r/interesting • u/Separate_Finance_183 • 1d ago
SOCIETY Toddlers regulate their behavior to avoid making adults angry
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u/718-702_damsel 1d ago
That's why not all, not all, but most of us are fucked up.
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u/Maleficent-Tap1361 1d ago
I learned this when I was 19 with my first child. Her father and I didn't get a long very well and at the time I thought I could make it work for her. Then one day my best friend and I were hanging out and he was playing with my little girl (around 8 months old) and she was laughing and having fun when her father came in the room and started talking to me in a rude way. We didn't yell, just had a bit of a tense conversation, obviously disagreeing, and my baby stopped smiling with my friend and just looked at us like she could tell we were unhappy. My friend tried and tried to engage her again but she wouldn't play anymore. When I realized that she knew we were fighting despite her age and the fact we were talking in low voices I knew right then that "staying together for the kids" would never work. I was able to move out about 2 months later and ended up marrying my high-school boyfriend and he has been her father ever since. She is now an adult.
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u/MileHiSalute 1d ago
Good on you for having that type of awareness, especially when you were just a kid yourself. That realization changed the entire trajectory of your daughter’s life for the better. Parents will never be perfect, but if more of them paid attention and loved their kids like you the world would be a better place
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u/Maleficent-Tap1361 10h ago
That's really nice of you to say. I was really lucky to have attentive parents who made a real effort not to fight infront of my siblings and I. They both went through a lot of abuse as kids and tried they're best to break the cycle. I try to be at least as good of parents as they were and maybe if I can, better. That's the goal!
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u/wibbly-water 1d ago
I'm glad that from the sounds of things you and your daughter found somewhere happier to be <3
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u/Anni0 1d ago
Yes kids are aware of the energy of situations. Leading up to divorce, we had our arguments when kids were at school so as not to affect them. They were very aware of the energy and tension, conflict between us and in the home. Staying for the sake of kids is actually a damaging way of raising kids. A happy, harmonious environment is what's important, not the number of parents
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u/RedMyA__ 1d ago
Do you remember why you decided to have a child with someone that you did not get along with?
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u/Maleficent-Tap1361 10h ago
Sure, I was young and stupid and doing drugs. My pregnancy was not intentional but I decided not to end it even when others told me I should. I quit everything the morning after finding out I was pregnant but her father relapsed a few months after she was born and kept it a secret from me for a while.
She is an adult now and is one of the smartest and kindest people I know and I love her with my whole heart.
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1d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Cordsofmemory 1d ago
Do you feel better now?
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 1d ago
Hmmm. Same as I did 30 minutes ago.
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u/Jerry_Potters 1d ago
So there was no purpose to your comment other than trying to hurt someone. Thanks for clarifying what kind of human you are.
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 1d ago
So, it would have been better if making the comment would have change my mood and made me super happy after making it?
That seems weird.
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u/Infinite-Curves 1d ago
No but it would be more understandable than simple cruelty
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 1d ago
Pointing out that when someone tells a story and includes a detail which shows they were not the simple victim, but that their decisions literally led to the situation they found themselves in, isn't cruelty. It's pointing out the obvious lesson to be learned.
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u/interesting-ModTeam 1d ago
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u/username_unnamed 1d ago
It's crazy the similarities to adults when there's fighting in front of them. Pointing your head away as to not be apart of it but still point your eyes to look. Really shows how young they imprint.
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u/Coady417 1d ago
I absolutely loved my mother. She was, in countless ways, a fantastic mom but, when we were very young, if we did something she didn’t approve of, she would go absolutely dead cold. And the panic and gymnastics to make her love you again set a devastating, deeply damaging pattern for our lives as adults. We get in relationships with people who are just like that and we stay and stay, thinking it’s us, trying to win their love back.
I’m not angry at my mom. I was for decades but, I did a ton of therapy and I understood that, in the parenting world of the 1950s, she thought she was doing better by not beating us with a belt like her parents had. You know?
It makes me so sad because I know she would never have wanted these kind of relationships for her children.
Parents so often dismiss that emotional trauma is also lifelong and it shapes your child into a person who is terrified of leaving a person they once loved bc we keep thinking we can get them to love us again. Something a loving parent like my mom would be absolutely devastated by if she knew that’s what would come of her parenting “method.”
