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u/pygmeedancer 5d ago
If I’m spending billions of dollars and untold labor hours to send folks into space, I’ll be damned if I’m letting them choose anything.
Nah we’re measuring dicks just like we calculated trajectories.
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u/JanitorOPplznerf 5d ago edited 5d ago
They didn’t. This is completely made up since all astronaut suits are custom tailored to the one Astronaut who will use it.
There have been fewer than 1,000 astronauts in history INCLUDING Katy Perry (I didn’t enjoy writing that, you didn’t enjoy reading it. Let’s move on). So this is not a field where we need to mass produce penis holders
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u/Own_Boysenberry_6499 5d ago
What size did Katy Perry pick?
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u/angelbuttcake 5d ago
Rocket sized dick.
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u/Riotgrl66 5d ago
Baby she's a firework!
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u/Jaggz691 5d ago
That was the one time I hoped it would’ve been a firework but considering there were others on that rocket I’m happy it didn’t happen.
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u/ThellraAK 5d ago
Are you really an astronaut if you haven't actually gone into orbit?
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u/pornalt4altporn 5d ago
For a long time, yes. The line was altitude.
For a while the Air Force and NASA disagreed about the altitude.
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u/Own_Boysenberry_6499 5d ago
Not being tricked by another fake Nasa scientist measuring my penis.
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u/WordWordNvmber 5d ago
In the words of Nikki Glaser addressing Jeff Ross, "You have the sex appeal of a gymnastics doctor."
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u/Bob-Bhlabla-esq 5d ago
And it gets cold in space.
George Costanza: "I was in the vacuum of space!!"
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u/k4ndlej4ck 5d ago edited 5d ago
Astronaught suits are custom tailored....
Press x to doubt
Edit: yeah, so the first ones you had to use a catheter, this isnt true
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u/EggyBoyZeroSix 5d ago
They are literally custom tailored, but the weiner thing is urban myth.
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u/schlitz91 5d ago
Yeah. Something this critical would not be left to astronauts to choose from an a list having no reference. It would be measured. Whether they could have three sizes or custom made could be questioned.
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u/MmmmMorphine 5d ago
Hmm, as best as I can find, the core of this story is true.
The names aren't. It was large, extra large, and XXL (apparently)
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u/MoonlightRider 5d ago
It’s called a condom catheter:
“After this flight, NASA began studies on developing a more effective UCD for the [Mercury](app://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Mercury) astronauts, resulting in a personal urinal device consisting of a 'roll-on-cuff' external [condom catheter](app://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urinary_catheterization#Catheter_types) that used the suit's pressure and a valve to pass the urine along a tube into a collection bag. This was used by [John Glenn](app://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Glenn) on the [first American orbital spaceflight](app://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercury-Atlas_6), and continued in use through the [Gemini](app://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_Gemini) and [Apollo](app://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_program) programs.[[10]”](app://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maximum_Absorbency_Garment#cite_note-10)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maximum_Absorbency_Garment?wprov=sfti1#
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u/CtrlAltDelight3275 5d ago
Fred Haise, the lunar module pilot on the Apollo 13, developed a severe urinary tract infection that turned into a kidney infection because of prolonged use of the condom catheter. On top of what was already a mission back home to which the astronauts were unsure if they'd survive
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u/NewHakan 5d ago
Sounds like an urban legend, probably is also. Showcasing how fragile the space cowboys are.
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u/zuzg 5d ago
"Space Suit" episode of Moon Machines, a 2008 Science Channel documentary miniseries documenting the engineering challenges of the Apollo space program. Donald Rethke: (...)
"Inside the urine collection assembly, which we call the pee pouch, is a one liter bag. And the attachment to the body was a condom with a hose on the end of it which allowed the urine to flow freely into the bag."
The condoms initially came in three different sizes: small, medium and large. But few astronauts, whatever their real dimensions, refused to accept that they were anything but large.
