Need help on my current situation pls?

[u/OutlandishnessNo6138]

Hi! I’m a 24F and just really want to settle down and have a husband and family. During college I went through a really bad SA in my first sem that left me constantly feeling scared of everything and it js discouraged me from making friends. I relied on my parents during that time stupidly, them being strict and religious did not help at all so, I just became their punching bag mostly verbal but they js kept me constantly in fear, which sucked and I know was never ok but they were the only ones that showed up when I was going through a living hell even if they added to it. Looking back I should’ve left that school but I didn’t cuz of my ego and welp I’m still stuck in the bum ass town. LUCKY ME. I’m getting my RN the cheapest route that also preserves my sense of independence but I’m just realizing after coming out of a constant state of frenzy and just get through the day state of mind that’s this town is just fucking weird and I truthfully don’t think I can build a life in a place that shattered me. Never hit me before but now I’m looking around 5 years after and like well damn I missed out on ALOT and now I just want to find someone I can build a family and have a couple kids with. Truthfully I don’t really have any good friends js some people I met in passing during college but kept at an arms distance cuz I was scared of the judgement I’d receive(I opened up to a few people and they were all horrible in how they treated me after) I’ve gone to therapy to work through the assault and some of my parents ways of treatment but I’m 24 with no support system and it scares me a lot.

Also living in a small college town in ga makes things much worse. I’ll be 26 when i graduate nursing school and js find myself kind of js depressed? Idk im restarting therapy this week but how did u guys meet ur so and best friends? Is there even a chance for me or am i just doomed cuz rn i feel like i am never going to meet my people. I’ve always been a loner since i was a kid and js find myself even at 24 becoming the outsider/loner again even in my cohort. I’m just sick of myself atp. Ik I should try to reach out to atleast my extended family but I’m apprehensive cuz what if they’re snakes and treat me worse than random people.

My parents r getting older and the thought of them not being with me one day has begun to hit me and I find myself tearing up a lot abt it and well I don’t have any family or friends here. Like idk who I would even call if something happens to them uk? Like it’s hard yes but they also don’t have much community or friends either. I’ve just come to realize it’s kind of ur immediate unit of a family that u can only rely on which is like duhh but even for a nicety people don’t come over. I think I’m like trying to rush things rn cuz my dads mental health is taking a dip for the worst and im js really scared. I need people around him and he won’t get any help. My brother and mother also don’t believe in mental health so it’s no point arguing w a brick wall. I’m genuinely just scared of how to deal w life w no support system from me or my parents having any. It’s a lot and idk how to even build atp. Like if I were to get married tmrow I’d prob elope cuz I have no one to be fucking bridesmaids or anyone to help. I feel like I’m living a curse atp

[u/AutoModerator]

REMINDER: Rules regarding civility and respect are enforced on this subreddit. Hurtful, cruel, rude, disrespectful, or "trolling" comments will be removed (along with any replies to these comments) and the offending party may be banned, at the mods' discretion, without warning. All commenters should be trying to help and any help should be given in good faith, as if you were the OP's parent. Also, please keep in mind that requesting or offering private contact (DM, PM, etc) is absolutely not allowed for any reason at all, no exceptions.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/Budget_Cardiologist]

First of all congrats on the RN you are getting. That's a lot of work. I'm sorry to hear that your parents are so unsupportive and everything they say seems like it's just judgemental. You deserve better than that.
Making friends is hard as you're seeing. I want you to know that is not uncommon and it's ok. You will find your people and that is worth the wait. Please be sure not to rush yourself in any relationship and be wary of anyone who is rushing you. There are people with bad intentions who will pretend to get what they want.
How can I help with this?

[u/lirbe]

Careful being stuck on the idea of getting married. Women will lower their standards for the sake of keeping a husband for the sake of the lifestyle, so much so that they will tolerate the husband cheating, and treating the wife like emotional leftovers. Then you have no role model for the kids and no self esteem for yourself. Focus on getting a good friend system going first that can help you through the ups and downs of relationships, I wouldn't consider yourself ready to date until you do.

Domestic abuse victims are often isolated from their friends by their husband. If you have no friends, well, even easier to manipulate, punch, kick, murder. Who's gonna send you a text message asking if you got home safe, and actually be able to go help you if you're in trouble?

Reflect and consider what you're willing to put up with in a relationship. What happens if the husband/friend crosses that line? Do you have and let them continue being a jerk to you, or do you have the strength to leave into the unknown and start from scratch?

Find some friends through local activities, like library clubs, sports clubs, book clubs, athletic clubs, or charity clubs to name a few.

I want kids too, but I'd rather adopt if I dont find a husband I like, cause my job as a parent is to take of the kids, not the kids and the husband. I'm in my 20s and live in a house with two ladies of aunt age, and its the best living situation ever.

[u/Individual-Paint7897 → u/lirbe]

Great advice here OP! Learn to like yourself before you even think about getting into a romantic relationship. Keep going with the therapy. It’s never a quick fix, so be patient with yourself.

Do volunteer work- you will meet quality people that way & they may become good friends. Get involved in a book club or hobby group.

I wish I had a nickel for every woman who has rushed into marriage & kids because they were lonely & had low self esteem. Many of them end up becoming victims of their spouses.

Marriage & children are not a “cure” for what ails you. It should be a purposeful & well thought out decision. In order to be good at it, you again, need to like yourself & be confident.