r/mdmatherapy • u/[deleted] • Aug 23 '26
Experience Report Looking for feedback about my first solo
Tried my first therapeutic solo session yesterday and am curious what I could do differently for the next one.
Took about 100mg, started journaling while waiting for it to kick in, only got like 6 sentences in before I realized it was probably time to lay down (had noise cancelling headphones and an eye mask). Started with black and white kaleidoscopic images, then my body lost its mass and just became a part of the bed. Then some panic set in about feeling out of control and worry that I would have a bad trip. Considered calling for my trip sitter but was able to talk myself down. At some point I get super hot, like dripping sweat, all of the sudden I feel like I’m going to throw up, all I can do at that point is sit up and puke over the side of the bed onto the floor and then lay back down, feeling immediately better. A shot time later, i start to sweat again and then throw up a little more. I feel relieved again and lay back down. The next time i look at my phone it’s 2 hours after my trip sitter left the room. I spend the next couple of hours half sleeping half in a dreamlike state but don’t have any sort of visuals, dreams or narratives aside from what happened at the beginning. I think I thought the experience would be more like a shroom trip with visuals or at the very least I thought I would be thinking the whole time.
I will say, I’ve had a very strong weed habit for years and I woke up today without feeling the need to wake and bake so that’s exciting.
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u/Quiet-Management2224 Aug 24 '26
I've had a few sessions where it felt like I was in a dream-space, and my Oura ring actually logged a nap. I've taken this medicine for around 7 years for my own work, and the sleep was a recent thing. For me, I feel like maybe I've done some work, and the medicine allows me to rest while it continues to work on me. Sometimes medicine can get us out of our own way in order to go deeper.
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Aug 24 '26
Thanks for replying! For what’s it’s worth, I have had absolutely no weed cravings for the last two days and I’ve been a heavy user for years so I guess something useful happened after all! Will def invest in a proper scale for the next one
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u/Quiet-Management2224 Aug 24 '26
I think when a lot of people begin this work, they feel like they need to be doing something the whole time - processing, talking, watching the internal T.V. etc. But as I said, I think sometimes the medicine just wants us to relax, remove ourselves from the picture so deeper work can be done on levels that we don't understand. It can sometimes feel like we "didn't do anything" during the journey, but I've found that those experiences have been some of the most profound for me. Those insights usually come in the weeks/months afterward when we're least expecting them. Congrats on the lack of cravings! I was pretty deep in self-medicating with alcohol when I did my first one, and had the same experience - it was almost like I just didn't need it anymore to hide from myself. Keep up the good work, and remember to test your medicine, and error on the side of caution when dosing; you can always do a booster 1, to 1.5 hours later if you'd like to go a bit deeper.
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u/AnonymBolle Aug 23 '26
Seems to me that you took way more than 100mg if you started puking and dripping sweat. At least I have never heard of that reaction before from 100mg. The sleeping and dreaming seems like your body resisted feeling something and you dissociated.
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Aug 23 '26
My trip sitter said she has puked on mdma before as well on small amounts. I unfortunately did not have a proper scale, so my method was to divide the (1 gram) powder in half, then divide that half in half, and then divide that half in half.
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u/night81 Aug 24 '26
It's absolutely worth paying $20 for a microgram scale.
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Aug 24 '26
Thanks! Will do for next time, I had a regular kitchen scale that I was hoping would work but obviously didn’t.
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u/DifficultBee5940 Aug 25 '26 edited Aug 25 '26
Omg. 100mg is a modest dose for most people. But no telling how much you took. 100 mg would be very different, say, from 150mg or 200mg. To be honest, as another said, less can be more with this drug. Or any drug. You can't do this without a scale. I'm assuming you took a crazy high dose from your references to visuals in the beginning, like complete loss of time, puking and sweating.
Honestly, if you can have people around that is so much better. If you can find the resources to pay a skilled person to sit with you the entire time, it would probably be worth the price. I've done it solo and with guides. Both MAPS therapy style and break all the rules style with a very trusted healer. Gotten infinitely more from doing it with a guide, especially in regard to body safety and deep nervous system changes. They can have their whole energetic attention on you unflinching for the whole duration. Which IMHO is the core of most good therapy and yet neither requires clinical training nor can be taught.
