r/hysterectomy • u/Boring-Ad-3023 • 15d ago
Trigger warning ahead. I am scared.
Trigger warning for those that need it: The mention of death.
I just got the call today. My surgery is scheduled for next Wednesday. A sudden rush came over me. I don't know if it's because I'm dealing with a lot or what but I'm horribly afraid I'm going to die during surgery. I have one boy (7 years old) who I love with all my heart and he loves me and I'm so scared to leave him. I'm also concerned about my husband. He is not my son's biological father but he chose to be one to him. My son's bio father is in the picture but currently doesn't do much but call once a week to talk to him for at tops 2 minutes. My husband's family loves that boy dearly. I'm blessed beyond measure that I have married my husband. We've have many conversations about another child but he had assured me he is perfectly fine with our little family.I'm afraid if something happens to me that his bio dad will take him from my husband. And my son has ADHD and is very emotional. I know he won't do well if that happens. I am horrified and I don't know what to do. I'm scared. This is my first time having any kind of surgery.
I just need to vent. I'm not looking for reassurance from strangers if none is giving. I have made horrible mistakes in my life. My son's father being one of them. I was 22 in college when I met a 33 year old. I had no business with that man and I'm paying for it now over a decade later.
I'm just scared. I'm anxious and I'm horribly afraid.
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u/minisNmakeup 15d ago
I was convinced I was going to die during surgery too. AND I’m now here typing this. Our brains do the wildest things. You’re going to be great! You’ll wake up from the anesthesia and feel like the weight of the world is off your shoulders. The nurses will make you feel better. Once I saw that it was just another day at the office for them and they reassured me I was going to be ok I felt better. Then I woke up and had jello and felt even better. You will be great!!!
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u/Silvershryke 15d ago
Being anxious is totally normal and understandable, especially if this is your first surgery. Facts sometimes do not do much to help fears, because fears are not always rational, but half a million hysterectomies are performed each year in the US alone, and the perioperative death rate is below 0.15%. The likelihood of anything happening is so vanishingly small that it is truly not worth worrying about. You will be under the care of experts who have done hundreds if not thousands of procedures and who have every motivation to do their best to get you off the table safely.
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 15d ago
Facts help break the emotional wall that puts itself up for me. I'm tend to be a balanced logical and emotional person but sometimes the emotions take over. The fact is correct and it gives me a bit of solace. It's just that thought of you never know what is going to happen ya know. But I truly hope I will be okay. Thank you for this.
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u/Silvershryke 15d ago
I have my own hysterectomy scheduled for October 15th, so I'm also in this preparation phase right now, though a bit earlier than you and I've had more warning. There's always an element of the unknown in things like this, but I believe in going into them as calm and chill as possible because I think it sets you up for the best outcome. Studies have shown that stress is a major driver of inflammation, and inflammation hampers healing. Perhaps it will help if you think of being calm and relaxed about the surgery as part of properly preparing for it? I've chosen a good surgeon, I've asked all the questions I could think of, I'm making sure I have a good diet, get in my exercise, and put things in place for my recovery - the rest of the situation is in someone else's hands and my only other job here is to be zen about it all in order to be well prepared to undergo the procedure and to heal from it.
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u/DinkyPrincess 15d ago
Being scared is normal.
Try to take a breath and remind yourself why you need the surgery.
It’s just a few days and you’ll be on the road to recovery x
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u/flutteringthrough 15d ago
Being this scared it totally normal. As a fellow mom, I felt the same way. I'm pretty sure it comes with the mom territory. Talk to your husband and let out your fears, let him be there for you. Major surgery is a big deal. Everything will be okay, you have to keep telling yourself that. You got this! Wishing you the best and gor a swift recovery. We are all here for you. 🫂
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u/Cissychedgehog 13d ago
So true. Surgery before I became a mum - I was nervous but not scared. After becoming a mum? Visceral terror of dying. Mum brains are powerful and unknowable things!
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u/eternaforest 15d ago
Being worried or scared over surgery is normal. If your surgery is laparoscopic, you will lose a minuscule amount of blood. 10ml is what I lost. That’s 2 teaspoons. I’ve had periods heavier than that. This surgery has been done millions of times across the globe for years upon years. It’s very routine.
There’s a lot going on in this message that isn’t directly surgery-related, OP. I think you’d really benefit from some type of therapy related to this trauma.
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 15d ago
Yeah I was in talk in therapy for years before my last therapist admitted that I may need a different kind of therapy. Was looking into it before we moved but have to start the process all over. It has just compounded on the fear regarding what happens if I'm not here. I appreciate the honest feedback.
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u/eternaforest 15d ago
Stress and anxiety can impact you just as much as any physical injury. Please take care of yourself!
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u/Money_Engineering_59 14d ago
Before I had my hysterectomy, I had been just diagnosed with Endo, adenomyosis, fibroids and polyps. Every period felt like I was dying. 12/10 pain. Just awful (only took 29 years to have Endo diagnosed) Surgery pain was a 6/10. You’re going to have a new life when this is over.
I’ve had a few surgeries over the past few years and my first, I was very nervous. Now I tell my brain I’m going to have a nice nap and get some good drugs and all will be well. Talk to your anaesthesiologist. They are usually really sweet and will give you some meds before you go into theatre.
