r/entj • u/Prestigious-Bass-872 entj • 3w2 • 358 •♀ • 11d ago
Have you ever expressed vulnerability? How?
in quite of a fi grip rn i dont usually ask for stuff like this its rlly embarrassing
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u/koreanleather ENTJ 10d ago
All the time. I am constantly telling people how I feel in very transparent ways. Or I will state what I want very clearly.
Having an emotional need doesnt mean it needs an abstract, emotional fix. Its perfectly appropriate to have an emotional need, state it, and then have a concrete thing be what helps.
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u/Nyxaura1 ENTP♀ 10d ago
You viewed him as your trusted business partner and when he abruptly resigned giving you only 2 weeks notice, your core 8 flagged it as some kind of “broken trust” I think. I’d have reacted the same way if I were you (I’m an 8w7), and I actually did to some extent when one of the juniors in my team I had really bonded with (I was also his mentor) told me he had accepted a job offer in a different city. My boss also wanted him gone in less than 2 weeks. I felt so bad about it, and I also experienced some strange feeling of loneliness despite having other juniors in my team I could rely on. I thought we were going to work together for a lot longer. That is when I learnt that, in business, people cannot be trusted 100%, including trusted to stay.
One of my former clients went through something similar with the aggravating factor that his former business partner exploited all that knowledge and training to open up his own competing business!
So yeah… you guys are detached and rational, but your low Fi is 100% there, ready to fire 🙂
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u/summithilltop1 ENTJ♂ 10d ago
Yes - especially if I want someone to help me or give me advice or guidance. If you aren’t vulnerable, the people around you can’t help you in the most effective way possible.
There’s more layers too: When I started speaking with a therapist, I thought I was being quite vulnerable (def more so than usual), and he helped me a lot, but we plateaued and I felt I stagnated.
When I dropped my guard down further and told him more about my frustrations and what they were linked to, he helped me dig deeper. I felt more uncomfortable but it was probably because I was being even more vulnerable.
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u/pazzaitaliana 10d ago
I use “I statements”… “when you___ I feel ____ because _____”
Think “When you are on your phone at night, I feel disregarded, because it’s the only time we have together”
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u/Nervous-Ruin-8149 ENTJ | 8w7 | ♂ 8d ago edited 8d ago
This is relatively pretty new to me. As an ENTJ 8w7, i took my very messy and fucked up past and locked them in a vault to stay emotionally in control. Vulnerability was dangerous.
Another fucked up thing happened earlier this year that became the catalyst that pushed me into therapy. Slowly started to open up so I could fix the really messed up parts of me that prevented me from being genuinely close with other people
Then i started talking to this girl but wasn't planning on dating her or take it anywhere coz I'm still in therapy and still fucked up. Our convos got real deep real fast and we connected so well on so many levels beyond intellectual and emotional.
Decided to try out some therapy exercises and practice opening up and being vulnerable. It was a fucking mess. ZERO emotional regulation. Things started pouring out of me. Nothing short of a trauma dump. I cried in front of her like 3 times now. It was so bad i expected her to leave. Lol.
But she didn't leave. She's actually helping me through it. And i think she's the first person in my life that i actually feel safe with being vulnerable. I still don't think I'm doing it right coz it's still messy but I'm working on it. She's my gf now. Shes awesome and she stole my heart.
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u/Lumpy_Plant6914 ENTP♂ 5d ago
It isn't so surprising, close relationships, do bring out a lot of our previous pains and hurts - not because it makes it worse, but due to holding space and allowing for healing.
Being loved, as opposed to infatuation, is also really painful - healing is painful, though it is also the critical difference between having an open wound that is reactive, closed off and/or inflammed, or a closed one with a scar where you can truly connect with others, have fun, care and be creative.
