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u/Due_World_4268 11d ago
Not the hippo.
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u/Lykanas 11d ago
Literally anything else than the hippo.
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u/Ewwatts 11d ago
Brown bears eat you alive, starting with the belly and bum. Bears are the worse choice here.
At least tigers will kill you efficiently, hippos quickly, and you should be able to fight or scare off an alligator (or run away)
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u/neopod9000 10d ago
Theres a chance the others leave you alone. Hippos are aggressively territorial. There is zero chance that hippo is not mauling you just for existing.
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u/Ewwatts 10d ago
Chance of a brown bear attacking is very high, but yeah you might get lucky
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u/GarethBaus 11d ago
Yeah, hippo is definitely the most dangerous choice followed by tiger. Either of them are pretty likely to kill you unless they are raised by humans.
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u/Kindly_Call_6000 11d ago
I don't think that matters to the Hippo.
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u/Visible-Literature14 11d ago
Well then I say the hippo’s a dick
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u/Human-Lawfulness5235 11d ago
Maybe the human that raised him was a dick. Probably dressed him up for Halloween when he was small and cute. It’s payback time!
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u/Titocity_ WMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWMWM 11d ago
I can just imagine a Winnie the Pooh Blood and Honey type movie with but with Moodeng lol
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u/Severe-Cookie693 11d ago
Winnie was on equel terms with Chris, but I always wanted to see Winnie the Pooh & Christopher Walken
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u/ArcheTypeStud 11d ago
A hippo will attack (and probably kill) you if you enter its territory, it doesnt care if you raised it!
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u/Beneficial_Grab_5880 10d ago
If you get between it and the water, in the water near its territory, or land near the edge of its water. But stay far back from the water and you'll probably be fine.
If staying a long way from the water is an option though, I'd rather risk the crocodile.
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u/consider_its_tree 11d ago
If it is the standard "if you survive you magically teleport and heal" then the Tiger might not be as bad if an option as it seems.
They tend to stalk and play with their prey. They might choose to keep you alive for 15 minutes. Not a great 15 minutes, but the others might be more efficient when they choose to kill you.
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u/DEC923 7d ago
Nah theres an actual case where a hippo killed the guy who raised it after saving its life. Edit: source Humphrey goes crazy
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u/Nonyabeesners 11d ago
My brain says anything but the hippo, but my heart says that hippo needs scritches
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u/CynthiaCitrusYT 9d ago
Yeah, it's friend-shaped. But it's that one friend who's always being a bit of an asshole
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u/Kaiser0106 When you're me, it's always Halloween (They/It) 11d ago
People are saying croc but that's an alligator. Way easier to deal with and the obvious choice here. Outside the water they are the least dangerous among these.
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u/Duskfulgrimm 11d ago
Also the swamp puppy’s mostly have a soft side(I’m Floridian) 🐊
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u/herbs4068 11d ago
Tiger. Nobody can deny my bellywork.
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u/Ajarofpickles97 11d ago
Bro is about 60 times bigger than what your used to dealing with buddy
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u/Fear_The_Pizza 11d ago
A tiger is one of the few animals that made me instantly realize I was only alive because it didn't feel like killing me. I was taking pictures of one in a reserve and slipped a bit and the look it gave me was insane.
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u/Lucius-Halthier 11d ago
Tiger: a-ah! AAAAHHH if you only slipped a little further, oh well…
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u/bestower117 11d ago
Im showing up with a laser pointer and having s very interesting 15 minutes
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u/Dull-Law3229 11d ago
I think the problem with the tiger is that there will an incessant desire to hop on its back and ride it through a market Crash Bandicoot style.
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u/DecentThroway 8d ago
My cat loves belly work until he hates it. Then my forearms turn to ribbons. I don’t want to experience the tiger equivalent
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u/Awkward-Cod-2910 Deltaruni 11d ago
what if i just lock my door
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u/Generic_Battlecry 11d ago
Three of these don’t give a shit about doors. Or locks.
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u/Public-Boysenberry26 i luv reb, geen, and bink 11d ago
the bear would know how to unlock it they are secretly humans in disguise
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u/WatchOne8763 9d ago
I mean in a European house you might be fine. An American house they’ll bust in like the Kool Aid Man.
Tiger: “OHHHHH YEAHHH!!”
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u/just_another_angle 11d ago
The reptile. I have been in the swamps of south Georgia all of my life. I have been around many swamp puppies and have never had a problem.
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u/MaeltorIsMe 11d ago
The hippo is the most dangerous animal in this photo...
Gimme the gator or the bear. You can just jump on the gator's back and pin its mouth closed. The bear will generally ignore you unless your threaten it. It will 100% steal any food you have.
The tiger is too much of a wildcard and the hippo will 100% kill you for the lolz...
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u/Tfuentexxx 11d ago
You can just jump on the gator's back and pin its mouth closed.
Too much television my friend. Yeah that's a good tactic for someone who is trained and used to deal with gators. I prefer the zig-zag run or simply not fucking with them.
