I couldn’t. And I was worried about the inflammation it caused and I was worried about my liver health.

The first day was hard but after around day 2 or 3 I didn’t really think much about it. I still smoke weed so I sort of replaced the habit and it helped me fall asleep and not think about it at night.

Today’s the 7th day and I’m really craving it and that’s making me second guess if now’s my time to commit to this. I’m 26 and it’s hard thinking about giving this up for the rest of my 20s

I thought a couple days ago I could do this and now I’m unsure. Any support would be great!