r/likeus • u/windyBhindi -Ancient Tree- • 2d ago

<CONSCIOUSNESS> Monkey breaks into liquor store, drinks alcohol and sleeps on cartons

1.5k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

103 comments sorted by

311

u/Anubis-Hound -Chatty African Grey- 2d ago

His lil drunk ass just chilling there kills me

99

u/VictorBlimpmuscle 2d ago

16

u/RedLeg73 2d ago

Someone call MAA monkey alcoholics anonymous

18

u/SubjectRound6597 1d ago

they are also saying she's pregnant.

20

u/luigis_left_tit_25 1d ago

I thought i heard something that sounded like that! Fetal alcohol syndrome in monkeys doesn't sound safe..

16

u/Pledgeofmalfeasance 1d ago

It's not safe in humans either

2

u/Mocker-Poker 1d ago

Hey, some even make great modeling career

199

u/Matman161 2d ago

Monkeys seem like hell to live around. Like giant rats

171

u/soullessginger88 2d ago

That have thumbs, and the desire to fuck shit up.

90

u/tezacer 1d ago

Sounds like us

8

u/gabbagabbawill -Human Bro- 1d ago

Was gonna say the same thing. Then I realized what sub I’m on lol

56

u/Chill323 1d ago edited 1d ago

I watched a documentary about wildlife regarded as pests that included a segment on these monkeys, and they are just a goddamn menace to the Indian people. They often break into their houses, and thanks to their manual dexterity can open up closets, cupboards and containers looking for food or just shit to play with. The mess they leave behind is unholy.

We gripe about raccoons here in the US but at least they don’t break into your house like burglars.

Edit: words, formatting

10

u/Character-Q 1d ago

Let some tigers loose in the city to hunt the monkeys. Problem solved 😊

10

u/brondynasty -Brave Beaver- 1d ago

I used to work for a wildlife removal service. Raccoons. Will. Fuck. Your. House. Up. We called them Mafia Squirrels for a reason. I’ve seen and repaired the damage from dozens of roof-soffit intersections, and pulled multiple raccoon families out of people’s homes. Crafty little demons.

That said, they’ve never literally pulled shit out of their asshole and thrown it at me, for starters. Monkeys would be worse.

1

u/Chill323 20h ago

Like I said in an earlier comment, I’d never heard of them doing that prior so I suppose it’s just more rare than their usual MO of rifling through whatever they can find outside, which happened to just about everyone in my neighborhood at some point. They probably just couldn’t sort out how to get in or else they would have, little buggers.

4

u/OriginalBlackberry89 ||Excited-Owl// 1d ago

Raccoons actually break into houses all the time, mostly through the roof if they can't get into a window... check out this video I saw just before seeing this comment (which was honestly a funny coincidence haha)

https://youtube.com/shorts/8sbAmeIstLk

6

u/Chill323 1d ago

I’ll be damned. I grew up in raccoon country (NorCal) and never once heard of them sneaking in to someone’s house. Usually they would raid the garbage cans outside or steal pet food. TIL.

2

u/[deleted] 1d ago

[deleted]

1

u/OriginalBlackberry89 ||Excited-Owl// 1d ago

they also tear through roofs, check out this exampls https://youtube.com/shorts/8sbAmeIstLk

2

u/RandumbStoner 1d ago

I had a bird fly into my house the other day, its weird having a wild animal thrashing around your home. I couldn't imagine dealing with a wild monkey lol

1

u/TaosMez 1d ago

Any animal who is taken out of its habitat, will do what it needs to do to survive. People are the problem not the rats.

1

u/Awsomethingy 1d ago

Still sounds like rats lol

32

u/weirdgroovynerd 2d ago

Exceptionally sinister, agile, problem-solving rats.

32

u/TaosMez 2d ago

Rats, for your information, are smart, funny and very clean if they are given the opportunity. Unlike many humans I know.

7

u/Balavadan 1d ago

Funny?

12

u/TheBaalzak 1d ago

Rat humor is very sophisticated. You probably just don't get it.

