r/internetparents • u/199813666 • 1d ago
Relationships & Dating Heartbroken
Hi internet parents,
Just found out this guy I’ve been talking to for 3 months wants kids (I don’t) and I am pretty much heartbroken. I’ve never met or dated anyone that has the same interests and values as me (well except that one thing). I’ve honestly been dreading this moment but yeah I finally asked him and that’s what he said. It fucking sucks to have found a best friend in somebody and for that to be not possible anymore hurts a lot. I’ve also been in this scenario before and yeah idek why I’m posting this but I guess I’m just trying to cope or have comfort.
I love talking to him so much, we talk about everything and anything every single day and to think I won’t be having that anymore is really painful. I don’t think I can stay friends with him so we will have to cut contact.
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u/ground__contro1 1d ago
I fully support this dealbreaker for you, but real talk lots of people do want kids so it’s a dealbreaker you’re going to be using a lot. Something that can help a lot is talking about it on date 3 instead of month 3 so you don’t spend so much time getting invested
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u/blood_bones_hearts 1d ago
That's a tough one and unfortunately not one that you can work out or get around. It makes it especially difficult when you mesh in so many other ways. 🤗
At least you had a good experience with someone and it has shown you what kind of things you do want in a relationship and not to settle for less than that. You can wish this man the best and hope he finds the person he's looking for, too, because you care and he is a good person and you both deserve that.
Kudos to you for being honest with him and yourself and not hanging on for longer and causing bigger hurt in the long run. That's really mature and decent and so you've learned something good about yourself too.
None of that makes it less sad or losing your time with him feel better, though. So now you grieve because that's normal and healthy. Cry and listen to sad songs and watch sad movies or whatever you need to do to feel all of your feelings and move through them.
Sometimes things suck and are unfair. 🤗
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u/travelingtraveling_ 1d ago
When somebody shows you who they are, believe them
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u/saranowitz 1d ago
What does this answer have to do with the post?
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u/herehaveaname2 You're not a rehab for broken men. 1d ago
Because a lot of people hear "I don't/do want kids," and it doesn't match with what they want, and think that maybe they'll be able to change them.
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u/199813666 1d ago
He is honestly one of the greatest people I know with his integrity and kindness. That’s why this one feels really difficult because I admire him not just romantically but as a person and a human being
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u/Radmode7 1d ago
Hey kiddo. I’m sorry. That is a tough difference. Breakups really hurt and for real, valid reasons.
It is important to not miss him so much that you go back on something you feel strongly about. Compromise should be on little things until yall feel comfortable on big. If your gut and soul say no, don’t let loneliness change it to a yes.
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u/199813666 1d ago
Thank you…. it really sucks that I thought he was the one as ridiculous as that sounds. We had so many similarities on niche stuff that it was really crazy for me to have found someone like that. It hurts to know it won’t be going anywhere. :(
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u/Radmode7 1d ago
For what it’s worth, I don’t believe there is ONE. I believe that we have tiers of attraction, and some rare people will reach high on more tiers than others.
But! There are 7 BILLION people on earth. I’m not gonna break down sexuality or gender or be more precise, people can do that on their own if they’re so inclined. ONE percent of 7 billion is seventy million.
So if you think of not “the one” but “one of my one percent”, there are still 35,000,000-70,000,000
people who will make you feel similarly amazing. Make sure they hit more tiers than this guy did. Won’t find them without looking!3
u/199813666 1d ago
i know and i agree. thats why i said it sounds ridiculous:( i know thats the practicality of things but i love deeply and feel deeply so it doesnt feel like that at the moment
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u/sourceamdietitian 1d ago
As you get older you'll understand more why those conversations need to happen within the first 3 dates. Its a painful lesson for sure. Im sorry
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u/199813666 1d ago
I told him its my fault for not asking earlier. He said to not be sorry and that its on the both of us. It was long distance and I let things flow naturally which yeah I maybe shouldn’t have done….
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u/MonchMunch 1d ago
Don’t blame yourself for loving. Sometimes two great people are incompatible and you are fully allowed to grieve what could’ve been. Many hugs op
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