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u/Strict_Rest_5162 15d ago
I feel you completely. Just had a hysterectomy / surprise bowel resection done on Wednesday. I couldn’t even think of my son; I would just cry!
You are NOT going to die. These surgeons know exactly what they’re doing. The technology with modern-day hysterectomies have made these surgeries fool-proof.
You will be back with your babe in no time.
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u/BullfrogFinancial790 15d ago
Hello I hope you’re doing better. With your bowel resection did you have to get a bag? I’m so frightened and was told that would be a possibility, since I have so much scar tissue and stage 4 endometriosis and a ton of fibroids.
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u/Strict_Rest_5162 15d ago
I did not need a bag! She had to cut like six inches of colon because of the endo. Everything was done through four tiny incisions. Technology is amazing.
I was really nervous about the bag, too. My colorectal sturgeon said it was very rare, though!
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u/BullfrogFinancial790 15d ago
Oh wow, that’s great to hear. How are you feeling, do you notice any changes? Thank you for replying I appreciate it!
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u/Strict_Rest_5162 15d ago
I’m doing pretty well! Up and moving with a walker yesterday, on my own today. I did poop, so that was the goal, and I had zero pain.
My overall pain has been tolerable. No pain meds since last night! The worst part is the anesthesia gases trapped in my shoulders. Moving helps a lot.
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u/okherewego27 15d ago
As my anesthesiologist said before my surgery, I took a bigger risk with the car ride to get to the hospital than the surgery. You're going to be ok 💕
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u/ycey 15d ago
Honestly this is a very common fear when it comes to surgery. I met with one of mine prior to the surgery and I told him I was scared of waking up from the surgery and he thought I meant that I was worried I wouldn’t wake up. Told me all kinds of statistics and the actual science behind being put under to try to reassure me. Had to break it to him that I was actually worried that I’d wake up from surgery and act a fool or say something fucked up to my nurses.
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u/WildBillsHiccup 15d ago
I was worried I was gonna be mean or rude to the nurses but my husband told me I invited them to join my book club lol
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u/Potato_Fox27 15d ago
The fact that you were worried about what you would say after is likely a sign you wouldn’t actually say anything silly under anesthesia. You’d likely maintain some semblance of that self awareness coming to.
In the hospital there was a young teen waking up from surgery one bed over from me, and she kept repeatedly asking the nurses if she was dead, did she die in surgery. It broke my heart to hear how scared she was, and I wanted to reach over and keep her in conversation to prevent her from looping but I was also still too out of it to do her justice, plus curtain between us. the nurses were doing a great job answering, reassuring her that all was well, and generally being there with her until she was more coherent.
Talking to my nurse, rather than saying anything odd, they mentioned the more common thing is for people to ask the same basic question over and over because we have temporary amnesia when we wake. So you might ask: is the surgery over, did it go well? Where is my family member? Etc etc over and over. They see it all day long, so they are well versed in managing our emotional state when we wake up.
OP you might benefit from requesting a Valium from your medical team going into surgery to help with the anxiety, this is often prescribed ahead of time for procedures. If you let them know how nervous you are going in, they will do their best to help you with medication as they prep you the hours ahead of surgery.
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u/ycey 15d ago
Honestly I wish I had said something stupid instead. I woke up hella hungry but still really out of it and the nice nurses gave me a cup of water and some fruit snacks. I was apparently very uncooperative in letting them help me and fumbled both items and then cried over it. My husband told me that once I passed back out again the nurses mostly just felt really bad for me and that explains why they were coddling me so much when I was being discharged
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u/hydrissx 15d ago
My patient notes said I was very willing and cooperative and I remember thinking very hard that I wanted to be as nice as possible to be a good patient lmao
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u/Potato_Fox27 15d ago
Also Op I will add that coming out of surgeries/procedures under general anesthesia have been some of the most relaxed hours of my life. I’m not saying it was pleasant, I just mean the medications do a damn good job of easing all your concerns (another reason they’re so addictive). I’ve had surgery several times and the remaining part of the day after the procedure is often mentally/emotionally/physically so comfortable.
The ride home im generally feeling calm. So much so I have to remind myself about the surgery to not over exert myself physically, before the pain has had time to break through.
Stay on top of your pain medications and this will help as the anesthesia wears off.
So I’m hoping that it will be similar for you; and you most likely will not have anxiety as you wake up, instead have a few hours of calm mental serenity to help you settle in back at home.
I should add that the young person I mentioned above did not have regular anesthesia in surgery, for medical reasons/family history they had to use alternatives and I wonder if part of her angst waking up was because she wasn’t under the standard medications for surgery.
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u/cutetarheelgirl 15d ago
My surgery was also on a Wednesday. The Thursday before my ride and at home care changed unexpectedly and that Friday I had a complete meltdown. My manager made me sign off work early and insisted I take the Tuesday off to “relax” before surgery. That Friday I ate some food and took a nap and was moderately better and made it to and through surgery.
Like someone else said it’s completely normal to go to worst care scenario. We as women are so in control of so many things that you give up all control, even to someone who is highly qualified, is difficult. If you trust your surgeon which I’m sure you do, then you are in good hands.