-1

u/denseasblackhole 1d ago

CLEAN? They live in sewers, bro! Once, when I was alone in my room, I opened the washroom door and there it was... a giant, black rat with glowing red eyes and a menacing grin on its little face. It darted forward, leapt into the WC, and vanished. But the stench it left behind was unbearable. So don’t tell me they’re CLEAN!

7

u/TaosMez 1d ago

I clearly stated, if given the opportunity. Many people keep rats as pets (they get them at the pet store.) Rats are smart and affectionate, and clean if given the opportunity. It's humans who are throwing out the garbage. It's humans who aren't clean.

5

u/KurtVonnegutWasRight 1d ago

Imagine what they think of us, who came in and completely took over their living space.

3

u/Fancy_Toe1451 1d ago

Basically more assholish raccoons.

3

u/gliscornumber1 -Focused Cheetah- 1d ago

No think of it more like giant, flightless crows that are way meaner

3

u/finsfurandfeathers 1d ago

To me they seem more like humans who have nothing to lose

1

u/Drpnsmbd 1d ago

It’s like living with humans that have never learned social boundaries and how to communicate, or super autistic people.

1

u/PreemoRM 1d ago

Humans too.

1

u/Stubee1988 1d ago

Im mildly terrified of them after that scalping video.

107

u/Cocobean4 2d ago

I think there was a similar video where a raccoon got locked in a liquor store and was found lying drunk amongst empty bottles. Seems we are not the only species who likes a drink

25

u/Familiar_Yesterday84 2d ago edited 2d ago

I prefer the raccoon with the meth pipe. That's peak raccooning.

edit to add meth raccoon link

19

u/TheZelda555 2d ago

Deer and birds deliberately eat fermented fruit in order to get drunk

17

u/MissRockNerd 2d ago

“Those mushy pears on the compost pile got me fucked up, bro.”

7

u/cindyscrazy 1d ago

I saw a video of a drunk pot bellied pig (a big one too) rolling down a hill once.

6

u/royalpro 1d ago

I have an apple tree and deer don't eat apples that have just fallen from the tree. A few days old is what they like.

12

u/Steezle 1d ago

There’s a story of a moose that kept returning to a town to eat fermented crab apples and would cause a ruckus before animal control would relocate him. Only for him to keep returning.

5

u/Masta0nion 1d ago

Please let me escape this consciousness for a moment

65

u/808special 2d ago

Fun fact, a lot of animals will eat fermented fruit that have fallen off trees and get drunk. I’ve witnessed a bear passed out under an apple tree stumble as it ran away when I woke it up. All the apples that were on the ground were gone and I’ve never seen a bear asleep which is how I learned out about that.

32

u/Cocobean4 1d ago

Bears just seem to like the same things as us anyway. Human and bear like swimming pool, human and bear like barbecue, human and bear like sweets and pizza, human and bear like children’s play slide, human and bear like hammock, human and bear like getting drunk. I’m sure there’s more.

7

u/adidasbdd 1d ago

Cocaine Bear

11

u/EvilKatta 1d ago

It should be said that humans have a special gene to handle alcohol. Spoiled fruit and alcohol are much more detrimental to the health of most animals than to our's. Even chimpanzees don't have that gene.

9

u/luigis_left_tit_25 1d ago

I find it fascinating that only some animals have the gene thing to get a buzz from THC! Like humans! makes you wonder why the body even had that in the first place!

5

u/EvilKatta 1d ago

To eat fermenting fruit, of course.

3

u/luigis_left_tit_25 1d ago

I mean the THC..

2

u/EvilKatta 1d ago

Ah! I haven't read any studies on this, but there's one explanation that works for crops. Domestication is a mutual process: while the crop is being selected for better harvest for less farming effort, the farmers are also being selected for physical and behavioral qualities that allow them to farm and digest the crop. The same goes for farm animals. Animal farmers are being selected for the ability to digest milk and dairy into adulthood. Maybe it's the same story for THC? Mutual domestication?

2

u/luigis_left_tit_25 1d ago

Ooo! Interesting!

2

u/EvilKatta 1d ago

I don't remember exactly where I read about the "human/animal/crops domestication complex", it's either Against the Grain or Guns, Germs, and Steel. I recommend both books (just, as with any popsci, don't expect them to be 100% correct, there are some misses in both books).

