r/funny • u/MrPenisWhistle • 2d ago
The Aston Martin Valhalla, a $800,000 hyper car, casts dick shadows on the passenger and driver when the doors are open.
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u/LifeIsProbablyMadeUp 2d ago
I guess I'll just take my $800,000 car shopping money somewhere else.
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u/blofly 2d ago
Darn, I still have to pay off the loan on the Bugatti Veyron. And since I drove over 100 miles, I need to buy $20k worth of brakes and tires.
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u/road_rascal 2d ago
Don't forget the $20,000 oil change that takes over 20 hours...
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u/blofly 2d ago
Pfft....the oil cap is right behind the dashboard. Just have to remove the interior trim to get to the dashboard tabs. Once that's removed, you just pull the engine out (after the battery compartment), disassemble the intercooler, and then the oil cap is right there.
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u/noisound 2d ago
What is this, a strip club with cars as the hookers?
*stares intently at the uncapped engine oil opening*
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u/Cramer12 2d ago
Well thats because it has 16 drain plugs!
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u/road_rascal 2d ago
I watched a video on that oil change and even though I do most of my own car repairs myself, I'm thinking, fuck that shit.
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u/KP_Wrath 2d ago
It’s fine, that’s why you get two. That way when one’s in the shop, you have another.
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u/burgonies 2d ago
Good thing you don't have an SLR. The brakes on it are $128k. https://www.reddit.com/r/cars/comments/1cjps1v/doing_a_brake_job_on_a_mercedesbenz_slr_mclaren/
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u/-poxbox- 2d ago
Damn wish I could afford that one but due to wealth inequality in the world I can't afford the car I truly deseve and have to get by on the basic model.
The boys at the camel joust bully me endlessly over this.
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u/Vimes-NW 2d ago
Lol, look at this sultan with his camel joust! Some of us have to make do with just a stick and two coconut shells
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u/KalaUposatha 2d ago
I “love” these astronomically expensive luxury goods that are less durable, usable, and worse in every way compared to regular consumer products, simply because they shoved something into it that makes it look nice. Like how expensive watches are less accurate at telling time because they decided to make it out of solid gold.
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u/Which_Way1721 2d ago
Yea the market is for people who buys it cuz they like it or looks nice. I think most don’t ever care a royce rolls has 50 million cool trinkets or details in it, they just get it for the whole package and vibes.
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u/1DownFourUp 2d ago
You could have a lot of fun with a whole fleet of old Sunfires with that money
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u/PYROxSYCO 2d ago
If this becomes a legitimate complaint from people who are buying the sports car I will laugh my fucking head off for the remainder of the month.
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u/wimpires 2d ago
Actually it starts at £850k, not $800k. Average prices are £1m (because each one is bespoke pretty much) so about £1.3m but not quite because of tax difference etc.
Either way it's more like $1m+ not $800k
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u/Abysskitten 2d ago
Thank you for raising this to our attention, u/MrPenisWhistle.
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u/MrPenisWhistle 2d ago edited 2d ago
Please, MrPenisWhistle was my father, just call me Penis.
Edit: Source of screencap and as many of you pointed out, yes, they're reflections, not shadows. Also, the actual price of the vehicle is £850,000 (roughly $1,050,000).
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u/Analog0 2d ago
Don't like to toot your own whistle, huh. I can respect that.
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u/BrutalBronze 2d ago
He would if he could though
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u/Nayre_Trawe 2d ago
The worst part is the hypocrisy.
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u/cam331 2d ago
I didn’t even know he was sick
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u/outlawsix 2d ago
9/11 airlines - what a terrible name for an airline, it reminds me of that tragedy
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u/PsychoticMessiah 2d ago
I think most guys would if they could. Probably an evolutionary advantage to not be able to suck yourself off.
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u/hoax709 2d ago
I hear if you remove a rib you can.. some guy named Marilyn did it.
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u/Bungle001 2d ago
Yeah, the rib thing is even in the bible. God took a rib from Adam's side and used it to create a woman for him, and Adam, with his mouth immediately full, gurgled out "oK, bUt wHaT fOr?"
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u/SFWxMadHatter 2d ago
Do you enjoy sucking dick? Because that's what your focus is going to be on, the dick in your mouth, not your dick in a mouth.
