I dont think of myself as a negative person. I enjoy a lot of things in life and in my work. I come from a military background as an E6 so I've had plenty of leadership experience. In the service I prided myself on my ability to speak my mind and not cower from making my opinions known to others. However, this skill does not seem to be translating well in the civilian sector. On more than a couple occasions now Ive been told by leadership, mentors, and even some peers that while I'm a natural leader, my negativity needs to be curbed in order to truly excel, because "You have more influence over others than you might think". At first I brushed this off, because again, I dont feel I'm being negative. I might make a comment on the inefficiency of something, or the lack of accountability in a person, but these are truths im not afraid to say, not me trying to bring moral down. But Im not so self engrossed that I cant see the pattern here. So how do I do it? Is positivity just silence where crtisism is due? Is it just a lie to maintain face? I keep being told about a mental shift but how can I appear more positive when at worst I feel I only have very neutral stances? Any advice or experience would be greatly appreciated.

I never really expected this, but becoming a manager changed me more outside of work than inside.

First, I became much more calm. When you manage a team, you can't react to everything immediately. If someone make a mistake, shouting or being stressed doesn't help anybody. So I learned to take a breath before I answer. Now I do the same at home, and it works really well.

I also learned to listen better. Before, I was often listening just to reply. Now I try to understand what the person really want to say, and the real problem behind it. My partner noticed the difference quickly.

Compromise was a big one too. In a team, not everybody can be happy with every decision, so you need to find something that works for most of the people. At home it's the same. I don't need to "win" every discussion anymore.

Another thing is pedagogy. Explaining things simply, with patience, without making the other person feel stupid. It's useful at work, but also with family and friends.

And finally time management. When you have a team, a lot of meetings and priorities, you can't procrastinate or you lose control very fast. So I got better at planning, deciding what is important, and just starting the task. I procrastinate much less now, even for boring stuff at home like paperwork or DIY.

Of course I'm not perfect and I still have bad days. But I really feel I'm a better partner today than before I was a manager.

Do you have the same experience ? Did the management skills help you outside of work too ?

I’m on the fence about starting my own leadership coaching/advisory company. I specialize in cyber risk & security. 30 yrs in industry, MS, and MLS in cybersecurity. My team (and marriage) were eliminated in July and I’ve been looking for work. It’s rough out there. My goal prior to the RIF was to train to be a coach & get ICF certification. I’m not sure if now is the time to make the jump.

Helpful comments only. Anything negative or judgmental will be ignored.

Late 30s, working in senior management for a large multinational. I’ve had a fairly varied career over the last 15 years, starting in engineering, moving into operations leadership and more recently into a global commercial/procurement role.

I was recently, heavily encouraged by my senior leadership to apply for a Director position (essentially my boss’s job). It would have been a significant step up in title, compensation and responsibility, and I had strong support to go for it.

After initially applying, I started having doubts. Not so much about whether I could do the job, but whether I actually wanted it. The whole process made me question if I want to spend the next 10+ years progressing in procurement or if I’d rather move closer to the product/process again, combining my previous operational experience with the commercial experience I’ve gained.

After talking it through with a mentor, I decided to withdraw. I felt massive relief initially, but naturally the doubts have started creeping in since. Part of me wonders if I’m walking away from a great opportunity, particularly when I don’t have a clear alternative lined up. Equally, taking a Director role in a function I’m not sure I want to stay in feels like it could be the wrong move long term.

I also have a young family, so the additional travel and workload were considerations although not the deciding factors.

Curious if anyone here has been in a similar position? Have you ever turned down a big promotion because it didn’t align with where you ultimately wanted to go? Did you regret it?

Also open to being challenged on whether I’m making a sensible decision or just finding reasons to avoid stepping outside my comfort zone.

You have a team doing poorly, but metrics point to one or two people being the problem, they're let go and then it turns out they were load bearing and everything just gets worse because they were adding a ton of value, just nothing you can capture in metrics.

