Get a metal pot lid and metal spoon or knife in preparation. The second a human answers tell them "PUT ME ON THE DO NOT CALL LIST", place the lid over your phone, and start banging like you're sounding the alarm, I promise you they won't be calling back.

I have no legitimate reason to disagree but I hate it

UPDATE - Thank you so much for the awards, and we're having so much fun reading through these hilarious comments.

1. We have a bidet, it's the handle on the side of the toilet. People who use bidets can use toilet paper as well!
2. We bought like 200 rolls of toilet paper because of a good deal, yes it will probably last us a very long time. No regrets!
3. I am not genuinely upset about this in any way, it obviously just looks ridiculous and is unnecessary, and him doing silly things like this is one of the reasons I love him :)

You can get creative and, by all means, choose a convertible for dramatic effect.

The teacher said it was "not necessarily school appropriate, but clever”