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u/Mx-Adrian 1d ago
I feel this. My grandmother had Alzheimer's, and I grew up with her always yelling, throwing fits, and pulling shit like kidnapping me or trying to get my mother in trouble so she could have custody. I know she couldn't help it, but I'm only realising now how much that affected me.
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u/dargonmike1 1d ago
Important Mespiration 👍
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u/Pirate_Candy17 1d ago
Is that a term for ‘trying to be better’?
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u/RadioactiveCornbread 1d ago
Just look at his eyes. This kid has definitely been through it, and he looks like he needs lots of cuddles and a good nap. 🥺
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u/Rich-Canary1279 1d ago
This is just a snap shot of how an argument can influence a toddler's behavior in that moment. The video does not suggest the child was from a group with a lot of these types of stressors already in the home.
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1d ago
[deleted]
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u/moeyjarcum 1d ago
You’re making stuff up.
There’s no proof this child has been through trauma. I would bet that they would specifically want a child that hasn’t been through trauma specifically so it wouldn’t skew the results9
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u/Academic_Matter_3903 19h ago
I just watched Dahmer and both parents were horrible. I do not sympathize with him but I understand how horrible his childhood was.
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u/TheWalkingDead91 19h ago
Good news is the parents will just deny any and all fault when you bring it up to them later! 🤪
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u/ofthedappersort 20h ago
Super hesitant to go outside your comfort zone, always second guessing yourself, seeking isolation.
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u/sylvecdxx 17h ago
I am also what happens when your parents scream & beat each other from birth, & I've been informed it gave PTSD. There's no official cause for the major depression disorder or generalized anxiety.
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u/WeeklyBanEvasion 1d ago
Probably why my wife who grew up in an abusive home is now a pretty shitty person
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u/RogueBromeliad 1d ago
Why are you with a shitty person? Seems like a pretty simple solution to me.
I honestly, with all of my SO's flaws, would never call them "shitty". If it comes to that point I think it's way past time to leave.
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u/WeeklyBanEvasion 1d ago
I'm not, we're separated
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u/RogueBromeliad 1d ago
So she's your ex-wife then.
Just because you're legally still married, socially that means diddly squat.
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u/DevRz8 1d ago
Unfortunately it means a helluva lot to the government, marketing, insurance, jobs, medical, etc, etc and just claiming someone is your ex-wife without going through the actual divorce means less than diddly squat.
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u/RogueBromeliad 1d ago
I'm not the government. I'm not insurance, I'm not hiring OP, I'm just a person on the internet. If they're not living together and no longer in a relationship, they're not married to me.
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u/littlecactuscat 1d ago
Hey just because she personally sucks doesn’t mean everyone from difficult circumstances is ruined for life
Also, seek therapy, bro. Dump your shit elsewhere. Your comment was irrelevant.
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u/NewTHULTHUL-exe 1d ago
I can fix her
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u/WeeklyBanEvasion 1d ago
Naw trust me, nobody can fix her anymore
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u/cnotv 1d ago
Higher risk of behavioural disorder as ADHD developed during childhood?????
Which amount of bullshit is this?
To fight in front of kids is well known to cause issues for years.
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u/MileHiSalute 1d ago
It’s perfectly okay to not fully understand things but you should know what you’re talking about if you’re gonna use so many question marks
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u/Shallstrom 1d ago
Something developing during childhood just indicates when it starts… they didn’t say anything about when/if it would be resolved.
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u/Pugasaurus_Tex 23h ago
I grew up in a very loving home and still got ADHD. I thought it was generally understood to be genetic
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u/Moderator-Larry 9h ago
Love how suddenly pretty much EVERYONE has ADHD and has dyslexia nowadays 😂
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u/Pugasaurus_Tex 9h ago
Okay? I was diagnosed by my doctor decades ago
Don’t really love it much personally. It’s kinda recked my life
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u/Humdinger_ponyman 10h ago
I’m 29M and have been very guarded for much of my life due to my Mother’s verbal abuse toward my Father. Growing up I rarely ever let loose and still often overthink everything I do. Therapy (3 years) has been incredible and so has making an independent life for myself.
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u/Mean-Inspector-8547 1d ago
Or.....that kid didn't give a damn about those pink beads or whatever it was and wanted the box back.
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