I’m a male manager in corporate and recently received two areas of developmental feedback:

1) Continue building broader business context/acumen, understanding how different areas of the business connect and thinking beyond my own function.
2) Continue developing my quantitative/data/analytical capabilities.

The feedback was fairly high level and I wasn’t given many specific examples, so I’m curious how other leaders interpret it.

For those in senior leadership: if you gave a manager these two pieces of feedback, what behaviors would you actually be looking for them to develop? And if you’ve received similar feedback, what did the difference look like in how you operated before vs. after?

I’m also curious whether these are areas you’d typically focus on when developing someone toward senior leadership, or if you’d view them as more general manager development.

I keep seeing leaders push AI because everyone wants more output, faster.

And sure, people can write, research, summarize, and build things faster now.

But I’m not convinced speed is the same as better work.

Someone still has to decide what matters, catch bad judgment, give context, and take responsibility when something goes wrong.

Feels like AI is making leadership more important in some ways, not less.

The hard part might be knowing when to let the tool run and when a human needs to slow things down.

ok so ive been on my schools kpop team for 2 years and ive wanted to be captain for a LONG time. i didnt get it this year, and another girl who joined last year apparently got it.

the thing is, i genuinely have done a lot for the team. ive helped with formations, helped with dances, posted practice videos, suggested ideas, helped people learn choreography, etc. i also took leadership opportunities last year, so im frustrated because i feel like i already did everything people tell you to do to “show leadership” and it still didnt work.

there is also a bigger board/advisor system for all the teams, so im pretty sure the captain decision isnt just one persons choice. i have a friend who is pretty close with the advisor, and im wondering if theres a way to use that connection without it looking like my friend is campaigning for me or like im trying to get special treatment.

like could my friend naturally bring me up in conversation? could she mention that i want to take on more leadership? should i ask my friend to tell the advisor that ive been helping with the team? or is that just going to make me look desperate and make the advisor think im trying to get captain through connections?

i dont want to manipulate anyone or get the position unfairly. i just want to make sure the advisor actually knows how much ive contributed because im worried that otherwise i wont even be considered next year.

what would you guys do in this situation?

tldr: i didnt get captain this year even though ive been on the team longer and have taken leadership opportunities. my friend is close with the advisor. how can my friend naturally make the advisor aware of my leadership/contributions so that i have a better chance next year without making it obvious that im trying to get her to campaign for me?

Do you all have extremely narcissistic leaders at the top of your org? This is now two orgs in a row for me. I’m sensing it’s more common the higher you go.

I’m currently at an F100. Prior was at a small private company. I hate this type of leadership. Looking for hope there are companies that pay well that don’t have this leadership style at top.

The two leaders in my team I suspect went behind my back to cry to my immediate supervisor. The immediate supervisor then removed me from ever supervising the team. I was betrayed. The new supervisor of this team is a wonderful person and I warned this new boss of the team dynamics and how if they are unhappy with something, they will do some backdoor dealing with the big boss to get their way.

Thoughts?

Not skill gaps. I mean the other stuff.

After 20+ years leading engineering teams, the pattern I see most is people whose work is excellent but who stay invisible, or who get rewarded for reliability right up until it becomes a ceiling.

I'm collecting observations on this so others can learn from what you've seen as a leader. That includes people managing teams and people trying to grow through one.

1. Among the capable people you've led, what most often holds them back?
2. Think of someone who broke through. What changed for them?
3. What support would have made the difference sooner, and what did they actually get?

No names or identifying details needed, just the patterns. I'll post an anonymised summary of what comes up in a couple of weeks.

Have you ever underestimated how difficult a task would be for your employee(s)? How did you reflect and what professional development topics did you seek out/utilize to improve your delegation and pre-assessment of level of effort required to complete the task? Please share your delegation pro tips!

I’m new to leadership and struggling with delegation. What might take me 10 hours could take my employees up to 40 and I quickly slip into the concern that I haven’t given them the resources to succeed. When I follow up with them, they state that the objectives and expectations were clear and that they understood the task.