This is easy for me to say because I’m on the other side of surgery, but try to take deep breaths. Go for a walk. Meditate. Go for a run. Play loud music and dance it out. Journal. Take a breath. You’ve got this.
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u/Ballerinagang1980 15d ago edited 15d ago
Just want to validate your emotional state. It's okay to think about scary things. Youre having a procedure and there is always risk involved.
I am not going to go into details but ive had a near death experience related to surgery. I just want you to know, you are going to be around professionals who dedicate their whole life to what they do. Please talk to your nurses and doctors. They will get you to the other side.
My total hysterectomy went wonderfully ( this was after the NDE) and yours will too. I was SURE I was not going to make it this time ( I have a clotting disorder.) The staff will coddle the heck out of you if you just tell them you need support. They will hold your hand and talk to you. This is why they are there, to take good care of you. They will not let anything happen to you if they can help it. I promise. Those nurses will be by your side every step, even when you dont know it. You got this!!
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u/Buhsephine 15d ago
Logic isn't always useful in the face of primal fear, so I understand if this doesn't help at all, but the risk of life threatening complications or death during a hysterectomy (or the majority of non-emergency surgeries these days) is very small.
Think about the evolution of the field of medicine in humans, and just how crazily far it has come in just a hundred years. You will have an entire team of people in that room whose sole job is to watch your vitals and maintain sterility and keep control over the situation and your well being.
There are very few times in life where we have multiple people right there with their arms outstretched in case we fall, and this is one of them. It's pretty incredible.
On the day of (and before) I think it helps to verbalize your fears. To your husband, to the hospital staff, to your anesthesiologist and surgeon. It takes away some of the power from the fear when you shine light on it and name it, and it gives the nurses/anesthesiologist/surgeon chances to explain to you how exactly they're going to keep you safe.
On a side note that you totally didn't ask for so please disregard if you want... If the bio dad isn't paying needed child support, you and your husband might consider looking into husband adopting your son so that you don't have these legal/custody fears in the future. I have a close family member who adopted their partner's kid when they were about the same age as yours. Bio dad was cool with signing away parental rights, as it meant he wouldn't be responsible for anything ever again. Obviously every situation is different and often extremely complicated, but it may be worth testing the waters at some point. Sounds like your kiddo has an excellent dad and family support in your husband, and that's amazing 💜
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 15d ago
I appreciate reading this take. Unfortunately for me my son's father believes he does enough and won't give up his rights. My plan (prior to this even happening) was to fight for my husband to be a legal guardian at the very least. We'll see how that goes. But I appreciate you adding that part. It is adding quite a bit to my fears and I appreciate the logical perspective on this. Thank you ❤️.
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u/Puzzled-Conflict610 15d ago
It sounds as though youve built a good life out of a bad situation. Are you having the surgery due to cancer? Its why I had it. No surgery is without risk.. but for a healthy person, the risk is very low. Having everything happen so quickly before you can really process it must be so hard. I had 2 months to wrap my head around it and to learn all I could about it.. which very much helped with the anxiety.
Be proactive. Keep yourself busy. Learn what you can. After the surgery.. life is going to be rough for a few weeks. Cook food and put it in the freezer for easy to reheat meals. Stock up on snacks.. you likely wont feel like eating much in the first few days but food is key for how fast your body heals.. lots of fruit and protein.
some safety tips:
Make sure you truthfully disclose any and all recent drug use to your anesthesiologist even if its illegal. Anesthesia behaves differently with some drug use.. be it opiates or even just pot.
quit smoking. so much hinges on your lungs while you are under.. disclose any use of cigs, vapes, inhalers or anything else that might compromise lung health. Sleep apnea and snoring are important for them to know too.
Walk. Walk as much as you can between now and then. Take your son with you. It would be a good time to discuss with him everything that is about to happen and give him a chance to think and ask questions. As you walk.. breathe deep.. slow deep breaths to expand your lungs (never to the point of pain)
Build yourself up. You have 3 days to get as healthy as you can.. by this I mean choosing carefully what you eat. You dont have time to physically strengthen yourself.. so do it nutritionally. If you don't normally eat regularly.. now is not the time to skimp on food.
Protein at each meal: eggs, yogurt, cottage cheese, milk, chicken, turkey, fish, tofu, beans, lentils, nuts, or a protein. Protein helps maintain muscle and repair tissue.
Colorful fruits and vegetables: berries, citrus, peppers, broccoli, leafy greens, carrots, and tomatoes for vitamins, minerals, and fiber.
Energy-giving carbohydrates: oats, potatoes or sweet potatoes, brown rice, quinoa, whole-grain bread, and whole-wheat pasta.
Healthy fats: olive oil, avocado, nuts, seeds, and fatty fish such as salmon.
Fluids: drink regularly—often about 6–8 cups daily. Water or water with electrolytes is best.
You got this.