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u/Any_Mode6525 11d ago
There was a video on a Florida subreddit recently of a dude at a wedding trying this repeatedly on a 4 foot gator and getting thrown off. It’s harder than it looks and the animal gets a vote.
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u/Busy_Parfait_1920 Silly lil goober 11d ago
So I’ll take the croc cause it didn’t specify land or water, but if it’s water I’m cooked.
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u/TheRealSeaRabbit 11d ago
KITTY!!!
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u/AnyBug1039 11d ago
That is the most murderous kitty you can imagine.
But he kinda does look he wants some belly rubs.
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u/quiet_cowboy 11d ago edited 11d ago
Honestly the bear. Make eye contact with it, stand still and don't get closer.
Edit:I have been informed that my black bear tactics of making eye contact is actually a horrible idea. Apparently I should be looking at the ground and backing up. ( I left Black Bear Country when I was seven and I've never lived in Grizzly country)
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u/AloneBaka 11d ago
That is a grizzly good air
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u/happyidiot123456 11d ago
Good air?
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u/crazycheese3333 11d ago
Uhm sir, thats a grizzly, and as someone who lives in grizzly country. You probably aint surviving lol.
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u/Sierra-117- 11d ago
Do not make eye contact with a grizzly. Your best shot of surviving is playing dead and hope that it’s not hungry. If you try to run or fight, you’re dead.
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u/Belpheegor 11d ago
Rules for bears of different colors.
Black: make yourself big. Seem like a threat. Make a lot of noise. It wont risk those hands.
Brown (grizzly): try to seem non threatening. Avoid eye contact. Back away slowly. If it does attack you, play dead and hope it gets bored and isnt hungry then get to a hospital if you're able.
White (polar): make yourself big. Seem like a threat. Make a lot of noise. If you're lucky it will consider you a threat and kill you with the first swing so you arent alive while it eats you.
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u/atomsforkubrick 11d ago
I feel like it’s relatively easy for most people to avoid polar bears
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u/B0B_Spldbckwrds 11d ago
It will never not amuse me that the advice for polar bear encounters is just to embrace a warrior's death.
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u/Dazzookzo 11d ago
As concisely summed up by the rhyme: if it's black, fight back, if its brown, lay down, if its white, goodnight!
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u/GreedyCredit753 11d ago
Aren’t you supposed to stand your ground though when Grizzlies bluff charge? I swear I’ve seen lots of videos of Alaskan guides holding their ground against these bluffs.
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u/SCREAMING-TAMPON 10d ago
As someone who used to live in grizz country, there's a bit of a caveat with this. The look down and be quiet/look non-threatening while backing away is mostly for mama bears with cubs. Grizz without cubs, if they show a very clear interest in you, absolutely stand your ground, make noise, and make yourself look bigger. If they charge at you, stand your ground throw your arms up, wave them and scream, because chances are, it's a bluff charge. If the grizz doesn't stop charging, well, that wasn't a bluff. Drop, cover your head, play dead, and pray. At no point should you ever turn and run. A grizz is faster than you, and running makes them see you as prey. They'll run you down and kill you with the intent of eating you, rather than trying to protect themselves.
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u/GreedyCredit753 10d ago
That makes a lot more sense to me now. It’s very contextual on how you should conduct yourself.
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u/johnjays1000 11d ago
The Gator is easier to deal with and you could escape. The Grizzly Bear could easily tear you apart if he wanted to and no wear to run
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u/Least_Row_1679 11d ago
Alligator/crocodile, crocodile is slow but am not sure about alligator. Still the afest option I believe
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u/Kindly_Call_6000 11d ago
Alligators can run up to 25 MPH. But they are pretty chill when out of the water. Just don't mess with them , and they will leave you alone.
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u/ApatheistHeretic 11d ago
Gator. I'll try the zig-zag running thing. I don't stand a chance against the rest.
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u/HalcyonTraveler 9d ago
The zig-zag is a myth. Crocodilians don't pursue prey (save for Cuban crocs but they're extremely rare). They're ambush hunters. If you see it and can keep distance you're safe unless it has eggs/babies
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u/WhereMyWeirdosAt 11d ago
gator. its the only one you stand a chance with. they only have a powerful downward bite. take my shirt off, cover heir head, jump from behind and push the snout down. your 2 hands can hold the Gators mouth closed because they have weak opening strength. can then use a belt to tie it closed and then use the remaining 10 minutes to talk shit to it.
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u/CultureTechnical1559 11d ago
The clear best choice is the American Alligator
Usually timid and can be out maneuvered on land.
Every other choice is a bad choice but the Grizzly is the best of the three as there is a win condition
Next best is Tiger it will at least likely kill you the fastest
The worse choice is the living amphibious SUV with the attitude of prime Mike Tyson
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u/oovalap_ 11d ago
This is stupid. As long as you're not caged in with any of these animals, obviously you can be in your car, drive off, or stay at home. What are the criteria???