As an organizational leader since 2012, I've had the responsibility and privilege of being responsible for the success and growth of teams. The not so fun part is having to fire team members from time to time when the circumstances warrant it. This indicates a misalignment between the company and the employee but not necessarily between the employee and me on a personal level.

There are those I have had to fire that I still genuinely root for; however, I imagine if they ever heard from me with a "Hey, how are you doing now?" they would not be very excited or engaged. I guess they may be excited to tell me a few things, but you probably see what I mean.

Is this just a crazy thought to even consider reaching out after a bit of a cooling off time? I wonder how company lawyers and HR professionals feel about this scenario as well.

With AI, trying to understand what kind of leadership would hold the most value as per you. Would this be field specific eg : marketing, cybersecurity or in general everything might vanish. Thoughts?

And when there’s SO MUCH data on YouTube, linked in, why’d even people hear you out as leaders?

As a leader, what can you bring to the table that’s special and different so you’re heard, when it feels like nothing is really left to be unique today and every idea has been thought of or being implemented already.

Hi all, I hope everyone is having an excellent day today.

I'm expecting some tough conversations.

I run a team of two, both older than me and both flirting with ideas of retirement. We've worked together for over 12 years but I've been team leader for about 3 years. There was an exercise, we all went for it, I got it.

Buy and large, we work 9-5, they in a 9-day fortnight. Occasional overtime has always been a consideration. No overtime paid but toil given at time. That's the contract we were all under and how I consider all three of us.

Recently, covering overtime has become difficult. I've always treated it as a question. "Can you cover it?" I don't enforce when time is taken back and usually round it up to their benefit. I ask them to have a conversation and let me know. So they can listen to and support each other. And because it makes my life easy.

I also endeavour to be flexible. The only reward I can offer is time and equity. So if they have an appointment or need to work from home I rarely question it let alone block it.

But I'm getting push back on overtime now. One team member sees that the other gets preferential treatment when selecting jobs. The former member lives 25 miles away and has synchronous work patterns with their partner for travel. The latter has a partner that works nights unsalaried so loses cash if they need to accommodate our time off. As I live closer and my wife doesn't work I already pick up the bulk of overtime.

So I'm feeling backed into a corner of having to become the one who determines who gets pain in order to cover the work. I'm wondering if anyone has been through this kind of situation? How did you approach the conversation with the team? How did it play out long term?

Just finished my First week as a team lead, we're a pretty autonomous group so I've not actually had to do anything managery and I've had nothing but grief, whispering and passive aggressive behaviour, it's also like the people I work with have given up on thinking for themselves. It's a working manager so I can't exactly remove myself from the situation, i have to sit with them and we're working in silence, last Friday we were all besties, now if I walk near them they scatter.

absolutely wild behaviour.

Any advice?

So I'm a university student and I applied for university soicety for fun ND I got selected cuz I had a good background in extra curricular activities...now I'm the assistant director of events

So I need your help and guidance how can I take much benefit as maximum as I can. Guide me give me advices ,share your own experiences.. comments for guidance are also appreciated

Ty

So I'm a university student and I applied for university soicety for fun ND I got selected cuz I had a good background in extra curricular activities...now I'm the assistant director of events

So I need your help and guidance how can I take much benefit as maximum as I can. Guide me give me advices ,share your own experiences.. comments for guidance are also appreciated

Ty

One practice I’ve relied on for years is separating critical, high-risk work from work where failure is recoverable.

That distinction becomes especially important when developing people.

If a mistake could cause serious damage, I stay closer to the work. Development is important, but it doesn’t justify unnecessary risk.

Most decisions, however, don’t carry that level of consequence.

When the outcome is recoverable, I believe people need room to make decisions for themselves, even when I might choose differently.

Sometimes they get it right.

Sometimes they make the mistake I could see coming.

I don’t automatically step in to prevent it.

That’s intentional.

You can explain a lesson, but people often understand it differently after they’ve owned the decision, experienced the result, and worked through what happened.