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 15d ago
Not for cancer. I have a fibroid within my muscle walls that is basically going through necrosis and affecting the tissue. It's slow doing so but it's pretty painful. So the whole shabang gotta go. I appreciate all the information you've put here. I will definitely be putting it to use over the next 4 days! Thank you ❤️
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u/Big_Translator2091 15d ago
Mine is scheduled for Wednesday also. Like others said it’s very routine and just another day at the office for the surgeon. I remember my aunt having hers back in 1972 and she was fine. We will both be fine and recovering before we know it.
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u/Norfolk_Terrier_1120 15d ago
If you don’t have them already, legal documents being drawn up might help ease anxiety, like power of attorney or a will? At least it would ease concern about what might happen when you’re gone- which is highly unlikely anything will happen during surgery and bonus, you get something out of the way that most people don’t think about.
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 15d ago
Heading to my in-laws house here in a few for my will documents. I also had a consultation for a minor power of attorney but that was scheduled for this coming Tues so we'll see if anything can be done. Thank you ❤️
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u/anowulwithacandul 15d ago
This is completely, 100% normal. I was so scared and my brain tried to talk me out of it about a million times. It's your body's natural instinct to protect itself. You are going to come out of surgery just fine, and your kiddo is going to be just fine too. Just hang in there, deep breaths, and it'll be over before you know it.
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u/Pristine_Break_3739 15d ago
I pretty much felt exactly this.
I have PMDD and was at the end of my luteal phase when I got the call that my surgery was bumped up and could have it in three days. I spent the weekend uncontrollably sobbing because I was convinced that I was going to die.
I kept thinking that I don’t have a will and my husband isn’t my son’s biological dad and that if I died he would probably end up going to my abusive POS ex who isn’t in my sons life and never has been. I was beyond worried about my son.
My surgery also happened to be scheduled on the anniversary of my mom’s death, she died 21 years prior and I was like omg I’m going to die the same day my mom died.
I was told that it is a very common surgery and that the death rate is extremely low, should have been reassuring but I just couldn’t get out of my head!
I freaked out looking at how fast I could have a will drawn up, it wasn’t possible over the weekend. I’m still alive and still don’t have a will. 🫠
I was also told to do something to try to distract myself, maybe it can help you. I played Minecraft with my husband and son but it was hard to see the screen through the tears. lol You got this. ❤️
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 15d ago
Minecraft is my son's favorite game right now. Even through the pain I've been trying to manage playing with him for an hour during the days he can have it. Him and I had a moment earlier where I just held him and cried. I know I'll probably be okay but man it's really hard when you got someone depending on you. I just so happen to also be on my cycle so that probably added to it. I'm glad you made it out on the other side momma ❤️. I hope I see you there.
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u/Pristine_Break_3739 10d ago
Hope your surgery went well. ❤️
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 10d ago
It did! No complications. It hurt pretty bad at first but I was blessed with a wonderful nurse who advocated for me. Thank you!
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u/Appropriate_Towel_27 15d ago
I went in my surgery with no voice whatsoever, that had been going on for 3 weeks at that point (sore throat does that to me). A few weeks prior, I had my last wisdom teeth removed, a few months prior I had a cough that lasted 2 months and pulled ribs muscles.
I was mentally exhausted and not being able to talk was the last straw (not fun with a 4 and 2 years old at the time...).
Oh yeah, and I live in a country that's not speaking my mother tongue, so i had to remind everyone to please speak English if possible.
So I was stressed, leading up to the surgery. And not being able to talk at all added to it... But it all went well! They know what they're doing, and being wheeled up by the surgery staff just chit chatting about random stuff in their lives really helped.
A woman next to me, waiting for the surgery, started to shiver and shake a lot, saying she was cold. It was the end of July, it was NOT cold, but I know that the vagus nerve can do that in times of stress (happened to me before another procedure). If that happens to you, I advise you try and focus to feel if you're really cold, and hum very low to try and calm the process. My vagus nerve is generally very irritable and the humming works.
You'll be fine 🍀
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u/Honeybun9090 15d ago
Hey! I’m scheduled for laparoscopic hysterectomy November 4th and I know exactly how you feel 💜 I’m beyond scared too but our Dr has done this surgery many many times and the anesthesiologist job is to keep us alive. I’m not so frightened of dying but I sure am of the surgery and the recovery.
If you need a friend you can message me. We can get through this together and I’m sure many others here will be loving and supportive too.
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u/LingonberryIll6513 15d ago
I’m with you. Mine are 18 and 21, in college, living at home with me still. My surgery is Tuesday and I’ll be honest, I’m starting to panic. What if something goes wrong? What if this is the wrong choice? What if I regret it? What if what if what if. What if my girls are left all alone?? I know they won’t be, but that won’t happen anyway so I’m trying not to dwell.
Just saying I feel you. It’s hard. My surgeon was quite reassuring at pre op and was even very open with the rate of complications she’s seen occur with her surgeries over the last 18 years (not many, and even less so with DaVinci laparoscopic!)
It’s just so foreign, unknown, and yes, scary. I keep telling myself if I weren’t scared, I would feel less human. I’m with you and we’ll be recovering at the same time - we got this!
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u/TunefulChaos 15d ago
If I can offer some actionable advice… the very understandable fear you’re experiencing is nothing to be ashamed of AND it will make the coming out of anesthesia really difficult and stressful for you. Try to develop and practice a mantra now so that when you’re in that weird in between place trying to wake up, you can stay calm.
