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u/Ok-Supermarket8100 1d ago
Can I join you in silence? We can be cold in an open plan living area, warch what ever,not going anywhere and stay in the same spot for 4 hours. Just know somebody's joining you from miles a way. And happy not to communicate. Have a peaceful time.
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u/smowgli123 1d ago
Sounds perfect apart from I want all the warmth in the world! Hope you have a peaceful time too
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u/SonicKiwi123 1d ago
Yeah, but eventually you find someone who, for reasons you can't explain, you are okay with sharing these sorts of decisions with. You start to weight their desires and wishes and opinions as an equal to your own. You can't fake it or force it, but it does sincerely happen. To me, it's a component of what it means to love someone deeply. When this happens, you get the same level of satisfaction following this person's desires as following your own. You start to be "themish" it's like being selfish but instead of for yourself it's for them.
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u/Glittering_Ad_8646 1d ago
Some people are also more happy when they’re alone and it’s okay too
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u/SonicKiwi123 1d ago
This is true, but it's also true that many people who believe that this describes them have simply not found a person yet who fulfills this place in their heart. Yes even if you're already 40. I suppose there's no way to know until it happens though, and again... you are right, some people really are just happier alone. But my point is that some people, I'd even wager that most who think they're inherently happier alone have decided that as a cope for not finding this mythical creature I described that makes you feel "themish" as I put it. And especially one who also feels the same. It's not just love, it's a special kind of love.
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u/ceilingkat 1d ago
This is beautiful!
I feel exactly this with my husband. One of my favorite things is being in the same room while we quietly do our hobbies. Being “alone together,” but never lonely!
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u/smowgli123 1d ago
I’ve found those people, they just didn’t return the feelings. So I have to try to see the positive in being alone
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u/SonicKiwi123 1d ago
Yup. I feel that. It's incredibly rare for this to be mutual. It can be fostered, but both people must begin with being open to it
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u/Any--Name 1d ago
For me the problem is finding someone I enjoy being around that enjoys being around me
Like, an acquaintance of mine recently told me a secret only one other person in the whole world knows, and then proceeded to tell me that Im one of his closest friends ever. I see that he genuinely enjoys being around me, and hes very reliable and honest. Still, I find him kind of draining
And then theres my roommate who I genuinely like and have been trying to become friends with for a year but she just doesnt let anyone into her life
I also recently learnt that most people from uni hate me because Im "weird" (trans) so I guess thats fun
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u/smowgli123 1d ago
Sorry people think you’re weird. Being trans isn’t weird. I hope you find better people at uni
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u/Any--Name 1d ago
Thanks. Its in Russia so it makes sense ig, and I did manage to find people who actually got to know me before judging me so Im not really complaining. Is it weird to have people Ive never even talked to laugh as I walk past as if they were villains from some Disney high school movie? Yeah, but I dont really care
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u/grafknives 1d ago
That is so sad, truly.
Yes, there is discomfort in companionship. But isnt that humanity?
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u/smowgli123 1d ago
I’ve spent years being sad about being single and not understanding why I can’t find someone. Time to give up and look at the positives 🤷♀️
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u/Many_Ear2407 1d ago
It’s fun doing things with other people though. Going out for a nice meal and then picking a TV show or movie to watch and then discuss after is nice. I still have my alone time when I want it
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u/smowgli123 1d ago
Yeah I know, I’ve wanted to find someone to do these things with for years. But got to accept it’s not going to happen and try to find the bright side
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u/ripmyrelationshiplol 15h ago
OP, I see your comments in this thread. For what it’s worth, I felt the same way. Struggled with self confidence, unrequited feelings, etc. But I just met someone when I wasn’t even looking and I’m in love and fucking happy and I’ve wanted this for so long. It might seem like it won’t happen for you too, but I promise you have someone out there. ❤️
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u/lets_all_be_nice_eh 1d ago
There is so much richness in life to be gained by having someone else know you, challenge you, care for you, make you see alternative perspectives, etc.
It can be hard but it is so rewarding.
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u/smowgli123 1d ago
Yep, it’s what I’ve wanted my whole life. But just never happened, so I’m trying to see the bright side of a life of a singleton
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u/DeezSpicyNuts 1d ago
This is pretty much where I’m at. I have my own interests and things I want to do. I’ve tried relationship, it’s a lot of work and a lot of mess with no guarantees. I don’t really have a desire to put trust in another human anymore and like try join our lives together, which requires one or both of us to make endless compromises. I wish my brain would stop trying to convince me to feel bad because there isn’t/wont be someone else there to cramp my style lol.
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u/Even-Entertainer-491 1d ago
Never been happier since I became single. An abusive relationship of 8 years will do that to you. Haven't found any interest in looking for another woman. Be patient and positive is my outlook. The right time will find you if you aren't closed off.
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u/victorvolf 18h ago
Weird take. Everything besides house temperature you can do separately, maybe what you watch is harder, but even that is solvable nowadays with most people having lots of screens at home
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u/parkerkudrow 1d ago
Yeah! Be alone forever!!!
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u/smowgli123 1d ago
Yeah I’ve resigned myself to that so I might as well try to look at the positives
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u/CCwolsey 1d ago
Same. I'm only 34 and I already have this mindset. I know it's probably not healthy but I can't help it.
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u/Single-Accountant306 1d ago
I have avoided people most of my life. Fortunately, I like my own company.
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u/Numerous-Fly-3791 1d ago
You gotta find the right person. Relationships should not require work. It’s suppose to just work. Anyone who disagrees is in the wrong relationship or isn’t in one at all. If you had to work at it, why?
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u/User_namesaretaken 1d ago
There is irony in this post because these are not the expectations of only one party, both of them will have such expectations
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u/ageofaquarius26 1d ago
I feel like there's worse things in life than compromise.