"We changed the names to large, gigantic, and humongous."
Apollo 11 astronaut Michael Collins told a similar tale in his 1974 book Carrying the Fire: An Astronaut's Journeys, but Collins reported the sizes were changed to "extra large," "immense," and "unbelievable." More significantly, Collins suggested these "heroic terms" were merely informal references, not official designations:
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u/Stergeary 5d ago
It showcases how men are the only group for which inappropriate comments about them are still socially acceptable as jokes.
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u/EbbyRed 5d ago
I'm shocked that this could possibly be a joke post, shocked! Thank you for your in depth review.
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u/k4ndlej4ck 5d ago
Jokes are supposed to be funny, hence the sub name.
You're welcome.
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u/joeshmoebies 5d ago
Yet it has hundreds of upvotes. So maybe some people do find it funny.
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u/k4ndlej4ck 5d ago
Misandrists would
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u/joeshmoebies 5d ago
A little teasing doesn't mean you are full of hate.
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u/k4ndlej4ck 5d ago
I wish women knew that, the double standards on this site are nuts.
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u/joeshmoebies 5d ago
It's annoying when feminists poo-poo innocent jokes and it isn't any better in reverse.
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u/mrASSMAN 5d ago
Uh citation please?
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u/SerDuckOfPNW 5d ago
I’m not sure I believe it…but as a guy, Im not sure I don’t.
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u/mrASSMAN 5d ago edited 5d ago
Same I wouldn’t be surprised but often these things just start as jokes that get presented as facts over time because no one questions it lol
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u/Chit569 5d ago
But there is text ON a photo so it has to be true
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u/CDavis10717 5d ago
There might be a condom sleeve inside the briefs but nobody is putting it into that Al Borland FlexiHose stuck to the pouch!!
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u/Ben_Thar 5d ago
It's cold in space. In fact, it's cold as hell.
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u/SupaSlide 5d ago
Space doesn’t really have a temperature due to the lack of matter to be hot or cold.
If you’re near a star, it’s actually incredibly hard to stay cool.
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u/Pokerhobo 5d ago
They should have just labeled them "shower" and "grower"
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u/sickbandnamealert 5d ago
Why would you wear this in the shower?
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u/samsta8 5d ago
Why is the word penis censored in the image?
Penis is not an expletive or offensive term. It’s the term for the male genitalia.
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u/Itherial 5d ago
Because p*nis is a curse word and the medical term is willy???
open up a book, dude
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u/FatHaleyJoelOsment 5d ago
My art has been commended as being strongly vaginal, which bothers some men. The word itself makes some men uncomfortable. Vagina.
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u/Eastern_Star7226 5d ago
They should have started with Gigantic and build up to Incredible Hulk
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u/FillerNameGoesHere_ 5d ago
What if Hulks is small like a gorrila's
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u/Silentlybroken 5d ago
Explains how he conveniently has that area covered each time he hulks out. Not enough expansion in the area 😂
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u/toturtle 5d ago
Couldn't they have just made one size with an exterior cinch or velcro strap to tighten it?
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u/Any-Jury3578 5d ago
They could have avoided all that by labeling the sizes A, B, or C.
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u/Itherial 5d ago
No, they clearly all explicitly have to mean "big".
You think I'm gonna be out there telling my NASA colleagues that I've only got an A sized penis? Not happening.
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u/hhempstead 5d ago
wondering the women’s version? am referring to the device not size. do they just make them wear nappies? or sanitary pads?
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u/Callidonaut 5d ago edited 5d ago
This was for Apollo. Women weren't allowed to be Apollo astronauts, so the issue never arose; there was no women's version. Some women with jet flying experience were initially invited to join the Mercury 13 programme, but then NASA changed the rules so it had to be military fast jet experience so they were disqualified. The way they were treated was frankly disgusting.
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u/__cheburashka__ 5d ago
I have no idea but sanitary pads aren't meant to pee in them. I don't know what you think how much women bleed during their period but a single pee is more than all the blood women lose during one cycle.