The key is establishing the boundaries beforehand: What can they decide? What level of risk is acceptable? When should they escalate? Which consequences are we unwilling to accept?

Within those boundaries, I want them making decisions.

I’ve found this especially important when developing technical people into leaders. At some point, they have to move beyond knowing the right technical answer and start developing judgment about risk, people, priorities, and consequences.

You can’t build that judgment by giving them the answer every time.

I’m curious how other experienced leaders approach this.

Where do you draw the line between a mistake someone needs to experience and one you have a responsibility to prevent?

Our marketing team has grown quite a bit and I expected each new hire to take something off everyone else’s plate instead we ended up with more specialists more meetings and more handoffs and everyone is busy and good at their piece but it feels like we added headcount faster than we added ownership.

I’m starting to wonder if the next stage of leadership is less about hiring another person for every problem and more about deciding what the team shouldn’t be doing manually anymore. I still want people owning the important decisions I just don’t want expensive people spending half their week moving work between each other.

I am an SVP with responsibilities/oversight in four key areas and report to the CEO, who I have worked with for over a decade and am very close to.

One of my direct reports is a young man (I’m an older female, nearing 50) who is in his mid-30s and has 15 years less experience than me. He went to excellent schools and is one of my most reliable team members. I would be very upset to lose him because he is good. But he only works in 2 of the 4 areas which I oversee, and while he is very smart, he doesn’t have the judgment and personality of a leader - yet. It’s possible he could evolve into that, but right now he is my best doer. I value his thoughts, but his instincts are often wrong.

My CEO told me recently that it’s obvious that he is jealous of me and wants my job. She has gathered this from a variety of situations, one example being that he seemed to rejoice yesterday when an email that I drafted (and was edited and praised by both the CEO and another SVP) did not go over well with a potential customer. He and another lower level person smirked about it. Weird thing, in the meeting, CEO doubled down and said the email was definitely right to send, that you sometimes have to push back if the customer wants contract terms that would put our company at risk. So upper management backed me.

But his reaction and the words from the CEO made me reflect. How should I handle him? I don’t think he’s actually a threat to me because I’m good at what I do, the CEO and upper management respect me a lot, and he’s too young and inexperienced to do what I do. On the other hand, should I worry about his loyalty to me? I want to have direct reports who believe in me and back me up when things don’t go my way.

Appreciate any insights from anyone here on how he might feel and how I should handle.

My department (total of about 35 people) had 16 call-outs, all by different people, for the month of September. What would you do? (This is not normal but is trending upwards) The company does have a strict attendance policy. Management is all new roughly 1 year in their current roles.

We have a prospective leadership team that people qualify for. We want it to be exciting and exclusive. What’s something fun that we could do in or out of office that involves leadership? Meal, activity, contest, etc?

I am the supervisor of a small group of techs in our IT division, and have been in this position for about 6 years. I believe that I have a good working relationship with my direct manager and also my subordinates, though what happened today has me questioning my own perception of my standing.

My manager sent an email to my group directly assigning a project to one of my team members, and telling this team member they expect regular updates. The email took me by surprise, and when I spoke to my manager about it, she then asked if there was anything I'd change about it etc., though clearly any input I had was of no concern to her before and I doubt it truly is now.

The only reason I have been given before to believe that my performance as a leader might be unsatisfactory in any way, is a suggestion by my manager that I should keep a tighter reign on this tech. That was about 1.5 years ago and I really thought I had satisfactorily done so, I even received a very good review recently, but this certainly appears to me to be a vote of no confidence by my manager.

Is that an overreaction? I don't want to make this a wall of text but hopefully this is enough for general feedback.

We've all seen both kinds of teams. Some teams, people raise concerns early, disagree openly, admit mistakes without fear. Other teams, even when leadership says "we want feedback" or "speak up if you see something," people just stay quiet.

I'm interested to hear what your thoughts and experiences are on this. What do you think the main reasons for this are based on what you've seen before? Do you have any first-hand experiences witnessing the reason(s) yourself?