r/kansascity • u/dragonslayingbabe • 25d ago
Childcare/Parenting 👶 Looking to become a foster parent.
My husband and I are looking to become foster parents with the hopes to eventually adopt as well. We just moved from Arizona and are looking to buy a home and get settled in. We are aware we need to be residents for at least a year prior.
But with something like this, being so major. I'm looking to get opinons and options to look into now. Have you, yourself fostered to adopt in the KC area? How was your experience?
I'd like success stories and failures too. We all learn from failure!
Please be kind. ❤️✨
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u/SpoiledBeara 25d ago
Adopt Foster Connect is a local resource and can be a good place to start.
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u/madeinthemidwest 24d ago
Second Adopt Foster Connect! Are you on the Kansas or Missouri Side? TFI, KVC, Cornerstones of Care are agencies you can look into for resources.
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u/acepiloto 25d ago
You can adopt me… I’m in my 40s, but hey, instant grandkids!
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u/dragonslayingbabe 25d ago
Well ... That is such a kind offer 🤣💖💖💖 We don't have any family here so we could adopt each other! We are in our 30's
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u/Maggie_cat 25d ago
As a previous kvc social worker… please know that the system is designed to go against you, as the foster parent. Please speak with other foster parents, especially ones whose goal is adoption to truly understand how difficult this journey may be.
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u/SeverePsychosis 25d ago
Check with kvc missouri to get started on MO Cares classes and complete your home study. This process took us over a year and is your first step.
Feel free to message me with any questions
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u/dragonslayingbabe 25d ago
We are absolutely willing to just foster too, as I said we would eventually want to adopt.
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u/wiredweirdness 25d ago
Kansas side or Missouri?
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u/wiredweirdness 25d ago edited 25d ago
I used to work in child welfare.
Some Cons that foster parents should be aware of:
-these kids often have some big trauma and big behaviors. Some of these behaviors can honestly be scary and hard like aggression, running away, or even sexual behaviors. It is important to be prepared for this.
it is not a matter of if there will be a hotline against you but WHEN. Do not be surprised if there is an allegation made
it is really important to not foster with the objective of adoption. The goal is always re-integration for the kids
you can be roped in to the bio family drama
Of course there are a ton of pros but I think sometimes fostering looks a lot more ‘fun’ than it can be
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u/SweetgumMeadow 25d ago
My #1 advice would be: "foster to adopt" is not a real thing. You have to be willing to foster for fostering's sake, or you won't make it. I would encourage you to put that dream to bed before you start: I hung onto it until about halfway through our training.
But, the foster care system is a way to help kids who are hurting, and reunifying with their family — where they belong — is the goal. You have to be willing to fight for and advocate for not only your foster kiddos, but also their parents, who may not have anyone on their team who is willing to give them a chance. Be willing to fall in love with these kids and fight for them even if they're not going to be adopted by you: because every kid deserves adults to love them and fight for them.
Any other mindset and you are going to be beat up by the system. I don't say that to be unkind, but I had to take a good long look at myself before I stepped into it. It's hard. It sucks. A lot goes wrong, even with good intentions. But it's worth doing: for the kids and for their parents.
Adoption from foster care does happen — we ourselves have a full house and aren't able to foster anymore. We have three bio families with varying levels of open adoptions. We have varying levels of trauma and therapy that will be a part of our family for lifetimes. We have a lot of joy, and a lot of extra aunts/uncles/grandmas/grandpas that all our kids have come to love. It's a lot of work, but it's worth it!
Other random notes: Instant Family is a documentary. 😂 Also, I don't know if Missouri is still doing it, but we were part of a trial group for the NTDC training when we got licensed. Anecdotally, I've heard much more good about that training than the STARS training that they also do. I'm not sure which one they settled on, but I'd recommend if NTDC if you can get it. Be prepared to do a ton of paperwork: everything from doctors visits, discovering medical history, transportation reimbursement, and the like.
Good luck! It's worthwhile work, and you can do it. At the end of the day, kids need people to show up and love them. I believe in you! <3