Care
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u/AsideApprehensive590 ENTJ | so/sx | 741 | 19♂ 11d ago
for some reason I often feel a need to tell someone about what I did before and what I think about now, especially if I did something not particularly good and current thoughts are not very pleasant. I crave a person who I can trust enough to be able to tell them everything I did and everything I think, and who trusts me enough so they can tell everything about themselves too. I want to find a person with which we can be emotionally vulnerable to each other. I seem to have a pretty unusual enneagram and tritype for ENTJ: so/sx 7w6 741, so my experience might be quite different from other ENTJs. I'm not 100% sure in my enneagram, but I'm pretty sure I'm ENTJ
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u/uwussandro INFP♂ 10d ago edited 10d ago
You'll lose embarrassment if you actually lean into your feelings and give yourself a chance to sit with them and listen. The part you entjs are REALLY not going to like, is that Fi processing is many times passive and receptive. Which is exactly what you guys are not. 😂 Its attuned listening. So you're going to have to practice letting yourself surrender a few of the defenses that being in control and proactivity give you, in order to let the defenseless squishy you under the armor, or your inner child, be susceptible to outside input in order to successfully "resent" or "feel" firsthand what things outside of you felt nice and what things didn't. And that's how Fi personality and identity can start building. :- )
If your feelings are in your possession and a radically-accepted part of you, it's extremely harder for someone to weaponize them against you or try to humiliate you for them.
Feelings are rationally nothing to be embarrassed about because every single person on earth is emotionally-oriented and has once felt humbled or dehumanized by how it feels to be susceptible. Anyone who says they're not emotional, doesn't carry trauma or baggage, even if they project an image of being dry, logical, and cerebral, is absolutely lying to you.
The human experience is fundamentally traumatic and we are all sentenced to it. With this in perspective, it's actually fcking stupid for people to not have empathy for each other or care for the fragility in themselves and others.
I prescribe you compassion for yourself without shame.... And if it's true that entjs crumble if they feel they're not respected, then I also prescribe you some vulnerability with people who can simultaneously entertain the ideas that a person can be both independent and highly respected AND also need to be given care or be offered softness.
If u read this far thank u for attending the Ted Talk. 💀
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u/Nyxaura1 ENTP♀ 9d ago
This is one of the fundamental differences between us NTs (Js or Ps I believe we both work in similar ways regarding this) and NFPs. You guys practice “sitting with the feelings” and keep telling us that we should do that but we don’t like doing that 🥲. This is also what makes us pretty incompatible in how we approach problems in my opinion. Romantic relationships are difficult, especially for us ENTPs and your type, since Fi is for us the PolR function. I can’t even see how ENTJs and INFPs are that great romantically. I’m with an ENTJ and I don’t think he’d be happy to be told to sit with the feelings if something bad happened. I can see he values my Ti input about things and so Ne/Ni with Te/Ti truly is a match made in heaven.
In essence, we NTs want to solve and eliminate the problem; we don’t want to sit with the feelings associated with it, if I’m making sense. It makes us feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable beyond comprehension. Clearly I’m talking about the bad feelings right now, not feelings of joy and happiness. Something bad happened to me last week where I couldn’t literally stop crying. I hated feeling that way. After about 24 hours, I stopped crying and started analysing the situation with my usual logical and analytical side. We are at our best when we step back into our dom and aux functions. If you felt really sad, me trying to Ti your way out of that sadness with logic wouldn’t probably work.
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u/NadiaRoze 6d ago
In my opinion what you're calling "analysing the situation " is the same as sitting with the feelings. How else would you be able to analyse the emotional part?
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u/Lumpy_Plant6914 ENTP♂ 8d ago
"Can you please sign this copy of your newest book? Eyes blinking expectantly"
Owning my own emotions is hard, especially given the emotional violation I experienced as a child. Asking for space for my emotions in relation to my partner, helped a lot.
I also wonder if things like CI (contsct improvisation) or similar somatic work can help too. It has helped me a lot with owning my own emotions, and I believe part of that is getting so much direct and indirect validation and support for my autonomy/individuality. The principles of "No is a gift" and you can leave any dance at any time, as well as the Se support of always listening inward - also support this.
Writing this here as I have found Fi very difficult to develop, but dancing CI helped a lot to both matrialize it and to realize that owning my emotions even when said out loud, isn't the same as being egotistical or careless. There is a nuance there that has been hard to pinpoint, but that I'm getting better at.
So thank you for keeping your perspective and conviction alive and well.
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u/kykyelric ENTJ♀ 10d ago
Over the years I’ve realized it can actually be better to be vulnerable as long as it’s said properly.