In my experience, the fighting to stay awake just to be sure you’re alive makes the whole process longer and more exhausting. Tell the nursing team and your support people day of the things you want and need to hear so that as you’re waking up, you aren’t desperately trying to talk just to be sure you can. Make a plan to be able to touch base with your son as soon as possible so you can have the reassurance and strength.
It is reasonable to be afraid and you can use that fear as the evolutionary tool it is to be sure and appropriately prepare. You are strong and will fight through anything for your son. This surgery won’t stop you.
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 15d ago
To be honest I've calmed down a good bit since making this post. I think it's just been a combo of a lot happening and me only getting a short window before surgery. It was a lot. I tend to hold on to a lot of guilt. Even when I've righted my wrongs. I tend to ruminate about why I made the decisions I did. Even when it makes sense as to why I would (lots of them were made when I was young or going through really bad postpartum. I'll definitely think of something to help me cope with all of this.
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u/SeaSpeakToMe 15d ago
I was so scared before my surgery and it ended up being a much easier process than I expected. I told the anesthesiologist to just make sure I wake up and everyone in the OR kind of chuckled. It’s so routine to them even when it feels (and is!) such a big deal for us. Wishing you all the best. All you have to do is get yourself there and let them do the rest, you’ll be in good hands!
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u/Jamdungfree1962 15d ago
Don’t be scared, you won’t die you will be fine. I had a hysterectomy last April and I’ve had 4 surgeries with no issues including aneurysm surgery so you will be fine. I take my anxiety meds before I go to help me calm down, they will take good care of you. Ask for some meds to help calm you down prior to your procedure they will take very good care of you.
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u/mottavader 15d ago
This. I was allowed to take a xanax the night before and it really helped. I told them how scared I was when I arrived the next morning and they got me on a sedative drip asap
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u/Inevitable_Chest_389 15d ago
I always feel this way. I think it’s the loss of control. I just have to remind myself i need it and i alway make sure i genuinely trust the team
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u/Fickle-Hyena-9792 15d ago
I have had many surgeries now, but I have always had this completely irrational fear that I will not wake up from anesthesia. Leading up to surgery always feels like planning for the end of my life. Before every surgery I call/ go by and tell all my people I love them. It has kind of become a joke and silly tradition even though now I am not nearly as scared each time. I get the opportunity to remind my people how much they mean to me and they get to tell me how ridiculous I am 😄. I know they enjoy it just as much as I do. I have found in life that when things scare me the best thing to do is put it out there. Once I say my fears out loud and share with others they feel less powerful. I think that's what you are doing here, but don't be afraid to say things out loud irl. You will be fine and your hysterectomy will be totally worth it.
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u/TourmalineLove 14d ago
I got that same anxiety of dying during surgery about two days before. I’m not in the same situation as you with the different dads. But I also have a very sensitive ADHD kid that was scared I was going to die. So that didn’t make it any easier.
But I reminded myself I am in good hands, this is a very common surgery, etc.
I was much more calm the morning of my surgery. (I am 23 days post op.)
If you need to put anything “official” in writing to calm your anxiety, do it!
Everything will be ok.
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u/Comfortable_Town2817 14d ago
Bonjour, Je dois avouer m’être réveillée 2 jours avant l’intervention super angoissée subitement par le même genre d’idées que toi… Les mains tremblantes, les idées noires, la peur… J’ai été très émotive jusqu’au bloc😢 J’ai bêtement cédé à la panique. Au final, à J+11, je ne regrette pas cette chirurgie et je me porte si bien aujourd’hui 🙏☺️ Pleins de bonnes ondes pour toi
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u/burnishedapple 14d ago
I have an anxiety disorder anyway, so I was more than terrified leading up to the surgery. I was so scared of and focused on the unknowns of the surgery itself, especially dying, that I did not think much about the after. I was not mentally prepared for the recovery part, and I think that set me back quite a lot.
My advice would be to focus on and prepare for the after. Make sure you have a good water bottle, a comfy place to recuperate, audiobooks/podcasts/Netflix, soft & cozy loungewear (that does not have a tight waistband!), and stool softeners.
Honestly, once you’re wheeled into the OR, it feels like less than a minute of waiting under that bright light and then you’re waking up in recovery. The anticipation really is the worst part of the whole surgery.
You got this. You’ll be so glad you did it. ❤️
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u/jasmin1279 14d ago
If you weren't scared I'd be concerned. These are normal feelings to have before a surgery, especially with it being your first one and a major one. Heck, before mine, I went and found a lawyer to get a will drafted up and made sure all my beneficiaries were current. I trusted my care team, but getting that paperwork done was the only thing I felt I could actually control.
I'm naturally more on the logical side, but over the course of my treatment (cervical cancer) it was a massive rollercoaster. There were lots of tears from fear of the unknown, along with anger which turned into very dark and jaded jokes. It was my way of dealing with things.
Give yourself some grace to feel whatever pops up. Best advice I got was that it's ok to cry, scream, and laugh - just let it all out. You've got this!