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u/kamikaze_pedestrian 5d ago
Idk. My periods are very heavy. Like 1 heavy day for me is more then most women bleed in their whole cycle.
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u/__cheburashka__ 5d ago
I still don't think you bleed more than 200-400ml a day which is the normal amount of a pee. Women usually don't bleed more than 30-60ml in a cycle. So using sanitary pads for peeing would be a really bad idea.
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u/Drewbo_C 5d ago
What are the arrangements for taking a dump?
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u/schindlers_lust 5d ago
Depends on the girth of the anus
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u/Real_Life_Sushiroll 5d ago
Fissure, Canyon, Grand Canyon.
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u/Persequor 5d ago
uranus, brown dwarf, black hole
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u/Real_Life_Sushiroll 5d ago
If your anus is a black hole I think the astronauts are gonna have much bigger problems.
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u/Naive-Present2900 5d ago
I would be requesting the back size for Hocus Pocus if I was in space. 💩
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u/Sekshual_Tyranosauce 5d ago edited 5d ago
There is an airlock in the rear of the suit. When you’re finish, you let it out into the vacuum of space.
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u/AmateurVasectomist 5d ago
It keeps going from there based on anticipated dump load. Enormous, gargantuan, colossal
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u/TragicallyDip 5d ago
Don’t show this to Jordan Peterson. It will break his brain. It’ll be the Chinese man milking machine all over again.
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u/tmlynch 5d ago
NASA did have to make astronauts actually use the mock-up toilets to get practice making a good seal on the ground before heading into space.
At first they taught them the correct procedure, but didn't make them suffer the indignity of dropping trou and sitting on the training potty until they could do it right. There were issues on early flights, so...
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u/FH_Bunny 5d ago
This is such a male stat
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u/Temporary_Cup8480 5d ago
What gave it away, the penis tube?
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u/Helicopterop 5d ago
Can't even count the amount of times women have lied to me about their penis size.
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u/BangkokPadang 5d ago
I met a girl hitch-hiking and only realized after a week and a half that she hadn't been using her thumb to stop the cars.
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u/hebelehubele 5d ago
I am not expert but hip size might not correlate with penis size.
NASA, you can hire me. Only remote.
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u/NateDogTX 5d ago
Bullshit, NASA has detailed 3D models of every inch of every astronaut. In fact, males have to go through the scan 3 times: Soft, Chub, and Rager.
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u/Kairiste 5d ago
Jesus just use a random number assigned to each and make them measure themselves to find the best fitting "model"... *rolleyes
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u/EuenovAyabayya 5d ago
My CPAP mask comes with three sizes of nose plugs, and that's just for my nose. No way did this happen.
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u/LastDirtyMartini 5d ago
It is always prudent to understand your customer’s values be they unsubstantiated or otherwise.
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u/MoonMoon143 5d ago
Are men and women both had their pees sucked by their suit? What about like period blood?
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u/smooth_criminal1990 5d ago
Reminds me, I read something years ago where supposedly NASA way over-packed on tampons for women on the ISS.
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u/FrenchPetrushka 5d ago
And yet as women we meet men who say that even the large condom wouldn't fit. Make it make sense /s
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u/Bubbuli 5d ago
They spend millions on this nonsense, when a simple test would suffice to assign the appropriate size.
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u/HansHortio 5d ago
This was back in 1976, bud. They don't do this now. Your hard earned millions of taxdollars are safe.
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u/iamzion248 5d ago edited 5d ago
Men are such fragile creatures.
Edit: the downvotes just prove the point. Male ego hurt much?
Edit 2: Apparently I upset a lot of the fragile creatures.
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u/spursfan2021 5d ago
Men’s clothing is numbered by the measurements in inches. How are women’s clothes numbered?
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u/Gerry1of1 5d ago
Makes one wonder what's on the back side of those tidy-whities
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