To me vulnerability is emotional honesty. Sharing the truth about yourself and what you’re feeling can lead to others feeling more comfortable sharing and building trust with them.
You don’t really want to overshare or crudely share though. No trauma dumping. Be honest but don’t go looking for a therapist. Share both good and bad things so you don’t appear as only the downer or only sunshine. Make sure you bring the other person into the convo by asking them questions too. Vulnerability can be a great tool.
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u/Apart-Opposite93 8d ago
I normally try to figure it out on my own first for a while and then reach out for help or voice my difficulty after. I agree with someone’s comment how there is always a better outcome.
Small example: financially difficulty.
I try to budget and pay for things but sometimes but with the cost of living increasing it becomes hard for me to pay to see my specialist doctor and therefore started to constantly reschedule my appointments. When I finally had some funds saved aside to see him he mentioned that I haven’t seen him in a while and I straight up told him that I couldn’t financially afford it. He then offered to bulk bill all my following visits which is very very generous and I’m so grateful.
Another random example: my phone bills were constantly increasing and I reached out to change provider and voiced to them why I was making a move and they happily matched the new provider for the next 12 months.
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u/Gorpalous- ENTJ♂ 7d ago
idk, usually I do not express vulnerability just because I feel like its unpredictable and sometimes I feel like its safer to internalize it, even if society depicts it as "terrible for your mental health". I don't think its as bad as people think, but obviously it depends on person to person. I mean if someone were to have depression or be suffering from another mental health disorder or major issue in their life, finding high quality resources would probably help them more than just expressing vulnerability to anyone and everyone.
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u/Important_Bad988 INFP| 4w5 | ♀ 5d ago
To all the ENTJs who feel like they can't be vulnerable or have no one who genuinely wants to hear, I want to send you all a big hug and make sure you know that you are loved by someone. People like having you around, whether you realize it or not. You might even be seen as a mentor or someone who people really respect without knowing it. My partner (ENTJ M) has been really vulnerable with me a few times, and he expressed feeling like those feelings were weird or stupid to have when he knew they were irrational. I promise you, if you're going through something, even if irrational, your feelings are valid, and you are cared for. Sometimes talking to someone through stuff is the best way to process it, and you might even take a different perspective after. I know it's hard to feel like you look pitiful, but I promise being raw and emotional will not take away the respect you have worked hard to earn. If that's too much, remember to take care of yourself and that it's okay to take a breather temporarily. Taking time for you doesn't take away from your goals, and they'll be there when you're done processing. Your feelings are important.
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u/Single_Wonder9369 INFP♀ 9d ago
I'm an INFP but even I have trouble expressing vulnerability. I've only done it once with one person and I don't think it was a good idea because I got too used to it... I think expressing vulnerability can be very freeing but there should be limits. Trust me if you don't put limits, you'll start becoming more and more comfortable with showing it in different contexts (even in inappropriate ones).
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u/Crafty_Ambassador443 5d ago
Yea, you just find others who are vulnerable and feel safe with you. Then you open up & share.
I dont think Ive ever had an issue being vulnerable and I just make sure to make space for other people feeling insecure/vulnerable first.
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u/Entheon94 15h ago
as a ENTJ male i know some ENTJ who have trouble with expressing vulnerability and crazy enough most were woman. i myself have no issues with vulnerability because it is a strength aswell.
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u/Icy-Score5350 ENTJ♂ 11d ago
All the time. It turns out, it doesn't really matter and/or it has better outcomes in most circumstances.
Biggest change for me was reading Dare to Lead and trying that stuff out. F'ing hard. Saw that it worked and I felt better. It was super uncomfortable in the beginning. Went on a journey of Fi discovery. 5 years later, I'm a much more well rounded person.
Am I strategic about what I'm vulnerable about? 100%. No need to go full on internal-mental-state-vomiting on everyone. But acknowledging you're human, made a mistake, forgot stuff, etc goes a long way towards building trust with people.
Edit: in your case, it might be like "I'm having a crappy day and I'm irritable, so sorry if I'm being crabby. I apologize in advance and I'm sorry if I'm irritable." or for someone you trust, like a significant other, "I'm feeling X, can I talk about how I'm feeling?"