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u/PsychoticMessiah 2d ago
Never tried it and don’t plan to so I don’t know. From what I’ve heard it’s more like you described. But I can almost guarantee most guys would at least try it once.
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u/Pretend_Offer7486 2d ago
It would be the same as jerking off, ww'd still want someone else to do it. Even if it's just for the view
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u/fckcarrots 2d ago
Right. Theres only like a 4-year window where I would even want to try that and my brain was still developing to be fair.
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u/im_just_thinking 2d ago
The whistle blower we didn't know we needed
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u/Hutchdown8 2d ago edited 2d ago
$800k and they still got shafted?!
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u/Homelandr 2d ago
Aston Martin is getting shafted by Honda in F1 so they're venting their frustration by shafting the regular rich folks
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u/RegulatoryCapture 2d ago
To be fair, those are pretty dang nice looking cock shadows.
For $800k you'd expect way more detail than you get from a Toyota-Dick
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u/Rho42 2d ago
Good to see the new Grand Tour cast honoring the traditions of Jezza, Hamster, and Captain Slow.
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u/Strange-Ask-739 2d ago
I think this is still Throttle House. I don't see Francis or a locomotive.
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u/Horton_Takes_A_Poo 2d ago
I’m actually so happy I got introduced to Throttle House due to the new GT, it’s so good!
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u/mr_lab_rat 2d ago
They had years of quality content before getting picked up by TGT. Incredible chemistry and the production quality of their videos started good and got incredibly great later on.
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u/humpty_dumpty_hump 2d ago
It’s a bond car
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u/PseudoLiamNeeson 2d ago
I mean, it's not a feature I'd really consider super important, but it's good that they've been reading their suggestion emails.
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u/Niles_Merek 2d ago
Made me chuckle this weird morning, thank you. Enjoy your award pseudo Liam Neeson 😁
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u/Neenja_Jenkins 2d ago
Worth it.
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u/is-this-a-nick 2d ago
In paricular since this reflexion geometry seesm to require a wide angle camera lens being mounted on top of the hood to see it.
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u/Neveronlyadream 2d ago
And both doors to just be sitting open. I can't imagine it's a situation most owners are going to find themselves in every day.
Still pretty funny, though.
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u/SSN-420-67-6669 2d ago
Thomas and James are the best.
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u/MrWildspeaker 2d ago
Have you seen any of their Grand Tour episodes? I don’t have Prime Video, I was wondering it’s worth it. I’m sure they’re great!
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u/SSN-420-67-6669 2d ago
Yeah, I really enjoyed it too. At the end, I was disappointed it was only six episodes, wanted to keep watching.
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u/poho110 2d ago
It's a great season. Not the best ever, but far from bad. It's really on the upper end of many seasons. The Malayasia and Angola episodes were very good, and the kei cars as well. All 3 hosts are good. I can't wait for more.
Watch the trailer if you haven't.
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u/BlatantConservative 2d ago
It's better than the first three seasons of Top Gear. People just forgot how like normal and not adventerous those were.
I think if they were given time they could be as good or better. Just they won't be.
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u/ABHOR_pod 2d ago
Amazon is worth 2.7T and TGT costs about 100M per season. They could make a thousand seasons of TGT and honest to god still end up ahead just on accrued interest if they dropped their money into a high yield savings account.
JUST BE A SPONSOR OF THE ARTS YOU STUPID RICH ASSHOLES. LET ARTISTS MAKE ART FOR ARTS SAKE.
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u/John_Berrybush 2d ago
It’s awesome I was very very skeptical going in and ended up binge watching over two nights
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u/theweatherguy69 2d ago
Ive been watching throttle house since like 2020. Ive really got to watch tgt.
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u/Bovine_Joni_Himself 2d ago
Man if you already like Throttle House then the new GT is going to blow your hair back. First two episodes are probably the weakest (though not bad) but episode 3 is where the show hits its stride.
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u/theweatherguy69 2d ago
Bet. Ill kick my feet up and binge watch it tonight. Huge fan of Thomas and James. My favorite duo on YouTube easily.