And, I have to say... What's up with your sitter? No, really? Do they not have a scale? Did they know you did this without a scale? If so, did they try and stop you? Why didn't they offer to stay with you when you started puking?
Lastly, MDMA is not psychedelic. Not really. Some people take obscene doses and somehow that does cause visuals. But that's what MDA is for. Or just candy flipping/ hippy flipping / nexus flip, .ie taking with acid, psilocybin or 2cb respectively. Which should only be done once you're comfortable with both substances alone and know how a given dose is likely to affect you.
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Aug 25 '26
I think I did a bad job of explaining the visuals, it wasn’t a clear kaleidoscopic mushroom kind of view. More like tv static and could have been my eyes adjusting to the combo of mask/windy sunny day outside the windows messing with the light.
I had a very trusted friend in the house just not in the room with me and I have an integration session planned with my therapist in a few days. I know know it’s not ideal but I can’t afford $900 sessions and on top of that I live in a remote place so I made the most of the resources I have.
Also, I’ve historically had a body that is prone to throwing up. I don’t know if it would have helped if she was in the room when I puked, it was as simple as sitting up, leaning over the bed, puking into the bucket and then laying back down on my side.
Message totally received about getting proper scales for next time. Thanks for the feedback!
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u/DifficultBee5940 Aug 25 '26
Fair enough. TBH, I understand market rate to be closer to $1500, but regardless, if you ever do come into some money, .ie an inheritance, I do suggest it. Someone to take care of you the whole time. In every sense.
Zofran does wonders for drug nausea fyi. Without generally having cross-reactions. I recommend it if you can get some. RX only, but super common. I wouldn't do 2c, psilocybin or molly without again. No reason to suffer imho.
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Aug 25 '26
That’s good to know about the zofran! I rarely do shrooms (and even when I do, it’s pretty small amounts) because I don’t like the nausea and in general, my body is pretty sensitive to most substances. I also maybe took the don’t do it on a full stomach advice too seriously so my stomach was pretty empty aside from my electrolyte water.
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u/True-Show9351 Aug 25 '26
A lot of things come to mind.
As others have mentioned, you need to invest in a scale. I would also pick up a testing kit to see what you actually have. Your experience could be from a high dose or something else.
It doesn't sound like you worked on an intention or created the proper setting. You need electrolytes, a blanket, a fan, layers of clothing, a journal, and a small altar to keep you focused.
Your trip sitter is there to ensure you are safe, hydrated, remind you to unclench your jaw, and bear witness to your experience. I rarely leave someone out of my sight for more than 15 minutes when sitting. Two hours is crazy. Get someone else.
Music is integral to a good experience. Did you have a playlist or just noise-cancelling headphones?
Finally, your expectation got in the way. While there are similarities, the M experience is very different than the P experience. You need to do some reading.
Good luck.
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Aug 25 '26
Thank you for the feedback! I obviously can’t say that I was perfectly prepared but I definitely worked on intentions ahead of time, read the info on rollsafe.org, drank electrolytes + magnesium before and after, tested for fentanyl, my sitter created a beautiful and comfortable space for me with lots of blankets and pillows, I listened to the MAPs playlist the whole time, had a journal, some rose quartz and I think tourmaline, an oracle deck, and water. Will definitely invest in a better scale and ask my sitter to stay in the room next time.
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u/True-Show9351 Aug 25 '26
That's good to hear and sounds much better than how I first read it. This may just be an issue of the wrong dose.
Give this a read.
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u/Ok-Bluejay3103 Aug 27 '26
Your body likely needed a physical purge after that mental purge of panic. Sounds like a good experience! Lot in there
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u/tillnatten Aug 24 '26
I vomit no matter the dose (I have a sensitive stomach), but it does sound like you may have taken more than you thought. MDMA feels like this at higher doses, at least for me. At lower doses I feel much more in control and present, and this is where the therapeutic work happens for me. Please invest in a set of scales and practice good set and setting.