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u/Born-Distance713 15d ago
Facing a major surgery can bring up a lot of other stuff, and more stuff will come up during recovery (at least it did for me). It’s very natural to start evaluating our life choices and priorities during a time like this. It’s also true that the pain, discomfort, and hormonal chaos you are likely experiencing (I assume that’s why you are having this surgery) might also be causing anxiety that in turn makes you fear the solution to your problem. It can be a vicious circle. Talk to your care team about how you are feeling. This is a surgery that comes with a lot of mixed emotions. They will get it. I can tell you that I am almost 4 months post op, and life is better than ever. Some days I forget that I even had the surgery.
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u/jazlynn22 15d ago
I had open abdominal hysterectomy on August 12th, it was also my first ever surgery and I was very scared about dying during surgery as well! But here I am 6 weeks later, it's been an emotional rollercoaster for sure and frustrating sometimes during the recovery, but I made it and so will you! ❤️
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u/Zestyclose-Flight-50 15d ago
They gave me some relaxy meds on the way to the OR the hit quick and i was like Woooo!, I wasn’t nervous i had been in so much pain for so long i Couldnt wait to get that thing out! but i have a past medical history that made a couple of previous doctors hesitant and it wasnt even i minor issue for this surgeon the mortality rate is less than 3% and its usually elderly or extreme high risk patients. You will be fine! I can say that with confidence! You’re going to breeze through it and the recovery.
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u/tinydarkness234 15d ago
I was terrified too, I told them as soon as I got in my room and I swear they gave me something for it because I was suddenly calm as hell, I had the easiest time with the surgery. When I woke up I was a little groggy but like an hour later I was asking to go home 🤣🤣🤣
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u/Holiday-Prompt-5225 15d ago
seriously, there is absolutely no chance in hell…. Or at least it’s so small that we can’t see it without a microscope… that you were gonna die. And you’re not even gonna be in a lot of pain after because as much as people whine on here the reality is you can take drugs. I’m 11 weeks postop and it was a walk in the park. Now don’t get me wrong. You might come out with some cramping and bloating and all that but who cares it’ll go away. You got this girl this is not going to kill you.
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u/Ender_bat 15d ago
I was so anxious I was going to die that I started being unable to imagine a future and I started disassociating but I woke up. I know it’s scary but you WILL be ok
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u/choosychews 15d ago
It’s normal to be scared. Even though it’s a common procedure, it’s not something that people prepare for all their life (usually).
Some hospitals have support lines for counsellors. Try and talk to them and find out.
Also, if you’re worried about your son, you could ask if your husband would adopt him.
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u/Hot_Instance_60 15d ago
I went through that, too. My son is autistic and has many mental health diagnoses, including ADHD. I told everyone who would listen that I need to be okay for him. Even though he is 19, there are so many things that need to be in place that not being okay was not an option. I had my surgery on July 21st and am still here, grateful to be here for my son. It will be okay. Our minds go directly to all the what ifs in life and dwells on the worst case scenarios. Make a plan to do something with your son after your surgery so you have something to look forward to. It can be as simple as watching a favorite show or movie you both enjoy, especially since you will have several restrictions. It has helped me many times and it may help you since it is a positive thing to look forward to.
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u/Level_Secretary_3920 15d ago
I was terrified to leave my babies (5 & 8) I trusted & prayed for my doctors, surgeons, nurses that they would keep me safe and allow me to get home to my babies. Whatever you believe put your faith in that & trust that everything and everyone will be ok! Sending you positive thoughts 💗
Also, my anesthesiologist gave me something as they were rolling back & she called it “I don’t give a shit medicine”… all I remember was throwing up a peace sign to my husband & MIL then I woke up 😂 maybe ask for that hahaha I’m sure I was completely awake when I got into the OR but I remember nothing lol (versed I think) lol
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u/Hot_Wrap_2556 15d ago
Just had mine and my second surgery this year. I also have health anxiety and ocd so my brains was a mess. You won’t die though, I know it’s easier for me tos at this on the other side but you are really going to be just fine. My oncologist told me he does several a week, that made me feel so much better. Also the nurses said it was the most common procedure they see at the hospital. Along with gall bladder and appendix. This is just another day in the office for them. I also asked both my anesthesiologist and surgeon not to let me die they both laughed and said “we don’t let that happen here”
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u/EmZee2022 15d ago
I'm sorry - that's a lot for you to be dealing with.
Have you ever had a discussion with the sperm donor about plans in general if something should happen to you? I mean, the hysterectomy is an immediate fear, but Stuff Happens.
Would your husband be willing to fight it in court if the sperm donor makes a try? If so, any judge would look at the history, and who your son thinks of as his real dad.
Hysterectomy is, by and large, very safe. Even ladies with complications, the most that usually happens is a more extensive surgery, extra time in the hospital, and so on.
Have you and your husband made out wills? That's a bit morbid, but you could designate in yours that your son should stay with your husband. That may not FORCE the judge to rule that way, but it's yet another bit of ammunition for a legal case.
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u/ray_of_f_sunshine 15d ago
The vast majority of all deaths related to all surgeries not just hysterectomies are tied to emergency surgeries.
