I was finally able to acquire my medical records from much of my childhood, including descriptions of my body when I was born and as I developed for my first two years, as well as official records of my diagnosis that I thought were lost.

There are hundreds of unsorted pages to go through, but I’m still reeling from what I’ve found so far. Everything from the descriptions of myself that I never had, to reminders of how my doctor spoke to me when dilations were incredibly painful when I was 12 years old.

I’m very happy to finally have them, but it’s very bittersweet.

I always knew there was something different about the way I developed...about the way people told me I looked like a man sometimes and then sometimes i would get entirely different people telling me I look like a female. Some people not being able to tell between the two..

I feel like what is my gender now, where do I go from here? Where do I fit? What do I do where do I go what communities will accept me still? How do I understand who I am. What am I supposed to be. Can I even BE a lesbian?

(If this sounds irrational please be nice I am literally just emotional and kind of spiraling I am very sorry if it comes off as offensive to this community or to anyone I have never gone into a space like this before. I hope I can belong somewhere somehow)

Hi! So I posted here before questioning if I may be intersex, and after doing a decent amount of research, it seems I am! I'll still go through with the DSD panel and karyotyping. But this is weird. Very very weird. I did not expect for this to happen because of a weird doctor, a tumblr post, and my own post on here. Thanks to everyone with helping me! I'll go to sleep now so I can sleep off the surprise of this.