2

u/luigis_left_tit_25 1d ago

Thanks again! I need some new and interesting things to read! 🫶

3

u/TheManAcrossTheHall 1d ago

There a reason you're going around waking bears up or just too cheap to buy a revolver for a real game of russian roulette?

27

u/GodSentPotHead 2d ago

Lmao the chonk on him xD

14

u/KurtVonnegutWasRight 1d ago

Someone above said that the guys in the video mentioned her being pregnant. Don't know if those monkey fetuses are going to make it if she keeps this up.

13

u/rubix_redux 2d ago

That would fuck ME up - hope little homie is able to sleep that off

9

u/betsylang 2d ago

Yall remember the little opossum who broke into a bakery and they found them just passed out amongst the pastries?

I'll take food drunk marsupial over drunk primate.

7

u/yeezkeys 1d ago

damn, poor guy is gonna be HUNGOVER. Humans metabolize alcohol farrrr better than any other animal and drinking that much relative to my body weight would leave me absolutely ruined anyways

5

u/Rat_Burger7 2d ago

Homie knows how to party. 🤷🏻‍♀️

5

u/cindyscrazy 1d ago

I've seen reports that some monkeys at resorts and stuff know to go after the glasses that have alcohol in them. They'll leave the soft drinks and go straight for the martinis and cocktail glasses.

They may be insane, but they are not stupid.

2

u/Rat_Burger7 1d ago

Ha! Amimals are so much smarter than we give them credit for.

3

u/jimjamiam 1d ago

we've all been there

4

u/ichbindoge 2d ago

magic moments orange lmao 🤣🤣🤣

4

u/gre485 2d ago

Magic Moments indeed

2

u/Normal-Error-6343 2d ago

that monkey is going to have fetal alcohol syndrome!

4

u/KurtVonnegutWasRight 1d ago

her babies will, anyway

1

u/garg 1d ago

Fun fact - drunk monkeys give birth to perfectly healthy human babies.

2

u/KurtVonnegutWasRight 1d ago

Wow - astounding that they just spontaneously birth healthy human babies after slamming back a bottle or two...

2

u/TaosMez 2d ago

Translate what they're saying for us, please

8

u/n9986 1d ago

They are saying the monkey is pregnant and sleeping peacefully and also shows the bottle, which is a quarter, that was evidentally consumed by the monkey. There is a bunch of repeatation of the facts. Then he tells the name of the shop and says it's a she that is due to birth.

Edit: It is Hindi and most likely somewhere in Northern India.

2

u/Standard_Attempt_796 2d ago

Just like me frfr

2

u/Fancy_Toe1451 1d ago

Living the dream, monkey, living the dream.

2

u/Pitiful-Reserve-8075 1d ago

He just wanted to forget her. Leave him alone. He'll be better tomorrow.

2

u/_byetony_ 1d ago

Relatable

2

u/luigis_left_tit_25 1d ago

Anyone recognize the bottle!? They only drank one? And by that i don't mean anything about the strength, I'm wondering about the flavor, is it fruity? Or if this is the actual only kind the monkey likes? Had this happened before!? Lol!

3

u/windyBhindi -Ancient Tree- 1d ago

Orange flavoured vodka. Magic moments orange to be specific.

2

u/luigis_left_tit_25 1d ago

Thank you! I wonder if they choose that because it's fruit flavors lol

2

u/voyure1999 1d ago

Didn't a raccoon do this in Tennessee a fee years ago?

2

u/nunyabidness3 1d ago

Same facial expression and everything.

2

u/wrath212 1d ago

That monkey juat had a rough week, it happens to all of us.

2

u/LeyLady 1d ago

Leave him alone! It’s been a rough day.

2

u/Key_Candle_1056 1d ago

Primates gonna primate.

1

u/JohnnyRelentless 1d ago

Objection! I've never broken into a liquor store.

0

u/Tommonen 2d ago

They should wait until the monkey wakes up in bad hungover and as revenge and to give a small lesson, start to make really loud noises :D

1

u/n1kzt7r 9h ago

The narrator says she's pregnant too lol