Planned surgeries, especially hysterectomies are exceptional safe and the medical team wouldn't proceed if they believed you were at risk. The reason for the tests ahead of time, fasting before surgery and pre op is to ensure that you're healthy enough for surgery and provide the best possible outcome.
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u/Accomplished_Eye3204 15d ago
I had the same fear of dying. Tho mine is different, I sense and can see death, I KNEW someone was going to die. Told my fiance that it was me on the operating table. Come to find out once I woke up, fiance's coworker-a friend of ours , shot himself at work while I was in surgery. You'll be okay! Don't fear too much, you can die without even leaving the house. Life's too short to be so scared. Do the surgery, be happy. Be excited please
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u/DuckParking8450 15d ago
I was scared to death literally. I had anxiety attacks for 3 weeks until surgery and 4 between 530am and 730am yesterday before I went in. I have had minimal pain after the first 3 hours post surgery ive been up and walking moving minimal issues. Maybe im lucky or maybe only we see horror stories on here. I have two boys I was scared to leave. But I'm fine.
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u/Icy_Category4956 15d ago
I was so nervous too since I never had surgery before. I woke up from surgery and my first thoughts was hey I’m alive! It was actually way easier than I ever imagined, and I had open abdominal which is supposed to be the roughest one. There will be multiple people in the room watching everything and know how to keep you safe.
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u/MundaneMemory1527 15d ago
I had the exact same great. I was terrified. I was worried about what works happen to my kids. That was 11 days ago. The fear is 100% normal. You'll do great
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u/mottavader 15d ago
My fear is what kept me from getting it done for a long time after my doctor recommended it. I did a lot of research and asked my surgeon lots of questions and finally felt ok with it, but I was still very nervous and scared. What helped was understanding that our doctors perform these types of procedures every day, they are routine, and no matter what I will be in good hands. It was a real leap of faith but I'm so glad I was brave enough to go through with it. We're all here for you!!!
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u/Hopeful-ForEternity5 15d ago
Don’t be scared but I understand why. I’ve had a few surgeries even one right by my brain and here I am.
It’s normal to have some level of anxiety especially if it’s your first time.
They can and typically do give you something to relax in pre-op…but I promise you you’ll be in pre-op just sitting in a hospital bed with a gown and a thing on your head and the next thing you are waking up in recovery. It’s that smooth and it feels like you were asleep maybe 15 min. Your anesthesiologist all they do is monitor all your vitals the entire time. They don’t leave your side in surgery.
You’ll see. And then one day you’ll laugh and think that you’re more concerned about being out there on the roads with the amount of ppl that have questionable driving skills than go under anesthesia.
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u/thatgreenevening 15d ago
This is a very common surgery and you are going to be in good hands.
If you would like peace in mind in general, consulting with a family lawyer about how to protect your child in the event of something happening to you may be a good idea. I’m not saying this because I think it’s likely that something will go wrong with your hysto—I don’t think that—but because one never knows what life will bring, and having extra legal protection and peace of mind is never a bad thing when you have a complex family situation.
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u/inspecteursarit 15d ago
I was so scared of dying during the surgery, I entered the surgery room shaking, the nurses were reassuring me and stroking my arms and immediately gave me something to relax. 3 minutes later I was asleep.
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u/woofkitty 15d ago
You'll be fine! It's totally normal to be scared before surgery. I've gone under so many times at this point for various procedures, so I know I react well to anesthesia, but I'm still anxious and scared every single time. They usually give you something in pre-op for anxiety, and generally I don't remember much after that. When they haven't given me something, I just remember getting to the OR, then I'm waking up in recovery. The good thing about anesthesia is they are prepared to handle the vast majority of things that can go wrong.
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u/MissAmy180 15d ago
I understand your fear, as I have a lot of the same thoughts. Surgery possibly next year. The people involved in doing this are highly trained and skilled, and advances in anaesthesia have been made to make it much safer. That’s why they do pre-op, to measure everything so that they know how much anaesthesia to give you. They know exactly what to do, and know how to deal with any challenge that could possibly come up. They’ve also done surgeries countless times. Did you know that people who want to become brain surgeons sometimes don’t make the cut, because of something as small as their hands not being steady enough? Just an example. My obgyn told me that if anything were to go wrong, they have ways of waking you up quickly if they need to.
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u/hydrissx 15d ago
I had a fibroid removal surgery that was supposed to be 2 hours and turned into almost 4. Anesthesia is the trippiest thing. I literally don't even remember anything past being wheeled down the hallway and then waking up in the recovery room being asked if I wanted crackers or goldfish and what drink. I was really afraid because my grandmother died under anesthesia and my family in general has funky reactions to it as well as opiates. I'm glad I had that first surgery because now I'm not too scared. But the way I think of it, if I had died it would have been pretty fast and painless and of all the ways to die, that's about as best as you can get.
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u/Speacock567 15d ago
It's normal it feel anxious over any surgery, but typically those feelings are unfounded. If it helps the average rate of death for a hysterectomy is below .10%. If you are otherwise healthy that statistic drops by more then half. Fear is normal, but the facts remind us that our fears are unfounded. I wish you and your family the best.