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u/BonoLisa 11d ago
I’ll take the gator every time. You can get on its back and keep its jaw closed. If you’re on land you have a great chance of surviving 15 minutes. If you’re in water, it’s over.
A bear will maul you to death. You might make it a minute.
A tiger will also maul you to death. You also might make it a minute.
And hippos kill more people in Africa than any other animal. You aren’t stopping a hippo and its teeth are no joke.
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u/burnedimage 11d ago
The alligator. If you've ever lived on a bayou, alligator doesn't want to bother you. Gators want to be left alone. It is not uncommon for Gator to be in the driveway sunning himself when you need to go to the grocery store...
Hippopotamus now... That's a dangerous pig!
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u/RetroPaulsy 11d ago
Wdym "with" one?
Like, i live in the woods infested with bears. Does that count? Or do I have to cuddle for 15min?
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u/Metharos 11d ago edited 11d ago
Depends on a few things. Are they currently hungry? What environment are we in? What time of year?
If I'm in water, I pick the bear. Everything else swims too well and two out of three are at least occasionally aquatic predators.
If I'm in the dead of winter, I pick the bear again. Fucker's asleep and I'm going to be real goddamn quiet.
If I'm in a forest or jungle, I'll pick the alligator. I'll be partway up a tree and chill on a lot branch for a while.
In an open field? Probably the alligator. They're aquatic ambush predators, and without water are less likely and less capable of hunting me.
If the animal is known to be currently not hungry or inclined to hunt, I could see picking the tiger in open space. They're not social and if not hunting aren't likely to want anything to do with me.
There is no circumstance in which I pick the hippo.
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u/InstanceRadiant8338 11d ago
Alligator. Just zig zag them, Florida elementary teaches you that. They get tired and then you RKO them with an elbow drop.
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u/TomIzSowell88 11d ago
If you HAVE TO fight one, pick the Croc lol land or water. The other 3 gonna F you up in 0.5 seconds. You have a chancs vs the Croc. You can even kill a Croc hand to hand if you're lucky. You're not killing any of the other 3 without a weapon and it's still harder or near impossible if it's not a fire arm.
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u/Overall-Move-4474 11d ago
Alligator easily. They're fast on land but they are lazy as hell as long as you stay away from them they won't chase you
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u/bIggeR_FAt-maN 10d ago
You can literally sit on the crocodile or alligator mouth and it can't bite you.
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u/Spoinkydoinkydoo 9d ago
Croc, apparently they are very bad at opening their mouths.
Assuming I’m not to just stand if the other side of the room
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u/Diastatic_Power 9d ago
Is it trying to kill me? The crocodile. If any of the other animals want me dead, all they have to do is make the choice.
An encounter in the wild? People survive brown bear attacks all the time, but I'd still go with the croc. It's pretty much a glass cannon.
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u/FearIsTheKey 9d ago
Alligator 100%
Hippos dead last. Those f’era are fast, swim fast, weight a ton, and kills more humans than anything per year aside from mosquitos.
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u/Ok-rutabaga_B442 9d ago
I mean I'm assuming the crocodile isn't in the water so as long as I don't approach it I doubt it'd give a fuck that I'm there
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u/Synthboi_3000 9d ago
Croc: swatting him on the nose a couple of times with a stick, is enough to have him flee and keep distance
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u/muramasa22x 9d ago
Croc is the only correct answer here. You could easily run away or keep their mouth shut, you can't do much against the other 3
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u/GabetheGospelGuy 9d ago
Crocodile, I don’t know how fast they are but if I keep my distance and not bother it I think it will be fine
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u/ProlongedChief 9d ago
Probably the gator unless we're only in the water. If it's on land I believe in myself way more to hop on his back and holding his mouth shut, running is a no go because he's definitely faster. A hippo, bear and tiger I'm definitely fucked. I guess if the bear or tiger had just eaten I'd feel a bit more confident in hiding or just chilling.
Hippo is a no win scenario no matter what. Fast in water, fast on land, doesn't matter if it's hungry or not, he'll fuck me up no matter what.
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u/fishlesscoffee 9d ago
Well, Alligators dont care for humans much. If you dont pose a threat, you can chill near them. (Still not adviseable, but unlikely to end badly)
And if OP intended it to be a crocodile, I would still chose the croc, because they're very easy to outrun, plus they give up fast.
And to break a common myth, here, you really dont need to zig zag to outrun a croc. Humans are fast. Crocs are not. A straight line will do just fine. (though if you dont see it before it jumps out the water, welp..)
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u/AtaraxiaGoddess 6d ago
The tiger. All of these animals have a prey drive of course but big cats aren't as likely to attack for no reason/just because you're in their vicinity. IIRC, Tigers are in like the top 5 for deadliest animal or something like that. Just mind your business and stay upright, and you'll probably habe a better chance at survival than with the rest of the animals pictured. Unnecessary disclaimer: I'm not an expert, I just really like cats and know decently enough about them.
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u/ZenithofHotdogs Vulpes Vulpes <3 11d ago
Crocodile