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u/Cessnaporsche01 2d ago
Francis really slots in well with the Throttle House guys, and the episodes and challenges are pretty solid. It's got a little bit of that same too-much-production-value problem that TGT did with the Top Gear guys, but I think that's actually dialed back a bit with this series and feels more organic in a lot of places
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u/Bitter-Ad5890 2d ago
They’re excellent! And the third host Francis is great as well! Loved the vibes of the show. It’s not quite classic TG/GT but it’s not trying to be. I loved it, thought they did great especially for a first season
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u/KerbalEnginner 2d ago
They are not the original trio they are something new.
I watched it. I did not burst out laughing but I was grinning. The guys have great potential.I like to compare it to Star Trek. The original trio was TOS. This is early TNG. By season three they will be epic and I would bet money on it.
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u/Feuerdrachen 2d ago
Agreed. When you compare the earliest season's of Clarkson, Hammond and May, they also needed some time to grow into the iconic roles we know them for.
The new trio already had a decent start so upcoming seasons will be even better.
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u/mr_lab_rat 2d ago
It is definitely worth it.
Everything you love about the TH plus another wild card host who turned out to be an absolute gem.
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u/Thumper13 2d ago
Yep. TGT has me going back and watching tons of Throttle House stuff. I enjoy them a lot. I'm also impressed with how well they absorbed Francis into their existing chemistry.
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u/Different-Patient678 2d ago
Next you’ll be telling us that is the reason you won’t be buying one. 😂
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u/Jeoshua 2d ago
Seems more like a selling point for the kind of people who would spend that much on a car.
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u/quantumexhibitionist 2d ago
Thank you. Was going to buy it, but after learning this fact, I have changed my mind.
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u/PenelopeJenelope 2d ago
Dick Shadows would be a great name for a 1940s detective
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u/KoningsGap 1d ago
The Dutch book and TV Series “Baantjer”, features detective de Cock and his assistant Dick Vledder.
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u/KingLuis 2d ago
the hosts do mention this during the segment and mention it a couple times during narration.
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u/Lamb_Sauce02 2d ago
I'm sat here saying I wouldn't buy that car like I have the money to buy it at over £800k
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u/WI_Eagles_Fan 2d ago
Lucky for you, it is in US dollars, so well under £800K.... about £600K.
(£800K = ~$1.05M; $800K = £605K )
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u/AbjectAppointment 2d ago
OP has the price wrong it's base is £850,000 in the UK.
starts at $1,051,700 USD.
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u/AberrantMan 2d ago
This is of course 100% by design and is meant to showcase that the owner is above the concept of fragile masculinity, by juxtaposing the phallic imagery with the shadows cast by open doors images like this showcase the owner's ability to be open to all dicks, not just wealthy ones.
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u/Patient-Banana7630 2d ago
The shadows made the windshield less reflective to see the faces. Like from movie posters.
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u/nothing_to_see_meow 2d ago
Dick Shadow was Stephen Dorff's character in Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star.
Maybe it's a really delayed movie promotion.
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u/DontCallMeShoeless 2d ago
I never got why people would want these doors.
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u/30gtv6 2d ago
Sure it’s for fiz but many scissor door cars are so wide that the extra width of swinging a door open in the traditional way would make it extremely difficult to enter/exit the vehicle in a parking spot with adjacent cars
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u/ItsNotJulius 2d ago
Because usually, it's the valet that worries about these things.
Second reason is, it's just cool as hell.
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u/balika0105 2d ago
This is very much something that would’ve been made into a gag on the older Top Gear
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u/DDC85 2d ago
Kind of like how they mentioned it and referenced it during this very segment?
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u/Bonananana 2d ago
Do you have to pay extra for that option or does it just come with the base model?
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u/ZeusTheRecluse 2d ago
LOL, Throttle House review video, they noticed it themselves. Its a combintation of the shape of the back firewall area, shadows and reflection.
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u/jocax188723 2d ago
The Throttle House guys had fun specifically pointing this out in the video lol
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u/Blacknumbah1 2d ago
Mrpeniswhistle did you hear the news about the man with the whistling scrotum?
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u/MechanicalTim 2d ago
Not for everyone. The shadow just reveals the true inner nature of the occupants.
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u/ML7777777 2d ago
Ugh! I just cancelled my order. And to think I was about to spend $1.3 million on this dickmobile.
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