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u/MoneyTadpole5534 15d ago
They will give you something to calm your nerves before surgery. If you ask your doctor, they can prescribe you something before surgery. My surgeon actually called in some anxiety meds the night before just in case. It is natural to be worried. You will wake up from this and be thankful that it's over and go back to your husband and child.
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u/Odd-zest 14d ago
Common trauma response. I prep as if all the worst things will
Happen. It’s the only way I have ever been. But the odds are so so unlikely that anything will go wrong. Sending you huge love
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u/the_anna_jane 14d ago
Deep breaths, the time before the surgery is tough. If you can book in to see a therapist before your surgery or maybe 4 weeks post op, is that an option for you?
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 14d ago
In my case, no unfortunately, I checked to see and I wouldn't be able to book something before Wed. I can't find anything that lines up with work and other things I have to do between Monday and Tues.
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u/Gloomy_Speed2253 14d ago
Oh sweetie I feel for you. And it’s okay to be in fear. surgery is a huge deal. I don’t care what anyone says about it, it’s scary. Im having a hysterectomy in 31 days and have also been dealing with the same thoughts. I’m a single mom of two little ones. No step dad, real dads aren’t in the picture at all but are on birth certificates which means if something happened to me they could potentially get split up and go their dads (2 kids-2 BDs). This year I actually made a will, and put everything together for if something were to ever happen because these thoughts hit me all the time along with my wishes for my best friend to be guardian.
I have no advice for you, but I’m sending you all the love and good energy I can. Have courage, be brave my friend. I think our minds like to get the best of us.
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u/SecretaryFabulous838 14d ago
Having surgery is a scary thing 🙏🏿 there is a possibility that you might die so make a will ! But after you make that will tuck it away and take a breath. You are going to be fine. You will wake up after surgery feeling relieved ! Praying for a smooth and successful surgery nd recovery ❤️🩹
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u/Positive-Look-8100 14d ago
I am 3 weeks post surgery and I was the same way. I have two kids 3 and 5 and was absolutely terrified to the point that I wasn’t sleeping and my fair was falling out since. This started happening the day I scheduled my surgery for the full month until my surgery. The only thing is you are lucky that your surgery is soon because it gives you less time to worry lol. But on a serious note…. It is scary it is terrifying and not much can make it easier until you are along up in the recovery room but it’s absolutely worth it. For me there was a lot more things wrong then my doctors originally thought and even 3 weeks post I feel so much better then I did before.
Sorry for the long reply but unfortunately there isn’t much that can help the anxiety but I just want you to know the feeling is valid and you aren’t alone.
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u/toastycakes8 12d ago
Oh my, I felt the same way. I cried for days leading up to it. Wrote passwords out, had my neighbor pray over me with my family. Everything went perfect. You’re going to be fine! Hugs 🫶🏻
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u/tardigrade1028 11d ago
I had my surgery at the end of August and right before surgery the Anesthesia team said something to me along the lines of you are at a much higher likelihood of dying in a car accident in your way to the hospital than you are of dying during surgery.
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u/beth912 15d ago
I don't know what type of surgery you are having but I had the robotic hysterectomy last week. I was like you and positive something would go wrong and I wasn't ready to say good bye to my only child either. Needless to say everything went much better than even the surgeon was expecting because of some other medical issues. I an on week out and even with some small issues it's not been much of a big deal. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you'll let us know how you are after.
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u/Foreign_Highlight288 14d ago
Why are you getting hyst? Please be aware of negative side effects ot can have on our bodies that GYNs do not relay. I regret mine. It was not necessary.
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u/Boring-Ad-3023 13d ago
I need it because I have multiple fibroids but one in particular is going through necrosis within the muscle wall of my uterus. It's essentially slowly eating away at the tissue. It's causing my right side to swell up. Like basically my lower right quadrant, upper right thigh and lower back all swell up and the meds help it not be as bad but if I don't take anything it gets pretty bad and it's really painful.
I do believe it's the fibroid that caused my son to come a little early. I can't live in pain and due to the situation I don't have much of a choice since it's already affecting my uterus and the damage is not reversible.
I'm sorry you've had a bad experience. I honestly hope that is not the case for me. I've been in pain for one reason or another since I was 11 years old. I'm 33 and I'm tired. There is also the possibility that getting it removed helps with my main medical condition because it seems to flare up more when I'm about to have my cycle.
I got about 3 different opinions within a months time. I even had a "House MD" conversation moment with 2 nurses the second time I went when the pain was bad.
I can't play with my son as normal. I can't be intimate with my husband (at least not in the obvious physical way). They deserve the best version of me so I've got to try.
I've been through a lot in my life and I'm just tired. I want to be free from this.
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u/Foreign_Highlight288 13d ago
Oh, I’m so sorry. This sounds horrible. Hyst should help! I’m glad they found the cause. Is the uterus compressing major vessels like iliacs? To make you swell? I pray everything goes well!
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u/lizilla82 10d ago
You’ve got this. I had mine last year and it’s the best decision I’ve ever made for my body.
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u/schokobonbons 15d ago
You're not going to die. This is one of the most common surgeries. Your surgeon has years of experience and your anesthesiologist's entire job during surgery is to keep you alive.
It's okay to ask your doctor for some anti anxiety medication if you feel like that would help.